It’s not known how or even if McConaughey will retaliate against Cooper. I’m guessing some kind of a bro-off, or maybe a shirtless arm-wrestling match. (via The AV Club)

A word from Pell: “Have you watched Cheers recently? It’s all I watch right now. It’s really good. It’s really funny.”

What do you call a thousand lawyers chained together at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start.

As the quote from Philadelphia shows, Hollywood has a love-hate relationship with lawyers. Time after time, filmmakers depict lawyers as money-grubbing parasites who are more interested getting a pay check than seeing justice served. But at the same time, there are countless films that depict lawyers as champions of the underdog, defending the poor and weak in the face of overwhelming odds. Still others, like The Lincoln Lawyer, fall in the middle, and show the complex nature of a job where people are often asked to chose between what’s right and what’s legal. Regardless of what side of the fence they fall, we definitely want the following nine movie lawyers on our side if we ever end up in a court room. (Spoilers Ahead)

Joe Miller – Philadelphia

When it comes to people you don’t want to sue, a high-profile law firm is probably at the top of the list. So when lawyer Andrew Beckett seeks to sue his former firm for discrimination, he has a hard time finding someone who will take the case. Despite his initial reluctance, Joe Miller (Denzel Washington) agrees to take Beckett on as a client, and manages to beat the prestigious law firm at its own game.

Wild Things – Ken Bowden

When two students falsely accuse high-school guidance counselor Sam Lombardo of rape, he soon finds himself out of a job and facing jail time. To make matters worse, one of the girls comes from a very powerful family, which makes finding a reputable lawyer difficult. But who needs reputable when you’ve got Ken Bowden (Bill Murray). This sleazy ambulance chaser takes on the case, and actually manages to clear his client’s name. Of course, it was all a setup from start to finish, but at the end of the day, Bowden is one of the last men standing. You have to respect that.

Alan Dershowitz – Reversal of Fortune

The nice thing about Alan Dershowitz is he’s a real lawyer. This Harvard Law professor wrote the book on which the film is based. It tells the story of the trial of Claus von Bülow, who was accused of attempting to murder his wife. Dershowitz also went on to help with OJ Simpson’s defense. So if anyone out there is thinking of murdering their wife, you know who to call. Bring money.

Frank Galvin – The Verdict

Frank Galvin is ambulance chasing lawyer who lost a promising career because of his alcoholism. When a friend sets him up with a slam-dunk case that is sure to settle out of court, he has a change of heart, and decides to see the case though and no take the payout. Despite the odds, and the wishes of everyone involved, he manages to win the case. His clients are awarded a sum far in excess of what they would have received in the settlement, while Frank wins his redemption.

Vinny Gambini – My Cousin Vinnie

On paper, Vinny Gambini (Joe Pesci) isn’t exactly what you’d look for in a defense attorney, especially if you were being charged with murder. But that just goes to show you can’t judge a book by its cover (or by its five failed attempts to pass the bar exam). Despite the fact that he has no experience in criminal court, Gambini manages to win a not guilty verdict for his clients based mainly on his girlfriend’s knowledge of cars and his personal experience with cooked grits. That’s what I call impressive.

Elle Woods – Legally Blonde

Elle Woods (Reese Witherspoon) is a vapid socialite who is more worried about her accessories than the inner workings of the legal system. But when her boyfriend leaves her because he can’t take her seriously, she applies to law school in order to prove him wrong. To be honest, I’m not sure I’d actually hire her as an attorney. But I’ve always wanted to bang Reese Witherspoon), so she made the list.

Fletcher Reede – Liar Liar

Defense attorneys lie. There’s no other way to say it. It’s there job to defend a client, even if they are guilty. So, imagine how difficult it would be for a defense attorney who couldn’t tell a lie. Fletcher Reede (Jim Carrey) learned that the hard way in Liar Liar. When his son’s birthday wish comes true, Reede finds himself unable to tell the slightest fib, yet, he somehow manages to win the case. Now that’s some top-notch lawyering.

Tom Hagen – The Godfather II

If you’re going to run a crime family, you better have a good lawyer. The Corleone family has the best. Tom Hagen acts as the family’s consigliere, attending to any legal or political issues that arise. How good is he? After intimidating a witness (via his brother) into not testifying at a congressional hearing, he has the stones to demand an apology. Nice.

