But, in all fairness, the poster did foreshadow plot holes.

What a good guy. Hopefully he didn’t do any speaking in his Batman voice because, y’know, it’s a hospital. People are trying to sleep. (via WWTDD)

A gunman, 24 years old and in custody, opened fire at a midnight screening, his gunfire coinciding with a shootout scene in the film, wreaking havoc on the full theater of movie goers. He reportedly unleashed a can of gas (unknown as of now) and began shooting, leaving the packed room of people almost completely indefensible.

Every detail about this story is sickening and sad, from the three month-old baby that was shot to the fact that the gas was reportedly used so that no one would be able to escape the theater, and consequently the gunman’s wrath.

With so much excitement surrounding this film going into the weekend, this is a very, very shitty way to begin coverage of the year’s most anticipated movie, in addition to the obvious fact that a rampage of this scale is repulsive regardless of the context.

Obviously, this tragedy has significant ramifications for the film, but those can be addressed at some other time, with so many people still fighting for their lives.

Ugh.

Sure, being rich affords him guys like Lucius, but it also made him miserable enough to shake things up a little. Here’s a few other guys that prove money can’t buy happiness all the time.

Now let’s talk about some rich jerks.

Nicholas van Orton – The Game

He watched his dad die, and seems to exist as some “forever alone” billionaire. He treats everyone, including his addict brother, like crap. Knock it off, NVO. You’ve got great shoes and a really nice housekeeper that makes you nice baked goods for your birthday.

Van Orton is pretty much the only guy we see who really shows promise of change late in their film. All because of the game. The game works. It changes people. But how much? I want to see the continuation of this story with Nicholas running around like a better-dressed Mr. Deeds, though that will probably never, ever happen.

Oh, to dream!

Cal Hockley – Titanic

If you’re going to be a rich jerk, then own it. And no one owns “rich jerk” like Billy Zane (“ZANE!”) playing a privileged asshole on the Titanic, a ship loaded with privileged assholes. I know James Cameron is busy making 14 more Avatar films, but couldn’t he hand off the next chapter of Titanic, aka “What became of Cal?” to a lesser director, like F. Gary Gray, or Rob Cohen?

Cal was so awesomely evil that it makes me want to punch my computer in delight. He shot Jack Dawson’s friend in the stomach, and probably displaced poor women and children so that he could live. Can’t say I argue with either of those (Jack’s friend was annoying, and I really like not being dead), but when you do those things with slicked-back hair, it takes things to another level.

Sometimes being a jerk is awesome, and Cal is just the awesomest.

Bruce Wayne – Batman Franchise

Granted, Batman’s had a tough go of it, but as far as superheroes go, he’s lacking in the levity department. I’m sorry that you were in a Nepalese prison, Bruce. I’m sorry that your name is Bruce, Bruce. I’m sorry that your parents were killed by criminals, Bruce. I’m sorry that you were terrified by bats when you were younger, Bruce.

Now turn that frown upside down and live like you acted in The Dark Knight with the Lamborghini, and buying the restaurant, and the two hot girls.

And stop scowling. You’re so much more handsome when you smile, friend!

Terry Benedict – Ocean’s 11, 12, and 13

Terry Benedict is one of the few self-made men on this list, but that doesn’t free him from the sourpuss affliction that hits so many of the guys that are just born into money.

Terry struts around like everyone is trying to screw him, which is actually pretty prescient, because the entire Ocean’s franchise is predicated on people trying to screw Terry Benedict. Also, maybe he feels ridiculous and wallows in shame because he’s always dressed in insane Asian-inspired suits that make him look like a monk attending the White House Correspondents’ Dinner. In any event, he’s a Grumpy Gus, and I don’t just throw around the phrase “Grumpy Gus.” Why would I?

Sebastian Valmont – Cruel Intentions

He’s sex obsessed, but not in a funny Jason Biggs-in-American-Pie way, but rather a “there’s nothing that will ever fill the emptiness I have from being a privileged bastard” way. He’s about two steps away from being a total Patrick Bateman, but he manages to sort of, kind of, make good by the end of the film, even though he’s still pretty much a dick.

