Screen Junkies » steven tyler http://www.screenjunkies.com Movie Reviews & TV Show Reviews Fri, 19 Sep 2014 21:04:14 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 6 More Awkward Steven Tyler Cameos http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/6-more-awkward-steven-tyler-cameos/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/6-more-awkward-steven-tyler-cameos/#comments Mon, 23 Jan 2012 19:06:28 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=243316 He just keeps showing up places. Can we put a bell around his neck or something?

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Yesterday, the nation watched as Steven Tyler gifted us the sonic equivalent of an ice pick in the brainstem. It happened before the AFC Championship game between the New England Patriots and Baltimore Ravens. Fans were confused at first when what seemed like a homeless Fraggle wandered onto the field. However, confusion grew after they realized who was cameoing and began to scream the lyrics to the National Anthem. Without Joe Perry to lean against, his rendition was screechy and made the cheerleaders weep.

It seems that every time a Boston sports team makes it to a championship game, Steven Tyler is wrapped in fur and trotted out to the field. There are other singers from Boston, you guys. You don’t have to use him consistently. I’m sure that any member of Bell Biv Devoe would be thrilled to take the gig.

That said, weird. Here are a few other weird places Steven Tyler popped up in where he didn’t belong.

Lizzie McGuire – Himself

Never one to miss the opportunity to caterwaul or linger his eyes on girls a quarter his age, it only makes sense that Steven Tyler guest-starred as Santa Claus on Lizzie McGuire. He’s the first person I think of when I’m trying to cast Santa in my head. Sorry, Kenny Rogers. All of your work has been for naught.

The Polar Express – Elf

Apparently rubbing up on some teen strange wasn’t enough to sate Steven Tyler’s yuletide yearnings. The King of Christmas also had a cameo in Robert Zemeckis‘s The Polar Express as an elf that screams at the top of his lungs. Not sure why they need an elf for that, but this casting makes absolute sense to me. If you’re going to piss fire on the Uncanny Valley in order to scare children, you might as well pick a singer with as strange a face as possible.

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‘American Idol’ Recrap: Solo Night http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-episode/american-idol-recrap-solo-night/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-episode/american-idol-recrap-solo-night/#comments Fri, 18 Feb 2011 20:52:42 +0000 Jame Gumb http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=28238 I’m not sure what to make of “American Idol.” With only 100 contestants left, most of the people I hate have been sent home. And since I’m incapable of love, I feel empty and alone, much like the 50 losers from last night’s “solo night” show.

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At this point, I’m not sure what to make of “American Idol.” With only 100 contestants left, most of the people I hate have been sent home. And since I’m incapable of love, I feel empty and alone, much like the 50 losers from last night’s “solo night” show.

Let’s start with those who did make it through. I’m always amazed at how the people they feature early on in the show manage to make it through. What are the odds? It’s as if they know who they are going to promote from the very beginning.

For example, there’s Scott McCreery, a deep-voiced country star who is the definition of a one-trick pony. He’s not a bad singer, as long as he’s singing one of the three-songs that fit his vocal range. Last night, he butchered his song, forgetting the words and singing bizarre nonsensical lyrics. It’s not like they made him sing Lady Gaga. It was a country song. Even McCreery himself admitted he should go home. Yet, he went on.

Then, of course, there’s Jacee Badeaux (a.k.a. the young fat kid). Even I like him, and I’d love to see him win. There’s just one small problem. He’s not that good, and he had no business making it into the final 50. His voice is way too timid. Also, he’s fat, so that’s another reason he should go. Just kidding! I felt like picking on someone because of my own low self-esteem. Sort of like kids used to pick on Brett Loewenstern. He made it to the final 50, and he’s getting back at everyone who picked on him in the process. I’m not sure how getting laughed at by bullies watching across the country accomplishes that, but whatever.

Casey Abrams made it through, with the help of his bass. I’m not sure why they allow him to play instruments. It’s not really fair to the other contestants. But then again, I could care less about the other contestants, so I’ll let it go.

I hope you like people crying in order to create a big scene, because Ashley Sullivan also made it through. I feel really bad for her boyfriend, who has to come out and calm her down almost every episode. Hopefully being on TV will allow him to find a better girl who doesn’t piss out her eyes every time she’s the least-bit nervous.

As for people who didn’t make it, Brielle Von Hugel, Corey Levoy, Mark Gutierrez, Chelsee Oaks and Jacqueline Dunford were all let go. And in the interest of keeping it real, I just copied these names from the L.A. Times recap. I watched the show, but I’m far too lazy to go back and watch it again so I can write down all the loser’s names, especially since this is my last “Idol” recap. So long, suckers.

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‘American Idol’ Recrap: Group Night http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-episode/american-idol-recap-group-week/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-episode/american-idol-recap-group-week/#comments Thu, 17 Feb 2011 20:18:39 +0000 Jame Gumb http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=27828 Last night was “group night” on “American Idol,” which is much less exciting than it sounds to an Internet-porn addict, like myself. Never the less, I watched all two hours of the program in order to describe it in detail to you, the reader. Congrats.

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The guy above with the headband (and the Aspergers) made it through, if you care.

Last night was “group night” on “American Idol,” which is much less exciting than it sounds to an Internet-porn addict, like myself. Never the less, I watched all two hours of the program in order to describe it in detail to you, the reader. Congrats. You’ve reduced me to this.

For those of you unfamiliar with group night, it involves the remaining contestants breaking out into groups that must then choreograph and perform a song for the judges. The groups decide for themselves who to accept, which always causes a lot of drama. I don’t mean “drama” in the good “Breaking Bad” kind of way. I mean it in more of “a bunch of bitches acting overly dramatic” kind of way.

If you like watching fat kids get picked, you really should have tuned in. Jaycee Badeaux, the fat kid in question, was banished from his group by the evil Karaoke host, Clint Jun Gamboa. Scotty McCreery the deep-voiced country singer, didn’t stick up for Jaycee when he had the chance, and cried crocodile tears about it later in the show. However, Jaycee joined forces with fellow misfit Brett Loewenstern, and all four contestants and their group-mates made it through to the next round, which surley made for an awkward moment later that night during the mandatory group shower I assume all the contestants are forced to take.

