I just got the opportunity to interview him at Comic-Con and it was a dream come true.  Well, I only got to ask one question, but still.  This man has been part of so many films I love.  I mean, he’s a genius.  He’s a big part of my childhood.  And…AND…I actually loved Cowboys & Aliens.  I think it was a bad idea to premiere it at Comic Con when almost every single reviewer was exhausted/hungover/brain dead.  I think it might have been over-exposed, which builds up expectations to a fever pitch.  Nothing could possibly live up to the hype.  I thought it was fun.  I thought the cast was amazing.  I had an absolute blast watching it.  I just think we have a bit of alien fatigue.

Get The Alien Cribs Tour In 'Cowboys & Aliens' Trailer

We’re not innocent enough to believe in the goodness of the world anymore.  Not when profit or death is involved.  It’s why Super 8 was one of the only alien films this year that worked.  It played on the nostalgia of a more innocent time.  (Wrote a little piece on it.  Take a look.)  But there are only so many ways to do aliens in a film.  Steven is an expert on all things alien (he even gave Jon Favreau some tips on the alien design for Cowboys & Aliens), but even the great man himself can give us too much of a good thing.  This year alone, he’s got Super 8, Cowboys & Aliens Transformers: Dark of the Moon, and the TV show, Falling Skies.  There are other topics!  And Steven, haven’t you done enough with aliens?  Robot aliens, aliens in mech suits, aliens mining for gold, aliens whose ship building blocks look like little silver Rubik’s cubes…I still haven’t forgiven him for the aliens at the end of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.  And all of this in addition to all the non-Spielberg alien films out recently.  Battle: Los Angeles Paul I Am Number Four, Mars Needs Moms…the list goes on.

New 'Tintin' Trailer Proves Mo-Cap Doesn't Have To Suck

It’s a pretty random assortment of pictures, all wildly devoid of context, but the picture of Idris Elba looking like he’s cranking out a deuce while learning to ride a motorcycle makes it all worthwhile. If that’s not your thing, we’ve also got Nicolas Cage staring thoughtfully. If that’s not your thing either, this just isn’t the post for you. No hard feelings. But don’t leave our site. Peep this Leighton Meester piece instead.

CAST: Daniel Craig; Olivia Wilde

SYNOPSIS: In Silver City, Arizona, Apache Indians and Western settlers must lay their differences aside when an alien spaceship crash lands in their city.

Fs with Bs seems to take a different stylistic approach to the exact same movie. Strings was more of a drama with jokes in it, and it’s actually shockingly good at that. So if Friends delivered a snappy, quirky farce it would distinguish itself. Ultimately, it becomes the typical Hollywood comedy that tries to get serious in the end, but that’s not heart. That’s cheap.

'Friends With Benefits' Red Band: More Casual F***ing

Mila Kunis seems like the coolest girl ever and that goes a long way. Jamie (Kunis) is a headhunter who woos Dylan (Justin Timberlake) to a New York job at GQ. The material lets her change character on a dime as she adjusts her sales pitch and messes with Ryan. Once he moves to New York, they hang out and Jamie continues to push his buttons.

Personally, I wouldn’t like a friend to be that inconsistent. Dylan just messes with her right back. I personally prefer to be nice to my friends in real life. For a movie though, it provides lots of snappy banter. When Dylan and Jamie try the casual sex arrangement, the montage (sextage?) plays it as a joke. The ticklish chin, the socks staying on, the oral errors, it’s all having fun, not taking the endeavor or its ramifications seriously.

7 photosMila Kunis

That dynamic remains strong when Dylan and Jamie actually start dating other people in front of each other. You think you’re cool with it? We’ll see how cool with it you are. Timberlake is as likeable as he is on SNL, self-deprecating his singing and math skills.

Then they introduce Dylan’s family and it’s “insert drama here.” His father (Richard Jenkins) has Alzheimer’s. Now Jamie’s mom (Patricia Clarkson) has already been introduced as a wacky irresponsible drunk. It’s not cute but at least it’s consistent with the tone. Playing the Alzheimer’s card, and Jenkins acting the hell out of it, is just frankly a dick move. Yeah, we get that Dylan and Jamie have family issues. You can’t be the heartwarming Alzheimer’s movie after the abrasive humor of the first half.