Smile, Sebastian. You’ve got a great car, a great townhouse, and well-tailored shirts and hunting outfits. If you’re ambling around Manhattan, try to run into Thomas Crown. He’s insanely rich as well, but seems to derive a little more pleasure from his good fortune than you do.

Money’s only a curse if you let it be.

I just made that up, but it could be right. Mo’ money, mo’ problems, my ass.

The Malfoys – Harry Potter

You’ve got SO much money, Malfoys. Why can’t you give up the whole “flirting with evil” thing and just buy an island and sponsor a Formula One team instead of teaming up with that whose name we shouldn’t be saying? You know, the V-word. Well, one of the v-words. The Malfoys are definitely what you would consider “old money,” but that’s no excuse for being evil, though it is pretty clear that the loner money has been in a family, the more likely it is that the character will be joyless and just grumpy.

*deep breath*

WHAT KIND OF CONTRARIAN ASSHOLE DOESN’T LIKE THE DARK KNIGHT RISES?

For the first time in the history of the site, Rotten Tomatoes has suspended user comments after some innocuous personal insults turned into threats of violence. The real news story here is that it took this long for Internet comments turn violent.

The editor of the site, Matt Atchity, explained the movie thusly: “The job of policing the comments became more than my staff could handle for that film, so we stopped the comments altogether.”

I have a better idea. Why don’t you take those spineless, tasteless assholes who talk shit about The Dark Knight Rises, shake the shit out of them until their wallet falls out, find out where they live, then get after their families, home invasion-style, until they admit that it’s the greatest movie that’s ever been made?

Why don’t you do that instead of protecting the morons who dare speak ill of The Dark Knight Rises?

To help you do just that, there’s this new trailer that details Batman’s journey thus far and previews what challenges await him. Like Matthew Modine firing a machine gun. Doesn’t seem like that would be too challenging in theory, but I’ve learned long ago never to underestimate Matthew Modine. He’s an artist with firearms. **absent-mindedly thumbs scar tissue on shoulder**

Please enjoy the Internet’s best Dark Knight Rises parodies.

The Dark Knight Rises with 60′s Robin

This parody is perfect. It’s shot well, well-acted, funny, and more importantly, the humor’s fresh. Of all the Dark Knight parodies out there, this is the only original that saw past Batman’s voice to introduce a funnier concept. Plus, Robin gets his ass kicked. It’s the most realistic take on Batman yet.

 Teaser Trailer Parody

You’d think the World’s Greatest Detective would be slightly better at charades.

The Dark Knight Rises Teaser Trailer (Batman: The Animated Series Version)

It’s not the most original concept to re-edit a new franchise with footage from an earlier take on the material, but that’s not to say it isn’t awesome. Because it is. Take a look. Awesome.

Hitler Is Told About The Dark Knight Rises

His rage is warranted.

The Lion King Rises

When you really think about, Simba and Bruce Wayne do have a lot in common. Also winning this video points, Rafiki clobbering hyenas set perfectly to the drum hits.

The Dark Alfred Rises

Just what these movies have been lacking, more Alfred. If Bale and Nolan won’t come back for another, Michael Caine will definitely do a spin-off Alfred film. His film resume has proved he’s not choosey.

Dark Knight Rises (XXX Parody)

Immature and pun-ridden, yes. But, whatever. After culling through Dark Knight Rises parody videos all morning, it’s wholly refreshing to find any that don’t center on the difficulty to understand Batman or Bane‘s speaking voices.

Community Season 3 Rises

I’m not just posting this because Internet nerds will yell at me if I don’t. I’m posting it because he footage from Community’s third season loans itself surprisingly well. Now let’s please get Annie in a Catwoman suit during season four. Thanks.

(Oh, and don’t worry about spoilers. This thing is a shot-for-shot remake of the trailer.)