While Ashlee and his new enemies made it through, Tiffany Rios was not so lucky. After mocking all of the other contestants on last week’s show, Rios found herself blackballed by the groups. Something tells me Rios is no stranger to blackballs, or any colored balls, for that matter, but in this instance, she found herself at a loss. Eventually, Jessica Yantz took pity on Rios, which ultimately proved foolish, as the pair was quickly dismissed, and Rios was force to return to the swamp from which she came.

Paris Tassin was also sent packing, which I can only assume was the result of Stephen Tyler’s contempt for special needs children, like her daughter. Kira. Either that, or it was because she sang very poorly. I guess we’ll never know for sure.

Speaking of Tyler, at one point he accidentally told a contestant he had made it through, when in fact the contestant had been dismissed. Later in the episode, he jokingly told Clint Jun Gamboa that he had not made the cut. I’m not normally a fan of the Aerosmith front man, but I have to respect the fact that he’s enjoys playing god and toying with peoples emotions. Make them grovel, Steven! In fact, make them dance!

I almost forgot to mention Ashley Sullivan. This is probably because she almost went home. Keep in mind, the judges loved her group’s performance, and she easily passed through. But before it got to that point, Ashlee threatened to quit because of all the “pressure.” I’m not sure why someone who doesn’t like pressure would go on a nationally televised contest, but here we are. Considering I’ve now seen her cry multiple times, I’m thinking maybe she doesn’t dislike pressure so much as she loves drama. You know the type I’m talking about; the ones who accuse you of murdering their house pets even though they know damn well you were simply setting their souls free. Typical.

In closing, I didn’t think there was anything more annoying than watching a bunch of egomaniacs perform on “Idol.” Clearly, I was wrong. Watching ego-maniacal parents live vicariously through their children is a lot worse. Luckily, the children in question can actually sing, which takes away some of the sting.

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‘American Idol’ Recap: Hollywood ‘Weak’ Part 1 http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-episode/%e2%80%98american-idol%e2%80%99-recap-hollywood-weak-part-1/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-episode/%e2%80%98american-idol%e2%80%99-recap-hollywood-weak-part-1/#comments Fri, 11 Feb 2011 19:51:12 +0000 Jame Gumb http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=26439 By it’s very nature, Hollywood Week isn’t as fun to watch. Almost, everyone who has made it to this point can sing, so there are no sad, pathetic people to mock and ridicule. As such, we have to settle for the next best thing: reveling in the failure of those who are more talented than us.

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Its Hollywood Week on “American Idol,” and thus far it’s been nothing but drama, drama drama! Sure, I could change the channel and watch a military coup depose a ruthless dictator as hundreds of thousands cheer in the street, but that’s not the kind of drama I want to see. I’d rather Brett Loewenstern whine about a getting picked on as a kid.

By it’s very nature, Hollywood Week isn’t as fun to watch as the auditions. Almost, everyone who has made it to this point can sing, so there are no sad, pathetic people to mock and ridicule. As such, we have to settle for the next best thing: reveling in the failure of those who are more talented than us. While it’s not as fun are laughing at the metaly handicapped, it’s still a good time.

First on the list was Victoria Huggins, a 17-year-old from North Carolina. I don’t remember completely hating her in the audition stage, but back them I was smoking a lot more crystal, so perhaps my judgment was impaired. Last night, Huggins was nauseating. Hearing her say, “I’m the next American Idol, duh,” was bad enough. But watching her stare at the Hollywood hills and say aloud, “I wonder if people look at me like I look at these mountains,” was revolting. Unless of course, she was looking at the mountains and thinking, “god, those things do nothing but add to traffic congestion, and I wish some one would bulldoze them into the sea.” If that’s the case, I forgive her. Either way, she and the 11 bags she packed got the boot.

Another great rejection came from Nick Fink, who had previously made it through with his girlfriend, Jacqueline Dunford. Last night, Dunford passed to the next round, but Fink wasn’t so lucky. I was willing to forgive them for their disgusting PDAs during the auditions. I chalked it up to the producers egging them on. But it looks as if Nick might be that obnoxious after all. After being rejected, he was crushed, which was understandable. But rather than walking away and keeping some dignity, he kept pleading for another chance. I get that in the one-on-one auditions, but how can you repeatedly beg for that when you’re surrounded by other constestanets? Why does he think he deserves a second chance when no one else gets one? He even had the audacity to start singing again after they told him no. Christ on a crutch, get a back bone, man (wrote the spineless blogger). But to be honest, I’d be upset too if I was about to leave my hot girlfriend alone in Hollywood. It’s only a matter of time until Charlie Sheen is doing coke off her ass.

The other rejected contestants weren’t nearly as annoying, but that might have something to do with their wonderful breasts. Stormi Henley, the former Miss Teen USA, had to say good bye, as did my new favorite belly-dancer, Heidi Kazam. I was also sad to see Steve Beghun, the accountant from Milwaukee, and Travis Orlando, the poor kid from the Bronx, get cut. And those last two don’t even have breasts.

As far as those who did make it through, Tiffany Rios was by far the most annoying. Rios showed about as much class as you’d expect from a girl who came to the auditions with stars pasted on her tits. When she went up to sing, she slammed all of the other contestants for no reason by saying, “I’m tired of watching people try to do what I know I can.” This wasn’t a dick sausage contest, so I’m not sure what she was talking about. Unfortunately, she made it through. I imagine they’ll keep her around as long as possible, just to have some controversy. And if all goes well, she’ll probably end up on some low-rent reality show after that. What an awful planet.

As the tee-shirt once said, “Jersey Girls aren’t trash, trash gets picked up.”

Chris Medina also made it through, no thanks to Steven Tyler. Right before he went to sing, Tyler asked, “How’s Juliana.” Oh, you mean how’s his fiancee who was horribly injured in a car crash and is now confined to a wheel chair and may never be the same again? Thanks for asking right before he had to sing in front of millions of people. Nothing like personal tragedy to calm those butterflies. James Durbin (the guy with Tourette’s), Rob Bolin and Chelsee Oaks (the former couple), and Scotty McGreery (the deep-voiced country guy) all made it through. Also, I made it through another episode, which is a thousand times harder than making it through the audtions, so give me some credit.

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‘American Idol’ Recap: San Francisco http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-episode/american-idol-recap-san-francisco/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-episode/american-idol-recap-san-francisco/#comments Thu, 10 Feb 2011 18:37:29 +0000 Jame Gumb http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=26128 Last night was the final episode of the "American Idol" auditions, and what better way to end this sh#t show than with a fart. No, really. The show began with a teary-eyed girl complaining that the judges wouldn’t let her finish after she ripped ass.

