When asked what teenagers love to do, these non-teenagers replied “texting!” Amy Miles claimed that teenagers are a powerful constituency with all their Twilights and Harry’s Potter, and The Hungry Games and whatnot, but that they may be souring on the movie-going experience because they aren’t allowed to use their cell phones to text or sext or draw something while the movie plays.

Miles suggested allowing texting in films that are aimed at teenagers, which as best I can tell, means about 91% of the movies that are out there today. Then the teenagers will be happy and the studio system won’t collapse into itself the same way the music industry did. If only the music industry had allowed texting while listening to albums, all this could have been avoided. A tragic lesson learned.

Since when do teenagers tell us what to do? We are adults. We tell teenagers what to do. I understand that theater receipts are down by and large, and that teenagers are attending films less frequently than they used to, but I really enjoy hearing these theater owners try to blame something besides the fact that they kept jacking up ticket prices for regular and 3D movies until no one anywhere had any desire to see a film.

In candor, this sounds like a terribly short-sighted way to address the problem of waning theater attendance. Unlike live concerts and sporting events, where texting and camera phones snaps are de rigueur, movie theaters are pretty solemn locales. There’s no talking and nothing in the way of distractions. There aren’t ancillary laser shows, jumbotrons, nor cheering crowds. Rather than going to theaters to feel like they’re part of something, theater patrons go to lose themselves in the movie and forget that they exist for a couple hours. That’s hard to do when the dark room is peppered with tiny flashing screens and muffled taps of people reconnecting with the outside world.

Sure it’s arbitrary, and stupid teenagers today seem to never ever want to cut the cord to their circle of friends, but they inherited a theater system from us. They don’t tell us what to do. We tell them what to do. Because they have to. At the risk of sounding a little parental here, there’s nothing wrong with setting up boundaries. Kids manage to survive airplane flights without texting, and they even continue to fly in spite of being incommunicado.

Granted most adults weren’t raised suckling the teat that is wireless connectivity, but it’s my hunch that keeping theaters sacred will have minimal effect over the near term and will actually behoove theater owners in the long term. While Amy Miles and IMAX’s Greg Foster were talking about a sea change, Alamo’s Tim League carried on with his very public “fuck texting” stance, saying:

“Over my dead body will I introduce texting into the movie theater. I love the idea of playing around with a new concept. But that is the scourge of our industry… It’s our job to understand that this is a sacred space and we have to teach manners.”

While I don’t believe that it’s the theater owners’ job to teach manners, I understand what League is saying. Movie theaters have become a sacred place in the fabric of America, and just because a generation of kids doesn’t like to be away from their cell phones, we shouldn’t completely change the nature of the place.

Miles has said she’s considered “testing these concepts” (allowing dumb teenagers to text) at screenings of teen-friendly movies. She then cited 21 Jump Street as an example, which is odd, because it’s rated R, meaning that relatively few teenagers would actually be there. Unless they snuck in, in which case, we’ve got a whole other set of problems on our hand.

The problem with this idea is that arbitrarily deeming on film to be text friendly and another to not be is just confusing to both teens and non-teens. Would it be listed online whether or not I’m going to be annoyed. Would I start texting if I was in Twilight: Breaking Dawn and bored off my ass? Probably. I would probably text anyone and everyone I could to avoid the film.

It’s not too big a leap to expect people to start bringing in iPads to movies, if they’re not doing it already. I’ve already had to berate several people at concerts for holding up those godforsaken tablets to record the concert, blocking everyone’s view. I’m sure that the bright, giant display wouldn’t enhance my viewing experience during Toy Story 6, either.

I’m no Luddite when it comes to new technology, but I just don’t see the upside to allowing texting in theaters on any level. Teenagers love their phones. That’s terrific. There are going to be places in the world that don’t allow them. Funerals, churches, some restaurants. They can learn to deal. Sure, it might cause these theater owners with teenage kids some heartburn, but my guess is that everything will work out okay in the end, but a stance must be taken. If theater owners are indifferent or lax in their application of this policy, then some kids will get turned off from movies on principle, while others continue to text, ruining the experience for everyone in attendance.

