But no.

They’re back at it again, this time with talk of a Muppets Broadway musical which would probably make a trillion dollars no matter how bad or good it was because Muppets. However, if it gets Statler and Waldorf two box seats to shout criticisms at the dump little puppets performing, then I think we’ll all be in pretty good shape here.

At the very least, let’s se if we can’t find a copycat production of Fraggle Rock in Branson, Missouri.

Now, it’s a certainty.

Disney is in the process of locking down co-writer Nicholas Stoller and director James Bobin for a victory lap. No word on Jason Segel‘s involvement yet, but I could see a decision on including him going either way. He was a competent and likable star, and no one has the enthusiasm for Muppets like he has, but the star of the movies should always be the Muppets, and not some dude whose wiener we saw in Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

No word on release date, but I would bank on Thanksgiving of “as soon as f*cking possible.”

“Phil Collins,” he answered without hesitation. “Better drum sound.”

While clearly a talented comedian, it was McKenzie’s love of all things music that made him the perfect choice for The Muppets, a fact that the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences seems to recognize. His Oscar nomination for Best Original Song stems not from his ability to write entertaining lyrics, but rather his ability to do so in a way that also pays tribute to the source material.

“I just really wanted to make something that felt like it belonged to that world.”

McKenzie stresses that as with Flight of the Conchords, writing for The Muppets wasn’t about simply parodying the work of Jim Henson, but rather paying homage.

“A lot of the Choncords’ music comes from a similar place. There’s a lot of respect in it, and a lot of love goes in it. And I think that really comes through in the final product.”

But in order to give a proper tribute, McKenzie had to learn the rules of the the Muppet franchise, a task that proved daunting despite his years of being a fan.

“I had to learn the rules about the Muppets‘ world,” McKenzie said, still impressed by the level of detail involved. “Sam the Eagle refused to sing one of the lines in the song because it didn’t fit his character. So I rewrote the lyric in the studio for the character.”

But having to rewrite lyrics for a felt-based prima donna didn’t seem to diminish his enthusiasm. If anything, McKenzie came away with a renewed appreciation of the characters.

“Going into it, I loved Animal. Going out of it, I just loved Statler and Waldorf, the two old guys. Because now that I’ve made a TV show, seeing how they … criticize their own show within the show, it’s just such a great idea. It means that if an idea or a sketch isn’t working, they can point it out to the audience. It’s so self aware.”

This awareness of the audience was inspiring yet intimidating to McKenzie. While he felt honored to be part of the project, he knew that expectations were ridiculously high, a fact that he and the film’s creators took very seriously.

“Sometimes it felt like I cared more about it than the studio,” he said. “They’ll do whatever, it’s more of a business model. So we were really the guardians of this magical world. And there was a lot of pressure. So there was that responsibility.”

But at the end of the day, the overwhelmingly positive reception by fans and critics alike seems to have validated McKenzie’s commitment.

“My favorite comment was people saying ‘It felt like a Muppet Movie,’ cause that was my aim, and I think we all achieved that. And that’s why I’m really proud of it.”

During a recent press conference in England, a reporter mentioned the Fox report to Kermit and Miss Piggy. Being the media-savvy swine that she is, Piggy (well, the person with her hand up Miss Piggy’s butt) absolutely shut down the cable news channel.

Take notes, Chelsea Handler. (via /Film)

That said, the answer is “yes.” Those rat bastards in the entertainment industry have started pushing their politics on children at a younger and younger age, knowing that their mushy brains are too soft and stupid to know the difference between right and wrong. Sadly, the children most susceptible to this brainwashing are the ones raised in sound families with two working parents. They’re betting that while you are out working at Exxon/Mobil or tending to your independently-owned rifle store, they can sink their claws into your children.

Well, it stops now. Here is an introductory list to the most egregious offenders of this practice.

Captain Planet and the Planeteers

Way to tell half the story, Captain Planet! Of course you’re the brainchild of noted land-hoarder Ted Turner. You demonstrate how children the world over can band together to preserve threatened eco-sysytems, but you don’t ever discuss how drilling for oil in national parks can preserve US hegemony at the low, low price of a few birds or maybe a species of rare otter.

