Screen Junkies » Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles http://www.screenjunkies.com Movie Reviews & TV Show Reviews Wed, 10 Sep 2014 19:33:46 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 Screen Junkies Show: How to Fix NINJA TURTLES 2 http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/screen-junkies-show-how-to-fix-ninja-turtles-2/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/screen-junkies-show-how-to-fix-ninja-turtles-2/#comments Thu, 14 Aug 2014 17:30:30 +0000 bgoldstein http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=video&p=264180 The Ninja Turtles have conquered the box office — and divided their fanbase. We brought in our resident fixer Nick Mundy (and friends) to give some tips on how to make a radical sequel.

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The Ninja Turtles have conquered the box office — and divided their fanbase. We brought in our resident fixer Nick Mundy (and friends) to give some tips on how to make a radical sequel!!

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Travel Back In Time To Get Your 11 Year-Old Self Excited About A New ‘Power Rangers’ Movie And Release Date http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/travel-back-in-time-to-get-your-11-year-old-self-excited-about-a-new-power-rangers-movie-and-release-date/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/travel-back-in-time-to-get-your-11-year-old-self-excited-about-a-new-power-rangers-movie-and-release-date/#comments Thu, 14 Aug 2014 15:40:41 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=264159 "It's Morphin' time!" said everyone with derision.

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I guess enough time has passed since the 1995 original Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers film that the powers that be figured that they would be all grown up and eager to spend their money on a nostalgic franchise. That’s not the worst logic, but it fails to take into account that the movie wasn’t very good, and people don’t ALWAYS want to revisit things from their youth, all the time.

There’s a point there. The counterpoint would be “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles made a ton of money this weekend, and it’s sort of like the Power Rangers, sooooooooooooo…”

They’re both excellent points, however, the more recent one wins out, so the Power Rangers (gritty, duh) reboot is getting a release date. It’s July 22, 2016, the same day as Guy Ritchie‘s King Arthur. SOMETHING HAS TO GIVE. (No it doesn’t.)

I’m going to try to get the grass stains out of my blue Power Ranger suit. I hope they didn’t get a chance to set in the pst 20 years.

(EW)

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Despite Being Awful, ‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’ Sequel In The Works http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/despite-being-awful-teenage-mutant-ninja-turtles-sequel-in-the-works/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/despite-being-awful-teenage-mutant-ninja-turtles-sequel-in-the-works/#comments Mon, 11 Aug 2014 13:09:50 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=264031 Perhaps now we'll learn the true secret of the ooze.

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Apparently we did need that Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles reboot. The Platinum Dunes update brought $93.7 million globally when it debuted this weekend. That’s far more than the film’s expectations and Paramount announced that they are moving forward with a sequel. Perhaps now we’ll learn the true secret of the ooze.

This success comes on the heels of terrible reviews and a Rotten Tomatoes rating of 19%. It’s suspected that a big part of the film’s success is due to Whoopi Goldberg’s rabid teenaged fan base. The multiple award-winning actress has dominated at the box office once again. Currently there are no plans for a Jumpin’ Jack Flash reboot but it’s just a matter of when.

You can expect The Teenage Mu2ant Ninja Turtles to open June 3rd, 2016, so you have time to prepare yourself mentally for a ninja turtles in Miami film. (Variety)

Over the weekend, I watched a reviewer of the film say, “And there’s eye candy there for the moms too. Those turtles have some pretty nice muscles.” That’s gross, lady. They’re teenagers.

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Review: ‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-review/review-teenage-mutant-ninja-turtles/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-review/review-teenage-mutant-ninja-turtles/#comments Thu, 07 Aug 2014 15:00:38 +0000 bgoldstein http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=263852 Despite all the fanboy hand-wringing, TMNT is not the childhood-defiling catastrophe that so many people predicted it would be. It’s also not a very good movie.

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By Dan Murrell

The Ninja Turtles franchise reminds me of my old high school: it’s very close to my heart and I had a lot of fun with it when I was young, but clinging to it would be a discouraging sign that I’m still living in the past.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles seeks to update the franchise for a new generation, and it succeeds, in that it’s the same loud, dumb action film that we’ve come to expect from summer blockbusters. This film marks the first time that the Turtles have been on-screen in a live-action feature in over 20 years. While the three previous live-action films hold sentimental value to a generation of adults, the truth of the matter is that they aren’t very good. Some things never change.

I would say that the origin of the Ninja Turtles needs no explanation, but this film disagrees with me, as it spends a good chunk of its first hour retelling how our heroes came to be. I will give the movie credit for taking the story in a new direction. It’s a head-scratching new direction, but at least it’s original. It also adheres to Article 1 of the Modern Law of Reboots, which states that every character has to have known each other for their entire lives. At this point, I’m expecting Batman v Superman to open with a young Bruce Wayne cradling his dead parents’ bodies under the wreckage of baby Kal-El’s crashed spaceship.