Which is why I say use that nifty cell-phone blocking technology in theaters. No one texts, ever, and if anyone has a problem with that, they can wait to see the movie until it’s available on a torrent site. No. Wait. I meant “on a legitimate OnDemand service or Netflix.”

Over the weekend, I saw The Hunger Games. I thought it was a very fun film. I read the book and sort of enjoyed it for what it was. The film had a lot of ground to cover, so the film is paced a little too quickly to savor – it is the type of film that is experienced more than watched. The casting was inspired, with Lenny Kravitz, Wes Bentley, Stanley Tucci, Woddy Harrelson, and Elizabeth Banks all nailing their supporting roles.

In the starring role, Jennifer Lawrence was able to carry the film effortlessly, but the actor/character I would like to discuss for the next three pages or so is Josh Hutcherson’s Peeta Mellark. I’m normally not one for male teen heartthrobs (normally), but time makes fools of us all. I think I love Peeta, and I’m wrestling with what “love” means more than I have at any other time in my life. It’s not an enviable position, but it’s where I find myself.

I can’t say that I romantically love Peeta Mellark ¬ that would be ridiculous. But I do want to dedicate the rest of my life to ensuring that he never feels any pain and is sheltered from all evil in the world. I don’t know why this is the case. I read the book and appreciated Peeta as the baker’s son who risked physical injury to give Katniss some burnt bread. He seemed like a nice guy, but he didn’t even manage to be my frontrunner in the Peeta-Katniss-Gale love triangle. He was just a dude in the story until Josh Hutcherson was able to dig his finely-manicured claws into the character.

I had never understood the infatuation with non-threatening, good looking male leads until now. And let me tell you, I get it. That damn boy cast a spell on me, and now there’s nothing I can do but post photos of him on Pinterest and doodle “Mr. Penn Hutcherson” on scrap paper until either he loses his looks (not likely) or I manage to get over him (also not likely).

They say if you love something, set it free. I love Peeta Mellark (or is it Josh Hutcherson?) so much that I want him to be with Katniss. My affection for Hutcherson’s selfless tribute knows no bounds. I can’t force this boy, this…man to act in anything but his best interest. While I’m confident that Peeta and I would make a great life for each other, perhaps in an artists’ colony in Santa Fe, I just don’t think I can offer him what Katniss can. Sure, Peeta and I could adopt, but I feel he deserves his own biological children.

It merits mentioning that I’m a bit of a foodie, Peeta’s background as a baker, throwing around 100-lb. bags of flour all day long, really speaks to me. Hutcherson has breathed life into a character I felt tepidly about in the original book. But one look at him in the film, and I melted. Now, all I can think about is hopping in our Subaru and heading over to a bakery on a Sunday morning. We’d sit with our coffees and read the New York Times (him on his iPad, me with the paper version) while listening to The Fray’s “How To Save A Life.”

Also, I know I’ve already mentioned that Peeta’s past as a baker totally does it for me, but the thought of he and I making bruschetta with bread that HE BAKED just puts a smile on my face. Even if we weren’t having company over, we could just whip some up real quickly then watch a couple episodes of True Blood. It’s too good to be true, really.

I don’t like Twilight, I don’t like Zac Efron, but I would put myself in harm’s way for Peeta Mellark. I found myself jealous that I didn’t get a chance to eat the berries with him, spending the rest of my moments losing myself in his Hutcherson-tastic eyes and carefully mused hair.

I don’t know where the next two books will take Peeta – in fact, I’m scared to even read them to find he suffers in any way. (SPOILER) As readers of the book no doubt noticed in the film, Peeta manages to negotiate The Hunger Games withboth legs intact, an achievement that eluded him in the book. Upon realizing that future films may also be kinder to Peeta than Suzanne Collins was, I have decided to forego the next books (which I have heard weren’t that good anyway), and pretend that Peeta Mellark only exists in the movies, where he could never, ever, get bitten in the leg by giant hellhounds.