Also, Captain Planet is weakened by pollution, like smog and nuclear radiation. Oh, I’m sorry CAPTAIN PLANET! Maybe we’ll just power our houses and skyscrapers with rainbows and happy thoughts. It’s like he doesn’t even care that Detroit is losing market share to Japan even as I type this.

Also, his slogan… “The power is yours?” HA! Maybe if the child watching the show happens to be a US Senator, otherwise, the power lies in Washington, where it belongs.

Babar

Babar is French, and, as such, represents the biggest threat to American values in the world right now. As I’ve said before, his green suit tacitly condones an alternative lifestyle. He also wears a crown. What’s he the king of? You can’t just make yourself a king! You know who does that? Qadaffi. Pol Pot. Stalin. Jimmy Carter. In other words, bad people do that.

Fat Albert

Fat Albert promotes obesity. He’s just too damn fat. I don’t care if, when children watch the show, they “just might learn somethin’,” and I certainly don’t care if they’re “gonna have a good time.” I care that a planet of a man in a giant red sweater is “Hey hey hey”-ing his way into co-opting my child’s values with stories of sharing.

Also, that Mushmouth simply butchers the English language, while Dumb Donald is just too dumb.

Starting at an early age, children should be taught that the way to live well is by studying hard so that one day you can get a job in the financial services industry, not by hanging out with your friends and helping people out. Typical liberal bullshit.

Finally, someone has the balls to nail those Muppet bastards right to the wall and expose them for the filthy leftists they are. In a recent segment, Fox News decried the latest Muppet movie for depicting a wealthy oilman as a villain, thereby indoctrinating a generation of children into the Marxist movement. First they take Manhattan, then they take Berlin.

Here’s a few of my favorite quotes from this hard-hitting news segment:

“The only thing green that should be up on that screen should be Kermit the Frog.”

BURN!

(Kids) have been indoctrinated for years by this kind of stuff.

No argument here. I’ve been sucking dick ever since I heard The Rainbow Connection at age 6.

“You wonder why we’ve got a bunch of Occupy Wall Street people walking around all around the country.”

In all fairness, the OWS people (if you consider them “people”) were doing a lot more sitting in one place than they were walking. And now that I think about it, have you ever seen Oscar the Grouch walk? Coincidence?

“I just wish liberals could leave little kids alone.”

God damn liberals like Jerry Sandusky need to stay away from my kids!

“They should have…the evil person be the Obama administration?”

Good idea, but I’m not very comfortable with my child being exposed to a black Muppet.

“Over the years they’ve gotten more liberal.”

Have you ever seen a picture of Jim Henson? He’s a god damn pinko if I’ve ever seen one.

Of course, to keep things fair and balanced, Fox’s token leftist straw man (who in this case, was a woman named Caroline Heldman) came in to confirm the grand Muppet conspiracy.

“You call it brainwashing, I call this education. It’s a shame they couldn’t have put up a financial services tycoon.”

Smooth move, Caroline. You blew the whole thing. Here’s a tip for anyone being asked to come on Fox News to stick up for a Democratic cause: If they’re asking you, it’s because you’re stupid. Don’t go (or do, I don’t care).

But perhaps the most insulting part of the whole segment is the fact that host Eric Bolling lifted a quote from Adam Carolla’s recent (and kind of awesome) anti-Occupy Wall Street rant.

Carolla’s rant:

It used to be, back in the day, father’d be walking his son down the sidewalk and you’d see a guy go by in a Rolls Royce and the father would say, “There goes Mr. Jenkins. Look up to him. That guy works hard. That guy built a company. That guy built an empire. Now look at him. He’s got his Rolls Royce.” Now it’s like, “Oh! Look at him. Does he need that car? Why does he need that car?”

Eric Bolling’s quote:

I remember when I was a little kid, we were poor, we were dead broke, in fact, and my parents would see someone wealthy driving by and be like, “See that guy, he started a business, he worked hard, you can be like that.” Not pointing the finger at Tex Richamn and saying “he’s a bad guy.”