The rest of the plot swings wildly between overly simplistic and needlessly complicated. I pine for the days when radioactive goo falling into a sewer grate passed as an acceptable superhero origin. It mainly boils down to the Turtles versus the Shredder, who may or may not be played by William Fichtner, who may or may not be a bad guy pretending to be good. The marketing has decided to be coy about it, so I’ll play along.

One plot point that does surface, for the second time this summer, is the villain’s quest for the heroes’ blood and the substances within. This is the third blockbuster movie in two years (after Star Trek Into Darkness and The Amazing Spider-Man 2) to use magic blood as a McGuffin, making it the strangest Hollywood trend since the rise of Liam Neeson as an action star. It does, however, lead to my favorite line in the movie: “I want you to drain every ounce of their blood. Even if it kills them.” I’m no molecular biologist, but I’ll go ahead and say that, yes, draining every ounce of any living being’s blood would definitely kill it.

Shockingly, the thing the film gets absolutely right is also the thing it has been most criticized for: the Turtles themselves. Despite the uproar over their new design (and they do still look slightly creepy), I bought these Ninja Turtles as a fun band of brothers out to do good. The voice work is solid, though Alan Ritchson’s Raphael sounds like a guy doing a bad Mark Wahlberg impression — much like Mark Wahlberg himself in Transformers: Age of Extinction. The biggest misstep is the casting of Tony Shalhoub as Splinter. Shalhoub is a fine actor, but his soft tones just don’t sound right coming out of a five-foot-tall anthropomorphized rat. When the action kicks in, though, the characters really shine and I felt some of that old magic kick back in.

The human side of the movie is more of a mixed bag. Megan Fox dominates the movie’s running time as April O’Neil, giving the exact performance that we’ve all come to expect from her. I think we’ve seen all the shades of Megan Fox that we’re going to see at this point. Will Arnett, as April’s cameraman Vern, is on-hand for comic relief, which succeeds mainly because Will Arnett is an inherently funny person. Abby Elliott gets a couple of nice moments as April’s roommate. William Fichtner does the best he can do with the character he’s given, though he often has to do the film’s heavy-lifting with a bunch of ridiculous exposition. And the rest of the actors, including Whoopi Goldberg and Taran Killam, are on-screen briefly in roles that could generously be described as thankless.

Despite all the fanboy hand-wringing, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is not the childhood-defiling catastrophe that so many people predicted it would be. It’s also not a very good movie. It’s too dumb, too underwritten and too uneven to call a success. It’s certainly not meant for the adults who grew up with the Turtles; even the callbacks to the original series seem forced and halfhearted. I’m also not sure it will land with kids, who might find the first hour too dark and tedious. But if the movie does succeed, it has laid the groundwork for what could be a fun series of movies with this group of Turtles. With the right story and the right balance of action and humor, I could see a sequel to this film being a lot of fun; and, much like my old high school, I might find myself dropping by for a little while to enjoy the memories.

Grade: C-

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Honest Trailers – Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: The Secret of the Ooze http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/honest-trailers-teenage-mutant-ninja-turtles-2-the-secret-of-the-ooze/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/honest-trailers-teenage-mutant-ninja-turtles-2-the-secret-of-the-ooze/#comments Tue, 05 Aug 2014 19:55:37 +0000 bgoldstein http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=video&p=263780 Before you see the Ninja Turtles reboot, relive the totally tubular, Vanilla Ice-flavored '90s time capsule that is TMNT 2: The Secret of the Ooze!

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Before you see the Ninja Turtles reboot, relive TMNT‘s most infamous on-screen adventure: the totally tubular, Vanilla Ice-flavored ’90s time capsule that is TMNT 2: The Secret of the Ooze!

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Previously on Honest Trailers

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
Green Lantern
The X-Men Trilogy
Godzilla (1998)
Batman & Robin
Independence Day

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Megan Fox Tells ‘Ninja Turtle’ Haters To F*ck Off http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/megan-fox-tells-ninja-turtle-haters-to-fck-off/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/megan-fox-tells-ninja-turtle-haters-to-fck-off/#comments Mon, 04 Aug 2014 17:33:00 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=263728 Well, I can't imagine this upsetting anybody.

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Megan Fox, who Michael Bay finally let Michael Bay film her jumping up and down on a trampoline, needs to wash her very attractive mouth out with soap. And then I should get to keep that soap.