I leave The Hunger Games a much more confused and humbled man than when I entered it. I now harbor some unfamiliar platonic feelings for a fictional boy in a fictional deathmatch in a fictional dystopia. If the purpose of a movie is to get its audience out of its comfort zone and think about some unpleasant things, then, in my opinion, The Hunger Games is the most successful film ever made. Ever.

And so, we’ve taken the liberty of drawing the names for our very own version of The Hunger Games — the child star version. May the odds be forever in their favor.

Vinnie Delpino vs. Kubiak

Our first match-up is the child actor version of David v. Goliath. Doogie Howser’s fast-talking Vinnie Delpino against Parker Lewis Can’t Lose’s giant terror, Kubiak. Larry Kubiak is obviously the stronger of the two combatants. There’s no doubt about that. He’s stuffed many a student into a locker in his day, and could easily stuff Vinnie into his own asshole without breaking a sweat.

However, Vinnie isn’t without his own strengths. He towers over Kubiak in terms of cunning and could easily lure him into a trap. If the odds are in his favor, the Gamemakers will provide him with a paper bag, a black marker, and an explosive device. Then he only need to place the explosive within the bag, scrawl “Larry’s Lunch” (preferably misspelled) across it and leave it in an opening where Kubiak will find it. But if he’s discovered by Kubiak while holding that bag, it’s game over for Vinnie.

Advantage: Kubiak

Lucy Diamond Dawson vs. Thomas J. Sennett

Lucy Diamond Dawson is wise beyond her years. She has to be. As the young daughter of I Am Sam, she’s the decision-maker in the family. She makes sure her dad stays out of trouble and doesn’t feed her cake frosting for breakfast. She’s a lot like Katniss Everdeen in this way.

Likewise, My Girl’s Thomas J. Sennett can easily be compared to Peeta Mellark. He’s shy and unpopular, but thoughtful and caring. However, he’s allergic to bee stings. I can see him having big trouble when Tracker Jackers are introduced into the game.

Advantage: Lucy Diamond Dawson

Here we see the softer side of the Girl On Fire as she interacts with her loved ones back in the Seam, and less of the girl who shoots other kids in the head with arrows. Which isn’t to say we don’t see more of the Games. There are a few glimpses here and there, as well as an emphasis on the Mockingjay pin. No tracker jackers to share just yet. But let’s assume they’ll be fully rendered by the time the film opens on March 23rd.

This bleary look at the future seems pretty bad, but only if you’re a kid or know any kids. Otherwise, it’s not so bad. It’s not like there are zombies, cannibals, and thieves running around. Nor is the sky full of poison. And it’s not Detroit. With that in mindere’s a look at other film dystopias that are way, way worse.

The Road

Being a single father is hard enough without having to dodge cannibals. When a cataclysm kills off all plants and animals and blots out the sun, Viggo Mortensen and his son attempt to go south for the apocalypse. They have to fight off thieves and hungry people trying to eat them along the way. Also, pushing a shopping cart through the mud is always a crappy task. Get a tobogan or something, Viggo.

Land of the Dead

Yes. Cannibals are a pain in the ass, but zombies are a total nightmare. They don’t need sleep. They don’t get sick. And they smell almost as bad as Zuccotti Park. In Land of the Dead, zombies have taken over most of the planet. Survivors were able to set themselves up in a walled off city, but class warfare brings down their security systems and puts everyone at risk. So prophetic, George Romero.

Children of Men

Sure. Kids are annoying on three hour flights, but what if mankind were unable to produce more? In Children of Men, that phenomenon leads to social unrest, violence, chaos, and the collapse of society. I’d think it would lead to more disposable incomes and everyone banging all the time. Sorry, Children of Men. You make dystopias sound pretty awesome.

Meanwhile, co-star Liam Hemsworth provides a voice-over pep talk reminding her not to get killed. Then flaming trees fall before her at every step. Who is she hunting? Dragons??