If you want to bitch about Occupy Wall Street, more power to you. But at least be original (says the guy who just stole an article idea from Vulture).

Well, that was the idea. And then die hard Muppet fans tore me a new asshole. I post these comments in the hope of defending my actions, and perhaps ending all the hard feelings I’ve generated. Or at the very least, preventing anyone else from keying “Muppet Hater” into the side of my car. Seriously guys, that was harsh.

Thomas Powers

OK, lets address this first: I never claimed to be a Muppet expert, but I do consider myself a fan. As a child of the 80′s, I was raised on The Muppet Movie, The Great Muppet Caper, and The Muppets Take Manhattan. It was the latter film that inspired me to start Ohio‘s first and most celebrated Dabney Coleman Fan Club. Aside from this, I had an impressive array of Muppet stuffed toys, as well as the complete collection of Muppet Babies McDonald’s Happy Meal figures. Any or all of these credentials qualify me to look up Muppets I’m less familiar with on Wikipedia and report what I’ve found to the general public. Also, Tom, my article wasn’t a “review” of the film at all. Just intended as a helpful tool!

Stephanie Foresta

I got a lot of complaints for including Pepe. Apparently, since being introduced in the 90′s on Muppets Tonight, Pepe has become a high profile Muppet. I apologize for any perceived slight to Pepe fans. I have nothing against the character, I was simply trying to identify him for the small percentage of Americans who haven’t watched a new Muppet film or show since 1988. There are only a few of us, but we have rights too. As for not liking my commentary, fair enough. I also never claimed to be funny. If it’s any consolation, Stefanie, I get paid in rubbing alcohol.

Andrew Darren Whitakker

I got a few responses along these lines. One said “worst Muppet list ever,” and perhaps it is. I certainly haven’t read every Muppet-related list ever written, but I could see mine being on the lower end. Bottom 20%, easy. However, I do take exception to it being called “one of the worst lists”. This implies that my work is being judged amongst every list ever written, on any topic. Surly the Internet has provided thousands of lists worse than mine. Many of them are on this very site!

Crazy Harry

Crazy Harry is known for his love of explosions. This may not qualify exactly as pyromania, but it was close enough for the original Muppet producers to shift his character to the background after The Muppet Show’s first few years. He did have a great cameo in the original Muppet Movie, however, and will be on hand (hopefully with dynamite) in the new film.

Lew Zealand

Although most casual Muppet fans don’t know his name, Lew Zealand is pretty recognizable as the Muppet with the amazing boomerang fish. He’s also very creepy in his appearance. Still though, at least he doesn’t have an explosives fetish, like Harry.

Pepe the King Prawn

This bizarre character is relatively new to the Muppet world, first appearing on Muppet’s Tonight. Pepe has a heavy Spanish accent, and takes great pride in being a Prawn, as opposed to a shrimp. In fact, he looks down upon shrimp, which pretty much makes him the only bigoted Muppet, except of course for Big Bird, who hates Mexicans.

The ailing network has given the green light to The New Nabors, “a comedy about a human family and the repercussions they encounter living next door to a family of puppets.” Yeah, that’s right, it’s a puppet show. Say what you will, but unlike The Munsters, at least it’s an original idea.

The good news is that The Jim Henson Company is involved, which gives the puppets some instant street cred. The bad news is it’s on NBC, so even if it’s hilarious, no one is going to watch and it will be lucky to squeeze out two full seasons.

Source

Fart jokes? What is this, Phantom Menace?

But thankful, I was completely and unequivocally wrong. The Muppets was an enjoyable film on every level. Somehow, over 30 years after its premiere, Jason Segel and director James Bobin managed to capture the spirit of the original film and still appeal to a modern audience. It’s funny without being crude, earnest without being sappy, and self-referential without being smug. But most of all, unlike other attempts to recreate nostalgia, The Muppets is fun to watch because it feels like the old gang is really back together. I suppose the fact that Muppets don’t age probably helped, but it’s more than that. I could tell that the filmmakers were as excited to make this film as I was to watch it.