While addressing the panel at the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles press conference, Fox had choice words for those who hold the popular opinion that the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles film is a terrible idea.

“Let me tell you something about those people. How much money did Transformers 4 make? Exactly. Those people can complain – they all go to the theater. They’re gonna love it – and if they don’t love it, they can fuck off, and that’s the end of that.”

There you have it. You must like the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles film. Megan Fox has deemed it so. But, honestly, how could you not? It’s got Whoopi Goldberg and dialogue focus-grouped to appeal to the young people with their Dre Beat headphones and battery-powered cigarettes. (Cinema Blend)

 

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Comic-Con 2014: Eating Bugs With Game of Thrones’ Bran Stark, Hot Cosplay, and TMNT Pizza Thrower http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/comic-con-2014-eating-bugs-with-game-of-thrones-bran-stark-hot-cosplay-and-tmnt-pizza-thrower/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/comic-con-2014-eating-bugs-with-game-of-thrones-bran-stark-hot-cosplay-and-tmnt-pizza-thrower/#comments Tue, 29 Jul 2014 01:53:26 +0000 bgoldstein http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=video&p=263516 Comic Con 2014 is over, but our coverage is just beginning! Watch as we recap the awesome costumes, the amazing attractions and a bug eating contest with Bran Stark himself, Isaac Hempstead Wright!!

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Comic Con 2014 is over, but our coverage is just beginning!! Watch as we recap the awesome costumes, the amazing attractions and a bug eating contest with Bran Stark himself, Isaac Hempstead Wright!!

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The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles For Pizza Hut http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/the-teenage-mutant-ninja-turtles-for-pizza-hut/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/the-teenage-mutant-ninja-turtles-for-pizza-hut/#comments Wed, 09 Jul 2014 20:24:47 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=video&p=262795 Does anyone besides the Turtles eat Pizza Hut anymore?

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Just like their 1980′s predecessors, the 2014 version of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles love the hell out of some pizza. So much so that they’re willing to use their talent for stealth to break into the Pizza Hut development laboratories and change history by inventing Cheesy Bites. Stoners everywhere thank them for their anonymous contribution.

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Most Embarrassing TMNT Moments http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/most-embarrassing-tmnt-moments/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/most-embarrassing-tmnt-moments/#comments Thu, 19 Jun 2014 17:58:56 +0000 Lyndsey Saul http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=video&p=262377 Summer's flying by, which means the Ninja Turtles will be back and people are already freaking out about it. But should the real worry be about the Turtles embarrassing themselves? We invited a panel to relive some dubious moments that the Turtles would probably like to keep in the sewer.

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Summer’s flying by, which means the Ninja Turtles will be back and people are already freaking out about it. But should the real worry be about the Turtles embarrassing themselves? We invited a panel to relive some dubious moments that the Turtles would probably like to keep in the sewer.
THANKS TO OUR PANEL:
Jay Bauman – http://www.redlettermedia.com and http://twitter.com/jaybauman1
Andre Meadows – youtube.com/blacknerd comedy and http://twitter.com/blacknerd
Thanks to Matt Dirato for sending the awesome art! Find his artwork  here:

http://www.etsy.com/shop/emdeesigns

 

Click here to see more Screen Junkies Show ►►http://bit.ly/SJSPlaylist

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Why, Yes, Shredder Does Look 100% Ridiculous In Official ‘TMNT’ Image http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/why-yes-shredder-does-look-100-ridiculous-in-official-tmnt-image/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/why-yes-shredder-does-look-100-ridiculous-in-official-tmnt-image/#comments Wed, 18 Jun 2014 20:46:34 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=262353 He's pretty much a walking knife.

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Although he’s not in the directing chair, producer Michael Bay couldn’t help but make Shredder look insane in the upcoming Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. We’ve caught glimpses of his helmet, and cape made of swords in earlier trailers but now we’ve got our first good look.

"Hug it out, bitch."

He’s pretty much one big walking knife. It’s like the Michael Bay asked that a Transformer be crossed with The Expendables logo. There’s no way he’s getting through airport security with that armor.

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The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Were Once On ‘Oprah’ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/the-teenage-mutant-ninja-turtles-were-once-on-oprah/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/the-teenage-mutant-ninja-turtles-were-once-on-oprah/#comments Mon, 12 May 2014 20:42:17 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=video&p=261627 The new movie doesn't look so bad all of a sudden.

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You might have thought that the most 90′s thing ever was the coupling of Madonna and Vanilla Ice but you would be mistaken. In 1990, Oprah dedicated an entire episode to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles so they could promote their “Coming Out of Our Shells” album and tour. Things got so weird.

Sidenote: the album is surprisingly GREAT.

