On Monday, Sylvester Stallone CLEARLY stated in an unintelligible Facebook post that, “We are preparing the film with the same passion and commitment as the previous two. We have confirmed Nicolas Cage, a master actor who gives a veneer intellectual group.” However, now Stallone tells Deadline that he “has no knowledge of Nicolas Cage joining Expendables 3.” Humnha-wha?!

What is going on with Sylvester Stallone? Just days ago he wrote in plain English a string of words that nearly made sense, only to pull the rug out from beneath us all. You can’t play with us like that, Sly. It’s bullying and it’s mean. To make up for this, I demand that an Expendables spin-off starring Nicolas Cage in multiple roles a la Adaptation. The technology exists! And if he’s not willing, can we take his face off and put it on another actor? That technology exists too!

Sylvester Stallone confirmed the news that Cage was hard up enough to join the sequel via Facebook. Warning: the following words make little sense:

“We are preparing the film with the same passion and commitment as the previous two. We have confirmed Nicolas Cage, a master actor who gives a veneer intellectual group. Hopefully we can realize to Harrison Ford, Wesley Snipes and Mickey Rourke. That is the great mission of the producer. We will continue with the same narrative scheme, the agility and the frenzy, which are inherent to the saga. What will definitely be the last? I can not guarantee. In principle it would be two deliveries, but the affection of the people encouraged us to work on a third. I guess as long as we amused ourselves by offering fun and people, we can continue playing The Expendables. For now we are not as expendable as it should and as some critics want.”

Either Sly wrote this on his iPhone. Or while high on bath salts. Or both. Or had Jet Li help him out. At any rate, his slow dissolve into Tommy Wiseau is becoming more noticeable. (JoBlo)

The only real loss here is it presents less opportunity to see the hot daughter (in this case Sarah Shahi) topless. Unless Sly suddenly wanted to get arty and weird at this point in his career. But we’re not there yet. Just stick to axe fights and liquefying henchman with big guns.

The actors who fit Lerner’s criteria of being old as dirt are Nicolas Cage (who has already committed to the film), Clint Eastwood, Harrison Ford, and Wesley Snipes. It’s a shame that Pat Morita weren’t still with us. He’d be great in this. (Total Film)

Stop or My Mom Will Shoot. Analyze This. Analyze That. Little Fockers. 

You get the idea. These guys aren’t comedic actors so much as they are warm, familiar bodies that are thrust into comedy due to a lack of options. Further, the idea of seeing Robert DeNiro shirtless isn’t really doing for me at this stage of his life or at this stage in mine. Considering that both actors have take turns in boxing movies that have been deemed among histories finest cinema, I’m not thrilled to see them yuck it up in the same genre because they’re old and…old people aren’t boxers, get it?

The film will be directed by Peter Segal, who underwhelmed audiences with films like Get Smart and Anger Management while this film has been kicking around in development hell.

I would end this with a sarcastic “Happy Friday!” but it’s only Thursday, so we don’t even have that going for us. Dammit.

In an interview with Macleans, Stallone describes what he has in store for the film, “I’m dying to do another Rambo. He’s in Arizona on the border. It will involve him going into Mexico. I don’t think Rambo likes Mexicans.” Then asked if he plans to kill the character off, he responded, “Yeah.” Whoa. Of all the bodies to hit the floor, I’d never suspect that it be his.

The likelihood of Rambo 5 happening rests on whether or not The Expendables 2 is a big hit at the box office. Even then, the plot particulars to Rambo 5 could change should fans want to see a ninety-year old fight a terrorist cell someday.

In all fairness, sources say that Norris implored that only vulgar language be cut from the film. Stallone has also done his best to ease worries, “Our final battle is one for the ages. The PG-13 rumour is true, but before your readers pass judgement, trust me when I say this film is LARGE in every way and delivers on every level. This movie touches on many emotions that we want to share with the broadest audience possible, BUT, fear not, this Barbeque of Grand scale Ass Bashing will not leave anyone hungry…”

After a pause, he followed that statement with, “No homo.”

Look, the original film showed a guy dying by essentially having his head kicked off. Let’s hope that the sequel at least matches the over-the-top violence of the first. Otherwise, what will they put the emphasis on? Plot?!? (AICN)

The actor has teamed with boxing siblings Wladimir and Vitali Klitschko to bring Rocky to Broadway. The brothers will train the musical’s lead to ensure the boxing is realistic and to avoid any Spiderman: Turn Off the Dark injuries. Stallone says of the project, “At the end of the day, Rocky is a love story and he could never have reached the final bell without Adrian. To see this story coming to life on a musical stage makes me proud. And it would make Rocky proud.”

