At a London event, Pacino, speaking to a crowd, let the world know that he passed on some pretty famous leading roles, including Richard Gere’s part in Pretty Woman (he would have snapped the necklace box on Julia’s fingers down so hard her fingers would snap and bleed, prompting Pacino to scream, “Don’t fuck me….EVER AGAIN!”) and those of Han Solo in Star Wars (which ultimately went to Ricardo Montalban), and John McClane in Die Hard (also Montalban, I believe).

But he DID take the role in Jack and Jill where he plays himself, so lest anyone be critical about his career choices early or later on…don’t.

The premise of a school teacher traveling back to the 1960′s to stop the assassination of JFK seems to be right up Abrams’ alley with both the time traveling and the elements of 1960′s culture.

This announcement should keep Abrams’ attention until next week, when he will get behind a gritty reboot of Mario Bros. or something.

“I love to perform so to be able to go back into something like Star Wars… what a lovely thing that would be to say, that I’ve been in all three trilogies. I’m not dying to get back inside an Ewok suit. I’m happy to play a villain perhaps, [or] a Jedi. A villain with a light saber is the ultimate goal, if that’s not asking too much. I never got a light saber before and I think just to have one of them, to be able to wave one of them around a little bit, would be huge. I’m dropping loads of hints at the moment, so we’ll see what happens.”

If having a miniature Sith Lord doesn’t work out with the next film’s storyline perhaps he can arm himself with a lightsaber in a sequel to Leprechaun In Space or something. The fans would allow it. (IGN)

Ugh. Pisses me off.

*exhales*

I’m sorry. It’s just that I get so frustrated when people don’t respect the boundaries of these two universes. It’s anarchy. After J.J. Abrams was announced to take on the next Star Wars film, it was just a matter of time before people looked to that film and beyond to fill their need for inane fanboy rumors.

Enter Simon Pegg. The Shaun of the Dead star has crossed over in supporting roles to a couple huge films, both in Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol and the rebooted Star Trek.

The outcry for him to also join is a little on the nose, considering the subject matter and Abrams’ involvement, but maybe we could give toss him a bone and have him play Chewbacca. A short, slacker Chewbacca.

In any event, during a keynote speech for somesuch thing in Las Vegas yesterday, J.J. told the world that Bad Robot would be teaming up with video game company Valve to see if Half-Life and Portal films were viable. I’m guessing that they will be.

The extent to which Abrams would be personally involved with these project would be anyone’s guess. He is, after all, very, very busy.

Not that it’s any of our business how busy someone is with their career.

Entertainment Weekly has learned details on two of the spin-off projects: A young Han Solo saga, focusing on the wisecracking smuggler’s origin story, and a bounty hunter adventure with Boba Fett at the center of a rogue’s gallery of galactic scum. Sources close to the projects confirmed this was the direction the development was taking, although they cautioned it’s still very early in the process.
The Han Solo story would take place in the time period between Revenge of the Sith and the first Star Wars (now known as A New Hope), so although it’s possible Harrison Ford could appear as a framing device, the movie would require a new actor for the lead — one presumably much younger than even the 35-year-old Ford when he appeared in the 1977 original.

The Boba Fett film would take place either between A New Hope and The Empire Strikes Back, or between Empire and Jedi, where the bounty hunter was last seen plunging unceremoniously into a sarlacc pit. Exactly who would play him isn’t much of a complication – in the original trilogy, he never took off his helmet. And in the prequels, we learned he was the son of the original stormtrooper clone, played by Temuera Morrison, who’s still the right age for the part if his services were required.

Somewhere in Hollywood, at this very moment, a screenwriter is hunched over a laptop supplying Ryan Reynolds with glib zingers he’ll use the first time he meets Chewbacca. Excuse me while I walk blindly into traffic.

What’s less certain now is the release date that has been bandied about as sometime in 2015. This would be pretty quick under the best of circumstances, which wouldn’t include Abrams’ press for the new Star Trek, producing Mission Impossible follow-ups, and curating TV shows here and there. So, it’s being reported that while Abrams is on board for the gig, he’s not so sure about the release date.