 

 

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New ‘TMNT’ Trailer Reveals All The Turtles http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/new-tmnt-trailer-reveals-all-the-turtles/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/new-tmnt-trailer-reveals-all-the-turtles/#comments Thu, 01 May 2014 14:16:38 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=video&p=261382 I like turtles.

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When crime runs rampant and causes skyscrapers to bend in half, that’s a pretty clear sign that the city needs heroes. So what do you do when a city is in need? Inject some ooze into turtles and train them to be ninjas to fight the evil ninjas that big cities are known for having. It looks like producers of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles heard your nerd wails and dressed up the original trailer with action shots of each turtle. Yes, they still have those tiny noses and freaky nostrils but tons of stars from the 80′s and 90′s have had nose jobs. It’s their faces, they can do what they want.

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Johnny Knoxville Called In To Improve ‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/johnny-knoxville-called-in-to-improve-teenage-mutant-ninja-turtles/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/johnny-knoxville-called-in-to-improve-teenage-mutant-ninja-turtles/#comments Thu, 03 Apr 2014 19:42:21 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=260819 It's another kick in the balls.

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Perhaps in an attempt to assuage the hot nerd hate directed toward the Michael Bay-produced Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles reboot, the decision has been made to add Johnny Knoxville. Deadline reports that Knoxville will provide the voice for Leonardo while Monk’s Tony Shalhoub will voice Master Splinter. The plan is to have the familiar voices dubbed over those of motion-captured Pete Ploszek and Seinfeld‘s Danny Woodburn.

So far, there are no plans to improve Megan Fox’s performance.

 

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‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’ Trailer: Cowabunga Good Or Cowabunga Bad? http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/teenage-mutant-ninja-turtles-trailer-cowabunga-good-or-cowabunga-bad/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/teenage-mutant-ninja-turtles-trailer-cowabunga-good-or-cowabunga-bad/#comments Thu, 27 Mar 2014 16:15:54 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=video&p=260569 It's definitely a Michael Bay film.

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The first trailer for the Michael Bay-produced Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles film is here and I’m not mad at it. YOU may be upset with the Bay-ification of the beloved crime fighters but I’m feeling it. Gone are the dopey rubber suits of the 1990′s film and here, amongst shots left over from Transformers: Rise of the Fallen, are impressive CGI turtles who can move like actual ninjas. There’s no way around this being a weird film, but I feel like we need to applaud Bay’s restraint here. The fact that the first preview doesn’t feature anything racially offensive shows progress. Bay is really maturing.

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Get A Load Of Michael Bay’s ‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/get-aload-of-michael-bays-teenage-mutant-ninja-turtles/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/get-aload-of-michael-bays-teenage-mutant-ninja-turtles/#comments Wed, 29 Jan 2014 17:25:23 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=258983 Leaning more cool than rude.

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As Master Shredder feared, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles can only keep hidden to the shadows for so long before their existence is revealed to the public. Today is that day.

Though we’re not given an official look from the studio, somehow these models of the characters have appeared online. As a nationally-appointed Party Dude, I feel that I should weigh in here. All in all, I’m leaning more cool than rude. You might argue that they’re a little burly for teenagers but compared to that giant from The Blind Side, it’s forgivable. Considering Michael Bay is involved, I’d say these designs show mature restraint.

This Shredder though. Wow. Knives everywhere. I would not let this guy sit on my furniture.

(imgur)

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William Fichtner To Play An ‘Iconic’ Role In ‘Ninja Turtles’ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/william-fichtner-to-play-an-iconic-role-in-ninja-turtles/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/william-fichtner-to-play-an-iconic-role-in-ninja-turtles/#comments Fri, 10 May 2013 20:51:18 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=254801 Usagi Yojimbo?

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Deadline reports that William Fichtner has signed on for the Michael Bay-produced Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. No word on who he will portray beyond “a lead with iconic stature in the Turtles’ mythology.” This has lead many to posit he’ll play the film version of the Turtles’ greatest foe, Shredder. However, Shredder is meant to be Japanese and seeing a white guy do a stereotypical Japanese impression would be jarring — even in a Michael Bay movie.

So, we’re left to wait to hear whether or not Fichtner will wear knife shoulder pads or a warthog, rhinoceros, or samurai rabbit costume. Keep in mind, he does have reasonable experience in dressing ridiculously.

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Michael Bay Says ‘Ninja Turtles’ Film Isn’t About Aliens After All http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/michael-bay-says-ninja-turtles-film-isnt-about-aliens-after-all/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/michael-bay-says-ninja-turtles-film-isnt-about-aliens-after-all/#comments Tue, 30 Apr 2013 19:47:16 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=254647 Then why did he say it was about aliens a few months ago?

