In celebration of the release of Summit Entertainment’s crime thriller Snitch, opening in theaters February 22nd, we’re proud to bring you seven of the greatest undercover badasses in movie history.

Leonardo DiCaprio, The Departed

By the time the American remake of Infernal Affairs rolled around, DiCaprio was already widely-celebrated for his skills; but it wasn’t until audiences saw him doing push-ups between prison bunks that he carved out his first proper badass. Given the circumstances, it could have been easy for any actor to overplay the role of William Costigan, but DiCaprio brings a level of grace and sadness to level off the character’s grit and ferocity. Even more badass: DiCaprio actively declined campaigning for any awards for Best Supporting Actor that year as to avoid stepping on the toes of his co-stars.

Johnny Depp, Donnie Brasco

Getting in “too deep” is a common theme in many undercover films. After all, putting yourself at risk is what going undercover is all about. But what happens when you form a legitimate friendship with the men you’re supposed to be infiltrating. Things quickly get complicated for Donnie Brasco when he realizes that doing his job will most likely result in his friend’s death.

Toshiro Mifune, The Bad Sleep Well

Mifune’s performance as Koichi Nishi is a rarity in that it doesn’t employ the slam-bang tactics of many of his cohorts seen on this list. His stoic nerd slowly unveils the vengeance of a son scorned by one of the most powerful corporations in Japan through tactics of seduction, espionage and psychological torture. Mifune played numerous lively punkers in his lifetime, particularly in the realm of samurai lore, but this character seethes in his rage, striking only after his prey is at the brink of madness. Case in point: Nishi corners one of his targets on the window ledge from which his father died, calming the man down by offering whiskey that he later reveals is “poisoned”. The mark collapses, driven insane by the ordeal. Nasty!

Keanu Reeves, Point Break

This is simple story about a former Ohio State quarterback named Johnny Utah. For an F-!B-!I!-Agent!, Johnny maintains the most suspicious bromance with Patrick Swayze’s Bodhi this side of “Brokeback Mountain”. He allows his bleach-blonde nemesis to escape an aqueduct face-off, jump out of an airplane and eventually surf himself to death. At various points in the film, Bodhi’s potency in performing extreme sports counteracts the hobbling ethics of Reeves’ lawman. Johnny, like, totally buries his heart at wounded knee.

Kevin Spacey, The Usual Suspects

Have you ever seen Kevin Spacey try to act like a badass? It doesn’t work. But Spacey as a schlepp? That’s Oscar gold. The writing/directing on “Suspects” lay formidable groundwork for Spacey to perform as the keystone for an impeccably oddball cast. His bumbling Verbal Kint acts as a tender foil to a constant stream of roughneck freakouts. With little more than his wits, this badass knows that the greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing Chazz Palmenteri that he didn’t exist.

Chevy Chase, Fletch

Light years ahead of the Twitter-quip generation, Chase is at the peak of his powers, dishing out maximum smarm before turding up his career with JTT movies. What makes this role fairly badass is that it is one of the last of a dying breed: that of the snoopy, investigative newspaper reporter. What makes it particularly badass is that Chase has a ball conjuring up characters with names like Dr. Rosenpenis, Dr. Babar and Mr. Poon. The actor has gone on record as saying this was his favorite role, given that director Michael Ritchie often took multiple takes and allowed Chase to riff with whatever came off the top of his dome.

Nicolas Cage, Face/Off

“Castor Troy” is a pretty distinct – if not altogether awful – name. Despite this and other cringe-worthy moments that face-swipe to show affection, Nic Cage keeps John Woo’s ‘97 hit from teetering into cornball territory. Cage’s Castor Troy is the kind of guy who can talk an undercover agent into sucking his tongue. He poses as a priest so he can plant a dirty bomb and goose choir members. He switches sunglasses for no reason. And he delivers a more badass John Travolta impersonation than Dana Carvey.

It’s hard not to like the guy’s moxie, but if people could unilaterally block cell phone signals, I’m hazarding a guess that cell phones wouldn’t really be able to work anywhere.

Which brings us to an examination of cell phones in movies. While lots of films feature cell phones, surprisingly few use them as devices instrumental to the plot. I thought there would be dozens of films that depended on the devices. And there were, but almost all of them are truly terrible “tech” films that use cell phones as a lame plot point to speak to the tween set, or whatever.

So, that said, here are some films and TV shows (some terrible, some good) that would have been very, very different stories without cell phone technology.

Feel free to mention any omissions or objections in the comments, but please, be nice about it.

The Wire

Sure, it’s richly-textured saga about people limited by their institutions, but at its heart, it’s a story about cops trying to get the jump on drug dealers, and the crux of thir strategy is tapping cell phones. Of course, the drug dealers are hip to this, so they are rotating out disposable “burner” phones every couple weeks, making the efforts of the Baltimore PD all but futile.

If there weren’t any cell phones in this universe, what would poor Lestor Freeman be up to? He would probably have turned into a Bubs-type character a long time ago.

Scream

All the whimsy and cat-and-mouse play in the Scream franchise stems from the killers baiting and toying with their victims via cell phone. Sure, they could have pulled the old “the call is coming from INSIDE YOUR HOUSE” thing, but that really only works if you have two lines, and infiltrating a house prior to the attack is just too damn risky, folks.

From the opening scene of Scream, which featured Drew Barrymore casually making popcorn in her kitchen, we realize that this isn’t a film about the confrontation between the killers and victims, but the hunt and terror of being watched by the unknown.

Also, they killed the Fonz, which was pretty great.