Also Dylan’s nephew is the precocious kid from Modern Family (Nolan Gould) who does botched magic tricks. Then there’s a part where Jamie overhears Dylan saying something about her. No Strings actually had smart characters protecting themselves and speaking up. When that couple split up, it was because Ashton Kutcher’s character knew Natalie Portman’s was going to hurt him. Yeah, it was about 20 minutes before the finale, but I was proud of the character for making the tough choice.

Friends promises to be smart about romantic comedies by making fun of their clichés, even having a fake rom-com within the rom-com. Yet this has just as much pop music as Dylan makes fun of, and ends with a romantic stunt cleverly foreshadowed in the first act. I guess you can’t just have a casually funny movie without it bringing up all sorts of issues. Come on, don’t be this obvious!

The film spends a healthy first act on Steve Rogers (Chris Evans) as the digitally shrunken 90 lb. weakling. It establishes Rogers’ nobility and sincerity well so that you’re really proud of him when he becomes the super soldier, instead of resenting Evans for having such impressive abs.

'Captain America' Trailer: Still No Sympathy For Nazis

The ‘40s World War II setting does a lot to enhance the sense of wonder of a comic book movie. You really get to live in a fantasy world, with old New York City and a World’s Fair-esque Stark expo. The idea of Captain America first used as a marketing tool to sell war bonds makes the period really engaging. You get to see production numbers and the patriotism feels innocent when it’s WWII.

Supporting characters shine in this section too. Col. Phillips (Tommy Lee Jones) is hardass deadpan funny. Peggy Carter (Hayley Atwell) never overdoes it as a potential love interest. The movie never really allows Rogers to enjoy his new ladies man status, but at least Carter isn’t reduced to an object.

6 photosHayley Atwell

Meanwhile Johann Schmidt (Hugo Weaving) is so evil that the Nazis are too small time for him, so he starts his own Hydra party. Eventually we have to stop having fun so Rogers can rescue the troops Schmidt captured, expose him as Red Skull and fight bigger and badder opponents.

The action is actually not Captain America’s strong suit. A lot of it looks obviously green screen. I mean, when there are miles and miles of factory or warehouse behind them, I know they didn’t build that set. That makes a chase scene lack any feeling of distance. There are no knockdown, drag-out fights. Each confrontation has one gag that the enemy tries against Cap, and then he solves it.

It’s still fun to see the Steve Rogers we know is all heart finally get a body to match. His first foot chase through New York has the thrill of discovering his own strength, along with a few goofy jumps from car to car. A train sequence is well constructed, though still 50/50 fake looking. The montage really highlights all of Cap’s moves, and plenty of lame CG shots too, but it showcases his powers and there could be a whole other movie in those WWII missions.

I enjoyed the film overall, I’m just explaining why it’s not quite Spider-Man, or X-Men: First Class or even Iron Man. But if the fans of Iron Man can forgive a 15 minute flashback including a Powerpoint presentation of Stark family backstory, they should love Captain America equally, flaws and all.

10 photos‘Immortals’ Actress Freida Pinto

It goes without saying that the CG work is breathtaking. It must have cost a fortune. So much so that they couldn’t afford to comb Andy Serkis’s hair. But that’s beside the point, the movie looks like it will be heartbreaking. But also awesome. Did you see that chimp parkour off that jerk neighbor’s face?! Also, he spends his free time building a model of the Statue Of Liberty. Also cool!

Bravo, Rise of the Planet of the Apes. I’m definitely seeing this when it opens August 5th, even if every plot point has probably already been shown in the trailers. (Yahoo)

11 photosNew ‘Harry Potter’ Posters: Wizards Sticking Their Wands In Your Face

In case you’re a little slow on the uptake, this also puts Deathly Hallows 2 in front of every other Harry Potter movie in the opening-weekend-gross department. Second place is, fittingly, Deathly Hallows Part 1, which in its opening weekend earned about $125 million.