The movie begins in Small Town, U.S.A., where a very Muppet-esque character named Walter is living with his brother Gary (Segel). All his life, Walter has been obsessed with The Muppets, so he’s overjoyed to learn that Gary and his longtime-girlfriend Mary (Amy Adams) have arranged for a trip to Los Angeles and a tour of The Muppet Studios. However, his joy is short-lived.

Upon reaching Los Angeles, the three quickly realize that The Muppets are no longer the draw they once were. The Muppet Theater is in complete disrepair, and The Muppet Studios are a shell of their former glory. The highlight of the tour is the door of Kermit’s old office, followed by a trip to the room where industrial cables are stored.

Bored with the official tour, Walter sneaks away from the group, and while hiding under Kermit’s old desk, he overhears the fiendish plot of Tex Richman (played perfectly by Chris Cooper), a billionaire who wants to tear down the studio and drill for more oil. But of course, there’s a catch. If the Muppets can raise $10 million, the studio will remain under their control.

And we’re off. Harry, Gary and Mary set out to warn Kermit of the impending danger, and from there Kermit must track down his old friends. It’s not a groundbreaking plot, but it works, and it gives us the perfect opportunity to see what’s become of our old friends. Fozzie is working a sad lounge act in Reno with a knock-off group known as “The Moopets,” Gonzo is running a pluming corporation, and Ms. Piggy is a designer in Paris. There is never any doubt that they’ll all agree to reunite, but the filmmakers manage to spin the predictability to their advantage, making light of the contrived plot twists rather than trying to mask them.

Despite the fact that I knew what was coming at every turn, I was still constantly surprised. Rather than simply rehashing what made the previous Muppet movies work, the film managed to tweak things just enough to keep it fresh without straying too far from what the audience expected. This includes the ending, which takes us exactly where we know we’re going, but by a slightly different route. Even the celebrity cameos set the right tone. The big names were there, but they weren’t the focus. Somehow, Jack Black managed to tone it down and let the Muppets be the center of attention. And the notable absence of Lady Gaga, who was previously rumored to be in the film, was a welcome treat.

Even the musical numbers, which usually lend themselves to cringe-worth moments, somehow kept me laughing. Yesterday, if you had told me the film included a rap number by Chris Cooper, it would have made me nauseous. But as much as I wanted to hate the scene, I just couldn’t. The movie was impervious to my cynicism. And considering I’m a cynical prick who works on the goddamn Internet, I think that says a lot. Hack writers like myself love to accuse movies of “raping” their childhood. Well, the only thing this movie raped was my bad attitude.

Go and see the Muppets, and if you don’t like it, go straight to hell.

Nonetheless, they’re not only a more inspired choice than Billy Crystal, but a better one. With Billy Crystal, we will get effectively, the same ceremony we did in 1990. And 1991. And 1992. And 1993. Then again in 1997. Then in 1998. Once again in 2000. Then once more in 2004.

Well, it’s all moot since Billy got the call, so this list is somewhat masturbatory, as it always is with me and The Muppets. Even so, here’s why the Muppets were the better choice.

The Muppets Haven’t Hosted Before

Billy Crystal has hosted eight times. We know what we’ll be in for. We’re going to get 10,000 Bruce Vilanch-penned jokes about Helen Mirren being a slut, or Samuel L. Jackson asking out Dakota Fanning. They will be moderately funny, very familiar, and ultimately unremarkable.

With The Muppets, we could get watered-down, mass-marketed puppet humor. Or we could see Miss Piggy make a joke about Eddie Murphy banging out a tranny. Or we could see Beaker get handsy with Jude Law to the point Law has to awkwardly tell a puppet to stop grabbing him.

That last one probably wouldn’t happen with Billy Crystal, but if someone could guarantee it, I’d be fine with Crystal hosting.

The Muppets Look More Human Than Billy Crystal Does

David Gest called. He wants his visage back!