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Last night was the final episode of the “American Idol” auditions, and what better way to end this shit show than with a fart. No, really. The show began with a teary-eyed girl complaining that the judges wouldn’t let her finish after she ripped ass. Of course, “Idol” was too “classy” to air the actual fart footage (if it even exists), but they weren’t classy enough to keep from humiliating this gassy girl on national television. To quote Hannah Montana, it’s “the best of both worlds.”

I know what you’re thinking: “why did he just quote Hannah Montana?” Don’t worry. I have a good explanation. I’m a pedophile, which is why I loved the night’s first contestant, Inessa Lee. She’s a 22 Ukrainian girl who looks like she’s 12 and posts Youtube videos of herself in the shower. If you’re wondering how a Ukrainian ended up with the last name of Lee, it’s because she married an Asian dude who loves to wear sweaters. At any rate, despite her belly dancing and self delusion, Inessa didn’t make it.

It seems like the producers wanted to end the auditions on an inspirational note. For example, there was Stephano Langone, who survived a horrible car accident. Steven Tyler actually said that the reason Langone was spared from death was so he could go to Hollywood. Yes, that makes sense. God chose to spare this guy so that he could go on to lose American Idol. It’s a good thing he has a good voice, or I guess God would have left him for dead.

There was also a hot Colombian girl (Julie Zorrilla) who was forced to flee her native land due to a civil war, Emily Reed, who lost her house in a fire, and James Durbin, a 21 year old with Aspergers Syndrome who at the age of nine, lost his father to a drug overdose. All and all, the episode was a lot of fun.

The most surprising part of the show was that Steven Tyler finally decided to get mean. It was as if everything he’d been holding in for the past few weeks came to a head and exploded onto the San Francisco contestants. I’m usually all for that type of harshness. After all, no one is making these people audition. But Tyler’s targets were confusing. Contestant David Combs managed to butcher a Beatles song, but he was no worse than your average contestant. In fact, he was better than a lot of the freaks we’ve seen. But the way Tyler reacted, you would have thought Hitler was trying to get on the show. Later in the episode, Tyler sarcastically told another delusional contestant (David Johnston) that he had made it through, only to crush his hopes moments later. That’s cold! But listening to bad singers for that many weeks would make Mother Teresa a little testy.

Next was Drew Beaumier, who describes himself as a bartender/autobot. Confused by the autobot on his resume? Well, he came to the audition in a robot suit that he made out of an old Power Wheels toy. While crouched down in the shape of a Ford Mustang, he sang “Born to be Wild.” He wasn’t half bad, but the judges probably didn’t take him seriously because he was dressed like a god-damn car. That being said, the outfit was pretty cool.

In closing, my favorite reject of the night, and possibly the show, was Weston Lee Smith, who, after an awful performance, simply apologized to the stunned judges. It saved everyone a lot of time. Now, if the producers of this show would just apologize to America, we could all move on.

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‘American Idol’ Recap: L.A. http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-photos/american-idol-recap-l-a/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-photos/american-idol-recap-l-a/#comments Fri, 04 Feb 2011 18:48:10 +0000 Jame Gumb http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=24864 Those sons of b#tches at "American Idol" finally broke down and put a crazy homeless dude on national television for everyone to laugh at.

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They finally did it. I knew it was only a matter of time, but even so, I wasn’t prepared. Those sons of bitches at “American Idol” finally broke down and put a crazy homeless dude on national television for everyone to laugh at. More on that later.

You’d think the Los Angeles round of the “American Idol” audition tour would be fruitful. After all, L.A. bills itself as the entertainment capital of the world. But in reality, Los Angeles has more delusion per square mile than anywhere else on earth. For every talented person that comes to Hollywood, there are a hundred no-talent nut jobs trying to break into “the business.” To make matters worse, many of the singers with actual talent are already involved with projects that preclude them from auditioning for “Idol.” So at the end of the day, you’re not left with much.

The Good
If you’re looking for talent, you picked the wrong night to watch. Tim Halperin made it through, despite asking a perturbed Jennifer Lopez how old she was. Then there was Heidi Khzam, who seduced the male judges with a belly dance in order to get a ticket, much to Jennifer Lopez’s disgust. Yeah, like J-Lo never had to use the casting couch to get ahead.

Karen Rodriguez made it through after she auditioned via Myspace. Why in the hell are they using Myspace, you ask? Well, I’d imagine it has something to do with the fact that Fox and Myspace are both owned by the same company. Either that, or someone at “Idol” really loves bad page layouts and pedophiles.

Last but not least were Mark and Aaron Gutierrez, two brothers who impressed the judges with their singing ability and brightly-colored shirts.

The Bad
I’m not sure if this episode’s contestants were the worst singers, but they have to be in the running for the saddest. Where do I even begin?

Let’s start with Isaac Rodriguez and Daniel Gomez, just a couple of dudes who totally support each other. Isaac was worried because he dropped out of college to be a singer, and hasn’t told his mom yet. I have a feeling that’s not the only thing he hasn’t told his mom. But whatever. We’re not here to gossip about sexual orientation, we’re here to take perverse satisfaction in watching people humiliate themselves. To be honest, they weren’t the worst singers, and they seemed like nice enough guys. With all the freaks who try out for this show, I don’t know why the judges singled them out for nasty comments.

Then there was Tynisha Roches, a new Jersey native who did her state proud, for a change. Sure, she acted like a complete whack job (bringing in her own mic, butchering Sinatra, chasing Randy around the room, refusing to leave, etc), but at least she’s not a dirty tramp like the girls on “Jersey Shore.” Well, maybe she is, but at least she didn’t have time to act like it. She was too busy saying “ow” and bragging about all the “artist-es” she’s worked with.

Next was Matt “Big Stats” Frankel, CEO of Matthew Scott Frankel Productions. He once worked on a compilation album with Chaka Khan. I hope that makes up for the fact that he was shown absolutely no love as a child.

Victoria Garret was confident that God brought “Idol” to Los Angeles so that she could become a star. Unfortunately, God forgot to give her any musical talent. As she was led away, Garret didn’t act in a very Christian manner, sarcastically saying “We all can’t sing like J-Lo.” Well done!