Interestingly, the latest Harry Potter movie is ranked only 6th in terms of actual attendance numbers. An explanation for this discrepancy is a combination of inflation and the extra money that audience members pay to see the movie in 3D and/or in IMAX. Alternatively, it might be due to magic. Yeah, magic sounds right. (Box Office Mojo)

CAST: Chris Evans, Hugo Weaving, Emily Blunt, Stanley Tucci, Tommy Lee Jones

SYNOPSIS: After being deemed unfit for military service, Steve Rogers volunteers for a top secret research project that turns him into Captain America, a superhero dedicated to defending America’s ideals.

Director: Will Gluck

Cast: Emma Stone, Mila Kunis, Justin Timberlake, Woody Harrelson

Synopsis: The relationship between two friends gets complicated when they decide to get romantic.

Release Date: July 22, 2011

Nick (Jason Bateman), Dale (Charlie Day) and Kurt (Jason Sudeikis) all have lousy bosses. Harken (Kevin Spacey) demeans and overworks Nick. Julia (Jennifer Aniston) sexually harasses Dale (it’s funny because it’s not a man intimidating a woman). Bobby Pellit (Colin Farrell) is just coked-up and crazy.

There's Funny Stuff In 'Horrible Bosses' Red Band

You know Hollywood’s not going to make a movie about really killing your boss. Horrible Bosses at least has fun with three dorks exploring the underworld. Kurt especially makes continuous asides like he’s really reacting to the process of finding a hired killer. They’ve seen Strangers on a Train and Throw Mamma from a Train but apparently not 9 to 5, and you get some slapstick as they bumble through reconnaissance missions.

You know exactly where the story is going and it’s all to keep the heroes innocent and likeable. It’s pretty funny when Kurt plays petty pranks with Pellit’s toiletries. Dale has some good Charlie Day freak-outs. Bateman gets some good lines too so he’s not relegated to straight man. These three work together, and it’s kind of nice to see this generation’s reliable studio comedians emerge.

6 photosJennifer Aniston

The bosses get to be extreme too. Spacey is basically doing Swimming with Sharks light, but Aniston really relishes saying the P word and talking about touching herself. If you have trouble imagining a man disliking Aniston’s advances, consider that Dale actually has a loving fiancée he wants to be faithful to. Or, remember that in real life, oversexed aggressive women don’t look like Jennifer Aniston.

I was going to compliment one twist on a standard cliché, but then they followed it up with the usual cliché so it would be a spoiler. I thought Horrible Bosses was a little funnier than Bad Teacher. If you’re hating on The Hangover Part II, at least they’re going somewhere with their formula. You’d rather have an “original” plotline that plays it safe? Well, at least I’ve gotten to see Rubber and Detention, so I can let these summer comedies coast.

Did Michael Bay Use The Same Incomprehensible Footage In Two Movies?

Uh, apparently there was another movie that opened this weekend too. It’s called Larry Crowne, a romantic comedy directed by up-and-comer Tom Hanks, who’s probably going to have a little trouble getting work after its paltry $14 million-dollar opening weekend. Maybe next time, kid. (The Playlist)

Director: Michael Bay

Cast: Shia LeBeouf, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, Tyrese Gibson

Synopsis: The Autobots learn of a Cybertronian spacecraft hidden on the Moon, and race against the Decepticons to reach it and to learn its secrets

Release Date: June 29, 2011

'Captain America' Trailer Reps The Red, White And Blue

This Fourth of July, I suggest you get your family all huddled in the house (or, let’s face it, studio apartment), draw the curtains, and watch this Captain America trailer on a loop. Over and over and over until you are ready to drop-kick the next German you meet.

Before you argue with me, claiming “the Fourth of July is about being outside” or “I lost my job and can’t afford an Internet connection anymore,” check out the trailer and try to say with a straight face that you don’t love America 6% more than before you watched it.

The theatrical trailer plays up the characteristics (beyond the physique) that make Captain America “Cap’n ‘merica.” Namely, his eagerness to jump on grenades, and not in a metaphorical sense. Balancing out the more emotional qualities here is a catchy little number by Tool, that reminds us that Captain America is a complete and total badass. But if you needed reminding of that, you’re probably a communist.

Check out the poster below, and come back tonight at 7:30E/4:30P to see the new trailer.