Before you get all excited to see a tremendous trainwreck, take note that Stallone has assembled an impressive team of Broadway veterans. Thomas Meehan (The Producers) will write the script. Ragtime’s lyricist Lynn Ahrens and composer Stephen Flaherty will re-team for the music, which will include songs from the Rocky films, among them “Eye of the Tiger.” Tony Award-nominated Alex Timbers will direct. Sadly, Stallone will not be singing or dancing in this one. We’ll have to hold out that hope for Cobra: The Musical. (THR)

This movie is going to do gangbusters in Germany.

(via Jo Blo)

That’s right. The Sly & The Family Stone funk legend has fallen on tough times that have forced the 68-year old to live homeless on the streets. However, he’s got a good attitude and is working hard on new material in an attempt to stage a comeback. If history has taught us anything, a little perseverance goes a long way. Just look at these formerly homeless celebrities who struggled before making it in the business of show.

Halle Berry

Some girls drop out of school to model in Paris before breaking into acting. From there it’s all runway shows and dating hot European men and giggly pillowfights with their hot model roommates. Others (like Halle Berry) move to New York and live in a homeless shelter. From there it’s all running away from cops and being peed on and fighting over pillows with your crazy hobo roommates.

Tom Jane

Turns out that Tom Jane didn’t need to do that deep research for his role in Homeless Dad. He’d already lived on the streets before making it as an actor. “You have to sacrifice everything you have. I was homeless for a couple of months there. I stayed in welfare hotels in downtown L.A. and when I wasn’t doing that I was living off of food stamps.” Also, “I just want my kids back.”

Jim Carrey

As a teenager, Jim Carrey and his family lived out of a VW van. A few years later, while on the stand-up comedy circuit, the family upgraded to a tent on his older sister’s lawn. Or was it a downgrade? I don’t really understand the homeless ranking system.

Sylvester Stallone

Turnabout is fair play. Sly Stallone may have copied Sly Stone’s name, but now Sly Stone is going to copy Sly Stallone’s homelessness. Stallone once said, “I was broke and basically sleeping in the Port Authority bus station for three weeks straight. I read in a trade paper about this film [The Party at Kitty and Studs", 1970] that was paying $100 a day—for a $100 a day I would wreak havoc. Instead of doing something desperate, I worked for two days for $200 and got myself out of the bus station.” Then he bought that awesome robot in Rocky IV.

Michael Winslow

Believe it or not, but the guy whose prime talent is imitating squeaky shoes and apple-biting had a hard time early in his career. Winslow found himself homeless in Venice Beach after hitchhiking to Hollywood from Colorado. On the plus side, it gave him ample opportunity to work on his seagull impression.

Djimon Hounsou

While coming up as a model and an actor, Djimon Hounsou slept in the subways and camped by the Eiffel Tower for two years. He was thirteen. Think about that the next time your son would rather play Nintendo DS than help out with yard work.

Charlie Chaplin

Before Charlie Chaplin became famous for playing “The Tramp,” he was just a normal tramp. Chaplin lived on the streets of London as a young boy after his father passed away and his mom was taken into a mental health facility. That’s pretty rough. No wonder he was so quiet.

Carmen Electra

Carmen Electra found herself homeless in her early 20′s after her boyfriend stole her life savings. She once told The Las Vegas Review-Journal, “You know, I had a couple of years of being homeless in Hollywood. I remember sitting on a park bench in the valley. I was crying because I was stranded. It was over 100 degrees outside.” That explains a lot. I’ll never question her appearance in Setzer-Friedberg films again.

Kelsey Grammer

Kelsey Grammer used to camp out in an alley behind his motorcycle. There’s no record of how long this went on, but it’s impressive considering all the work Grammer has got over the years and the mini-empire he is building. In addition to having run through some pretty hot tail, he also sounds like he’d be a Hide and Seek pro.

Mark Webber

Before finding his way to the big screen, Snow Day star Mark Webber and his mother were homeless. They lived together on the streets, in vacant buildings, and in homeless shelters. Well, that explains his style of dress.

Danny Bonaduce

Former child star Danny Bonaduce lived out of his car just before landing his gig as a radio host. He’s lived in the gym ever since then.

