If it isn’t broken in four places, why fix it?
He’s got one of those faces.
It’s a riddle wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a turd…
I guess he’s systematically slaughtering chickens now. Please, read on…
Three examples of awesome fan-made tribute videos.
After several violent decades as an action hero for hire, Steven Seagal has amassed quite the kill count. Even more impressive, however, is the number of bones he’s broken.
Machete R, 105 min., 2010 Cast: Danny Trejo, Jessica Alba, Michelle Rodriguez, Jeff Fahey, Cheech Marin with Don Johnson, Lindsay Lohan, Steven Seagal, and Robert DeNiro Directed by Robert Rodriguez…
If this new red band trailer for Machete doesn’t convince you to see the film this Friday then I’m afraid there’s nothing more I can do. My goodness gracious, the…
Steven Seagal goes through more phases than Barbie. So far, we've seen Mafioso Seagal, Reggae Musician Seagal, Environmental Activist Seagal, Gangsta Seagal, Asian Seagal, Jimmy Buffet Seagal, and Southern Lawman Seagal. It looks like his Southern phase is going to extend just a bit longer, with the news that Seagal will topline the TV crime procedural "Southern Justice."
The inexplicable decision to have Seagal bring his Southern swagger (born in Michigan, raised in California) to the mean streets of Seattle may sound like groan-worthy television to you. To me, it sounds like the gilded voices of autotuned angels. Nobody sweats another culture like Seagal and the results are magnificient. I cannot wait for "CSI" Seagal. There's nothing bad that can come of this. Unless you're a female member of the crew. My advice is to pair up with a buddy on-set and never let them out of your sight. (Moviehole)
The new Machete trailer has slashed its way onto the Internetz. We last saw an "illegal" trailer released on Cinco de Mayo which got me amped, but this new one makes me want to punch a cinder block just so I can feel like a man. It's like producer Robert Rodriquez and director Ethan Maniquis took all the things that zip through a male's brain on a daily basis and cramed them into one movie with Jeff Fahey. Not that I don't like Jeff Fahey, I just can't say he's on my mind that often. At least you'll never get me to admit it here… Machete rips theaters a new asshole Labor Day Weekend, September 3rd. Check out the trailer after the jump.
For Cinco de Mayo, Robert Rodriguez dropped a package off at the home of his AICN homies, and it turned out to be the "illegal" trailer for Machete hidden underneath a pound of tamales. Alright, I'm not certain about the tamales, but it's how I deliver all of MY packages.
Steven Seagal has built a career laying his hands on other people. Recently this has brought controversy his way. What the man needs now is a comeback. Here are six projects that could easily put him back on top. Law and Order: SVU (Seagal Victims Unit)
He always stands like this when he's proud of his jacket.So eery when life imitates art. After being forced to turn in his badge and gun in countless films, Steven Seagal has been ordered to do the same in reality TV life. The Jefferson Parish Sheriff's Station has halted production indefiitely of the A&E series "Steven Seagal: Lawman."Seagal became the center of controversy earlier this week when a former executive assistant (hired via Craigslist) accused the perspirant actor of treating her like a "sex toy" for the brief time she was in his employ. She also alleged "Mr. Seagal had been keeping two young female Russian 'Attendants' on staff who were available for his sexual needs 24 hours a day, 7 days a week."No one knows for sure how Seagal will react to this. But now that he's working outside of the justice system, it's likely that he'll team up with DMX to target and bring down the gang of murderous Rastafarians whose oil-drilling has been killing the Alaskan wilderness, with his unique brand of justice. Deadly justice. (TMZ)
In an article about Robert Rodriguez's production slate, Empire mentions a small bit about Steven Seagal's difficulty on the set of Machete. Apparently Seagal insisted that he be cooled by a giant air conditioner at all times which now have to be digitally removed from the footage.Classic Seagal. Just look at these pre-treated stills from his past films. (The Playlist)
Terrorists! The whole lot of 'em! I like how the one woman takes shelter behind the kid with the corn dog. Their young, soft flesh absorbs bullets well.Created by fearcondom from ytmnd.com.
A&E launches the single greatest reality series about an aikido champion/actor turned cop this Wednesday with Steven Seagal: Lawman (aka Fat Lieutenant: Port Of Call New Orleans). For those not in the know, Steven Seagal has volunteered with the Jefferson Parish Sheriff's Department for the past 20 years. This show chronicles his main duties giving martial arts training to the officers as well as assisting with arrests. It's almost just like COPS, the only difference being the perps are arrested by the man on the poster they have framed in their living rooms. Have a look at an earlier preview or check out the brand new, extended preview below. I'm looking forward to the cliffhanger season finale when Seagal's rogue tactics require that he hand over his badge, never ending donut bowl, and gun.