(Yahoo)

Punch was just delightful and lovely when I got to interview her for the film. She’d just rushed her lunch before I got to her room, as it can be difficult to squeeze simple necessities like food into a busy press schedule. Well nourished and lively, Punch humored my schoolboy crush on the good teacher.

Cameron Diaz Leaves No Child Behind In ‘Bad Teacher’ Red Band

Q: You know that guys find the red haired pony tailed teacher totally hot, right?

Lucy Punch: I have not heard this. I think this might just be you.

Q: I think I represent a whole group of people.

LP: A small, tiny group of people.

Q: Why do you doubt that?

LP: Well, I don’t know. They may do, but I don’t think that my character was attractive or sexy in any way whatsoever. But I’m pleased that you appreciated the red hair.

6 photosLucy Punch

Q: Was it conscious to go from playing sexpots in You Will Meet a Tall, Dark Stranger and Dinner for Schmucks to the modest schoolteacher type?

LP: It was a welcome relief and it was funny playing both those very vampy characters. I’d never played anything like that before and I found myself playing this sort of slutty hooker. Then I got back to back these two roles. It was certainly an immense relief to not have to worry about fake tan on my legs and doing a situp. I could just let it all hang out. I was stuffing my face at craft services while Cameron’s maintaining her beautiful physique. I was chowing down on donuts and chips.

Q: Could you have any better movie star name than Lucy Punch?

LP: Thank you. I think it works quite well for these comedy movies I’ve been playing recently. It’s not a very serious name.

Q: If you did an action movie, no one would believe it.

LP: Yes. You know, I know an actor in London called Lex Shrapnel. Isn’t that incredible? He’s also very handsome. Lex Shrapnel.

Q: Where do you start when you’re building a character?

LP: Fortunately with this, the script was fantastic. So it was on the page who this woman was. They said when you see her, she had her hair in big pigtails. Which I didn’t do. I thought it was a step too far, and she was wearing Tevas, those Velcro sandals. The writers set up quite a vivid image of who this person was. For me personally, getting the wardrobe right, starting from the feet up, very sensible, quirky clogs. Also developing her sound. I was trying to do at least this sort of Midwestern accent, which to my ears is very sweet and cutesy and all American which fit her. Also adding a slightly nasal irritating twang because she is meant to be a fairly unlikable annoying character.

Q: Do you look at the long history of comedy stuffy foil characters?

LP: The only person that really sprang to mind, for some reason when I was reading it and also working on how she moved, I was thinking of what would Sarah Palin’s cousin be like? For some reason, I thought of Amy Squirrel. That’s not to say that she’s annoying or unhinged, but she’s very perky. She’s got a lot of energy and I thought that was a similarity between them both.

Q: When did comedy become an outlet for you?

LP: Gosh, I don’t know. My family’s quite funny and quirky and eccentric. I remember making people laugh when I was a kid but I wasn’t trying to be funny. Whatever I was doing, I’d be reacting, telling the story of something terrible that happened to me or sad, and it would make people laugh. Instead of going “Oh, poor you,” I’d have people go, “Oh, you’re hilarious. You’re so funny.” I’m like I wasn’t trying to be funny. Perhaps from then, I’ve actually played Cinderella’s ugly sister three times before on camera and I had an ugly stepsister themed birthday party when I was about 10. So I always went into that direction, character parts rather than princesses.

Q: I remember Ella Enchanted. What are the other two?

LP: The first one I did was with Kathleen Turner. That was a British TV movie. Then 10 years later I did another and that was the smallest one. It was a series of fairy tales being told again on the BBC. Extraordinary, three times. I had this birthday. There’s pictures of me aged 11 with a beauty spot and pink kiss curls for my ugly sister’s birthday party.

Bad Teacher hits theaters Friday.

9 photos‘Transformers 3′ Rolls Out Shiny, New Stills

“We want the best presentation possible. We have created a special version with extra sharpening, color and contrast. It is a superior look in the format. The brighter the image, the brain processes in a different way (sic) and the result sharpens and makes it more vibrant.

“We did many studies on the formats for presentation and I found this to be the best result.”