Last, but not least (actually, lets stick with least) was Cooper Robinson, a rambling, insane old man who would seem more at home pissing his pants on a street corner than singing on a television show. The fact that they let this guy on the air is a travesty. What’s next; letting people with Downs try out?

The Judges
Overall, the judges were a little meaner, but perhaps that’s because they had no choice. Randy Jackson wore some gold shoes. Stephen Tyler “stuck it to the man” by smoking on camera. And J-Lo, well, she just sat there. All and all, it was another hour of compelling television that I was forced to watch.

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‘American Idol’ Recap: Austin http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-episode/american-idol-recap-austin/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-episode/american-idol-recap-austin/#comments Thu, 03 Feb 2011 17:19:26 +0000 Jame Gumb http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=24366 Highlights included a seven-foot-tall armadillo, a fat guy who looked like a live-action version of Cleveland Brown’s son, and a girl in a Viking outfit (or maybe it was Hermes, but honestly, who cares).

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Last night’s Austin, TX, episode of “American Idol” was my favorite thus far. Up until now, the Wednesday-night showings have been two-hours long. Thankfully, Fox has dropped them down to 60 minutes. While I hated sitting through two-hours of “Idol,” I was continually amazed (from a production standpoint) with the show’s ability stretch 30 minutes worth of material into a 120 minutes of TV. Someone should get an Emmy…followed by a beating.

The episode began with an “apology” from the network in regard to Steven Tyler’s behavior. I assumed it had something to do with the aging rocker’s penchant for underage girls, but in fact, it was for his use of off color language. As it turns out, the whole thing was a “joke,” as the show immediately cut to a scene on the rocker mocking someone for having a name that rhymed with f*ck. Now that’s pushing the envelope.

The Good

J-Lo’s Husband Marc Anthony dropped by for a short homoerotic exchange with Tyler, and then we were treated to the first contestant of the night. Meet Corey Levoy, a nursing student with a high pitched voice who shares a rather paculaiar relationship with his sister. The pair were separated at birth, but reunited as teenagers, and are now “best friends.” I read a similar story about a couple in Germany, but they ended up going to jail for incest. Considering Levoy has a self-proclaimed “J-Lo booty” and chose to sing a Bonnie Raitt song, I doubt we have to worry about about any man-on-woman sex, but still. It was weird.

In a moment that clearly wasn’t staged, the judges asked Levoy’s sister to come up and help judge her brother. That sort of “spontaneity” continued with the next contestant, 17-year-old Hollie Cavanagh, whose first attempt left the judges less than impressed. Luckily for Hollie, she must have been waved through in the pre-screening process, because the judges “randomly” decided to give her a second chance. And wouldn’t you know it, she nailed it! Even Randy, who had already said no, reversed his decision! Hollie celebrated with her family, and a bunch of fat housewives watching at home felt good about life for a while.

It must have been family night on the show, because the judges felt the need to bring the next contestant’s parents into the audition room. John Wayne Shultz (who made it through) is a real-life, honest-to-goodness shit-kicking cowboy. Yawn. But on the plus side, his father basically called Ryan Seacrest a pussy on national television, so that was cool.

Then there was Courtney Penry. She had a sick fascination with Ryan Seacrest, calling him the sexiest man alive. She went on to make a fool of herself, impersonating a chicken and acting like an all around asshole. I wanted to hate her. I tried to hate her. But god damn it, I just couldn’t hate her. I think that says more about the carppyness of the other contestants than it does about her.

Jacqueline Dunford and Nick Fink, a young couple from Arizona, auditioned together. Their constant PDAs were nauseating, but it was clearly being encouraged by the producers, so maybe in real life, the couple isn’t that disgusting. As it just so happens, Jacqueline is really fun to look at, especially from behind, so I guess it wasn’t a total waste. Good for Nick. Also, they can both sing, which is a plus.

At the end of the episode, a guy name Casey Abrams came on and sang really well, but by that point, the Vicodin was kicking in pretty hard, so I kind of zoned out. I remember something about a mini-keyboard and a beard, but that’s about it. At any rate, he made it.

The Bad

Rodolfo Ochoa, dark-skinned guy with bright-green hair tried to belt out “The Circle of Life” and was quickly dismissed. This was followed by a montage of off-key cowboys who didn’t make the cut. However, one cowpoke felt the need to point out that he was “completely and utterly heterosexual” for no apparent reason. On the one hand, it’s 2011, so who gives a sh*t? On the other, only steers and queers come from Texas, so I guess I understand why why people might assume. But if he’s really worried about being perceived as gay, he needs to drop the cowboy hat. Also, he shouldn’t have tried out for “American Idol.”

Other rejects included a seven-foot-tall armadillo, a fat guy who looked like a live-action version of Cleveland Brown’s son, and a girl in a Viking outfit (or maybe it was Hermes, but honestly, who cares). Overall, it was pretty uneventful, although when the girl in the armadillo outfit left, she had to shuffle away sadly while wearing the armadillo feet. It was hilariously pathetic, and was reminiscent of David Brent getting fired on the British version of “The Office.”

The Judges

I’m supposed to write something here, but honestly, there’s nothing to report. Steven Tyler and Jennifer Lopez might as well have stayed home, since they contributed nothing. Randy Jackson is still the only one who isn’t afraid to mock the contestants, but unfortunately, his comments are about as witty as…f*ck! I was trying to think of something witty to write, but I blanked. Maybe I need to give Randy break.

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‘American Idol’ Recap: Nashville http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/american-idol-recap-nashville/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/american-idol-recap-nashville/#comments Fri, 28 Jan 2011 17:05:06 +0000 Jame Gumb http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=23018 Tonight, the T.V. gods were merciful, and the Nashville edition of “American Idol” was only an hour long. But despite the more manageable length, it still managed to leave me feeling sore and violated.

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Tonight, the T.V. gods were merciful, and the Nashville edition of “American Idol” was only an hour long. But despite the more manageable length, it still managed to leave me feeling sore and violated.

The Good

As one would expect from a city known for producing musicians, Nashville put forth a number of talented singers. And as one would expect from people who want to be on a reality television show, most of them were annoying.

For example, there was Rob Bolin and Chelsee Oaks, a couple who auditioned as a duet despite the fact that they recently went through a nast break up. However, the pair managed to get over the awkward situation and make beautiful music together, earning a trip to Hollywood in the process. Will being thrust into the spotlight rekindle their relationship? I guess we’ll just have to keep watching to find out. Jesus Christ, the whole situation is so contrived that it sounds like the plot to some awful Jennifer Lopez movie. Oh right, it basically is.

