This is a classic scenario that we’ve seen time-and-time again in the science fiction genre. Which isn’t to say it isn’t awesome, because it is. See for yourself with these 9 classic examples.

Star Wars: Episode VI – Return of the Jedi

The opening scenes of Return of the Jedi are some of the best in the series. That’s solely because we’re introduced to badass Luke Skywalker. Boosted by the confidence that mastering the Force brings, he strolls into Jabba’s throne room and demands the release of Han Solo. He’s laughed off and thrown into the Rancor pit, where he is to die for Jabba’s amusement. Of course, no one is laughing when Skywalker punks the Rancor.

Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome

After being car-jacked, Mad Max finds himself in the post-apocalyptic craphole known as “Bartertown.” This is where people go to trade food and goods and take in a fight to the death or two. Max finds himself in the arena where he’s forced to take on the mutant Master Blaster, which is technically two against one. Or one-and-a-half against one. Or whatever.

The Coneheads

When Beldar Conehead returned to his home planet, his superiors were less than happy with his work on Earth. His punishment: face certain death when he is oredered to NARFTLE THE GARTHOK. However, narftling the Garthok isn’t as impossible as it seems, assuming you get your golf game down to a score of 65.

No word on whether he’s pro or anti Martian slavery, but he’s got a spotty track record. Also, there’s no explanation as to why they don’t believe in shirts on Mars.

John Carter is directed by Andrew Stanton and opens in theaters March 9th, 2012.

7 photosBrooklyn Decker

Of course, it could be an all-out cheesefest that doesn’t strike the right balance of bullshit to awesome in the same way that Battle: Los Angeles did. But for right now, I’m gleefully optimistic that this movie is going to kick ass in a dumb fun kind of way. Unless, of course, Liam Neeson speaks the line, “They sank my battleship!” In which case, laaaaame.

7 photosLynn Collins

Fate brings the soldier to the dying world and it’s believed he may be the only hope of saving it. He should play up that angle, if he’s smart. Did you get a load of that princess? That’s a hot Martian who really wants saving. Hours and hours worth of saving.

You can see John Carter breaking Michael Jordan’s jumping around on alien planets record when the film opens in theaters March 9th, 2012.

8 photosBlake Lively

Filming begins later this year so hopefully Moore will be able to squeeze in a few more nerd roles before then. (THR)

Peter Berg, upon finishing helming the much-maligned Battleship, has announced that his next project will be Lone Survivor, based on a the book of the same name that chronicles a Navy Seal team’s struggle to survive after a 2005 ambush. The event took place on a raid to kill or capture a terrorist leader, not unlike the raid on bin Laden.

Berg sums up the story thusly for Deadline:

“The mission was similar to the assassination mission that got Bin Laden, but things got complicated when they ran into 3 kids and an old man,” he said. “Under the rules of engagement, they could have killed them, but they decided to let them go and take their chances, even though they knew these people would likely talk.” Shortly after, the mission had to be aborted when the SEALS found themselves under fire from about 250 Al Qaeda soldiers. When the dust cleared–and after a rescue helicopter was blown up by a rocket propelled grenade, 15 SEAL members were killed, and the lone survivor was Luttrell. “A massive land assault was carried out, but by then Marcus was brought to shelter by an Afghan tribe that fought off the Taliban until Luttrell could be rescued.”

You’re supposed to say “spoiler alert” when you give away major plot points, Peter.

Berg has already tapped Battleship star Taylor Kitsch to play on of the four SEAL leads in the film. Further, Berg has had his eye on this project since he embedded himself with a SEAL team in his research for The Kingdom. However, Universal convinced him to direct Battleship first, then they would spiring for Lone Survivor. Man, Berg sure does a lot of movies about the military. He’s like the Tom Clancy of directors.

The Savages is about two California potheads (Aaron Johnson and Taylor Kitsch), whose communal girl-pool Ophelia (Lively) gets kidnapped by a badass Mexican drug cartel, forcing the two top dealers to work for them. And that’s why you shouldn’t do drugs, you guys. Cause bad guys played by Salma Hayek and Benicio Del Toro will come after you and the hot girl you share with your pal. You’ve been warned.