If Abrams wasn’t a factor, it sounds like hitting a release date two years in the future might not be so rough, seeing as how the film has been in development, and the script is pretty advanced.

J.J. has never let a busy schedule get in the way of production, and let’s hope that continues to be the case as hundreds of millions of fans wait with bated breath.

Abrams seems like a pretty solid (and safe) choice, as he’s proven himself up to the task of rebooting beloved franchises in spectacular fashion, and the general public has largely looked inward and forgiven him for the finale of Lost.

The film will hit theaters in 2015, which means that we’ll have to endure a fair amount of nerd drool until then. Gross.

The project won’t tackle the arc laid out in the first six films, but rather tackle some Jedi-heavy stuff in the style of samurai. Hmm. Sounds promising. While no one will confuse Zack Snyder for P.T. Anderson, he’s a director that can leave his fingerprints on a future installment right out of the gate.

Equally of interest to fanboys is what this report would mean to Snyder’s potential direction of DC Comics answer to The Avengers, Justice League. Perhaps he can still get the jump on both films, but probably not without delaying one of them. A real Sophie’s Choice for fanboys. Tragic.

But purely for logistical reasons, and not because the Death Star would serve absolutely no purpose. An estimate put the cost of the Death Star at $850,000,000,000,000,000. That’s like three Wars on Terror, and a few Wars on Drugs, too. Pricey stuff.

It was never clear what Death Star was to be used for, but it’s a safe bet that the Department of Homeland Security has something to do with it. Click here for the White House’s official response, that raises some pretty compelling points in support of their decision.

Seeing as how tonight is Halloween, people will be drinking, and thus more susceptible to getting straight-up fooled, enjoy this Jedi mind trick seminar, courtesy of our buddy Hal.

“May the something something be with you.”

Star Wars Rogue Squadron II: Rogue Leader

The second game in the Rogue Squadron series is also its best. It’s fast-paced, action-packed, and a standout title for the GameCube. As if tripping up AT-ATs wasn’t enough, if you’re good enough at it and unlock secret content, you’re handed the keys to the Millennium Falcon. I can think of no ship I would rather pilot.

Star Wars: Shadows of the Empire

Back in 1996, Star Wars: Shadows of the Empire was the best non-Mario reason to get an N64. The story picked up the events between The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi. The four chapters of the game follow smuggler Dash Rendar as he joins the Battle on Hoth, attempts to retrieve a carbonite-encased Han Solo, saves Luke Skywalker from the clutches of Darth Vader, and teams up with Luke and Lando to save Princess Leia. With all of those story lines happening, it was also the best non-Mario reason to not touch any boobs. In 1996. I totally touch boobs nowadays. Like all of the time. And not my own.

Star Wars: Jedi Knight II: Jedi Outcast

Jedi Outcast took the Doom III engine and made it infinitely awesome times one million. Whereas Doom III allowed you to go bonkers with a chainsaw, Jedi Outcast gives you access to the only weapon cooler than that – the lightsaber. As the old saying goes, “Never bring a chainsaw to a lightsaber fight.”

Star Wars: Republic Commando

This one took everyone by surprise with its overall quality. Set during the Clone Wars, the player leads Delta Squad which is a team of elite Clone troopers. Why couldn’t the prequels feature a story and characters as well planned out as this?

Star Wars: Battlefront II

Although similar to the original Battlefront, Battlefront II adds new gameplay mechanics. Galactic Conquest mode is back in the sequel, which allows you to board an enemy’s vessel and tear it apart from the inside. Can we all agree that that is the best way to destroy a ship?

Star Wars

The one that started it all. The classic arcade game put you in the pilot’s seat of an X-Wing for the first time .Though a galaxy far, far away from the graphics of later LucasArts games, the original Star Wars was addictive fun. Just like the movies.

Knights of the Old Republic

Set 4,000 years before the events of the films, Knights of the Old Republic tops every list of Best Star Wars games. And for good reason. The RPG-based game gave fans a chance to view the Jedi Civil War and take on the founders of the Sith. Plus it had a sarcastic robot which is ALWAYS nice.

