^{How a gentleman smells his fingers.}

Paramount Pictures sent out a bizarre casting call that essentially says, "Feed us your children!! RAAWWRRRR" Or something along those lines. Many believe the mysterious casting notice is for JJ Abrams‘s homage to Spielberg and money, Super 8. The open notice is seeking 13 and 14 year old boys and girls with no previous acting experience and the casting sides feature a few early Spielbergian hallmarks. No director, producer, or film title are listed. From Paramount:

Seeking 13-14 year old Boys & Girls for the lead roles in a new Paramount feature film. No previous acting experience is necessary, but must have great energy and a wonderful sense of humor and thoughtfulness.

JOSH: Male 13-14.  Josh is cute, but could be on the scrawny side – definitely not the school jock.  Loveable, empathetic, smart and interesting.  Must have a great sense of humor.  Should have a Midwestern feel.

COLLIN: Male 13-14.  Slightly, or more than slightly, overweight.  Collin is confident, driven, optimistic and a natural leader.  Must have a great sense of humor. Should have a Midwestern feel.

NATALIE: Female 13-14.   A natural beauty – she is stunning, but not the “cheerleader” type.  Strong and confident, but has an underlying sadness. Should have a Midwestern feel.

So, what do you think? Super 8 casting call or transparent ploy by Brett Ratner to find some new chill, fun-loving playdates? Either way, it’s time to shave and put on my Dorf costume. This could be my big break!!

CHECK OUT HOW TO SUBMIT A TAPE AFTER THE JUMP….

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Thank you for your interest and participation and we hope you have fun preparing your audition. Break a Leg!

^{JJ Abrams is a terrible Vulcan.}

In case you’ve lived under a rock for the past 44 hours, you probably have no idea what JJ Abrams‘ Super 8 is. We’ve been following it closely here at Screen Junkies and we also have no idea what it is. Except that it is definitely not related to Cloverfield in any way. Yesterday, we provided a description of the teaser and today we have the teaser itself. The hushed veil of secrecy has been lifted but I can’t help feel that we’ve walked into a trap. Abrams has us in the palm of his often-talked-with hands.

Super 8 opens in theaters next summer and is about events that happen.

Four men died getting this bootleg out of Pensacola, so you will watch. YOU WILL WATCH!! After the jump…

^{They’re linked like E.T. and Elliott.}

We were excited when we heard that J.J. Abrams would be tipping his hat to the early films of Steven Spielberg for his next directorial project. Only because we were certain we’d see an alien shark that hunts treasure. Apparently, that’s NOT the case though.

Turns out that his soon-to-premiere super secret-double-probationary teaser for Super 8 is not a Cloverfield sequel or prequel or squeekquel after all. It’s a teaser for the joint he’s doing with Spielberg. The one that doesn’t feature any Nazi-killing alien sharks.

/Film has a source who saw the teaser and provided an in-depth description. I’ve posted it after the jump along with an EXCLUSIVE screen cap. Don’t get mad at me if the information turns out to be wrong. I’m just telling you what a guy heard from another guy.

TEASER SYNOPSIS AND SCREEN CAP AFTER THE JUMP…

The trailer lasts about one minute and a half.

It begins with the Green MPAA screen, followed by the Paramount Pictures logo. No Bad Robot at the header.

A train rushes by the screen. We notice that it has lots of cargo.

Text comes on the screen: “In 1979, The U.S. Air Force Closed A Section of AREA 51.”

We see the railroad crossing light blinking and ringing as the camera pans up we see some sort of light moving in the background. What is it? A UFO?

More Text: “All The Materials Were To Be Transported To A Secure Facility In Ohio.”

No, it appears to be the headlights of a yellow 1970’s truck, which skids in a 180 degree motion, and suddenly pulls onto the tracks.

Point of view of the truck heading into the light.

Black screen and white text: “From Producer Steve Spielberg”

We see the truck explode as it hits the train.

Then… the cargo train is heading towards the car explosion – BAM. It is wrecked, thrown from the tracks like a wild snake. The flaming metal body flipping towards the camera. Cars flying through the air. It is INTENSE.

Another black screen and the text: “And Director JJ Abrams”

The camera really slowly moves in on the wrecked pieces of the train, most of which is now just scrap metal. At least one car remains intact.

Black screen, white test: “Next Summer”

We see some sparks.

Black screen, white text: “It Arrives”

We pull up on one of the train cars with a US Airforce logo. The wheel on the door begins to spin out of control as we pull in closer. The wall of the door begins to bend like some huge force is punching it from the inside.

Cut to one second of a close up of an 8mm camera lens.

Cut to black. White text: “Super 8″

The credits at the end were pretty bare.

Paramount Pictures Presents, An Amblin Entertainment/Bad Robot Production

“Super 8″

PRoduced By Steve Spielberg JJ Abrams Bryan Burk

Written and Directed by JJ Abrams

And the bottom featured the Amblin Entertainment, Bad Robot and Paramount Pictures Logo.

It’s been roughly a year since J.J. Abrams teased us mercilessly, so I’d say we’re about due. It’s being reported that Hollywood’s sneakiest man is attaching a secret trailer for super 8 to prints of Iron Man 2 this weekend. You might ask, what is Super 8? You being me, of course. What is Super 8?

Hit Fix is saying that it’s the rumoured sequel to Cloverfield. Or it could be the other secret J.J. Abrams project 500 Rads. Or it could be some dusty, ol super 8 footage that Abrams found at a swapmeet. If anyone could make someone’s unwanted home movie a hit, it would be Abrams.

At any rate, now we all have a good reason to go see this "Iron Guy" movie that we’ve heard so little about.