Screen Junkies » terrorism http://www.screenjunkies.com Movie Reviews & TV Show Reviews Wed, 17 Dec 2014 20:49:34 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.3 Posters We Should Be Concerned About http://www.screenjunkies.com/gallery/posters-we-should-be-concerned-about/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/gallery/posters-we-should-be-concerned-about/#comments Tue, 03 Apr 2012 20:54:09 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=gallery&p=247948 I feel credibly threatened.

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A faux-movie poster insinuating another Al Qaeda attack on American soil has been dismissed as a hoax by the FBI, though they did confirm it has excellent color balance and very nice line work. The poster overlooks the Manhattan skyline and boasts the title, “Al Qaeda” followed by “Coming Soon Again in New York.”

Officials are still investigating the source of the poster found yesterday on several Arabic-language websites, but have determined it does not pose any credible threat. That’s a huge relief. Now we can focus on the posters that do cause a credible threat. Like The Three Stooges. That’s something a studio actually thinks we want to watch and plans on attacking our sensibilities with it this summer. When will their madness be stopped?

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In Honor Of The Underwear Bomber: 8 Inept Movie Terrorists http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/in-honor-of-the-underwear-bomber-8-inept-movie-terrorists/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/in-honor-of-the-underwear-bomber-8-inept-movie-terrorists/#comments Fri, 17 Feb 2012 19:32:49 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=245583 Always overcomplicating things.

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The Underwear Bomber who tried to blow up a jetliner with his underwear bombs has received a life sentence which he is now appealing after previously pleading guilty when representing himself in court. So, yeah. Not really an impressive lawyer or terrorist. In honor of this momentous day in the history of undergarment terror, here’s our list of cinema’s most inept terrorists.

Hans Gruber – Die Hard

Hans Gruber’s real fault was with his planning. His team of hostage-takers were certainly imposing and able to think on their feet, but in the end they just weren’t ready to deal with John McLane. The fact that a team of heavily-armed Euro-thugs weren’t able to take out one barefoot, mostly unarmed man is just ridiculous. Yes, Gruber definitely put in the hours in terms of anticipating and leading the police outside, but he really was poorly equipped for the eventuality that a police officer might make it inside the the building. Seems kinda odd that he’d go to all that trouble and not spring for bulletproof armor.

Howard Payne – Speed

Howard Payne’s plan was completely stupid. Yes. Plant a bomb on a bus. Good job. People will notice. But then to turn it into a dangerous game of cat and mouse with the cop that you hate is silly. Just go to the cop’s house and blow him up. I get that you want to publicly embarass him, so maybe you could blow him up on the toilet like the bad guys in Lethal Weapon 2 tried to do. Now those guys were talented at their gigs.

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5 Celebrities Who Were Targeted By Islamic Extremists (Besides David Letterman) http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/5-celebrities-who-were-targeted-by-islamic-extremists-besides-david-letterman/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/5-celebrities-who-were-targeted-by-islamic-extremists-besides-david-letterman/#comments Wed, 17 Aug 2011 23:50:55 +0000 Jame Gumb http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=224828 David Letterman is not alone.

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When I first read the news that David Letterman was being targeted by Islamic Jihadists, I thought I must have been reading the satirical website, CelebJihad (NSFW). But sadly, the story was all too real. Apparently, the late-night talk-show host angered an Al-Qaeda affiliated website by mocking the death of reputed terrorist Ilyas Kashmiri. Granted, an “online jihadist” calling for Dave’s death probably means about as much as me calling for Scarlett Johansson to do a topless scene, but experts are still worried. And while Letterman himself is probably worried as well, at least he can take solace in the fact that he is in good company. Here are five other celebrities who have been targeted by Islamic extremists.

(Check Out The Top Ten Reasons Islamic Extremists Want David Letterman Dead)

Russell Crowe

According to the FBI, Russell Crowe was the victim of a 2001 kidnapping plot by Al-Qaeda, which was part of a larger plan to “culturally destabilize” the United States. I’m not sure how kidnapping a bunch of actors, especially those from New Zealand, would damage the U.S., but I will say I like the plan a lot better than the one they went with: hijacking planes and flying them into buildings. For a while, Crowe received protection from Secret Service agents, although they were tight lipped about the exact nature of the threat. According to an interview with GQ, Crowe says he “never fully understood what in the f*ck was going on.”