Other winning contestants included Lauren Alaina, who the judges seemed to think was the greatest thing since powdered cocaine, Andrean Beasly, who was probably the least annoying contestant of the evening, and Matt Dillard, a stone-cold overall-wearing hillbilly who inexplicably belted out Josh Groban. I just don’t understand it. If he can sing without an accent, why in the hell can’t he speak without sounding like Toby Keith’s dimwitted brother?

The Bad

Enough with the winners. I want to see sad, delusional people making fools of themselves! The fact that these pathetic creatures are going to die alone in an apartment full of cats just isn’t enough. I want…nay, I must see their feeble excuse for an existence come to a pitiful head on national television. I hope whatever family and friends these wretched freaks might have are among the millions who tune in to watch. After all, if no one is there to mock and ridicule them to their face, these nut bags might end up repressing the memory of the entire audition. We can’t have that. What good is publicly humiliating the mentally handicapped if they don’t remember it?

Speaking of the mentally handicapped, Christine McCaffrey’s performance was so bad that Randy Jackson thought she was faking. The other judges weren’t so sure. Personally, I think she was sincere, or at least that’s what I chose to believe as I pleasured myself to her pain. She had a certain desperate, deranged look about her that can’t be faked, and was probably the result of a lifetime’s worth of fat jokes at her expense. My wife has the same look, so I know what I’m talking about. But her crazy eyes aside, why would she bother to lie to her mom at the end if she was doing this as a joke? And why would she bring her mom in the first place? Watch the video and judge for yourself.

If that wasn’t crazy enough for you, here’s Latoya Moore, a 26-year-old recording artist with a self-esteem that’s as big as Randy’s old ass. I enjoy seeing egos deflate as much as the next guy, and this girl was certainly annoying, but something was off. I’m sick of people beating the “I miss Simon” drum. He’s f*cking gone, deal with it. But when the best comment the judges can make about this girl is “it’s like annoying, dawg,” it’s not very compelling. I mean, are we here to crush people, or not?

Other rejects of note included a gay dude who sang in a ridiculously high-pitched voice, a redneck tattoo artist who tried to sing some Skynyrd, a weirdo who balled his eyes out after being rejected, and, of course, Purple Man, who I can only assume is Green Man’s cousin. They were assholes, one and all.

The Judges

At this point, what can you say about the judges. Steven Tyler continued to throw out the dirty-old-man vibe, this time creeping on a former Miss Teen USA named Stormy. Granted, she’s probably used to it by now, since she did work for Donald Trump, but Jesus Christ, it was still hard to watch. Despite her weak voice, she made it through to the next round, thanks to a little help from Randy, and a lot of help from her perky tits.

As I mentioned before, Randy is at least trying to pick up Simon’s slack, even if he’s doing a shit job. That’s more than can be said for J-Lo. Truth be told, I’m not even sure if she said anything in this episode. She’s basically fading into the background, which is odd, since it’s not like she’s surrounded by strong personalities. Considering Fox is paying her millions of dollars, I’m sure the producers are shitting bricks right about now. Hopefully the bricks are made of solid gold, and they can use them to pay her.

The only other memorable moment was when Tyler chastised Randy for being mean to the contestants. I guess Tyler forgot he had agreed to be on “American Idol,” a show that was built on mocking bad singers. But even so, it made Tyler seem like he might actually be a nice guy…a nice guy who wants to bang teenagers, but a nice guy all the same. Hey, nobody’s perfect.

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‘American Idol’ Recap: Milwaukee http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-episode/american-idol-recap-milwaukee/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-episode/american-idol-recap-milwaukee/#comments Thu, 27 Jan 2011 09:15:34 +0000 Jame Gumb http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=22678 Milwaukee native and former Idol contestant Danny Gokey was on hand to give false hope to delusional contestants. And if you’re looking for delusional people, a Rustbelt city like Milwaukee does not disappoint.

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This week, “American Idol” traveled to Milwaukee, WI, for yet another painfully drawn out installment. Sweet baby Jesus, why does Fox insist on making this show last for two-hours? More importantly, who actually enjoys watching for that long? I’m literally being paid to sit through this crap, and I’m almost ready to quit. The fact that millions of people willing partake in this torture is beyond my comprehension.

The show began with Steven Tyler laying down a beat for Randy Jackson, while Jackson tried to guess which Aerosmith song he was suppose to sing. Was it “Love in an Elevator?” Was it “Sweet Emotion?” Was I supposed to give a shit?

Speaking of not giving a shit, Milwaukee native and former Idol contestant Danny Gokey was on hand to give false hope to delusional contestants. And if you’re looking for delusional people, a Rustbelt city like Milwaukee does not disappoint.

A prime example was Joe Repka, a Communication major from the University of Toledo. It’s not surprising that someone who thinks majoring in Communication is a good idea is also under the mistaken impression that he can sing. Throw a Billy Joel song into the mix, and you’ve got yourself one hell of a train wreck.

But Repka wasn’t the only one to have his fantasy world destroyed. Iowa native Cody Zalewski was quickly rejected after butchering a Lady Gaga song, proving once again that if you’re a straight guy, you have no business singing Lady Gaga. Then again, Kamil Anthony seemed pretty gay, and his version of “Paparazzi” might have been worse, so who knows? What I do know is my favorite contestant of the night was Juanita Borges, mainly because of her revealing outfit. If Princess Leia and Jabba the Hut had a love child, this was it. Don’t get me wrong; if I saw her walking down the street in normal clothes, I’m sure she’d look fine. But she wasn’t on the street in normal clothes. She was on my television dressed like an intergalactic space whore from the future. But if Borges was a chilling vision of the future, Nathanial Jones was a disturbing look into the past; specifically, the mid-19th century.

You see, Jones is a hippie-hating, sex-fearing Civil War reenactor, and he felt showing up in a Union Army uniform would give him the edge he needed. In keeping with the Civil War theme, he decided to sing “The Lion Sleeps Tonight.” In Civil War times, the “Lion” was often used as a metaphor for Canada, which was still a British colony (the Lion being the symbol for England). Runaway slaves hoped to “shake the Lion’s paw” by crossing the border to freedom. That’s why you picked the song, right Nathanial? Just say yes, or you’re going to seem like an even bigger asshole than the dentist (Chris Kammer) who showed up with a giant toothbrush, or the fat woman (Vernika Patterson) who accused the judges of dismissing her because she was too fat. Patterson repeatedly stressed that she could sing better than half of the other contestants. That may be true (it‘s not), but only about 1% make it through, so signing better than half really doesn’t mean shit. Better luck next time, fatty.