The Savages begins production this July. (Deadline)

The film is about two potheads in Laguna Beach who might ultimately be played by Aaron Johnson and Taylor Kitsch. A badass Mexican drug cartel kidnaps Ophelia, forcing the two top dealers to work for them. My understanding is that nobody cries, “mellow out man,” and Neil Patrick Harris remains uninvolved.

Stone’s first-first choice for Ophelia was Jennifer Lawrence, who chose to play Katniss in The Hunger Games instead, which is thrilling news if you’re anxiously awaiting the next Twilight-y series. However, Stone might not get his second choice either, because Lively is also in talks to star as Glinda the Good Witch in Sam Raimi‘s Oz: The Great and Powerful. Will he have to “settle” for plain ol’ Olivia Wilde or Teresa Palmer?

Man, all this casting talk is making me tense. *Takes Bong Hit* (Variety)

Deadline reports that Kitsch, Hedlund, Dominic Cooper, and Joel Edgerton have all been invited to test for the role. Shia LaBeouf is still up for the part but has not been asked to test. There’s enough footage of him running around all sweaty out there. There’s always a chance that the actor who wins the role will not be one that attends the camera tests, which isn’t very cool at all. We’ve all been asked nicely to be conservative with tape stock since the earthquake in Japan. Burning tape on Garrett Hedlund shows no respect to the rest of us.

The plot concerns Ben and Chon (Johnson and Kitsch), two Laguna marijuana makers who will not take a wacky trip to White Castle. Why leave the house when they both share a sexy girl named O? Unfortunately, like something out of the video games they no doubt play a lot of, O is kidnapped by a Mexican drug lord and are told they have to work for him if they want their “joint” girlfriend (see what I did there) back alive. Del Toro plays the drug lord’s enforcer.

Based on a bestselling novel by Don Winslow, Stone is trying to setup a deal with Universal, though other studios are also interested in toking a bit of this crazy plot. (Deadline)

The biggest stars in the mix are Tobey Maguire and Jake Gyllenhaal. If Bourne Legacy requires this new agent to do a lot of embarrassing on-screen crying, I’m guessing Maguire will snag the role. However, there are a bunch of somewhat less famous actors in contention, including Taylor Kitsch (the terrible Gambit from X-Men Origins: Wolverine), Garrett Hedlund (Jeff Bridges’ kid from Tron: Legacy) and Kellan Lutz (one of the Twilight-ers). Gilroy is insisting that all the actors screen test, so we’re guessing he’s not a total web-head or Twi-hard.

The Bourne Legacy is tentatively scheduled to open fire on theaters August 2012. (The Playlist)

_{I smell Oscar!}

If you’re already making a movie out of a grid-based board game, and you’ve already decided to add an extraterrestrial element for no apparent reason, why in the hell wouldn’t you throw a popular female R’n'B singer into the mix?

Empire Online is reporting that Rihanna will make her feature film debut in Peter Berg‘s Battleship. The singer will join Alexander Skarsgard and Taylor Kitsch who have already signed on to the project, for some reason.

Not to be outdone, Rihanna’s ex-boyfriend, singer Chris Brown, has announced plans to star in an off-Broadway production of Connect Four: The Musical. Will it prove as successful? Only time will tell.

_{Dead in the water.}

"True Blood" star Alexander Skarsgard is on board for the upcoming Universal film, Battleship. Skarsgard joins Taylor Kitsch in the adaptation of the iconic strategy game.

To many, making a movie about a nautical-themed board game might seem a tad stupid. But for all you skeptics, there’s one thing you should know. An "alien invasion" element has been added to the plot.

Wow. It’s beyond mockery. Congrats, Universal. You sunk my sarcasm. (Coming Soon)

It looks like an actor has willingly signed on to play the lead in Battleship, a Peter Berg joint. Taylor Kitsch, who you probably know from Friday Night Lights or X-Men Origins: Wolverine or John Carter of Mars (if you’re behind on your RSS feed and just now reading this in 2012), is now attached to play Alex Hopper, the Commanding Officer of a destroyer who goes toe-to-toe with alien invaders on the high seas.

Jeremy Renner was originally in talks for the role but had to drop out when he realized the movie was based on a board game. I’d like to stay optimistic about this until I see a trailer, but I will go on record and let it be known that I’ll be very disappointed if a Slinky doesn’t burst from a crewmember’s chest during a galley scene. (THR)