Madonna

If there’s one thing Islamic extremists hate, it’s promiscuous women. And if there’s one thing Madonna loves, it’s being a promiscuous woman. Throw in her midlife conversion to a bizarre Jewish sect known as Kabbalah, and it was only a matter of time before trouble reared its ugly head. In 2009, the singer was forced to add on extra security after a Palestinian militant group threatened to cut off her head because she spreads “satanic culture against Islam.” In all fairness, I wanted to cut her head off after that American Pie cover, but I wasn’t stupid enough to say it in a public forum.

Trey Parker and Matt Stone

As their new Broadway Musical The Book of Mormon clearly demonstrates, Trey Parker and Matt Stone are no strangers to ridiculing religion. But outside of the occasional protest or boycott, the pair never ran into any real trouble, at least not until they picked on Islam. After an episode of South Park in which the Prophet Muhammad was thought to have been depicted wearing a bear suit, an American convert to Islam named Abu Talhah al Amrikee (a.k.a. Zachar Chesser) issued a warning stating that Stone and Parker “will probably wind up like Theo Van Gogh.” Luckily, Chesser is currently serving 25 to life, in part, for making threats to Stone and Parker. Speaking of Theo Van Gogh…

Theo van Gogh

Dutch filmmaker Theo van Gogh was related to the famous artist, Vincent van Gogh. And while Vincent is famous for having his ear cut off, poor Theo is famous for having his head cut off. After angering Islamic extremists with his film Submission, van Gogh received several death threats, but refused to take on extra security measures. Bad move. In 2004, a lovely young man named Mohammed Bouyeri shot van Gogh several times, before attempting to cut off his head with a knife. The killer was later linked to an Islamic Extremist group known as the Hofstad Network.

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The Top Ten Reasons Islamic Extremists Want David Letterman Killed http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-lists/the-top-ten-reasons-islamic-extremists-want-david-letterman-killed/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-lists/the-top-ten-reasons-islamic-extremists-want-david-letterman-killed/#comments Wed, 17 Aug 2011 21:15:23 +0000 Screen Junkies http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=224840 They didn't think that “Uma/Allah, Allah/Uma” bit at the Oscars was funny….AT ALL.

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Islamic extremists want David Letterman dead. No, really. That wasn’t a joke. Honestly, WTF?

Then again, considering Islamic extremists would like to kill anyone who doesn’t read the Quran or beat their multiple wives, we shouldn’t be all that surprised. Even so, we felt bad for Dave. So, to show our support for the father of the “Top Ten List,” we’ve whipped up “The Top Ten Reasons Islamic Extremists Want David Letterman Killed.” Allahu Akbar!

(Check Out 5 Celebrities Who Were Targeted By Islamic Extremists…Besides David Letterman)

10. Did not think that “Uma/Allah, Allah/Uma” bit at the Oscars was funny….AT ALL.

9. Long-running feud with Biff, the stage manager. Honestly, it’s way too long to get into here.

8. They never forgave Dave for his rude remarks about Sarah Palin‘s daughter.

7. Letterman’s longtime involvement with IndyCar Racing won him a lot of enemies within the traditionally Nascar-centric world of Al-Qaeda.

6. Thought it was Allah telling them to take out the late-night talk-show host, but it was actually their friend Craig messing with them while they were stoned.

5. Think the gimmick of a top 10 list is trite and played out. (Editor’s note: Shit.)

4. Have been watching Letterman for 6 years and still haven’t seen that masturbating bear everyone always talks about.

3. Tuned in to find out that night’s show was the fat kid from Modern Family, Khloe Kardashian and Lady Antebellum. You’d be pissed, too.

2. Jay Leno is a longtime supporter of Islamic terrorism. It’s the worst-kept secret in Hollywood.

1. Seriously. They’re just dicks.

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