The Catching Fire announcement was made by Joe Drake, co-COO of Lionsgate and President of its Motion Picture Group. Said Drake of the date:

“The magical thing about the Hunger Games trilogy is that the books have such a vastly broad appeal.  The stories truly offer something for everyone, and the period around the Thanksgiving weekend is such an opportunity for families and friends to make an event of going to the movies.”

So rip off a turkey leg and bring it to the theater with you. There’s no time to enjoy the holiday with your family. Kids are murdering each other and you have to see who wins.

Yesterday we got our first look at Liam Hemsworth’s Gale and Josh Hutcherson’s Peeta via Entertainment Weekly. Today, EW has a few more looks. First, we see Peeta looking sullen at his crappy baking job. Then, there’s Hemsworth’s Gale with Jennifer Lawrence‘s Katniss. I’m mostly impressed that we haven’t been subjected to any shirtless pictures yet. But we can likely expect some flimsy excuses for getting the guys to disrobe. “Oops. There’s breadcrumbs on my shirt. Better remove it and step into this dramatic lighting.”

With the Twilight Saga beginning it’s wind down and Harry Potter having taking its bow, it’s good to see another epic franchise ready to rise from the ashes. The film opens March 23rd, 2012, but you can stare at this poster until then. First one to blink is a total puss.

Assuming the films are good and have something epic to showcase, I’m all for it. But let’s be careful that this doesn’t become the norm in Hollywood. I’m perfectly content with Alvin & The Chipmunks capping it as a Shrillogy.

“Snow is the autocratic ruler of Panem who uses the violent Hunger Games as a way to maintain control”

4 photosLet’s Have A Look At January Jones’ Boobs And Some Other ‘X-Men: First Class’ Stuff

4 photosLet’s Have A Look At January Jones’ Boobs And Some Other ‘X-Men: First Class’ Stuff

The Hunger Games slaughters its way into theaters March 23, 2011. (Lionsgate’s Twitter)

Best known for his roles in W., The Mist, and Infamous, Jones looks like he’ll be breaking through big in the next few years. Fanboys everywhere will see him this summer as the villian Armin Zola in Captain America: The First Avenger (seriously, can this guy go anywhere without Stanley Tucci?), and to have a role in The Hunger Games will raise his profile significantly. This is great news as Jones is a terrific actor, but sad news for Clint Howard. Looks like Hollywood has a new “Whoa, Is That That Guy’s Face???” Guy. (Deadline)

Below are some sneak peaks into the developing set of The Hunger Games, starring Jennifer Lawrence and Josh Hutcherson. The shooting is taking place in Shelby, NC, so if you’re a resident, just find the big “District 12″ lettering and it’ll lead you to Tween Hollywood History in the making. You can also catch a ride on the District 12 coal train, which is a lot like the soul train, only there’s more teen killing involved.

Meanwhile, Screen Junkies already reported that Lenny Kravitz was likely to be cast in The Hunger Games, but now the official word is that he’s playing Cinna the stylist. A girl’s gotta look fabulous before she gets shot at? Yeah, that actually sounds about right.

Based on the novel by Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games is directed by Gary Ross. (The Hob, The Playlist)

Check out new preview stills below of Lawrence as Katniss in The Hunger Games. It’s the movie based on the book, that based on tween enthusiasm, is going to be huge. Yesterday, Screen Junkies posted the first-ever Katniss still, and these are clearly from the same photo shoot. Totally digging the bow and arrow. Quiet, deadly, can kill from long distances. Very classy. Everything’s always guns and swords, guns vs. swords or guns with swords attached to them, so this looks like a nice change o’ pace.

The Hunger Games hasn’t actually started filming yet, but the Gary Ross directed adaptation is aiming to hit theaters with its arrow March 23rd 2012. (The Film Drunk)

Click To Embiggen

Earlier today, a leaked (and unconfirmed) cover of Entertainment Weekly gives us our first look at Jennifer Lawrence as Katniss Everdeen, the protagonist from the upcoming film adaptation of The Hunger Games. Here she is in what we will assume is an official image:

I like the look, but have recently developed a pretty intense crush on Lawrence, so I’m by no means objective here. The uniform also looks like the karate outfits, or “gi” from the Cobra Kai dojo, which is awesome in a very different way. Lawrence is looking slender and bronzed compared to her Oscar-nominated turn in Winter’s Bone. Compare:

Both images of the same actress, playing two characters that are hell-bent on survival. One with a bow and arrow and sexy uniform, the other with wind-blown cheeks and a pocket with a dead squirrel in it or something.