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BIG NEWS FOR THE TYPE OF PEOPLE WHO GET FIRED UP ABOUT TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES MOVIE NEWS:

Since saying, “These turtles are from an alien race, and they’re going to be tough, edgy, funny, and completely lovable,” a year ago, Michael Bay has changed his tune, this time offering up, “There was that quote saying that we’re making them aliens. We’re not. It’s the ooze!”

I like the exclamation point after “ooze.” It’s a nice touch, and makes this written quote seem as though it should be barked by Tom Cruise or Will Smith.

While it’s pretty likely that Michael Bay heard the rumblings of the internet and changed the script, it’s all a fool’s errand, as adults who are enamored of the Ninja Turtles will always be unhappy about something (their own lives), and will take it out on the easiest person on hand (always Michael Bay).

Embrace it, Michael, and make them Teenage Mutant Jewish Turtles, and have them solve a fictionalized version of the Boston Marathon bombing. Give them something that DESERVES to be criticized.

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The Michael Bay-Produced ‘TMNT’ Casts Master Splinter, Gets Super Weird http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/the-michael-bay-produced-tmnt-casts-master-splinter-gets-super-weird/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/the-michael-bay-produced-tmnt-casts-master-splinter-gets-super-weird/#comments Tue, 16 Apr 2013 12:28:40 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=254416 At least he didn't cast Ken Jeong.

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Yesterday our suspicions were confirmed that Jerry Ferrera has been living in the sewer since Entourage went off the air. Today, we get news of another recognizable face going underground. This time, for work reasons.

The Michael Bay-produced Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles reimagining just keeps getting weirder and weirder. Danny Woodburn, best known for playing Mickey on Seinfeld and as the gangster murdered with a toilet in Watchmen, has been cast to play the turtles’ rodent mentor in the bizarrely cast film. Megan Fox and Will Arnett have recently joined as well, with unknowns Ian Ritchson, Pete Ploszek, Jeremy Howard, and Noel Fisher playing the turtles.

What remains unknown is whether Splinter will be brought to life via motion capture or prosthetic makeup but seeing as Woodburn is neither known for martial arts or being Asian, it’s an inspired and interesting choice. Plus we can all be happy that Bay showed restraint and didn’t cast Ken Jeong. (Deadline)

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Watch This Very Relevant ‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle From Entourage’ Trailer http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/watch-this-very-relevant-teenage-mutant-ninja-turtle-from-entourage-trailer/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/watch-this-very-relevant-teenage-mutant-ninja-turtle-from-entourage-trailer/#comments Mon, 15 Apr 2013 20:32:49 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=video&p=254409 If you're on this site, you've got the time to spare.

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Jerry Ferrera has been keeping busy since Entourage wrapped. Not only did he co-star in Battleship, but he’s also been using his mutant abilities to fight evil, be cool but rude, and just generally party, dude.

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Will Arnett’s Naturally Cast In The New ‘Ninja Turtles’ Film http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/will-arnetts-naturally-cast-in-the-new-ninja-turtles-film/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/will-arnetts-naturally-cast-in-the-new-ninja-turtles-film/#comments Wed, 03 Apr 2013 01:35:27 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=254248 First we find out that the turtles are all going to be aliens, flying in the face of everything I know to be true, and now we hear that G.O.B....

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First we find out that the turtles are all going to be aliens, flying in the face of everything I know to be true, and now we hear that G.O.B. himself, Mr. Will Arnett, is going to have a role in the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles film. With that much starpower at his disposal, you’d think producers would want him to slide gracefully into the role of an April O’Neil or Splinter-type character, but no one knows yet.

Oops. Megan Fox is April O’Neill. Splinter or Krang, perhaps? Anything but a lowly Foot Soldier! He’ll drown in anonymity!

He’s not a turtle, as they’ve all been cast, so conjecture might be a fool’s errand, as he could very well be playing a character that didn’t exist in the original mythology.

Or Casey Jones. He could be playing that hockey player-type thing, Casey Jones.

Whatever. The surprise will be nice.

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7 Adaptations With Unneeded Changes To The Back Story http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/7-adaptations-with-unneeded-changes-to-the-back-story/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/7-adaptations-with-unneeded-changes-to-the-back-story/#comments Mon, 26 Mar 2012 17:43:44 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=247636 I fear change.

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Michael Bay ruffled both nerd and non-nerd feathers recently with his decision to turn the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles into Teenage Alien Ninja Turtles for the Platinum Dunes remake. There was outrage. Outrage that has now been followed up with aging the turtles up so that they are no longer teen-aged. Bay maintains that it will provide the characters with a rich back story. Given his track record, however, it seems like a lame back story. Let’s also assume that one of the turtles now exclusively speaks in rhyme.