While doing press for the upcoming Dark Shadows, Tim Burton compared his contributions to the Batman films to those of Christopher Nolan, whose The Dark Knight Rises is perhaps the most anticipated film of…ever.

Speaking about the comparisons, Burton said, “I always get told that my material is dark, but nowadays my version of Batman looks like a lighthearted romp in comparison to Christopher Nolan’s Dark Knight.”

I would say that while Burton’s take was certainly more noir (I think I remember one daylight scene in both films), there was a campy sense of humor that harkened back to the TV show, almost, whereas Nolan’s films have all the comedy of a crime epic like Heat.

Comparing them seems a little silly, as they’re films from two distinct directors at the top of their game. Let’s just agree that both are excellent, and the presences of Christopher Walken and Joseph Gordon-Levitt will offset each other, resulting a tie that lasts for all of eternity.

Fair?

(Screen Rant)

This gritty look at the inside world of college football did very little to associate itself with realism or the rules of the game. This is blatantly on display when hotshot quarterback Joe Kane is able to score a game-winning touchdown despite the fact that he throws an incomplete pass.

The Dark Knight Rises – Field Crumbles

The film isn’t in theaters yet but from what we saw in the trailer, we have some pretty ridiculous events ahead of us. The scene in question concerns a professional football game literally crashed by Bane. The villian rigs the field for demolition and blows it up during game play. However, instead of multiple explosions sending dirt and athlete everywhere, the field actually caves in with the players falling to their doom. That’s one way to fix a game, but pretty unbelievable.

The Hunger Games tickets go on sale Feb 22nd, 74 days before the 74th Annual Hunger Games. If you’re the type of person that is buying Hunger Games tickets that early, that fun little coincidence is exactly the type of thing that should get your motor runnin’.

I recommend that everyone buy their tickets as soon as possible, because the more people that buy tickets seven months out for a movie, the more hilarious it will be when the movie release date is pushed up one week or an asteroid hits Earth, ensuring that absolutely no one will delight when Katniss gets completely made over and looks totally beautiful on the eve of the games.

Oh my God! I’m SO excited for The Hunger Games! I wish it came out tomorrow!

You probably don’t realize it, but a lot of work goes into Girl Scout Cookies. Savannah Smile won the top honor this year but it had some really tough competition. Here are the seven cookies that The Girl Scouts of America chose to reject.

We’ve got the football stadium that Bane appears to raise hell on, we’ve got Catwoman being all seductive, we’ve got the Arkham inmates rioting, and we’ve got Michael Caine doing the best Michael Caine impression since these guys.

All in all, a great trailer, I just can’t tell how it’s any different.

Some thoughtful moviegoer was nice enough to film this trailer for Christopher Nolan’s The Dark Knight Rises. Sadly, they filmed it using their butt. However, since this is the most highly-anticipated film this year it still looks great. Despite the assy quality of the filming.

So have a look while you can at Arkham inmates running amok, Bane ruining a day at the football stadium, and Anne Hathaway occupying Gotham. (Buzzfeed)

The footage will only screen in 42 IMAX theaters attached to prints of Mission: Impossible — Ghost Protocol. Though these theaters may be a trek for many fans, they are the only ones that can handle the 70mm projection, and this is how Christopher Nolan wants the introduction of Bane to be seen.

“Our experience on ‘The Dark Knight‘ shooting and projecting IMAX 15 perf 65mm/70mm film was inspiring.” Nolan said in a statement which presumably had doodles of Batman punching crooks on it. “The immersive quality of the image goes beyond any other filmmaking tool available, and in revisiting Gotham, we were determined to shoot even more of the movie in this unique format. Giving the fans an early look at an IMAX sequence is a great way to draw attention to what I believe will be an incredible way to experience our story when it comes out next summer.”

So, get your tickets to Mission: Impossible — Ghost Protocol, gas up the car, and pack some snacks. It’s road trippin’ time. Here are the locations where you can get your first look beginning December 16th.