Billy Crystal Has Dropped Off The Radar

Crystals last feature-length film in which he was more than a voice was in 2002. Boo! And it was Analyze That. BOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

With the criticism of the Oscars last year, everyone was expecting the tightasses at the Academy to swing back the other way. I mean, after Nipplegate, the following year’s Superbowl halftime show was Paul McCartney. Well, people didn’t count on the human wild card that is AMPAS president Tom Sherak. He went with Eddie Murphy, and people were actually talking about the Oscars seven months before they occurred.

Well, with the fallout from Brett Ratner’s exit, it would be easy to say “screw it” and unfreeze Billy Crystal for 24 hours to host. But it would be wildly counterproductive to the Academy’s stated cause of reaching out to a younger generation. Hiring Crystal says, “We tried young people last year. It didn’t work. We’re going back to what people like until all the people that like it die.”

Cast: Amy Adams, Jason Segal, Chris Cooper

Synopsis: With the help of three fans The Muppets must reunite to save their old theater from a greedy oil tycoon.

Release Date: November 23, 2011

While most of these people are just embittered weirdos, perhaps the one “Muppet purist” with a legit gripe is Frank Oz, the man who created Fozzie Bear and Miss Piggy. He said in an interview with Metro that he passed on the project because he felt the script strayed a little too far from who he thought the Muppets were.

He offers, “‘I wasn’t happy with the script. I don’t think they respected the characters. But I don’t want to go on about it like a sourpuss and hurt the movie.”

Well, I can understand why a man so integral to their creation and existence can be a little nonplussed by the new take on the gang, but as for everyone else, just eat your popcorn and watch the damn puppets. They’re not THAT important to you.

Seriously. They’re not.

The biggest news from this trailer would be that we get a look at Walter, the newest member of the gang. Where do new Muppets come from? Bulgaria? Burning Man? It’s not addressed in the trailer, but I’m guessing we’ll find out.

However, when the parade of guest stars was announced, it was easy to be a little skeptical of Disney’s intentions. Was this film going to actually have something to say, or would it simply be a crass remake appealing to the lowest common denominator?

From the trailer, it appears to be the former, more or less. Sure, the involvement of NPH and Jack Black doesn’t exactly scream “integrity,” but there premise seems cute and likable, much like the fuzzy character themselves. Sure, there are some chickens doing a musical rendition of C. Lo’s “Fuck Forget You,” but beyond that, it maintains a timeless quality that its predecessors had.

Also worth noting is a late appearance by Chris Cooper, who we at Screen Junkies desperately hope is reprising his role as the closeted disciplinarian from American Beauty.

'The Muppets' Trailer, For Real This Time

Apparently, the presentation on The Muppets at D23 was a success, with the clips and live portions getting positive reactions from those in attendance. Nobody from Screen Junkies is at D23 though, so you’ll have to make do with these photos.You read it here first. (The Playlist)

There’s also a rumor that the cast and clips from The Lone Ranger could be appearing, but if you breathe that rumor in anything more than a whisper, it will likely vanish forever.

As if that wasn’t enough, we’re also getting Disney’s current stars, including, but not limited to, Jack McBreyer, Sarah Silverman, Jennifer Garner, Jason Segel, Taylor Kitsch, Willem Dafoe, and some dude named Kermit.

There will also be a panel and profile of the Pixar creative team, and, if you want to dork out REALLY hard, one featuring many of the Disney execs. YES! The convention floor will be riddled with props from the latest Pirates of the Caribbean film, though no explanation will be given as to how it made so much goddamn money.

See ya in Anaheim!

Not.

New Teaser For ‘The Muppets’ Tries To Put One Over On You Again

Anyway, the trailer looks pretty funny, if you’re into Muppets and everything. What I happen to like the most is that they kept most if not all of the movie’s copious celebrity cameos out of the trailer, leaving them as a fun surprise for people who go to see the movie. Whoa, that takes me back.

It’s a pretty hilarious trailer, and they commit better than most to the “fake trailer” conceit. I would have loved to post this as a trailer for “Green With Envy,” but they do such a good job faking it that you probably would have turned it off after 10 seconds or so. And that would have been a shame, because you would have missed the really expensive explosion at the end.