Atticus Finch – To Kill a Mocking Bird

When it comes to movie lawyers, Atticus Finch (Gregory Peck) is the character by which all others are measured. In fact, Peck’s portrayal is so moving, that you might actually forget he didn’t win the case. Even so, if your life was on the line, you’d be lucky to have a lawyer like this on your side.

The Lincoln Lawyer is a perfectly average legal drama. I trust that the book is exactly like this, totally programmed to hit standard beats in the plot. It’ll serve its purpose in theaters just like a paperback novel does.

Michael Haller (Matthew McConaughey) is a lawyer working out of his car, a Lincoln Continental. He’s so slick and smooth talking, he gets a judge to give him an extension while he waits for a client to extend his retainer. Then he goads the client for money for an expert witness, when he really already has the witness in hand.

You learn just enough about Haller to like him, which is the standard cliché. He takes care of his chauffeur, keeping him employed even after he got his own driver’s license back. He has a daughter with prosecutor Maggie (Marisa Tomei), and the only reason they broke up is because they’re on different sides of the court.

The real case is Louis Roulet (Ryan Phillipe), a rich boy accused of beating lady of the night Reggie Campo (Margarita Levieva). Louis is hard to like because he’s so privileged and frequently uses an ignorant epithet for gays. Of course, the case isn’t simply he said/she said so Haller’s values are tested.

The point of the movie is to take Haller from a guy so smooth he doesn’t even need an office to a haggard, disheveled wreck. In the beginning, he manipulates the media and the D.A. but Louis really turns the tables on Haller. If you want to see McConaughey sweat, this is the movie for you.

Haller still does a good job for Louis. He baits prosecutor Ted Minton (Josh Lucas) into revealing an attack on Louis’ mother, so the jury ends up sympathizing. We knew about the attack but how it comes up in trial is skillful lawyering. Also Lucas and McConaughey engage in a drawl off.

The plot is smug and contrived. Everything works out neatly but the film moves through the plot briskly. The courtroom scenes really have no personality. There’s no political agenda or flair like on “Boston Legal.” Even the one-liners like Corliss the snitch’s (Shea Whigham) comments on the stand or Val Valenzuela’s (John Leguizamo) research comments are not funny. The audience sort of laughs because it’s the right time, but they’re not funny.

I thin The Lincoln Lawyer should represent the Fast and the Furious gang. He’s on the road, they’re on the run, can he get them out of trouble? That’s a movie I would see.

The trailer does a pretty good job of confusing the hell out of the viewer, so kudos to the producers for that. The big takeaway here is that there’s lots of deception, and these men love to yell at each other. Something tells me that, when all is said and done, the guilty parties will wish they had never crossed…The Lincoln Lawyer. If you’re on the fence, it’s looking like William H. Macy is sporting his funniest hairstyle since Boogie Nights, so do with that information what you will.

Not content sticking to one historically significant character per year, Lucas is also in the running to be no less than Honest Abe himself in the much-anticipated film adaptation of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. Lucas seems like an odd pick to play Lincoln, but the entire premise of the movie seems odd, so who knows what will work and what won’t.

Further solidifying the assertion that Lucas has caught “Lincoln Fever,” Lucas’ next role will be opposite Matthew McConaughey in The Lincoln Lawyer, about a lawyer who practices out of the back of his Lincoln automobile. Josh Lucas: One-stop shopping for all your cinematic Lincoln-related needs. (Deadline)

McConaughey gets the case of his career when he’s hired to clear Ryan Phillippe after he’s been accused of imitating Charlie Sheen. However, as McConaughey learns, the golden boy isn’t as innocent as he seems. I love how the courtroom scene will undoubtedly play out.

McConaughey: “You need to confess.”

Phillippe: “No.”

McConaughey: “It would be a lot cooler if you did.”

Judge: “Case closed.”

Bailiff cues up Rupert Holmes song and everyone parties in the court room.

FADE TO CREDITS

The film has a pretty diverse cast: McConaughey, Marisa Tomei, Ryan Phillippe, William H. Macy, Michael Pena, Margarita Levieva, and most notably Josh Lucas. What was Brad Furman thinking when he cast McConaughey and Lucas against each other? Doesn’t he know that they can’t be in the same place at the same time? A) it confuses the baby, and B) if they touch, the universe will fold in on itself.