That’s fine because there are at least a million candidates btter suited for The Bachelor. In fact, of those million, here are the top seven. Here you go, girls. Feast your eyes on these heart breakers.

Franck Ribery

What women wouldn’t swoon at the opportunity to romance an international footballer? These guys are wealthy, tremendous athletes who are adored all over the world. Even Franck Ribery, who looks like the offspring of Michael Richards and Sloth. The man is a national treasure in France. Sure, you might have to compete with underage prostitutes for his affections, but boys will be boys.

Ted Williams

Ted Williams is off the streets, rehabbed, and has rebuilt his life. In other words, dude is ready to mingle. And that voice, that silky, golden voice that so perfectly purrs the time and temperature. America’s ready to get to know the new and improved Ted Williams. And I’m sure the lovely young succubi on The Bachelor would be more than ready themselves.

American Idol

The American Idol freight train first got going in 2002 and has become a runaway hit. It has slowed down in recent years but has made a comeback last season thanks to a massive personnel overhaul. Gone are original mainstays Simon Cowell and Paula Abdul. The extravagant Steven Tyler and the beautiful Jennifer Lopez now call the shots alongside Randy Jackson.  This show has great laughs along the way as many self-proclaimed vocalists attempt to wow the judges but end up making a mockery of themselves on national television. The most enjoyable part of the season comes when only the crème de la crème remain. This is the time you and your girlfriend frantically text in your votes after each show to support your favorite performers and keep them in the mix. You’ll be surprised how fun it actually is.

Keeping Up with the Kardashians

The Kardashians lawn bowling at Caesar's Palace

As we touched on above, Keeping Up with the Kardashians follows the exploits (and cat fights) of the Kardashians including stepfather and former Olympian, Bruce Jenner, while also featuring a lot of Kim’s beautiful booty. Although the show follows the family doing the most of mundane chores, women love to tune in every week—we’ve already told you why men have stopped complaining.

The Bachelor

The bachelor toasting

For male viewers,  ABC ‘s The Bachelor really isn’t too difficult to watch. A single bachelor, good looking and successful, is made to choose among a pool of beautiful women, most of whom are are head over heels for him. Slowly, the guy eliminates the women he is not interested in until he is left with the one he feels is most right for him (usually the sexiest one in the group). Women hate the way the guy plays around with the feelings of the women in the group as he breaks hearts left and right. Most guys on the other hand, cheer him on. Especially as he makes out with just about all of them.

What Not to Wear

Clinton Kelly and Stacy London of What Not To Wear

Hosted by the lovely Stacy London and the ever-so-funny fashion consultant Clinton Kelly, the show features participants nominated by their closest friends and family because of their utter disdain for style. The duo teaches these unfashionable individuals how to properly mix and match clothing and in-show hair and makeup stylists then give them a serious makeover. The result is usually a shocker as the previously bland looking participants end up looking like fashion models. Making normal women look hot? How can that be a bad thing to be subjected to?

Cheaters

Joey Greco confronting a cheater

The wild and woolly syndicated show, Cheaters follows host Joey Greco, as he takes on cases of suspected infidelity. The host uses private detectives who stake out the partner in question and set up surveillance cameras to help catch them in the act. When they have sufficient evidence, the tapes are presented to the complainant who then confronts the cheating partner. The production even has a brazen camera crew that gets into the middle of whatever melee erupts. Watching the show is often used as a preemptive measure by your wife or girlfriend to make sure that you are on the up and up because if you’re not, Joey Greco is just a phone call away. If you yourself have nothing to hide, watching the confrontations is always a barrel of laughs.