Point being, this switch up in their mythos is wholly unnecessary and will only end as a mess. This is nothing new in the world of movie adaptations. Writers and directors are always providing small, unneeded tweaks to help make the projects stand apart from their earlier iterations. In some cases, it’s even welcomed. But in the case of Ninja Turtles it’s entirely unnecessary. Why not just make a movie about alien ninjas if you want to pervert the name recognition so badly?

Look at the below films and take notes, Mr. Bay, before you put more of your bad touch on the turtles.

Batman

Tim Burton took Batman’s arch nemesis The Joker into deeper arch nemesis-y waters with his take on the character in 1989′s Batman. In the film, Batman’s origin stays true to the classic storyline… for the most part. Yes, his parents are killed before his eyes by a mugger when he is just a boy. This sets Bruce Wayne on a path for vengeance, training and developing technologies to take back the streets of Gotham as the Caped Crusader, Batman.

In the original storyline, it’s a thug named Joe Chill who slays the Waynes. However in Burton’s take it is Jack Napier, who will later become The Joker, that pulls the trigger thus creating the Bat.

Spider-Man 3

In order to create the dark Spidey for Spider-Man 3, filmmakers had to do something to bring out Peter Parker’s anger. They chose to draw this rage from the mild-mannered photographer by rewriting the history of the sh*ttiest moment of his life — the murder of his Uncle Ben.

This version of the story sees Flint Marko, the man who becomes Sandman, as the partner to the carjacker who killed Peter’s beloved uncle. This sets Spider-Man on a path for vengeance that places a heavy burden on him when he gives in to his most violent impulses.

Also, the alien symbiote suit arrives to Earth via a meteorite that practically lands in Peter Parker’s picnic basket. Weak.

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In Honor Of Double-Vagina-ed Hazel, Here Are Our 7 Favorite Film Mutants http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/in-honor-of-double-vagina-ed-hazel-here-are-our-7-favorite-film-mutants/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/in-honor-of-double-vagina-ed-hazel-here-are-our-7-favorite-film-mutants/#comments Fri, 20 Jan 2012 21:49:37 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=242953 A mutation is defined as a genetic change or abnormality that makes a person really gross.

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Over the past week, Hazel Jones has been popping up in the darndest places, and all because she’s a hot 23 year-old girl with two vaginas. To the naked eye, nothing seems awry, but she found later in her life that she was born with two uteruses (uteri?), cervixes, and vaginas. While this may sound wacky, some doctors guess that 1 in 3,000 women have the condition, which allows them to lose their virginity twice and experience two periods, so, you know, twice the fun and whatnot.

UPDATE: IT’S BEEN REPORTED…sorry. Caps lock was on…It’s been reported that Hazel has recently been offered $1 million to star in an adult film that will presumably feature both her vaginas. Hazel has shown off both her vaginas at sex clubs in the U.K., so taking up this offer isn’t outside the realm of possibility. Does this mean that the record for “most simultaneous penetrations” will be increased by one. Or two or three?

Only time will tell.

UPDATE II: If you want to see a medical video featuring the double vagina, you can do so on YouTube. Thanks to FilmDrunk for making the find.

Along with the presentation of her “gift” to the aforementioned fetish clubs and showing her double-barrel vagina to any woman who asks to see it, Jones recently posed, clothed, in Bizarre magazine, so she’s certainly owning this trait and not living in shame. So while you, dear reader, mull over the question of whether this makes her more or less appealing than a “regular” uni-vagged girl, please take a moment and review our list of the best mutants in film.

Three-Breasted Whore – Total Recall

Again, the extra breast thing is a matter of taste, but I can say that the third breast didn’t do much for me. That said, this list isn’t about me. Many, many Americans, and possibly Canadians, enjoy the tri-boobed hooker, so she makes the list. I find it a bit silly, as I never have thought to myself, “Gee, I wish this girl I was hooking up with had one more thing on her body I had to stimulate and negotiate. I’m not searching for degree-of-dificulty here. I would rather have a girl with nine tongues or a caterpillar clitoris or something that gave ME pleasure rather than yet another body part I need to focus on. Anyway, here’s your three-breasted whore. Enjoy.

Brundlefly – The Fly

Jeff Goldblum in mutated fly form is pretty much a lateral move from regular Jeff Goldblum, so I’m not phased at all by by the fact that he vomits on his food, or his ears fall off on the reg. It’s all good! I hope he doesn’t vomit on my hand, but there’s no need to single him out. I hope none of my friends vomit on my hand. That’s crappy behavior.