Austin, TX || IMAX Theater Austin
Boston, MA || Jordan’s IMAX
Boston, MA || IMAX 3D Theatre in Reading
Calgary, AB || Scotiabank Theatre Chinook 16 + IMAX
Chantilly, VA || Washington, DC Udvar-Hazy Center IMAX
Chicago, IL || Navy Pier IMAX Theatre
Des Moines, IA || SCI IMAX Dome Theater Des
Detroit, MI || Henry Ford IMAX
Edmonton, AB || Scotiabank Theatre Edmonton + IMAX
Harrisburg, PA || The Whitaker Center for Science & the Arts IMAX
Houston, TX || Houston Marq*e Stadium 22 + IMAX
Indianapolis, IN || White River IMAX
Los Angeles, CA || Irvine Spectrum 20 + IMAX
Los Angeles, CA || RAVE 18 + IMAX
Los Angeles, CA || Ontario Palace Stadium 22 + IMAX
Los Angeles, CA || Citywalk Stadium 19 with IMAX
Madison, WI || Star 18 Fitchburg with IMAX
Miami, FL || AutoNation IMAX
Minneapolis, MN || Great Clips IMAX
Montreal, QC || Cinema Banque Scotia Montreal + IMAX
Nashville,TN || Opry Mills Stadium 20 + IMAX
New York, NY || Lincoln Square 13 with IMAX
New York, NY || Palisades IMAX
Omaha, NE || Star Cinema 16 with IMAX
Orlando, FL || Pointe Orlando Stadium 20 + IMAX
Ottawa, ON || Silvercity Gloucester + IMAX
Palm Springs, CA || Desert IMAX Theatre
Philadelphia, PA || IMAX & the Tropicana
Philadelphia, PA || Tuttleman IMAX – Franklin Institute
Phoenix, AZ || Arizona Mills 25 with IMAX
Providence, RI || Providence Place 16 with IMAX
Quebec City, QC || IMAX Le Theatre At Quebec
Sacramento, CA || Esquire IMAX
San Antonio, TX || IMAX at RiverCenter
San Francisco, CA || Metreon 16 with IMAX & ETX
Seattle, WA || Boeing IMAX – Pacific Science Center
Tampa, FL || Museum of Science and Industry (MOSI)
Toronto, ON || Coliseum 12 Mississauga + IMAX
Toronto, ON || Scotiabank Theatre Toronto + IMAX
Toronto, ON || Colossus 18 Woodbridge + IMAX
Vancouver, BC || Colossus Langley + IMAX
Vancouver, BC || Silvercity Riverport 18 + IMAX
UK || BFI London
UK || National Media Museum IMAX Bradford
UK || Glasgow Science Centre IMAX Cinema
UK || Odeon Manchester IMAX @ The Printworks

(via The Playlist)

Who Is Bane?

No, not these dudes.

Bane is from a fictional country in the Caribbean, Santa Prisca. He has some stupid background story about how he grew up in prison because a corrupt government made him serve out his father’s sentence. Whatever.

Anyway, supposedly his childhood spent in the joint is what makes him this extra diesel bad ass with crazy martial arts skills. While in jail, he not only learned to fight, but also became a man of letters when not hitting the iron. The Jesui Brothers taught him everything he needed to know about the fine arts and humanities, enabling him to become a career super criminal. Gee, now I’m wishing I had grown up in prison.

But it wasn’t all pumping iron and reading books. While in prison, Bane was also used as a guinea pig in an experiment with a substance called Venom, which is sadly not the totally rad black costume that takes over Spiderman. It’s a fictional steroid that makes him ginormous. The down side is, he has to have it pumped directly into his brain every 12 hours, or else he dies. It’s a trade off.

After the prison experiment makes him even tougher, he breaks out and sets out for Gotham. Why? Because he thinks that Batman has been haunting him in his dreams since childhood, which is, y’know, totally normal and stuff. When he gets to Gotham, he busts out all the wacky villains who live inside Arkham Asylum. He eventually breaks Batman’s back leading to a super lame story arc where a character named Azrael becomes Batman and gets some ill battle armor.

