Below you’ll find seven hypothetical match-ups between the creepiest kids ever committed to film. A lot of tough choices were made. This wasn’t easy, so please feel free to sound off in the ‘Comments’ section and tell us where we went wrong.

Carol Anne Freeling (Poltergeist) vs. Cole Sear (The Sixth Sense)

Both share the ability to see ghosts that their adult counterparts do not, so you would assume this ability would connect them. However, there’s no such thing as friends on the Creepy Kid Battlefield. You might be inclined to pick The Sixth Sense’s Cole as the victor given his age and advanced strength, but you need to factor in his emotional state. He’s severely messed up and in therapy, whereas Poltergeist’s Carol Anne has been to the other side and back, seemingly with no signs of mental trauma. She’s a tough chick. I’d bet on her.

Our Pick: Carol Anne Freeling

Eli (Let The Right One In) vs Firestarter (Firestarter)

Though she would sustain substantial injury, Eli from Let The Right One In would absolutely house Firestarter. Assuming this fight takes place at night, Eli’s super-strength and speed would make short work of the young pyrokinetic. Of course, she would need to feed after in order to heal from the extreme burns she’d likely receive. If a sufficient food source couldn’t be found, it is possible she would die a slow, lingering death. However, this also poses a question: What would happen if Eli were to feed on Firestarter? Would she also develop mental powers?

Our Pick: Eli

_{Mom, it happened again.}

Haley Joel Osment is back from his third tour in Afghanistan (I assume that’s where he’s been for the past three years), and he’s just signed on to a project that doesn’t sound too awful.

In Sex Ed, Osment will play a recent college graduate hired to teach algebra. But through a series of wacky misadventures (crippling budget cuts), Osment’s character ends up teaching a sex ed class. The only catch is that he’s a virgin. Those who can’t do, teach.

The film was written by Billy Kennedy and will be directed by Isaac Feder. It will be viewed by me and maybe Haley Joel Osment‘s mom, if she’s not out spending that Sixth Sense money. (Empire Online)