It’s reported that these brighter prints deliver almost twice the brightness of regular prints and will kick any dim projector’s ass. They also give the projectionist testicular cancer and night terrors but, hey, you need eggs in your omelettes, people. The special brighter digital prints will go to about 2,000 theaters, all using the RealD 3D system. Remaining screens, including all RealD competitors, will run at standard brightness. If you choose to see it that way, you and your brain are on your own. Bay can only give you so much. (Variety)

Segel played it cool at the Bad Teacher junket too. In a Four Seasons hotel suite, he kicked back with his feet up, because he didn’t have to do the heavy lifting. He could just hang out with the journalists he’s known since Forgetting Sarah Marshall, “How I Met Your Mother” and some as far back as “Freaks and Geeks.” He even asked how my summer was going, but I got into the interview as quickly as I could.

Cameron Diaz Leaves No Child Behind In ‘Bad Teacher’ Red Band

Jason Segel: Oh, interesting. No, I think as you get older you learn that that’s just a recipe for disaster. It’s very intriguing when you’re young. There’s some air of mystery about it but it always just ends in heartbreak.

Q: But it seems like your character still goes for it.

JS: Yeah, my character does. He sees I think in Cameron Diaz’s character sort of a glimmer every now and again that if this woman would just drop her façade and the superficiality, she would really be an awesome woman. So he’s determined to break down that wall.

Q: Can you maintain that aloof sarcasm in the face of a hot babe?

6 photosCameron Diaz

Q: Are you hoping to make gym teachers cool again?

JS: Were they ever not cool?

Q: I think they might not usually be.

JS: No, I’ve always liked the gym teacher. What a great life.  Play sports all day, hang out and then go drink at the end of the night. It’s perfect.

Q: I guess if you’re good at sports, that’s ideal.

6 photosLucy Punch

Q: You’re really a huge star now. Has that hit you?

JS: No, I never think of it that way at all. I’m very lucky but I still write most of my material. So that takes away any element of feeling like a big star because you’re working so hard for these movies. I still haven’t lost the idea that unless I write it, I’m not going to get cast in it, which is a great motivator to keep writing.

Q: What about Bad Teacher then?

JS: Well, this I’ve known Jake for about 15 years and for as much as I’m in the film, this was a surprisingly easy gig. I think I worked for 9 days total. Not that the part was an afterthought or anything like that, but it was a small supporting role, which I think it still is.

Q: Do you get a lot more friend requests since I Love You, Man?

JS: I do not engage in any of the internet stuff. I’m not on Twitter or on Facebook or any of that stuff.

Q: Even in real life, are guys more eager to buddy up with you?

JS: I think maybe so. A lot of the characters I play are just inherently accessible by virtue of the way they’re written. So I think people feel a lot more comfortable coming up to me and sitting down and starting to open up about their real lives than they would be someone who they were intimidated by.

'The Muppets' Trailer, For Real This Time

JS: Yeah, it’s all happening. A couple teaser trailers are out now.

Q: For as long as we’ve been talking about it, isn’t that a milestone?

JS: It is. You know, it’s been five years in the making, something like that. To have it all finally come to fruition and be so close to release is just unbelievably exciting.

Q: What is it actually like to be on set with Kermit?

JS: It’s one of the coolest things ever and the real magic of it is no matter how old you are, you can see it from little kids to adults visiting the set to studio heads, within 10 minutes of being around those puppets, the puppeteer disappears and you’re having a conversation with the puppet. It’s a very strange phenomenon but it’s totally real.

Q: Since they actually have to execute the things in the script, were you writing with the Muppeteers?

JS: We didn’t write with them but we got a lot of really sound advice from them. First of all, in terms of what the actual characters would and wouldn’t do because they know these characters better than anyone. Some of them have been doing these same characters for 25 years. Longer, 30 years. What we did learn a lot about from them was what was actually possible and what wasn’t. It’s very easy to conceive of an idea of 50 full figure Muppets running away from a building but then you have them come in and say, “I don’t know how you plan on us doing that. That’s impossible.” So we learned a lot about stuff like that.