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7 Cartoons More Harmful To Children Than ‘Spongebob’ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-lists/7-cartoons-more-harmful-to-children-than-spongebob-squarepants/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-lists/7-cartoons-more-harmful-to-children-than-spongebob-squarepants/#comments Wed, 14 Sep 2011 13:00:53 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=228183 Seriously, thanks for finding this out NOW.

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A recent study revealed that fast-paced cartoons like Spongebob Squarepants are responsible for melting the brains of preschool-aged children. That’s good to find out now, years after the show has been on the air, A.D.D.-ing an entire generation.

However, all of the blame shouldn’t fall squarely on that cheery little sponge. Cartoons have been warping minds for years by promoting violence, causing seizures, and creating young people naive to the ways of the world. These seven shows in particular are much more harmful to a growing mind than Spongebob.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

When I was a kid, this show was responsible for 98% of the groin-kickings on planet Earth. It was all but impossible to watch an episode with friends and not have the party end with someone keeled over cupping their budding gonads. Also, its essentially one big commercial for pizza which lead to a wave of overweight wannabe ninjas. Case in point, Steven Seagal.

Bambi

This one is on the list because it will wreck your shit. Remember how you felt when Bambi’s mom was murdered? Now imagine if you were a toddler and watching it by yourself. You’d think, “What a lazy deer,” and not learn the consequences of shooting someone. Then you’d be considered one of the dumbest toddlers in prison.

Tom and Jerry

Originally, Tom and Jerry featured some of the most violent imagery on television. And it was awesome. Then as kids began to hurt one another, producers were forced to have the cat and mouse bury the hatchet someplace other than Tom’s skull. That’s how Tom and Jerry and Friends came about.  I argue that the watered-down pussification of the material was actually more damaging. Living amongst rodents? That’s how plagues start.

Click ‘Next Page’ to continue…

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TMNTD http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-photos/tmntd/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-photos/tmntd/#comments Tue, 05 Jul 2011 16:28:43 +0000 Col. Longshanks http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=219044 I always buy mine in bulk.

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I always buy mine in bulk.

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Whatchya Thinkin’ ‘Bout, Leonardo? http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-photos/whatchya-thinkin-bout-leonardo/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-photos/whatchya-thinkin-bout-leonardo/#comments Mon, 27 Jun 2011 18:57:50 +0000 Col. Longshanks http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=218232 Just pizza stuff.

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Just pizza stuff.

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Paramount Rebooting ‘Ninja Turtles’ And Shredder Is Furious http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/paramount-rebooting-ninja-turtles-and-shredder-is-furious/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/paramount-rebooting-ninja-turtles-and-shredder-is-furious/#comments Wed, 08 Jun 2011 03:17:12 +0000 Geoffrey Golden http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=215249 The writers behind 'MI:4', Josh Appelbaum and Andre Nemec, have been asked to repair the Turtle Blimp.

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Is there any force in the universe stronger than Turtle Power? Answer: obviously not.

Real Life Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Need proof? Despite my no longer being 8-years-old, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise continues on in new television shows and movies. You need some serious mutagen to pull that off. Paramount believes they have successfully revived one big, dormant franchise with Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol. Now they’ve asked the writers behind MI:4, Josh Appelbaum and Andre Nemec, to repair the Turtle Blimp and get TMNT off-and-running again. Timing-wise, I bet Paramount is partly looking to take advantage of fellow Viacom Club member Nickelodeon‘s upcoming series revival of those Ninja Mutant Turtle Teenagers, which should emerge from the sewers late next year.

No word yet on how they’ll approach the reboot. Hopefully, it’ll be with awesome, Jim Henson puppet head costumes again, but I’ve got a sinking feeling that Krang’s gonna zap them all into the CG / live action mix dimension, which is far more horrible than Dimension X. At least in Dimension X, they don’t have Smurfs. (Deadline)

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Nickelodeon To Bring Back Ninja Turtles, Make Us Whole Again http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/nickelodeon-to-bring-back-ninja-turtles-make-us-whole-again/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/nickelodeon-to-bring-back-ninja-turtles-make-us-whole-again/#comments Fri, 11 Mar 2011 00:19:01 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=201052 Nickelodeon is rebooting the series (with a 2012 air date, per this teaser) with 26 all-new episodes.

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This is what industry insiders refer to as a “teaser” trailer. Consider me teased. They’re all there! Monet, Picasso, Van Eyck, and Rembrandt. Man, those crazy turtles haven’t changed a bit! What’s that food they all went crazy for? That’s right. Beef stroganoff. I can’t believe I remember that after all these years!

