Screen Junkies » the apprentice Movie Reviews & TV Show Reviews Tue, 16 Sep 2014 20:32:39 +0000 en hourly 1 6 People Who Feuded With Donald Trump And Lived To Tell The Tale Mon, 05 Mar 2012 21:32:32 +0000 Penn Collins What an asshole.

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It would be wrong to call Donald Trump “polarizing,” because nobody will actually admit to liking him, or even taking him seriously. So I guess the right word would be “loathed” or “reviled.” Regardless of the word choice, it’s hard to argue that Donald hasn’t left a wake of destruction behind him as he mouths off during high-profile feuds with anyone who dares cross him. Most recently, as you’ll read below, he’s traded blows with conservative pundit George Will for expressing an opinion that The Donald didn’t agree with. No sir. Not one bit.

A couple things to glean from Donald in fight mode: He thinks many of his enemies are “losers,” he can’t be expected to take the high road in any fight, and if you don’t have a public lunch with him, he will NOT endorse you for president. Something to think about.

Barack Obama

As we are all painfully aware, Donald Trump predicated his limping 2011 presidential campaign by setting his sites squarely on Barack Obama and his “missing” birth certificate. Trump was so curious as to the contents of the certificate that Obama refused to share he even hired a team to “track down” the document.

When Obama reluctantly produced the certificate, everything appeared to be in order, but the president reminded America, “We’re not gonna be able to solve our problems if we get distracted by sideshows and carnival barkers.”

Trump then responded to this bit of reason by launching a campaign into how a “terrible student” like Obama got into such prestigious schools.

To be (painfully) continued…

George Will

"Where the tight pussy at?"

More recently (like, a few hours ago), Donald Trump leveled his sights on conservative pundit George Will, who suggested that the Republican party should focus their efforts not on winning the presidency, which he thinks isn’t realistic, but maintaining control of the House and winning control of the Senate.

Trump comes across like a sports columnist, harping on how “overrated” Will is, then making fun of his appearance, which is a big stone to throw in Trump’s glass house. Here is Trump’s quote:

“I think he’s a totally overrated fool. I think this guy is so overrated. I don’t think he’s really smart, he looks smart with the little glasses and hair swept to the side,” Trump said on “Fox & Friends.” “That was one of the dumbest [comments]. … I think he’s a totally overrated pundit.”

So you’re saying you think he’s overrated?

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Donald Trump Will Endorse Anything (13 Examples) Thu, 02 Feb 2012 19:51:34 +0000 Wookie Johnson He's like a real life Krusty the Klown.

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There was a huge record scratch in the Republican party today when Donald Trump announced that he would be endorsing Mitt Romney and NOT Newt Gingrich. One of Trump’s advisers made a surprise announcement last night that Donald Trump would be making a surprise announcement today regarding the presidency that would shock the world. The Gingrich camp was so certain that meant an endorsement of their candidate that they’d already jumped the gun and announced it to news outlets. Our sources are waiting to confirm whether or not this was a segment filmed for MTV‘s Punk’d revival.

But what does Trump’s endorsement mean for Romney? The chance to meet Tia Carrere? Well, judging from his track record, it means jack sh*t. That’s if any of these Trump-endorsed products are any indicator.

Donald Trump: The Fragrance

Now you can own the smell of success. Just please note that smell also features hints of cigar, hairspray, bronzer, and tarragon.

Trump Teas

Who better to sell a line of holistic teas than ancient Chinese person, Donald Trump? Actually, the teas themselves are blended by Talbot Tea’s master blender. But Trump paid for the keepsake tin. That’s something people who aren’t Trump will want to keep forever. Right?

Trump ICE

If you can’t beat the heat with state-of-the-art air conditioning in a luxury penthouse with your name written on the outside of it, here’s the next best thing. A bottle of tap water with a toupeed gazillionaire mugging on the hastily pasted-on label. Take that, global warming!

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Michaele Salahi And 7 Other Reality Stars We Wish Would Get Kidnapped Thu, 15 Sep 2011 23:11:23 +0000 Penn Collins They don't have to be taken anywhere that bad. Central Oklahoma will do just fine.

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If you’re blessed enough to have been spared from this recent non-news story, allow me to bring you up to speed. Michaele Salahi, who had been best known for being a Real Housewife and for crashing a White House party in 2009 with her husband, Tareq, had been reported “missing” since Tuesday. But instead of being the victim of a kidnapping, as her husband had feared (read “hoped”), she had actaully just left her husband to go to Memphis with Journey guitarist Neal Schon.

While traveling around with a 1980’s rock band sounds far, far worse to me than being kidnapped and possibly killed, I guess we’re…really happy…that she’s, uh…safe, and uh, that she didn’t end up dead in an alley, cause she’s (sigh) a really great person and totally deserves to, uh, live so she can keep doing all those awesome things that she does like (indecipherable mumbling, trails off)…

While we would never publicly admit to wishing harm on abduction on anyone, we would love to see these guys disappear for a while. Let’s just say if there was such a thing as “friendly kidnappers,” we would be hiring them for these 7 other reality stars.

7. SnookiJersey Shore

Let’s start with the low-hanging fruit. She might not be the most obnoxious, but she more than anyone else embodies the ethos of the show, which, as best I can tell is “be the dumbest, worst person you can possibly be.” That’s it. That’s the ethos.

The nice thing about kidnapping Snooki is that the little orange troll can fit a kid’s duffel bag, so you can carry her around nondescriptly, as you would a small dog or bag of human heads.

6. Russell Hantz – Survivor: Samoa

This guy fostered allegiances by telling everyone he was a Katrina victim. Nice work, pal. Further, he milked his imaginary plight by telling the rest of the contestants that he lost his non-existent dog in the flooding. What a dick. He had already become a millionaire by the time he was on the show, so he was lying for money that wasn’t even all that important to him.

If we kidnapped him, we would make like Butters’ mom and lock him in a car and rolling it into a lake. And while that was going down, we’d make sure that Matchbox 20 was playing on the car stereo and the knob was broken so he couldn’t change it.

5. Ryan – Real World: New Orleans (2010)

This guy was trying to be the “bad boy,” but he turned out to just be a bad roommate because he sucked. The hairdresser from Tempe had very obnoxious hair and was also bipolar. What a shitty combo. I can take one or the other, but if you’re going to be all bi-polar or manic, you better have FABULOUS hair. Ryan didn’t, so as a result, he gets kidnapped and driven to the Ozark mountains where he will be forced to live out his days without a straightening iron or attention.

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