3 photosAw Man, The Muppet Movie Has Hipsters

JS: You fake it. You make fun of the fact that you can’t do it. We have a line at the end of the preview where a building explodes. It’s the exact scene I was talking about. You never see the explosion. You just hear it. You just cut to the Muppets and then Fozzie says, “Wow, that was an expensive looking explosion. I can’t believe we have that in the budget.” That’s because we didn’t have it in the budget.

Q: As a Muppets fan, were you also a fan of Labyrinth and The Dark Crystal?

JS: Absolutely, yeah. Labyrinth was one of my favorites growing up, as was Dark Crystal, but I remember David Bowie in Labyrinth freaked me out in just the greatest way. Even as a little kid you knew David Bowie was cool.

Q: What’s coming up on How I Met Your Mother next season?

JS: We have no idea. We come back in August.

Q: Well, we saw a hologram last season. Are they getting close to the apocalyptic ending idea?

JS: Did I tell you about that? No, we always joke about that idea. I still think it would be hilarious just to reveal that all the narration is going on from a post-apocalyptic wasteland. I have no idea how they plan on ending the show or who the mother is. I’m as excited to find out as you are.

Q: At this point, the joke is how many different ways you won’t find out. If someone is still waiting to find out who the mother is, aren’t they missing the point?

JS: Absolutely. That concept was a great hook for when the show started, but I think as the series has progressed, that artifice has dropped away and it’s become more like Friends. It’s just about watching these people.

Q: What is Five Year Engagement?

JS: Five Year Engagement is what I’m shooting now in Michigan. It’s a movie that Nick Stoller and I wrote together and Nick is directing it, we’re producing it together with Judd. It’s about a couple that gets engaged probably too early in their relationship and it follows them over five years of engagement without being married. Emily Blunt is my lovely costar.

Q: The concept itself suggests something is wrong.

JS: And Nick and I have both known people like this who are together for such a long time but never quite pull the trigger because they’re waiting for the perfect circumstance, the perfect moment, the perfect venue. Ultimately that shouldn’t be what it’s about.

Q: Well, it’s one thing to be dating someone a while before you propose. It’s another to be engaged but never follow through.

JS: Absolutely. At one point one of the characters says, “Is there a time limit on engagement when you’re no longer engaged if you haven’t gotten married?” I think some element of that theme plays into it.

Q: Will it be R-rated?

JS: Yes, it’s the same team from Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

Q: Are there any painfully honest moments like the naked breakup scene?

JS: There are. We really dug deep on this one. I think as Nick and I grow up, get older and are getting to different phases in our lives, he’s married with a kid now and I’m getting older. I think we’re wanting to explore that kind of stuff as deeply as we did getting broken up with in your early ‘20s. At the time, that’s the most painful thing but we’ve had a lot of life experiences since.

Bad Teacher hits theaters Friday.

August 15^th, 2017

Yo yo yo,

What’s up, man? Long time no talk. I know, I know, I haven’t written in a long time. I’ve been busy you know? The future isn’t all flutes and unicorns prancing beside naked chicks or whatever it is you idiots back there think the future would look like. By the way, I found our kid Lamont Suzuki (again don’t ask.)

9 photos‘Transformers 3′ Rolls Out Shiny, New Stills

****DISCLAIMER**** This review is for entertainment purposes only. Hey jerkoff, don’t copy my sweet moves in Gears of War 9 for the X-Octo 1080, you butthole. You made me lose Ardingie points. Now I have to redo the entire level.

When Chicago was destroyed waaay back in Transformers: Dark of the Moon (remember that disaster?) Sam decided he missed Mikaela and in Transformers 5: Witreckoning, Sam and Mikaeal reunited after the Decepticons captured her and injected Herpes Bots into her body to try and infect the entire human race. They failed.

With the Autobots fleeing to Neptune, The Queenbots and Decepticons had formed a pact to rule the planet. The Queenbots would watch over the humans and take care of the day-to-day operations. The lawns were always freshly mowed, parades were run in a timely manner, the sushi was tightly rolled, and the Jewtrons had kept the world’s finances in order. But the Decepticons were not to be trusted. The Decepticons turned on the Queenbots, who couldn’t defeat Megatrontania. The QueenBots were ordered to reenter their world of Culo as hard and as fast as they could. The Decepticons now ruled the planet Earth.