In addition to the previously announced John Travolta, Chuck Norris, and Donnie Yen, Sly would also like to find a way to shoehorn Nicolas Cage, Taylor Lautner, Christian Slater, and Highlander himself, Christopher Lambert, into this thing. That list makes sense. Cage, Slater, and Lambert all seem like they would be game. The only X factor is Lautner. Can he hold his own starring opposite these legends or is he going to want autographs? We are talking about a Face/Off AND Broken Arrow reunion after all. (Moviehole)

According to some guy in Bulgaria, the cast will consist of Stallone, Jason Statham, John Travolta, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Chuck Norris, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Dolph Lundgren, Mickey Rourke and Bruce Willis. Take this news with a grain of salt because it’s far from an official announcement but it would be pretty cool to see. No plot details have been given either, but let’s assume that Stallone and the other guys have to go up against Chuck Norris. They lose, of course. But that would be a fun fight to watch for a few minutes. (via Collider)

Slater will be playing a middleman who brokers the alliance of Stallone‘s hitman and Sung Kang’s cop. Mr. Copy and Paste will be playing the film’s villain, a lawyer with a scam involving Katrina assistance. McCallany will play a crooked cop that is partnered with Kang’s cop.

The untitled movie focuses on the alliance between Stallone and Sung Kang in a reconstructing New Orleans in the wake of Katrina. Allesandro Camon adapted the novel while Walter Hill is set to direct the movie.

With Christian Slater and Sylvester Stallone, this is sure to be one of the top-grossing films of 1991.

Director: Frank Coraci

Cast: Adam Sandler, Sylvester Stallone, Rosario Dawson, Cher, Kevin James

Synopsis: The animals at one particular zoo decide to break their code of silence in order to help their lovabl zookeeper gain the attention of one particular woman.

Release Date: July 8, 2011

7 photosSarah Shahi

Shahi had better be careful. If Stallone movies have taught me anything, it’s that the bad guys always come after what he loves the most. Which means it’s likely we’ll see Shahi and Stallone outrun an explosion. Preferably after she’s gotten out of the shower. And in slow-motion. Walter Hill, we are counting on you. (Variety)

Expendables 2 has been in motion for quite some time, with a polished draft produced by Ken Kaufman and David Agosto, so it’s no surprise that a helmer was quick to be named so that they can get to blowin’ shit up before some of the stars become too fragile.

All principals, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Mickey Rourke, Terry Crews, Jason Statham, and of course, Sly, are expected to return. The director announcement provides certainty to the production timeline, but nothing can get started until Simon West wraps up Medallion, with noted crazy person Nicolas Cage. (Deadline)

Stallone Stabs At Banter For A Change In New 'Expendables' Trailer

The story is based on the graphic novel Bullet to the Head, written by Matz and illustrated by Colin Wilson. Walter Hill is attached to direct.

A plot synopsis has also been released. It’s after the poster, in case you don’t want to spoil the “plot” of a movie about seeing people’s arm break in crazy ways. Sylvester Stallone will return (to star, not to direct) along with “most of the original cast,” though no specific announcements have been made. Judging from the plot synopsis, I can tell you one cast member who either won’t appear or will have very limited screen time. *Seals Lips*

The Expendables 2 burst into your skull August 17th, 2012. (FirstShowing, Cinema Blend)

The Expendables are back and this time it’s personal! After Tool (Mickey Rourke), the heart and soul of the Expendables, is brutally murdered on a mission, his comrades swear to avenge him. They’re not the only ones who want blood. Tool’s beautiful young and wild daughter Fiona embarks on her own revenge mission, complicating matters when she is captured and ransomed by a ruthless dictator plotting to destroy a resistance movement. Now Barney and the Expendables must risk everything to save her and humanity.

“He’s a hitman, I’m a cop, and we’re just opposite in every f*cking way, and we need each other to get this job done. And of course I’m like, ‘As soon as this job’s over, I’m going to take you to jail, you know, you’re a killer.”

Geez, calm down, Tom Jane. Anyway, this sounds pretty cool, especially with Walter Hill behind the camera. It might turn out to be pretty good, even if Jane is just doing it for his kids. (Arrow in the Head)

In Headshots, a young NYC cop teams up with an older New Orleans hitman, who’ll be played by Sly. Cause when I think “Stallone,” I think, “New Orleans.” He’s got “gumbo” written all over his face. Here’s what Stallone said in an email to Ain’t It Cool News:

It’s official. We’ve got Walter Hill on board so would love for you to let the world know. We’ve been on the same track since The Driver, then 48 Hrs didn’t happen so here we are almost 35 years later, I’m finally driving with Walter Hill.

