The Joker

No, not Heath Ledger or Jack Nicholson or even Mark Hamill. We’re talking about Cesar Romero and his well-sculpted, trimmed-down moustache during the deliciously campy 1960 television series Batman. It’s hard to see at times, but it’s definitely there, poking through the white greasepaint. The grooming here is impeccable, befitting a villain who clearly spends more time on his appearance than he does on actually trying to rid the world of Batman… seriously, how many easily escapable traps can the dude come up with?

Sinestro

This one is cheating a bit, because Sinestro won’t be a villain until the next Green Lantern film and based on the performance of the last, that might never happen. Still, fans of the comic book knew where this was going, so there’s no spoiler alert needed. Sinestro is to Green Lantern what Lex Luthor is to Superman. You can tell by the ‘stache. We’re actually hoping they make a sequel if for no other reason than that he fits in better on this list, but whatever. Even in the first movie the guy is a total dick.

Railroad Track Guy

At some poin in time this was a character in a film. Then it just became a trope and sight gag. When I say “moustachioed villain” you pretty much immediately think “guy tying some chick to the railroad tracks.” Apparently this first appeared in an early silent serial called The Perils of Pauline. At the time it was no joke — six people were killed in such a manner between 1874 and 1910. This cliché later inspired Snideley Whiplash on Dudley Do-Right of the Mounties.

Just when you thought you knew all the villains for the upcoming Batman sequel, Gary Oldman comes along and rains on your parade. During the premiere of Red Riding Hood, the actor all but confirmed that Bane and Catwoman are not the only evildoers menacing Gotham, stating that it will include a villain “from way back from the old comics,” and ruling out the Joker. Hugo Strange seems to be the odds-on favorite, and the Riddler’s name pops up from time to time. But no matter who is chosen as the next villain, I’m sure the film will be awesome. Unless, of course, Christopher Nolan has started smoking crack, and decides to go with one of these 9 lame-asses.

Killer Moth

On paper, Killer Moth isn’t that bad. He first appeared in 1951 as a criminal who took on the role of the anti-Batman. He even set up his own “Moth Cave” in order to emulate the caped crusader. But at the end of the day, a guy dressed like a moth just isn’t going to work in a movie. I mean, The Moth Man Prophecies was cheesy enough. Imagine a guy in green spandex pretending to be a bug? Besides, don’t bats eat moths?

King Tut

I loved the 1960’s Batman series when I was a little kid. Guess what? Little kids are stupid. That’s why we don’t let the vote, on drive, or leave their cages on the weekends. That show was awful, so it makes sense that a character made specifically for that show would be awful, as well. Unless you want a fat dude who mistakenly believes he’s the reincarnation of a long dead Egyptia fighting the caped crusader, it’s best they leave him out of the next film.

Kite Man

If you’re a super villain, hang-gliders can be a pretty cool tool. Kites, on the other hand, don’t really elicit the same emotional response, probably because they’re associated with children. Does building an evil reputation based entirely off of a child’s toy sound like a good idea to you? It did to Kite Man. Even his weapons are kite related. I’ve never seen a kite that could withstand a shotgun blast, so I’m not really sure how Kite Man managed to survive this long. Batman should really look into buying a gun.

Why so serious, Jack?

Don’t piss off these links.

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Thanks to Marc Ecko and his new Black Rhino Collection, you can finally dress like your favorite psychopath without worrying about catching a light chill. Ecko has released new hoodies in the likenesses of The Joker, The Batman, The Jason, and The Saw Puppet. Knocking over gas stations has never been so stylish.

Star Wars hoodies have been out there for awhile now and I’m really enjoying this fad. I eagerly await the day that it goes full-Elmo. Gangsta. (/Film)