Director Tony Scott, who has taken over for Michael Bay after Michael decided to reboot his Bad Boys franchise with a now grown Jaden Smith, can’t handle the scope of a Transformers movie. Using the latest Oxnard 6000 HD-I-D 3D INDEE SPINDEE FUNDEE technology, he planted the cameras in the ground, giving the audience a dead man’s view of the action. And with his camera sweeping and incessant zoom in/zoom out habits, you’re left feeling like someone stuffed you in a dryer and turned it on for two hours.

Things pick up in the second act when word reached Neptune that the planet eating Oprahcron was headed to Earth. Optimus and his new bride Vaglock (Transformers can now reproduce) have distanced themselves from the rest of the Autobots. PaulWalkerMax, leader of the Brobot faction, instructed the other Autobots to “Totally help Earth before someone gets hurt.” but nobody would listen to him, laughing every time he talked about his ancient battles with VinDieselitawn, a Transformer who played Dungeons & Dragons with humans and liked to eat hot dogs.

Optimus, who now calls himself a Trans-Amformer, hears about the threat when one of the Queenbots goes to Neptune and tells him that they made a mistake and the Decepticons are by themselves on Earth, destroying the planet. Optimus is furious at such news. He rises up slowly, camera panning up his body, still panning, Optimus is still rising, panning, rising as the light from the moons of Neptune glisten off the metallic golden eagle on his chestplate, camera still panning, rising….holy shit, is he ever going to…still panning up…Optimus is still risi…ok, Optimus, now fully erect, finds the other Autobots and tells them they must return to Earth and destroy the Decepticons once and for all while the Queenbots take care of Oprahcron.

The 3^rd act is a nightmare to try and follow, keeping up the tradition of previous Transformers movies. Robots are so closely packed I can’t tell if they’r fighting or screwing.

Human soldiers Tyrese and Josh Dumb-as-hell or whatever his name is, are still trying to shoot robots with machine guns. Tyrese, now with 50 million Flutter followers (Twitter was purchased by Flutter) Fluts his lines in the movie on his iPhone 10 instead of verbally speaking them. Audience members receive the Fluts on their phones while watching the movie.

The Queenbots attack Oprahcron by continuously jabbing her with their Robowangs. Oprahcron opens her mouth getting ready to swallow all of the Queenbots but they quickly enter her from behind and begin to destroy her from within. Oprahcron starts to explode, her eyes bulge as white hot liquid metal exits from all of her orifices.

In the end, the Decepticons are defeated and the Autobots regain control. The human race is saved. Or is it? After the credits, a shot of a giant mysterious Transformer is seen talking to a fleeing Megatrontonia. Who could it be? We’ll have to wait and see when Transformers 8: Putain De Bordel De Merde! opens in 2018.

Rating: D+

Alright man, I’m out. Hope you and your readers dug this future review of Transformers 7: The Bright Side of Neptune. I’ll try and send you future reviews in the…well, in the future. Oh, before I go, be sure to wear a condom on December 4^th, 2012. I love our kid but the little bastard just escaped again and I’m really wondering if I should go look for him or wait for that “Oh no, not Lamont.” reaction I’ll have when the police call.

Later,

You. I mean me.

Stay ahead of the game and follow El Guapo on Twitter!

The film is rated R for Diaz’s language and some raunchy scenes involving dry humping and drug consumption. Kasdan tells Screen Junkies how he kept his Teacher bad, and a little bit about the upcoming TV series “The New Girl.” Kasdan directed the pilot of the new Zooey Deschanel Fox comedy.

Cameron Diaz Leaves No Child Behind In ‘Bad Teacher’ Red Band

Q: Were there any fights with the studio to keep the film unapologetic?

JK: There really weren’t. They were sort of on board with what this was from the beginning and knew that you couldn’t really make this movie any way but this way. Even though it’s not what you’d expect, the truth is they were really completely supportive of that endeavor at the point where they decided to make the movie. They knew what they were getting.

Q: And it’s R-rated, but not really hard R.

JK: Well, it’s a fairly hard R in terms of it’s unambiguously R. The language makes it a clear and strong R. It has no penises in it.

Q: Well, she talks about sucking dick but it’s not lik South Park language.