At 3:30 PDT, we will have more pics of Jennifer Lawrence as Katniss, as well as confirmation that the above picture is real and official, so circle back then.

It’s official: Woody Harrelson has joined the cast of The Hunger Games, the endlessly-buzzed about Lionsgate adaptation of the first in a series of popular, dystopian tween novels by Susanne Collins. Harrelson will play Haymitch (“Hey, Mitch…’sup?”), the drunken winner of the 50th Annual Hunger Games, which took place over 20 years ago. Is Haymitch just a code name his character chose, in place of Woody Boyd? Does The Hunger Games take place in the “Cheers” universe? If so, I’m way more interested. Also, if so, which year did Norm win?

The Hunger Games, directed by Gary Ross and starring Jennifer Lawrence, hunts people in theaters March 23, 2012. (Hollywood Reporter)

Tucci’s role will be a pivotal one, as he interviews all 24 of the tributes from all 12 districts (I speak of this like I know what the hell it means). Since he’s playing a TV personality, there is a good chance that we will be getting “sleazy Tucci,” rather than “overburdened cerebral Tucci,” which is good, because “sleazy Tucci” is way more fun.

Until tomorrow, when I am certain we will be reporting casting news about a tribute or a trident or a newbie or some weird thing from this movie.  (Deadline)

“Crane is the head gamesmaker of the 74th Hunger Games, which pits teens from 12 districts in a televised battle to the death.”

Well, there you have it. Craven is the first of several adult characters in the series that have been cast, unless you count John C. Reily’s rumored involvement, which was denied by Lionsgate. Who will play the other adult characters in The Hunger Games? Second question: Does it matter? (Deadline)

According to new rumors, Woody Harrelson, Lenny Kravitz and Stanley Tucci have been OK’d for Hunger Gaming. In keeping with the tradition of naming everyone funny, Harrelson’s character would be Seneca Crane, the Head Gamemaker. He’d be like the Milton-Bradley of games where people die. Actually, that job sounds pretty badass. We don’t know yet who the other actors would portray.

Directed by Gary Ross, the film stars Jennifer Lawrence and Josh Hutcherson. (Vulture)

John C. Reilly wouldn’t be my first choice to play a character that is capable of winning anything, but things make a little more sense when I learned that Haymitch Abernathy is now the alcoholic mentor of Katniss (Jennifer Lawrence) and Peeta (Josh Hutcherson). That clears things up nicely.

Expect more roles with ridiculous names to be cast in the near future. (Vulture)

Banks is in talks to star as Effie Trinket in The Hunger Games, alongside Jennifer Lawrence and Josh Hutcherson. Trinket is a beaurocrat, an escort for futuristic death-match participants and a bubbly airhead who regularly changes her hair color. All three of those are listed on her business cards.

Mere hours ago, we learned that Amandla Stenberg and Dayo Oekniyi will play Rue and Thresh. Do with that information what you will. Based on the first of several novels by Suzanne Collins, Gary Ross will direct this adaptation of The Hunger Games, written by Billy Ray. (Variety)

Pettyfer, who appears to be the “next big thing” in the eyes of top Hollywood execs, but not the viewing public, is weighing his options to determine what his next film will be, as The Hunger Games isn’t his only option. He’s currently fielding offers to be in the next Jason Bourne movie, A film with Jeff Bridges and Jennifer Lawrence called The Last Apprentice, and a biopic about race car driver James Hunt. Pile them on while you can, handsome guy. There’s a square jawed young fellow behind you, waiting to take your place. And behind him, and behind him, etc. (The Playlist)