It’s St. Patrick’s Day again, and as a result, my boss is making me write about the Irish! Not having a drop of Irish blood in me, I could care less about the Emerald Isle. But at the end of the day, the Sons of Erin have given me an annual excuse to get piss drunk, which is more than any Hungarian ever did for me, so I guess I’m grateful. And to show my gratitude, I’ve compiled this list of nine Irish (and Irish American) characters who could kick your ass. Why? Well, it started as a simple list of Irish characters, but somewhere along the way I realized I wouldn’t want to fight any of them. So let’s load up the paddy wagon and get this list on the road.

Jim Malone – The Untouchables

In my opinion, Jim Malone has one of the greatest lines in cinema history: “Isn’t that just like a wop; brings a knife to a gun fight!” See for yourself in the clip above, and enjoy the Michael Jackson music that has been pointlessly added to the end.

Il Duce – Boondocks Saints

Don’t let the Italian name fool you, Il Duce is Irish through and through. And don’t let the hype about this movie fool you. It’s an awful film with a ridiculously pointless plot that is filled to the brim with cliches. That being said, I still wouldn’t want to piss off Il Duce.

Frank Costello – The Departed

Frank Costello is based on the real Irish-American mobster, James J. Bulger. In the film, Costello is a drunken, short-tempered hot head with a penchant for underage girls and murder. So aside from the murder part, he’s just your average Irishman! Heyo!

Micky McFinnigan -”Family Guy“

Maybe Micky McFinnigan, Peter Griffin‘s real father, might not be that daunting in fight. But when it comes to drinking, he’ll kick your sorry ass any day.

Murphy – Robocop

In RoboCop, Murphy is the quintessential Irish-American police officer, except for the fact that he’s dead, and he’s half machine. But let’s not split hairs here. He’s Irish through and through, and he can definitely kick your ass.

Micky O’Neil – Snatch

Micky O’Neil is not your typical Irishman. He’s part of a band of nomads known as Irish Travellers (a.k.a. Pikeys), who reside in Ireland, the U.K., and the U.S. Although they are often referred to as Gypsies, they are ethnically Irish, so Micky makes the list. And as the clip above demonstrates, he’d have no trouble beating you to a bloody pulp.

The Leprechaun – Leprechaun in the Hood

You can’t get much more Irish than the friggen Leprechaun. And don’t even pretend you can take him in a fight. He ripped Ice-T’s finger off like it was nothing. Although he has popped up in several films, I went with Leprechaun in the Hood because let’s face it; once you go black, you never go back, even if you’re Irish.

Priest Vallon – Gangs of New York

(Spoiler Alert) Priest Vallon, an Irish immigrant in Gangs of New York, is by far the biggest bad ass on this list. After all, anyone who goes into hand-to-hand combat with a cast-iron cross is not someone you want to mess with. Although he eventually dies at the hands of Bill the Butcher, he wins his enemy’s respect in the process. And considering what a tough son of a bitch Bill is, that’s got to count for something.

Christy Brown – My Left Foot

Can the Irish writer/painter/poet Christy Brown really kick your ass? Yep! In fact, that’s all he can do. Zing! Happy St. Paddy’s Day!

How do you make one of the year’s greatest films even better? Simple! Remove any words that might offend fat middle-age housewives. At least that’s what Harvey Weinstein has in mind. The producer hopes to release an edited version of The King’s Speech in order to secure a PG-13 rating and (hopefully) a larger showing at the box office. Personally, I don’t hear a lot of kids between the ages of 13 and 16 clamoring to see films about early 20th Century British royalty, so I don’t really understand why it needs a PG-13 rating. Then again, I sleep on an old air mattress, and Harvey sleeps on a bed made of gold bricks and delicious lox, so I’m assuming he knows a little more than I do when it comes to making a profitable movie.

It’s easy to see why people (specifically, Tom Hooper, the film’s director) are worried about this move. Anyone who’s ever seen a film dubbed for television knows what this type of editing can do, and it’s not pretty. Case in point, the following nine examples!

Ghostbusters

Ghostbusters is a great film, but we can’t have it ruined by such foul language. What’s a good word to replace “dickless?” I know: “Wally Wick!” It’s perfect! In the immortal words of Tim and Eric, “Great Job.”

Scarface

If someone is willing to sit through Scarface, a movie about a psychotic Cuban gangster, why in hell would they give a flying f*ck about hearing the word “f*ck.” They probably don’t. But the sponsors do, which is the same reason I just used a “*” instead of typing out the whole word.

The Usual Suspects

“Give me the keys, you dirty c*ck sucker” vs. “Give me the keys, you fairy godmother.” Personally, I find the second phrase more offensive. At least “c*ck sucker” doesn’t imply I’m female. “Fairy godmother” does. I’m all man, god damn it!

Casino

This is another film that I simply can’t believe they bothered to dub. The whole movie is curse words and violence. Seeing the dubbed version is like watching the no-sex porn parodies, except a lot less funny.

Snakes on a Plane

This dub job is a joke, but then again, this whole movie was a joke, so I really don’t see the harm.

Die Hard 2

The “yippie kai yay” part sounds familiar, but who the hell is Mr. Falcon? If they’d been committed to the dub, they would have at least dubbed “Falcon” over the bad guy’s name earlier in the film.

Pulp Fiction

You take the curse words out of this film, and it really loses its luster. But when you take the brutal man-on-man forced sodomy away, it completely loses its soul. For shame, Bravo. For shame.

The Departed

I’m not sure what’s more annoying: the dub job, or the forced Irish accents. Just kidding! It’s obviously the Irish accents.

The Big Lewbowski

This is one example where watching the dubbed version might actually be funnier than the original. And if kids happen to be watching, they’ll learn a valuable lesson about not finding a stranger in the Alps.