Stallone was up for 48 Hrs? That news is most excellent. (AICN)

Headshots is about a young New York City cop who teams with a New Orleans hitman (Stallone). I imagine those two characters will have extremely different outlooks on life, so their team-up can only lead to one thing: a quick and efficient investigation. The script was written by Alessandro Camon (The Messenger). (Deadline)

Apparently, Expendables 2 has already been “written” by scribes Ken Kaufman (Space Cowboys) and David Agosto. That means the old writers Dave Callaham and Stallone himself are out. Why would Stallone remove himself so much creatively from the sequel to his $275 million kickassterpiece? Maybe he’s developing a new movie where actors who played boxers in different movies form a team of boxer vigilantes called The Night Boxers? Yeah, now that I think about it, I’m sure that’s it. (Collider)

Stallone has signed on for Headshot (with a Montegrappa pen, of course), in which he “teams with a young NYPD detective in a high-stakes investigation that leads from the dingy back alleys of New Orleans all the way to the power corridors of Washington, D.C. The unlikely duo, brought together by two vicious murders, take on all who stand in their way, and are willing to sacrifice everything to exact revenge.”

If movies have taught me anything, it’s that young NYPD detectives have total jurisdiction over the dingy back alleys of New Orleans and the power corridors of Washington, D.C. I have a feeling that someone’s going to be handing over their badge at some point in this film. Probably a half an hour before the credits roll. (THR)

Also up for auction were cars driven by Evel Knievel, Alice Cooper and Elvis. The theme of the auction must have been “Big In The 70s.” No word yet whether the Mystery Machine was on the block. (TMZ)

Here’s a bigger picture. So sleeky…

If you’re a man of Sylvester Stallone‘s stature, you enjoy the finest things that life has to offer. Fast cars, tall women, Ed Hardy clothing, arms so veiny they look like horse c*cks, and expensive ink pens as it turns out.

For years, Stallone has used only Montegrappa writing instruments to sign his film contracts. Now, he’s just signed on as the public face of Italian ink pen manufacturer Montegrappa. Not only that, but he’ll also give creative input and feedback to a new line of pens the company is launching. Sounds good? I can see him endorsing boxing equipment or bandanas, but I’d think you’d want a writer or mogul to endorse your line of pens. Sure, Sly scripted Rocky, but he also decided what characters said in Driven. (IMDb)

Born in the Hell’s Kitchen Neighborhood of New York City and raised in Philadelphia, Sylvester Stallone has led the charge on making a name for himself in the entertainment industry. Always the lead of the 80s action pack, Stallone has now found a 2nd career revitalizing his favorite Rocky and Rambo characters for a new generation. With The Expendables coming out on Blu-ray and DVD today, Stallone plays the grand wizard of directing/writing/producing/acting by getting together the greatest action cast ever. Finding redemption once and for all for the pain that Stop! or My Mom Will Shoot gave us.

Highly Debatable Best Role: Robert “Rocky” Balboa in Rocky

Weird Fact: While in a bench pressing contest he severely tore his pectoral muscle and needed over 160 stitches it. This is why one half of his chest is more veiny than the other.

Uncomfortable Interview Question: Would you ever make a sequel to your 70′s porno The Italian Stallion? I’ve got backing.

Best Fatality: Ripping out a guy’s throat slowly in Rambo (2008)

All-Encompassing Clip:

The Expendables put together a Blu-ray + DVD combo pack jam packed with special features. You can read our review of the film here, but let’s get into the extras, which offer more than enough insight into the action and on-set camaraderie.

The Expendables: Ultimate Recon Mode

Audio commentary by Stallone mixed with behind the scenes footage. Interesting to see how some of the scenes came together, and perfect if you have A.D.D. At times there are four different things to watch up on the screen. Stallone also controls the action by ordering an off-screen person to stop and rewind footage.

Comic-Con 2010 Panel

Harry Knowles moderates a panel with all of the movie’s actors. Terry Crews kicks it off by taking his shirt off. But like most Comic-Con panels, it’s a lot of ass kissing.

Inferno: The Making of The Expendables

A 90-minute, four-part documentary on the making of the movie. If you didn’t already get you fill watching the Ultimate Recon Mode, then check this out. You’ll know more about The Expendables than you ever thought was possible. Be prepared for a plethora of veiny arms and cigars.

From the Ashes: Post Production Documentary

The most dramatic take on a post production behind the scenes look that I’ve ever witnessed. The way they score it, you’d think the editor had to put together a rough cut before a bomb timer attached to his Avid reached 0:00.  No groundbreaking techniques are revealed, but Sly sounds like he knows what he wants and he usually gets it.

Gag Reel

Actor break character, and Jet Li and Dolph try to not butcher the English language.

Deleted Scene

It’s hard to believe that this was the only deleted scene in the film. Either everything else was gold, or the other deleted scenes are so bad they didn’t want to include them on the Blu-ray.