What Is Bane?

RAGDOLL IST KRIEG!

Bane is kind of like a monster heel from professional wrestling. For those of you unaware, monster heels are the dudes who don’t feel any pain because they aren’t human and can’t be reasoned with. Examples include The Undertaker before he became a dead biker and Brock Lesnar before he became a total joke. Much like most monster heels, after the initial shock wore off, he was relegated to being a third-tier villain in the DC Comics Universe. He is now part of the Secret Six alongside such epic winners as Catman, Rag Doll and Deadshot. I mean, come on! The dude almost killed Batman, and now he hangs out with some fool in a mask whose power is bending his arms in weird directions. Yeah, Don Didio isn’t totally killing DC or anything.

Now, the part about how/where you’ll actually get to see the clip is a bit unclear. The rumor for some time has been that the sneak peek would be attached to Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol, which does indeed have a wide release date of December 21st. But AMC theaters recently released a statement that said only 70mm IMAX screens would show the clip, although that statement was quickly yanked after it was made. So, maybe plan on just catching it on your computer screen? I’m sure it’ll be just as good.

Oh, one more thing: Some photos from the movie have surfaced, which I’ve posted below out of the goodness of my heart. You’re welcome. (The Playlist)

The film will take place eight years after The Dark Knight, giving us an older, weaker Batman. Did he do this to screw over the next director by making him negotiate a 50 year-old Batman? Probably not, but that would be an awesome move.

Also, for those unfamiliar with Tom Hardy‘s character, Bane, get familiar. According to Nolan:

“He’s brutal. Brutal. He’s a big dude who’s incredibly clinical, in the fact that he has a result-based and oriented fighting style. It’s not about fighting. It’s about carnage. The style is heavy-handed, heavy-footed, it’s nasty. Anything from small-joint manipulation to crushing skulls, crushing rib cages, stamping on shins and knees and necks and collarbones and snapping heads off and tearing his fists through chests, ripping out spinal columns. He’s a smashing machine. He’s a wrecking ball. If we’re going to shoot somebody, shoot the pregnant woman or the old lady first. Make sure everybody stands up. He’s a terrorist in his mentality as well as brutal actions. He’s a horrible piece of work.”

So Bane smash old Batman. I’m excited already.

Nolan’s interview also reveals that a six-minute prologue will run before IMAX versions of Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol.

I’m no fanboy, but this is kind of exciting.

Advantageous for everyone except the downtrodden 99 Percenters who are about to have their protest crashed and their likenesses bootlegged without pay. But, hey, not everyone can be rich. (LA Times)

In the clips above and below, you can see Tom Hardy as Bane after he and his thugs crash a Gotham Rogues game. In the interest of not revealing too many spoilers, we won’t describe what takes place in these set videos. Watch at your own risk if you want to maintain a modicum of surprise when you see the eventual film. And, if that’s the case, might we suggest you avoid the Internet until July 20, 2012.

(via Collider)

In somehow stranger casting news, select Pittsburgh Steelers, including America’s favorite quarterback, Ben Roethlisberger, will have a cameo masquerading as a Gotham City gridiron gang in Christopher Nolan‘s the Dark Knight Rises. Of course, because this film is shrouded in secrecy, it’s unknown what the hell is going on, other than they will be filmed in some sort of pregame routine at Heinz Field. At press time, it’s unknown if they will be aidin the Dark Knight in his crusade, a la the Harlem Globetrotters and Scooby-Doo.

The most fierce predator/crime fighting vigilante ever known to man.

What’s not clear from this photo is what exactly makes her cat-like? No claws, no tail, no ears, no whip (because cats like whips). Maybe she’s portrayed as a lonely woman who owns a lot of cats. I’m reaching here. (AICN)

Click image to enlarge.

It’s his favorite song.

Na na na na na na na na BATMAN:

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