What do Seann William Scott, Corned Beef Recipes, and Tibetan Mastiffs all have in common? Nothing, except at the moment they’re all trending topics on Google. And while we here at Screen Junkies strive to bring you quality original content day in and day out, we’re still chasing the almighty dollar. That’s why we’ve launched the Screen Junkies Shameless Search Engine Scam, in which we take trending topics (like Seann William Scott and Corn Beef Recipes) and recreate them using movie posters. Hang on tight, cause we’re about to hit a new low.

Corn Beef and Cabbage Recipe

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
We’re guessing that most people are searching for “Corned Beef Recipe” because tomorrow is St. Patrick’s Day. But there’s always an off chance that they are actually searching for L’opération Corned-Beef, a French comedy starring Jean Reno, and Mrs Caldicot’s Cabbage War, a British film about a middle-aged woman dealing with the aftermath of her husband’s death. Don’t judge me. Don’t you dare judge me!

St. Patrick’s Day Recipes

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Since tomorrow is St. Patrick’s Day, it makes sense that people are searching for holiday recipes. It would also make perfect sense if people were searching for the 1997 film, St. Patrick’s Day, as well as the T.V. movie, Recipe for Disaster, starring John Larroquette and Lesley Ann Warren. After all, nothing says St. Patrick’s day like John Larroquette, AM I RIGHT?

Tibetan Mastiff

Some people are going to tell you that “Tibetan Mastiff” is trending because some super rich dude in China just paid a boat load of money for one of the dogs. Don’t believe the hype. Obviously, Brad Pitt’s Seven Years in Tibet is making a resurgence in popularity, as is the character of Professor Daniel Mastiff from the 2008 classic, Bonekickers. God I love Bonekickers.

Seann William Scott

Hooray! This actually pertains to our site, since Seann William Scott is an actor! On the same day that production of the next American Pie sequel (American Reunion) was announced, Seann William Scott went into rehab for undisclosed issues. We’re hoping he gets the help he needs. We’re also hoping he reunites with Ashton Kutcher for Dude, Where’s My Methadone…No Seriously, There Are Bugs Under My God Damn Skin.

Bracket Predictions

Last but not least, people are searching heavily for “bracket predictions,” an obvious reference to George Logan and Patrick Fyffe’s comedy routine, “Hinge and Bracket,” in which the British comedians dressed as old women and sang songs. Well here’s a prediction; the pair are never coming back because Patrick Fyffe is dead. There. Are you happy?

It’s St. Patrick’s Day again, and as a result, my boss is making me write about the Irish! Not having a drop of Irish blood in me, I could care less about the Emerald Isle. But at the end of the day, the Sons of Erin have given me an annual excuse to get piss drunk, which is more than any Hungarian ever did for me, so I guess I’m grateful. And to show my gratitude, I’ve compiled this list of nine Irish (and Irish American) characters who could kick your ass. Why? Well, it started as a simple list of Irish characters, but somewhere along the way I realized I wouldn’t want to fight any of them. So let’s load up the paddy wagon and get this list on the road.

Jim Malone – The Untouchables

In my opinion, Jim Malone has one of the greatest lines in cinema history: “Isn’t that just like a wop; brings a knife to a gun fight!” See for yourself in the clip above, and enjoy the Michael Jackson music that has been pointlessly added to the end.

Il Duce – Boondocks Saints

Don’t let the Italian name fool you, Il Duce is Irish through and through. And don’t let the hype about this movie fool you. It’s an awful film with a ridiculously pointless plot that is filled to the brim with cliches. That being said, I still wouldn’t want to piss off Il Duce.

Frank Costello – The Departed

Frank Costello is based on the real Irish-American mobster, James J. Bulger. In the film, Costello is a drunken, short-tempered hot head with a penchant for underage girls and murder. So aside from the murder part, he’s just your average Irishman! Heyo!

Micky McFinnigan -”Family Guy“

Maybe Micky McFinnigan, Peter Griffin‘s real father, might not be that daunting in fight. But when it comes to drinking, he’ll kick your sorry ass any day.

Murphy – Robocop

In RoboCop, Murphy is the quintessential Irish-American police officer, except for the fact that he’s dead, and he’s half machine. But let’s not split hairs here. He’s Irish through and through, and he can definitely kick your ass.

Micky O’Neil – Snatch

Micky O’Neil is not your typical Irishman. He’s part of a band of nomads known as Irish Travellers (a.k.a. Pikeys), who reside in Ireland, the U.K., and the U.S. Although they are often referred to as Gypsies, they are ethnically Irish, so Micky makes the list. And as the clip above demonstrates, he’d have no trouble beating you to a bloody pulp.

The Leprechaun – Leprechaun in the Hood

You can’t get much more Irish than the friggen Leprechaun. And don’t even pretend you can take him in a fight. He ripped Ice-T’s finger off like it was nothing. Although he has popped up in several films, I went with Leprechaun in the Hood because let’s face it; once you go black, you never go back, even if you’re Irish.

Priest Vallon – Gangs of New York

(Spoiler Alert) Priest Vallon, an Irish immigrant in Gangs of New York, is by far the biggest bad ass on this list. After all, anyone who goes into hand-to-hand combat with a cast-iron cross is not someone you want to mess with. Although he eventually dies at the hands of Bill the Butcher, he wins his enemy’s respect in the process. And considering what a tough son of a bitch Bill is, that’s got to count for something.

Christy Brown – My Left Foot

Can the Irish writer/painter/poet Christy Brown really kick your ass? Yep! In fact, that’s all he can do. Zing! Happy St. Paddy’s Day!