Scroll through the list, then pick the mentor that’s right for you, but bear in mind a few of these guys are dead, so, uh, have a backup.

Mr. Miyagi

DUH! Mr. Miyagi was such an amazingly patient and wise mentor that he deserves to lead the list. Mr. Miyagi was a bit of a double-edged sword for Danny LaRusso. On the one hand, he loved Daniel, was full of wisdom, and gave Daniel a place to belong. On the other hand, it’s not like he commanded the same amount of respect as any of the other mentors on this list.

The Cobra Kai guys had Sensei John Kreese, a grizzled Vietnam vet. That’s far easier to explain to people than a diminutive Asian man who claims that he “loves you,” and spends most of his time carving tiny trees.

However hard to explain, Miyagi’s teachings ended up giving Daniel the last laugh at the All-Valley karate championship, which appears to be the hottest ticket this side of the Super Bowl. During the event, we find that Mr. Miyagi has secret healing powers we didn’t even know about. Chalk up another one for the little guy.

Gordon Gekko

Mentors aren’t always good guys, as Bud Fox learns in this 1980’s tale of corporate greed. Initially, Gordon Gekko doesn’t really seem like the mentoring type, but when he learns that Bud (Charlie Sheen) can make him some serious scratch, he becomes a really twisted father figure, explaining how the game is played, and why lunch is for wimps, and flying first class is for suckers.

Yoda

Yeah, the tiny, hairy little alien that spoke like a 70 year-old Jewish man is going to make the cut. Many of the mentors on this list taught some pretty valuable lessons (crane technique, insider training, how to write on speed), but do any of those lessons outweigh learning how to harness “the force?” The force is so powerful and so nebulous that we have to recognize Yoda for the “Achievement Award” for teaching these ways to Luke, a guy who, before this, was killing large rats for fun.

Let’s not underestimate Yoda’s achievement here.

Splinter

Splinter had his hands full with the Ninja turtles, a motley crew of anthropomorphic teenage turtles, two of whom had Peter Pan syndrome and ‘roid rage. His job wasn’t easy, but he learned his skill set from his owner and master Hamato Yoshi, who I’m guessing was pretty damn wise himself, ‘cause Splinter seems to have his house in order.

One can hope that Splinter took that skill set to good use in his even later years, perhaps opening up a chain of day care centers, or teaching karate to suburban kids. With all that Splinter did to ensure that the streets of Manhattan safe that he was able to find a nice lady rat friend and have a litter of kids that weren’t killed by cats or exterminators.

Lester Bangs

While Lester’s teachings may not have been as noble or as epic as Splinter’s or Yoda’s, he did manage to teach Almost Famous’ William Miller the crucial tenets of rock journalism. Granted, William threw them by the wayside almost immediately in order to live like a rock star, so maybe Bangs didn’t do such a great job, but he was still a bad ass mentor that instilled in our brains, even if we’re not aspiring rock writers, never, ever, ever make friends with the band.

Lester Bangs was a real rock journalist in the 70’s, and defined the practice as we know it today, but he lived as hard as his Almost Famous personification did, and in 1982 died of an overdose of sedative and barbiturates in New York City.

Rock and roll.

Morpheus

For those who like their mentors in a decidedly “sleeker” package, we’ve got Morpheus, a man who just sort of shows up one day to tell Keanu Reeves’ Mr. Anderson that everything he knows is wrong. The message is at once heavy, abstract, and hard to believe, but when coming from the mouth of Laurence Fishburne, it becomes a little more palatable. Sure, Anderson (later “Neo”) has his doubts as the saga unfolds, but that’s just because the story wasn’t coming from Morgan Freeman. That story comes from Freeman, and all this shit goes away.

Also, Morpheus owns the mentor costume better than anyone else. Far-eastern-inspired suit with glasses that magically stick to your face? That’ll do Morpheus. That’ll do.