But enough about the losers who didn’t make it. Let’s talk about the losers who did. Naima Adedapo’s day job is cleaning toilets. That will come in handy now that the judges gave her a ticket to the biggest toilet in the world: Hollywood. Jerome Bell, a big black dude who usually sings bar mitzvahs, also moved on to the next round, which is good, because he’s one of the few contestants I don’t want to hit with an axe.

Then there’s Scotty McCreeery, an all-American country boy, and Molly Swenson, a Harvard grad and current Whitehouse intern. Both had wonderful voices. Both seemed like genuinely nice people. And both made me sick. Speaking of making me sick, another successful contestant was named Tiwan Strong. If you’re going to name your kid after something in an atlas, at least spell it right. It’s Taiwan, for Christ’s sake. Taiwan!

Also, several 15-year olds made it through, and Ryan Seacrest made a point of telling viewers that the minimum age had been lowered due to the staggering success of Justin Bieber. Now you have another reason to hate that little prick.

One of the 15-year olds was Emma Henry, who was thoroughly eye-f*cked by Steven Tyler as soon as she walked out. Tyler went on to say that he liked Henry because she had something he couldn’t put his finger on. I’m assuming that “something” was her underage vagina. Aside from gawking at young girls, Tyler alienated viewers by randomly trying to sing high notes he can no longer pull off, dressing like an asshole, and making lame jokes, some of which involved f*cking animals. Keep ‘em coming, Steve.

But perhaps the most important part of the show wasn’t about singing it all. It was an extremely emotional event that made even a cynic like myself sit up and take notice. Of course, I’m talking about seeing Jennifer Lopez dressed up in a poodle skit and treble clef blouse. I haven’t found her the least bit attractive in years, but that 50’s look really did it for me. Nice job, J-Lo. It’s nice to see someone at your age overcoming adversity. You’ve restored my hope in humanity.

Oh, also, some poor guy from Chicago (Chirs Medina) sang a song for his recently disabled fiancée. That was pretty emotional, too. It made me feel bad about the time I got mad at my girlfriend for gaining ten pounds. I’d be OK with him winning. In fact, just make him the winner now, so I don’t have to watch any more of this crap.

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‘American Idol’ Recap: New ‘Snore’-leans http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-episode/american-idol-recap-new-orleans/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-episode/american-idol-recap-new-orleans/#comments Fri, 21 Jan 2011 07:36:06 +0000 Jame Gumb http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=21265 While the season premiere of "American Idol" was disappointing, the second episode (New Orleans) started out strong. By "strong," I mean it began with a gay dude named Blake Patterson playing the piano and sobbing uncontrollably.

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While the season premiere of “American Idol” was disappointing, the second episode (New Orleans) started out strong. By “strong,” I mean it began with a gay dude named Blake Patterson playing the piano and sobbing uncontrollably. At least I’m assuming he was gay, since he was wearing a hat and I wanted to have sex with him. Either way, Blake won’t be going to Hollywood.

Speaking of Hollywood, it’s depressing to see all the contestants who make it to the next round getting so excited to go there. Obviously they’ve never been to Hollywood, or they wouldn’t be so thrilled. That is, unless they really like tourists and tranny hookers. Let’s hope music teacher Jordan Dorsey likes both, because he’s about to see a lot of them after wowing the judges with his rendition of “Somewhere Over the Rainbow.” Jordan’s grandma also caused the only enjoyable moment of the night when she told Ryan Seacrest that he looks taller on TV. Thank you, Grandma Dorsey. That makes up for your grandson jumping around like an asshole.

Later in the show, the Steven Tyler creep-fest continued when the aging rocker made awkward advances on contestant Sarah Sellers. The singer asked where Sellers got her gigantic lips, and told the wannabe Idol that she “had [him] sold from the moment [she] laid eyes on him.” What the hell does that mean? I don’t know, but I assume it as something to do with him wanting to bang her. Earlier in the show, Tyler made a joke about getting “a little head,” and later mentioned that he was quite familiar with Mick Jagger’s mouth. Christ on a crutch, what a creep.

But Tyler wasn’t the only judge getting frisky with the contestants. Jovany Barreto, a first generation Cuban-American, sang some stupid song in Spanish, and then decided to take his shirt off to impress Jennifer Lopez. This provoked Randy and Steven to take their shirts off, as well, and more sickening display I cannot recall. The entire incident caused Ryan Seacrest to quip, “of all the people in there, you got Randy and Steven to take their clothes off?” See, he wanted to see J. Lo naked, so he’s totally not gay!

And let’s not forget Randy Jackson. A contestant named Jacquelyn Dupree surprised him with pictures from his high-school yearbook. As it turns out, she was the niece of Jackson’s high-school football coach, and he just so happened to be waiting in the lobby. Watching “the dawg” reminisce with his high-school football coach was about as exciting as watching someone reminisce with their high-school football coach. It made for great television.

Of all the rejected contestants, only two stood out, mainly, because Simon isn’t there to make cruel jokes, and all Randy can do is laugh and say “no” over and over again. The first reject that springs to mind was some douche nozzle named Gabriel Franks. He wouldn’t have been that bad, except he uttered the phrase, “I think America will fall in love with me.” I don’t speak for America (yet), but that caused me to instantly hate him, and laugh when he lost after singing Lady Gaga‘s “Bad Romance.” Great choice.

The second notable reject was Alex Attardo. I’m willing to give anyone with the word “tard” in their name the benefit of the doubt, since they’ve probably had a rough life. But this guy lived up to his name by admitting that he’d gone to “American Idol” Camp, and then proceeding to butcher “Proud Mary.” This poor bastard basically paid to be humiliated on national television. Looks like that camp was money well spent.

After a string of forgettable failures, a few other contestants were waved through. Brett Loewenstern, a red-headed dork from Boca sang a nice version of “Bohemian Rhapsody,” and a chunky kid named Jacee Badeaux sang “Dock of the Bay.” Jacee looked a lot like a fatter version of Justin Bieber, and the fact that he’s overweight made him a million times more likable than the actual J.B. The only problem is, I’m not 100% sure this kid’s balls have dropped, so when puberty does hit, his voice might be out the window. At any rate, I hope he at least makes it though the show.