Nickelodeon is rebooting the series (with a 2012 air date, per this teaser) with 26 all-new episodes, and fortunately, from the few images we see, it still looks pretty cartoon-y. Entertainment Weekly aslo suggests it will be “funnier and ninja-ier.” That’s all well and good, but can the promise that it will be the funniest, and/or ninja-iest? Only time will tell.

Not much else is known, nor can be conveyed. It appears that, after 20 or so years, they still live in New York City. They didn’t really strike me as the type to move to Greenwich after making it big, so it’s nice to see that I was right on that one. This series is so rife with nostalgic meaning to so many that you can bet your bottom dollar that we’ll see Shredder, Splinter, April O’Neil (the part Lindsay Lohan was born to play), Foot Soldiers, Krang, and the rest of the gang.

(Teaser here, because EW is too selfish to share)

Expect the dynamic of the group to stay the same, with Leonardo the leader, Donatello the brains, Michelangelo the party dude, and Raphael the hothead. I bet other entertainment reporters had to “do research” and “fact check” those roles. Not this guy. Not this guy.

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Real Life Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/real-life-teenage-mutant-ninja-turtles/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/real-life-teenage-mutant-ninja-turtles/#comments Fri, 10 Dec 2010 20:40:17 +0000 Col. Longshanks http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=Video&p=12068 Some dudes recreated the opening title sequence to the "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" animated show. Ladies, don't get too excited by the manliness displayed.

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Some dudes recreated the opening title sequence to the “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” animated show. It’s displayed in split screen so you can easily compare the two versions. Quite impressive, if I do say so myself. It has a very Michel Gondry/Be Kind Rewind homemade feel to it. If only all girls were as fascinated with mutant turtles as April O’Neil. These guys would be fighting off tail like it’s nobody’s business. (BuzzFeed)

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Awesome Krang Halloween Costume http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/awesome-krang-halloween-costume/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/awesome-krang-halloween-costume/#comments Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000 Awesome Krang Halloween Costume - Watch more Funny Videos Some wives are better than others. That's just a simple fact. This lucky bastard's better half made him a moving, speaking Krang from "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" costume for Halloween. Do you realize how many awesome points that's going to snag him at work today? The only way he'll lose the costume contest is if this kid shows up: Awww, he's a little Robocop! (BuzzFeed, Gizmodo)

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Awesome Krang Halloween Costume – Watch more Funny Videos

Some wives are better than others. That’s just a simple fact. This lucky bastard’s better half made him a moving, speaking Krang from "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" costume for Halloween. Do you realize how many awesome points that’s going to snag him at work today? The only way he’ll lose the costume contest is if this kid shows up:

Awww, he’s a little Robocop! (BuzzFeed, Gizmodo)

 

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Writers Hired for Live Action ‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’ Franchise http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/writers-hired-for-live-action-teenage-mutant-ninja-turtles-franchise/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/writers-hired-for-live-action-teenage-mutant-ninja-turtles-franchise/#comments Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000 Paramount has forked over one million bones to Art Marcum and Matt Holloway to reimagine a new live action Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. The studio wants this to be their next massive franchise, like Transformers, and to get the ball rolling ASAP. Considering it's been in development since last year, they're off to a slow start. Paramount's itching for a first draft by October so they can get it out to directors for a 2012 release. Never mind taking precious time to develop the story and characters. There's money to be reaped! Writers Marcum and Holloway wrote the first Iron Man and just finished the Highlander reboot. They seem like the perfect pair for a reimaging of films that are very near and dear to my heart. Except for the stupid third one where the TMNTs go to Japan. Who dare debate me on The Ooze being the best film in the 90s live action trilogy? Draw your sais in the comments section. Also check out Michelangelo giving SJ a shout-out after the jump. (Deadline)

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Paramount has forked over one million bones to Art Marcum and Matt Holloway to reimagine a new live action Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. The studio wants this to be their next massive franchise, like Transformers, and to get the ball rolling ASAP. Considering it’s been in development since last year, they’re off to a slow start. Paramount’s itching for a first draft by October so they can get it out to directors for a 2012 release. Never mind taking precious time to develop the story and characters. There’s money to be reaped!

Writers Marcum and Holloway wrote the first Iron Man and just finished the Highlander reboot. They seem like the perfect pair for a reimaging of films that are very near and dear to my heart. Except for the stupid third one where the TMNTs go to Japan. Who dare debate me on The Ooze being the best film in the 90s live action trilogy? Draw your sais in the comments section. Also check out Michelangelo giving SJ a shout-out after the jump. (Deadline)

 


TMNTs Michelangelo: Read Screenjunkies – Watch more Funny Videos

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