As if they weren’t mutant-y enough.

The Muppets come to theaters November 23rd. The film is directed by James Bobin, starring/written by Jason Segel. Interesting choice of tagline: “They’re Closer Than You Think.” Wait. Hear that? I think there might be a Muppet in my apartment right now. I’d better get my baseball bat, in case it’s one of the giant monsters. He got the nickname “Sweetums” in prison, you know. (AICN)

Henson is so fashion forward.

Below are pictures from the first Pixar short in a series that’ll follow Buzz, Woody, the little alien guys, uh… the new characters… the whole gang on what looks like a pretend island vacation, while their asshole human guardians get to do the real thing. Here’s what director Gary Rydstrom (who also helmed Pixar’s “Lifted” short) has to say about the series:

“Woody becomes kind of like what’s-his-name on “Love Boat”…Captain Stubing!”

You know, all these years I’ve always associated Woody with a post-”Mary Tyler Moore Show” Gavin MacLeod. Now I finally know I’m not alone.

“As toys who get played with all the time, they have a pretty good imagination, when it’s time for a little playacting, they’re good at it.”

Will their pretend island vacation be anything like Charlie Sheen‘s porn star filled real one? Only one way to find out: the first short will open in front of Cars 2 on Jun 24, and you can catch the second installment ahead of the way cooler Disney film The Muppets this December. (The Playlist, Photos From Entertainment Weekly)

“I’m pretending to be a fish, you guys. I’m totes imaginative.”

They didn’t used to be sad all the time.

On the maiden voyage of Disney Dream, a “majestic cruise ship” that features stuff to do for everyone except dudes who want to bang chicks without husbands and kids, Disney Parks and Resorts Chairman Tom Staggs gave a presentation to passengers about upcoming Disney projects. Someone snapped a picture of this preview slide for The Muppets, and it looks like the film’s logo has been revealed. Kermit has been killed, cut up, and his chest has been re-sewn into a letter “M,” perhaps by the still-at-large Sesame Street Killer.

The Muppets comes to theaters November 23, 2011, directed by James Bobin (“Flight of the Concords”), written and starring Jason Segal and some dorky new Muppet character who I assume is based on me. (/Film + Stitch Kingdom)

What in God’s name is happening on the set of the new Muppet Movie?

I’m gonna need to see these f*cking links at the concert:

Man Camps Out In Lion’s Den For Charity (Asylum)

New Year’s Police Beatdown (BarstoolSports)

What if the UFC Held a Heavyweight Tournament? (CagePotato)

The 10 Worst Movies to Watch On a Date (HolyTaco)

The 100 Greatest Movie Insluts, Part 2 (FilmDrunk)

The Movie Lover’s Survival Guide to January (MovieFone)

The 2010 Year In Movies Rap-Up (NextMovie)

Olivia Wilde Flaunts Her Sexuality (CelebJihad)

Are These the Best Bathing Suits Ever? (Unreality)

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The Hottest Girls of Horror (MadeMan)

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Lebron’s Birthday Cake is Fit for a King (TotalProSports)

Artists Protest Censorship With Laser Graffiti (TuVez)

Was 2010 a Down Year for Movies? (Pajiba)

Julia Roberts Campaigns for Javier Bardem Oscar Nod (PopEater)

The 25 Best ‘Simpsons’ Quotes (Ranker)

He's busy doing...other stuff.

It has been rumored that Paul Rudd would voice the new (dork) muppet Walter in his friend Jason Segel’s The Muppets. Well the actor just called bullsh*t on that idea. Rudd told MTV, “I wish that I was [in it]. It’s all rumor… I wanted to be in it, and I talked to Jason, but I think there was some things that happened and I don’t know if I’m gonna get to do it.”