That brings us to our last contestant, Paris Tassin, an attractive single-mother with a special-needs child. According to Tassin, her daughter has “Hearing AIDS,” which I assume is like regular AIDS, except it only attacks the eardrums. Tassin went on to sing a song that was personal to her: Carrie Underwood’s “Temporary Home.” The song brought Jennifer Lopez to tears, probably because it made her think about how so much of her money is taxed and then given to single mothers like Tassin in the form of food stamps and Medicaid.

The show ended with J. Lo wowing America like only she can. And by that, I mean she walked up to Tassin’s hearing-impaired daughter and whispered to her. Smooth move, Jenny from the block. Maybe next week you can split a Twinkie with diabetic.

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‘American Idol’ Recap: The New Jersey Auditions http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-episode/american-idol-recap-the-new-jersey-auditions/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-episode/american-idol-recap-the-new-jersey-auditions/#comments Thu, 20 Jan 2011 19:09:43 +0000 Jame Gumb http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=20947 I hate “American Idol.” But, I made one innocent comment about the size of my editor’s wife’s ass, and now I’m stuck on recap duty.

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I hate “American Idol.” I hate it even more than I hate myself. But, I made one innocent comment about the size of my editor’s wife’s ass, and now I’m stuck on recap duty.

The show began with an updated intro (the last time I watched a full episode was 2004, so I’m assuming it’s updated). It was a computer animation depicting “American Idol Stadium” getting hit by a laser beam from space. It was very reminiscent of Independence Day, which is appropriate not only because that movie also sucks ass, but because watching “American Idol” makes any intelligent person long for an alien invasion.

Next, Ryan Seacrest began his voice over, in which he used words like “destiny,” “epic,” and “era.” Are we on a quest to return the one ring to Mordor, or are watching a bunch of assholes sing? I can’t tell any more. Seacrest then referred to “Idol” as “the most prestigious award in music.” This made me angry, until I actually thought about it. What’s better? The Grammys? That shit MTV hands out? He’s right.

From there, it was time to kiss the new judges’ asses. First, it was pointed out that Steven Tyler fronts the best selling American rock band in history, which is like saying he’s the Bud Light of the music industry. Next, Jennifer Lopez was referred to as a “Triple-threat,” because she’s a mediocre singer, actress, and dancer.

On to the judging! The first round was in Jersey, so the producers included a short segment on Jersey slang. After watching it, I can’t think of a better spot to start this shit show than in the toilet that gave birth to”Jersey Shore.” Forgetaboutit!

The process proceeded as it always does, except without Simon, there was no one there to be a dick. To their credit, the new judges seem to be too nice. But watching Simon be the mean guy was pretty much the only reason to tune in. Besides, it’s a competition with limited spots. If you let too many mediocre people through, you’re going to have to leave out some real talent. Case in point, 15-year-old Kenzie Palmer. After letting several less talented singers go through, both Steven Tyler and Randy were hesitant to give her a ticket, with Tyler saying he “wasn’t feeling it.” At age 62, I’m sure it’s f*cking hard to feel anything, but don’t take it out on a contestant who can actually sing. The girl eventually made it, but not before a bunch of manufactured drama, which I imagine is par for the course.

Another girl to make the cut was Tiffany Rios, a New Jersey native who looks like Snooki with a few extra chromosomes. I feel bad making fun of the way someone looks, considering I look like a cross between Steve Buscemi and Ray Romano. But then again, I don’t try to give style advice on national television while wearing stars on my tits. I’ll admit she can sing, but she needs to cover her god damn belly. There’s nothing wrong with being fat, as long as no one can see the rolls.

As for the rejects, it was your standard fare, featuring a nice mix of the delusional and the depressing. Of course, there were recent immigrants involved, including a woman from the Ivory Coast who sounded like an ox getting rapped by a bear, and Yoji “Pop” Asano, a Japanese weirdo who was like William Hung (because he’s Asian!), but a thousand times less compelling. Yes, I realize what I just wrote. But it’s true. Other rejects of note include a man who couldn’t stop belching performing Ike and Tina Turner, and a tone-deaf Eagle Scout butchering Frank Sinatra. It was bad enough watching these people make fools of themselves, but it was even worse watching the judges’ responses. How many times can you watch Randy Jackson laugh at someone and say no before it gets old. My limit was once.

Rejects aside, my favorite moment came when Tyler remarked that someone was going to have to take a contestant “clothes shopping.” WTF? You’re a 62-year-old man, and you’re dressed like a drag queen from 1983. What the f*ck do you know about fashion? Maybe someone should take you face shopping, since you’ve managed to mangle yourself into looking like Joan Rivers. To put it another way, the jerk store called, and they’re all out of you.

The show also featured your standard sob stories, including a war refuge, a cancer survivor’s daughter, and a family that had recently been forced into a homeless shelter. Couple that with a montage of skanks hitting on Steven Tyler, and you’ve got yourself some compelling television. I can’t wait to watch this crap next week. What do you mean, it’s on tomorrow? Oh, sweet Jesus, no.

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What Will Happen On ‘American Idol’ Tonight http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/a-probable-timeline-for-tonights-american-idol-premiere/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/a-probable-timeline-for-tonights-american-idol-premiere/#comments Wed, 19 Jan 2011 17:28:09 +0000 Jame Gumb http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=17765 If I'm going to be forced to watch, I might as well make some predictions. If any of them come true, I’ll look like a genius. If not, no one will give a damn. So here's my timeline of what you'll see during tonight's broadcast.

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Tonight, “American Idol” will begin its tenth season, and for the first time, the show will be without Simon Cowell. Considering Cowell was the only thing remotely entertaining about the show, this poses a major problem for Fox. In order to make up for his absence, the network has brought in Steven Tyler (Aerosmith) and Jennifer Lopez (Gili). That’s the equivalent of replacing Howard Stern with two old bags from “The View.”

Steven Tyler is a washed-up sell out who looks like Joan Rivers, but at least he has some musical talent. Unless J-Lo advises the contestants to grow a sexier ass or sleep with a record producer, I really don’t know what she brings to the table. Normally, I wouldn’t bother to tune in and find out. But considering my editor is a total dick, I’ll probably get tasked with watching an entire season of this trash.