Gabriel Byrne

Best known for bringing the world of Star Wars to visual life, McQuarrie worked with George Lucas to establish the look of not only characters like Darth Vader and Han Solo, but also the universe itself through its all of its incarnations. The picture below shows Han Solo (looking stylish with a beard and cape) with light saber drawn as he prepares to battle a light saber wielding Storm Trooper. Says McQuarrie of the illustration: “I gave Han Solo a light saber, and I thought it was reasonable to assume that the opposing forces would have the same weapons.”

Here’s another look at what could have been, an early concept of C3PO and R2-D2 before Lucas gave McQuarrie the note, “Make them look gayer.”

Our condolences to Mr. McQuarrie’s loved ones and millions of fans worldwide. (Ars Technica)

So while he can continue to prattle on about Han shooting in self-defense, let’s look at nine other elephants in the room that demonstrate that these galaxies far, far away don’t adhere to the same strict moral code that we here in present day ‘merica do.

8. Using An Army Of Clones

How are the Jedi OK with this? Aside from the fact that no one really knew who made the clones, doesn’t Yoda have any qualms about the fact that these soldiers were raised in pods and have life outside of battle? It’s one thing to raise an army. It’s another to use a bunch of slaves you made in a test tube.

7. Animal Abuse

Killing a savage bounty hunter is totally verboten in Lucasland, but picking off womp rats is just innocent “boys will be boys” fun? That’s crap. Luke Skywalker‘s predilection towards killing animals should indicate that not only is he not fit to lead a rebellion, but probably shouldn’t be someone you’re hanging out with in any capacity. And let’s not forget Han Solo’s total disregard for the life of his poor Tauntaun.

Check Out 8 Things From ‘Star Wars’ More Unethical Than Han Shooting First

The fact that people actually paid to see this crap, most likely for a second time, is almost too much to comprehend. So in the interest of warning the public at large to avoid this sh*t show at all costs, we’ve created an honest movie trailer for Phantom Menace 3D. Will it help? Probably not. But at least we’ll go to our graves knowing we did our part.

Click the Image Below To See 45 Fan-Made Tributes To The ‘Star Wars’ AT-AT Walker

Why is George Lucas holding on to this clearly false view? And what is he hiding? Screen Junkies investigated, and found these nine other George Lucas denials.

The Existence of the Skywalker Ranch Ghost

Visitors to Skywalker Ranch may notice some strange occurrences. It’s not uncommon to catch a glimpse of movement out of the corner of your eye or feel a presence behind you when walking the hallways at night. Though when you turn, there is no one there. Some eyewitnesses have reported seeing an opaque, glowing woman pleading for help. George Lucas explains that this is just test footage for Princess Leia‘s hologram transmission to Obi-Wan Kenobi. But it just doesn’t add up.

The Holocaust (On Alderaan)

Though there is clearly filmic proof of the Death Star firing upon Alderaan and killing its entire population, George Lucas has been an outspoken Holocaust (on Alderaan) denier. “The Holocaust (on Alderaan) didn’t happen,” claims Lucas. “The explosion of the planet was an inside job which the Empire had no hand in.” He also purports there is a conspiracy in the Cloud City of Bespin that Lando Calrissian has stockpiled thousands of plastic bins alleged to be used for the mass burials of suspected rebels.

Chip Double-Dipping

Deny. Deny. Deny.

That’s George Lucas’s top three rules when called out for the double-dipping of a cracker, chip, or baby carrot while at functions that offer hummus or ranch dip. It’s not even worth accusing him anymore as he can use Industrial Light & Magic to digitally cover up any wrongdoing. Best bet is to just get to the dip before him and ration out your own amount, or avoid it entirely.

I’ll let the be-flanneled Ewok tell his side of the story:

The controversy over who shot first, Greedo or Han Solo, in Episode IV, what I did was try to clean up the confusion, but obviously it upset people because they wanted Solo to be a cold-blooded killer, but he actually isn’t. It had been done in all close-ups and it was confusing about who did what to whom. I put a little wider shot in there that made it clear that Greedo is the one who shot first, but everyone wanted to think that Han shot first, because they wanted to think that he actually just gunned him down.

So there you go.