JK: Just the fucks and the cursing count makes it unambiguously R-rated but yeah, in terms of how hard it is, it’s a funny one because you’re right. Pound for pound, it doesn’t chalk up the PG-13 violations the way that some movies do. But I think because the character is outrageous, it strikes people as being very R-rated.

Q: Did you ever consider having her show The Substitute as one of her teacher movies?

JK: Oh, we did talk about The Substitute. We were afraid that it wasn’t a clear enough thought.

Q: Some of us would have recognized it.

JK: Yeah, that’s the thing. There were a few that we talked about that we knew a few of us would love but you’re unsure of how universal the imagery is.

6 photosCameron Diaz

Q: Was it important to you that no one learn a lesson in this?

JK: It was sort of important to us that we not make it that thing. When people change, they change in very small increments. To the extent that her worldview was going to change at all, it was going to change in only the smallest possible way which is she considers a different kind of guy.

Q: Walk Hard is my favorite movie of the last ten years.

JK: Really? Nice, I love to hear that.

Q: It is the American hero’s journey. Was that the concept?

JK We were satirizing a certain kind of mythmaking, yeah. So to some extent we were very conscious of the scope of the joke and eager to see it through as completely as we could for sure.

Q: None of those songs could get nominated for an Oscar?

JK: That’s what we were saying. Come on.

Q: I’ve watched the director’s cut twice because sometimes you want to see the subplot where he marries Cheryl Tiegs in the ‘70s.

JK: American Cox we called it.

Q: You did the pilot for “The New Girl.” Will you stay on the series?

JK: I will be around as they get “New Girl” kicked out the door, for at least the beginning. I’ll be helping them get it launched.

Q: Is it tonally like your movies?

JK: It’s tonally more like the TV shows I’ve worked on I think. It definitely I think is in some ways related to “Freaks.” It has a little bit of that energy to it.

Bad Teacher his theaters this Friday. “The New Girl” premieres on Fox this fall.

Captain America hits theaters July 22. Check out the poster below.

8 photosNew ‘Super 8′ Stills Show Everything (But The Monster)

Cowboys & Aliens starring Daniel Craig, naked Olivia Wilde, Harrison Ford, Sam Rockwell, and Abigail Spencer opens on July the 29th.

Director: Jake Kasdan

Cast: Cameron Diaz; Justin Timberlake; Lucy Punch; Jason Segal; John Michael Higgens

Synopsis: A comedy centered around a foul-mouthed, junior high teacher who, after being dumped by her sugar daddy, begins to woo a colleague — a move that pits her against a well-loved teacher.

Release Date: Jun 24, 2011

6 photosAmanda Michalka

Over the last few months, clips from a 1960′s secret military video were released to various websites. Now on the day of the film’s early release, those clips have been pieced together and feature the early scientific research into the film’s alien. Be advised that the video contains minor plot spoilers as well as a glimpse of the alien. If you want to see the film with fresh eyes, don’t watch the video. But please pour over my words and tell me if you see us sealing the deal tonight. I mean, c’mon. Bus rides and extra value meals add up, you know. (Yahoo)

6 photosKim Lee

Yep, it can. Though Whitmill has worked out a deal to receive money for his copyright, Warners have opted to digitally augment the tattoo before the film is released on home video in December. That means Whitmill can claim against the theatrical release and marketing materials that feature his work, but won’t see a dime of the DVD sales. In silent protest, Whitmill will design a tattoo of Calvin urinating on the WB logo. (THR)

4 photos'Captain America' Set Photos Prove Nerd Muscle Chamber Is Fake

The first clip shows off the chemistry between the child leads, Joel Courtney and Elle Fanning. It’s a pretty sweet scene though you do witness the birth of a future necrophiliac. And in the second clip, we see Kyle Chandler in a stylish G.I. Joe outfit and a surly attitude.

Anyway, help out this poor little lamb of a blockbuster film by J.J. Abrams and Steven Spielberg by putting the below clips in your eyeballs’ bellies. Then decide if you want to head out to theaters this weekend. Those guys could really use the support.


Super 8 Clip – Watch more Funny Videos


Super 8 Triage Clip – Watch more Funny Videos