If I’m going to be forced to watch, I might as well make some predictions. If any of them come true, I’ll look like a genius. If not, no one will give a damn. So here’s my time line of what you’ll see during tonight’s broadcast.

:20 – Seacrest gives the intro. He looks about as pimped out as Kanye West, if Kanye West was white and liked dudes.

1:01 - First Coca Cola product placement.

2:14 – Since the show begins in New York/New Jersey, the rest of us will be forced to endure yet another painfully cheesy montage of NYC in which its inhabitants will act superior and pretend that their city doesn’t constantly smell like garbage. This montage will also feature the first Ford product placement.

4:00 – There will be a short intro for the new judges, Steven Tyler and Jeniffer Lopez, during which they will both list their reasons for wanting to be on the show. Waning popularity and greed will not be cited.

7:42 – Let the judging begin. A delusional contestant who has no business being anywhere near a microphone will be waved through to the judges’ table so you can get your kicks from watching them fail. I hope you’re proud of yourself.

15:49 – Steven Tyler will regale a contestant with a crazy rock-and-roll story about touring with KISS. However, he’ll make no mention of working on the Rugrats Go Wild soundtrack.

20:00 – An obvious in-show commercial for Ford will end, and the producers will break for an actual Ford commercial.

26:17 – In a touching moment, a contestant suffering from Lou Gehrig’s disease will sing “Memory” from Cats. J-Lo will cry, and the contestant will move on to the next round.

31:00 - A girl with an awful voice and an amazing set of tits will butcher a Katy Perry song (if that’s possible). Despite her awful singing, both Randy and Steven will “see something in her,” (probabl buried in her cleavage) and she will make it to the next round. Jennifer Lopez will feel threatened, but remain silent.

37:00 – After thoroughly eye-f*cking a young female contestant, Steven Tyler will offhandedly remark that she reminds him of his daughter, Liv. She’ll move on to the next round.

42:23 – Some douchebag from a local improv group will come in and act like the worst singer in the world. The judges will know he’s faking, the audience will know he’s faking, and the next day, the “prank” will be “exposed” on the Internet.

48:44 – After dismissing a horrible contestant, said contestant will become agitated, and curse out the judges. The judges will become frightened, and security will step in. The camera will follow the contestant out to the parking lot, where he will launch into a tirade that ends with him attacking the camera man while yelling “shut it off.”

1:03:00 – A young girl with an OK voice will sing a passionless song. The judges will all agree that she has talent, but she’s not good enough to head on to the next round. She will cry, and Ryan Seacrest will do his best to feign sympathy while catching every tear on camera.

1:19:00 – Randy will use the word “Dawg” for the 25th time.

1:21:00 – A winner from a previous year will drop by “unexpectedly.” You won’t remember their name until it is flashed on the bottom of the screen.

1:34:00 – An old black dude or an immigrant with limited English comprehension will sing a song that is now only played at weddings when everyone is sufficiently drunk.

1:50:00 – Just when all hope is lost, and the judges are ready to give up, a shy contestant with an amazing voice will walk through the door and blow the judges away.

1:59:00 – Seacrest and the judges will all drink Coke as they pile into their 2011 Ford Festiva and head for the airport.

2:01:00 – You will feel dirty for having wasted yet another two hours of your ever-shortening life.

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Booty and the Beast: Jennifer Lopez and Steven Tyler to Join ‘American Idol’? http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/booty-and-the-beast-jennifer-lopez-and-steven-tyler-to-join-american-idol/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/booty-and-the-beast-jennifer-lopez-and-steven-tyler-to-join-american-idol/#comments Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000 Jennifer Lopez...in happier times. With the departure of Ellen Degeneres from "American Idol," Fox has some big, sensible shoes to fill. And it looks like they'll be filling those shoes with Jennifer Lopez's giant ass. Deadline is reporting that Lopez signed a secret deal to replace Degeneres sometime last week. However, producers are still looking for a replacement for Simon Cowell. Rumor has it that the reanimated corpse of Aerosmith front man Steven Tyler is the frontrunner. As you probably remember, Tyler killed himself after recording "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing" for the Armaggedon soundtrack back in 1998. Personally, I think the two are a perfect fit. Lopez will bring back the washed-up singer vibe perfected by Paula Abdul, and Tyler's beastly face will allow viewers to snicker and crack jokes, helping to fill the meanness void that will result from Cowell's departure.

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Jennifer Lopez…in happier times.

With the departure of Ellen Degeneres from "American Idol," Fox has some big, sensible shoes to fill. And it looks like they’ll be filling those shoes with Jennifer Lopez‘s giant ass.

Deadline is reporting that Lopez signed a secret deal to replace Degeneres sometime last week. However, producers are still looking for a replacement for Simon Cowell. Rumor has it that the reanimated corpse of Aerosmith front man Steven Tyler is the frontrunner. As you probably remember, Tyler killed himself after recording "I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing" for the Armaggedon soundtrack back in 1998.

Personally, I think the two are a perfect fit. Lopez will bring back the washed-up singer vibe perfected by Paula Abdul, and Tyler’s beastly face will allow viewers to snicker and crack jokes, helping to fill the meanness void that will result from Cowell’s departure.

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New ‘Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows’ Trailer from the MTV Movie Awards http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/new-harry-potter-and-the-deathly-hallows-trailer-from-the-mtv-movie-awards/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/new-harry-potter-and-the-deathly-hallows-trailer-from-the-mtv-movie-awards/#comments Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000 "Dream On," Lord Voldemort. Dream until your dreams come true.Despite all the f-bombs and phony homosexual make-out sessions, the MTV Movie Awards still managed to find something for the kids: a new trailer for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. In the final installment of the franchise, Harry Potter prepares for the ultimate showdown with Lord Voldemort, better known as Aerosmith's Steven Tyler without the wig and prosthetic nose. Cocaine is a hell of a drug. Watch the new Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows trailer after the jump.

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"Dream On," Lord Voldemort. Dream until your dreams come true.

Despite all the f-bombs and phony homosexual make-out sessions, the MTV Movie Awards still managed to find something for the kids: a new trailer for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.

In the final installment of the franchise, Harry Potter prepares for the ultimate showdown with Lord Voldemort, better known as Aerosmith’s Steven Tyler without the wig and prosthetic nose. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.

Watch the new Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows trailer after the jump.

The post New ‘Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows’ Trailer from the MTV Movie Awards appeared first on Screen Junkies.

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