Things that happened? What are these things?! That’s the juicy stuff right there. Did Segel accidentally stab Paul’s wife in the cheek with a pen knife? Or was it something even more scandalous, like a scheduling conflict. Paul’s addition to the plush cast would have been a major win. It’s a shame he ran over Segel’s dog and ruined the possibility. I’m speculating. (/Film)

Everyday, the list of cameos in the upcoming Muppet movie seems to grow. And while there are plenty of rumors about who will play what, the truth is, no one really knows what’s going on. But fear not, Muppet fans. Using the awesome power of the Screen Junkies super computer (The SJ 3000), I was able to determine the most probable roles for those rumored to be appearing in the film, and you can’t argue with science. So sit back and see for yourself who will be playing what in the upcoming Muppet Movie.

	In a traumatic flashback scene, Jean-Claude Van Damme will play the leader of an infamous Belgian pedophile ring that pays Nanny $30,000 USD to use the Muppet Babies in his films. Animal, go bi-bi! Go bi-bi, indeed.
	Alan Arkin will play a kindly old man who is savagely beaten to death by Animal after inadvertently triggering the flashback scene described above.
	It is rumored that Zach Galifianakis will play a hobo in the film. Our computer says it will be a hobo that everyone really likes, but who is starting to wear on people because he pops up everywhere.
	Jack Black will play a ghost who is sent back to warn Zach Galifianakis’ character about the dangers of overexposure.
	Kermit took issue with Lady Gaga‘s frog coat and decided to cast her in his own snuff film. Soon, he will lure her to his “private studio” deep in the swamp, where no one can hear the screams. It’s not easy, being reamed.
	Chris Cooper plays a right-wing, Christian oil man who is so desperate to stay in the closet that he shoots Gonzo in the head to keep him from spilling the beans.
	Danny Trejo will play a vicious enforcer sent to teach Bunsen and Beaker a lesson. The lesson being that if you’re going to make meth in this town, you better clear it with the Cártel de Tijuana.
	After a successful lobbying effort via the Internet, Donald Glover landed the role of Fozzie, marking the first time the character will be played by a black man rather than a brown bear.
	Rashida Jones will play the actress who only got a part in the new Muppet movie because her father, Quincy Jones, is good friends with Dr. Teeth.
	Billy Crystal will play a devout Jew who, despite her strong advances, refuses to pork Ms. Piggy.
	Amy Adams will play Rowlf the Dog’s love interest. There’s a “doggy style” joke in there somewhere, but I’ll let you make it.
	Jane Lynch isn’t officially on board yet, but if she is cast, it will no doubt be in the role of Big Bird’s long-lost mother.
	George Clooney will play a smug actor who, after giving a crappy, self-referential cameo, goes home and bangs any woman he wants while you sit alone and watch on-line porn.

Jason Segel has added nine new cast members to his upcoming Muppet movie.  Jack Black (Tropic Thunder) Paul Rudd (Role Models), Jane Lynch (Glee), Danny Trejo (Machete), Eric Stonestreet “Modern Family“), Donald Glover (“Community”), John Krasinski “The Office“) and Ed Helms (“The Office“) have all been confirmed for the ensemble. However, one name stands out like a brown stain on an otherwise clean pair of tighty whities: Lady Gaga.

That’s right; the woman who struts around in an outfit made of Kermit the Frog heads has been cast in the latest Muppet film. Unless she’s playing an evil villain or is killed off in the first 20 seconds, I have to seriously question this decision. In my last Muppet related article, I said that Segel could name the film “The Cancer Causing Anti-American Puppet Crapstravaganza,” and I’d still go see it twice. Well, Lady Gaga alters the deal. Sure, I’ll still see it twice, but once is definitely going to be a matinee. (Collider)

It’s time to play the music, you sons of bitches! It’s time to light the damn lights! It’s time to meet the mother-loving Muppets!

Behold, the first behind-the-scenes look at the new Jason Segel film, The Muppets (or at least the first look that wasn’t scanned straight out of a magazine). Based on this picture alone, I feel confident in saying that this will be the greatest Muppet movie of all time. Maybe that’s because the film was formerly titled The Greatest Muppet Movie Of All Time. I don’t know why it was shortened the title, but what I do know is they could call it “The Cancer Causing Anti-American Puppet Crapstravaganza,” and I’d still go see it twice. To quote Film School Rejects, “A Muppet Movie by any other name…”