And here are the two versions in question:

This should, as George Lucas pointed out in his THR interview, prove that you are a bloodthirsty monster that let your insatiable need for gore cloud your judgment. Let’s consider the matter closed. Especially in the comments.

In the year 35, Watto of Tatooine wrote to his former slave, Anakin Skywalker, and requested the he come back and work in his shop.  Anakin – who, since being rescued and raised by the Jedi, had moved to Coruscant, had found paid work as a Sith lord and was now ruling the known universe with an iron fist along with Emperor Palpatine – responded spectacularly by way of hologram transcribed below (a letter which, according to Bothan spies, he dictated).

Coruscant

August 7, 30

To My Old Master, Watto, Mos Espa, Tatooine

Sir: I got your letter, and was surprised to find you had not forgotten Anakin, and that you wanted me to come back and live with you again, promising to do better for me than anybody else can.  Apparently you missed that I have long since become more powerful than you could possibly imagine. I thought my troops would have burned you to a skeleton when they were on Tatooine a few years back, but since they didn’t shoot down an escape pod that contained devastating information about the Empire, I guess it’s understandable that they missed my order to turn you into a smear, too. Although you sold me to Jedi who taught me how to use the Force and a lightsaber, you were still an asshat, and I was pleased at the thought that you had perished. Although you never actually hurt me, I would have been pleased to find you had suffered. I never missed my old home, it was a hole, and you might want to tell the bots, the Jawas and that fat woman with the six boobs that hangs around your shop to keep their distance; the crater that will be left in your wake will be substantial. In fact, the whole planet will be gone. And they aren’t Jedi so I won’t be seeing them in the next life. I still recall the last time I saw you. You looked (and smelled) like shit.

I was wondering what you thought you could offer me; you smelling like a flying turd and me being telekinetic. I am doing tolerably well as the vice president of evil. I don’t need money, and I get the best food available, period, and a comfortable space station with my now deceased wife, Padme, – the folks called her Senator. And I even have a son, Luke, although we are not on good terms. Obi Wan says the boy has a good head for a Jedi. I am feared, as it should be. I overheared others on Alderaan saying “Darth Vader was a slave.” But I feel no disgrace (plus, we blew the shit out of Alderaan.)

As to my freedom, which you say I can have, there is nothing to be gained on that score, as Qui Gon Jin bought me back when I was a kid. I propose a test to see if I should bother sending a detachment of Imperial Walkers to that dust ball to turn you into agonized plasma or not by asking for the wages for the time me and my mother served you. At unlimited resources for me, and not being dead for my mother, I served you faithfully for 10 years, and my mother, what was it, 40 something? Before that, our earning would amount to you being SO f*cking dead. Add to that the interest for the time our wages have been kept back, and deduct what you paid for me being born, clothing and feeding us, and the year or two my mom took care of all your shit before you sold her. Please send the money Smuggler’s Express, in care of Mango Fett, fabulous Bounty Hunter and Designer. Here I am nigh a supreme ruler with the full powers of the dark side at my disposal; but on Tatooine, there was never a pay-day for the human slaves any more than for banthas and dewbacks. Surely there will be a day of reckoning for those who defraud a laborer of his hire. (and your is coming pretty fast)

In answering this letter, please state if there would be any safety for my Leia, who is now grown up and I hear wears metal bikinis. You know how it was with that Twi’Lek chick over at Jabba’s. I would rather stay here and be waited on hand and foot than to… Okay, I can’t keep up the charade. My kid’s not going to Tatooine, and you’ll be dead shortly after reading this.

Say howdy to Qui Gon when you are dead and thank him for winning me from you.

From your old servant,

Anakin Skywalker Darth Vader

The item that is absolutely the Millenium Falcon is thought to be 197 feet wide and is submerged in 250 feet of water, with track marks of upturned sea floor 1,600 feet long, indicating that the object crashed. You know, like a spaceship would.

Many are speculating what could be inside the Millennium Falcon, but I’ll save everyone from the suspense. You’re going to find a regular-sized skeleton wearing a black vest and a giant skeleton with a bandolier over its left shoulder.

With that mystery solved, we should probably get to work on cloning them, no?