Screen Junkies » sports

If You’re Mad About Your Cable Bill, You Can Blame ESPN

Penn Collins — Tue, 06 Dec 2011 21:32:04 +0000

Bad news for non-sports fans.

According to a recent estimate, $4.69 of your monthly cable bill represents the fee subscribers pay for the rights to ESPN, which is currently the most expensive channel in basic bundles. According to the Wall Street Journal, the cost has risen a staggering 42% since 2006. The station and experts cite the rising expenses in covering sports as the reason, but it could just be because ESPN can do what they want.

While many channels are cannibalizing each other as redundant, and with many consuming their offerings online or on DVD, ESPN has a viewership that requires their programming in real time, making it perhaps the most indispensable channel on the dial.

Those who can do without sports can probably do without ESPN, so as the network‘s fees begin to rise, expect to see people clamor for a tiered service that allows them to forego the station. While this would behoove that subset of cable subscribers, it would put the additional cost burdens on sports fans who want their ESPN, probably to the tune of twice what they’re currently paying.

My solution? Stop liking sports and starting getting into scrapbooking and crafts. It’s estimated that HGTV only costs something like $.26 per month.

We Cast ‘Game Of Thrones’ With Professional Athletes

Dave Garmonbozia — Tue, 06 Dec 2011 17:34:15 +0000

Most everyone knows that Game of Thrones is a world squeezed out of the noggin of author George RR Martin. But what few know is that his idea of this world is modeled after a sports legend-saturated utopia. If he could’ve rewritten Greek mythology by replacing the gods with the line-up from the 1969 Mets or the early 90s Bulls, he would’ve. So what if his books were written before most of these guys came into prominence, or before some could even walk? If you didn’t catch the uncanny, sometimes blatant nods to these modern-day gladiators and their leaders, here’s the roster run-down. When you’re done being impressed with our prescient comparisons, check out more sports action at Buzzer Beat.

Bill Belichick = Tywin Lannister

A dubious character for sure, the most fitting example of a doppelganger for Daddy Lannister may be New England’s own BB. From Spygate to making the Patriots football royalty again, the jury is always out on who, or what, Belichick really is. Is he often victorious and successful? Yes. Does he have one hell of an offensive tactical playbook? For sure. Is he the only NFL coach with 3 Superbowl championships under his belt? As far as I know.
Is he a good guy? Well….. that depends on what you mean by good. And this is coming from a life-time New England fan. Imagine what they say about him on the Iron Islands.

One thing I can tell you about TL and BB is that neither are particularly fond of losing.

Since Martin is a staunch NY Jets fan, it only makes sense that the patriarch of the seemingly most villainous family in the first GoT book just happens to be the rival team’s coach. Plus, they both have those icy greenish-blue eyes that tell everyone to eat shit and die.

Pete Rose = Jorah Mormont

Once a knight, always a knight, or so it goes. These two may be disgraced in the eyes of the high courts, but public opinion has had more to say about weighing the deeds of these deft swordsmen. Ser Jorah was cast from his home amongst his family on Bear Island and Rose out of the grand annals of the MLB, both for crimes that they did commit and that incited knee-jerk moral disapproval.

Big deal – so Jorah sold some poachers into slavery and Petey bet on his sport and against his own organization. These guys just needed some quick cash. For Rose, it didn’t even cure all his money problems, as he was bagged for tax evasion later on.

I suppose neither of them ended up being beheaded for their crimes. However, they did suffer ejection from their homelands – Jorah into the land of the Dothraki and the Free Cities, and Pete Rose into the badlands of Ohio.

What will be their definitive verdicts? Currently, Rose is being stone-walled about Hall of Fame eligibility and Mormont is left to chasing the dragon tail (unless you’ve read ahead and know more). It’s my assumption that there are ‘honorable’ men with worse hidden track records than these two. C’mon, it isn’t like Mormont ran some illegal direwolf fighting racket or anything.

Andre Agassi and Gold Dust = Lord Varys

All three are masters of whispers, known to talk junk left and right. More importantly, all three wear “the bare crown.” Gold Dust is probably the least comparable in both respects, as it’s in his contract to antagonize and to have a dome fit for a stunning wig. He draws more comparison to Varys in his love of fine garments from the east, while Agassi is primarily known to wear runway jaw-droppers designed in Nike’s finest third-world perspiration castles.

Another likeness of Varys and Agassi, unshared by GD, is their prominent bellies. In his mid-to-late 20′s, Agassi’s most formidable opponent appeared to be his own abdominal girth. For Varys, the gut makes it so he must pay for his young suitors.

Seen as both callous and craven, brilliant but respectfully bankrupt, one can pick and choose the virtues of these damn suave fellas. With Agassi as a gold-slam tennis champ, Varys a high council dignitary at King’s Landing, and Gold Dust holding multiple wrestling titles including the Intercontinental Championship, there’s no shortage of credentials or talent.

…and yes, I consider wrestling a sport.

In Honor Of Joe Paterno: 8 Disgraced Movie Coaches

Wookie Johnson — Thu, 10 Nov 2011 18:03:38 +0000

After 46 years at Penn State, Joe Paterno has been fired as head coach of the Penn (Ped?) State Nittany Lions. The decision to drop the revered coach came amid allegations that Paterno was aware that his assistant coach was (allegedly) raping ten year old boys on the campus, and did little to stop it. That’s way worse than vandalizing the Tri-Lambs house, in my humble opinion.

So as the students at Penn State riot in the street over the loss of an accessory to pedophilia, let’s take a look at some fictional coaches who have been disgraced just like JoPa.

Coach Kilmer – Varsity Blues

Coach Bud Kilmer lives in a football town. Which means in order to stay top dog, his team has to win… by any means necessary. Even if that entails the world’s fattest teenager to get a few holes in his brain. After all, holes in the brain are temporary (double-check this with WebMD), but pride is forever. In the end, his team mutinies and Kilmer is forced into retirement where he lives out his days as a stupid dick.

Coach Harris – Revenge of the Nerds

If there’s one thing Coach Harris hates, it’s nerds. So much so that he embraces that behavior in his players. Under his direction, the Alpha Beta fraternity makes life on the Adams College a living hell. However, his reign of terror and control over the Dean comes to an end when the nerds rise against their tormentors and encourage others to do the same. At last report, Harris was forced to live in the school gymnasium. Which is weird. Shouldn’t this guy live off-campus?

‘Moneyball’ Scores A Touchdown! (The Sport In This Movie Is Irrelevant)

Penn Collins — Fri, 23 Sep 2011 18:25:13 +0000

Moneyball’s source material, a non-fiction book of the same name, lends itself to a documentary far more easily than it does a feature film. The book’s focus is the introduction and success of statistical analysis in baseball operations via its implementation by Oakland A’s General Manager Billy Beane. While a book can focus on statistical innovation, moviemakers like to focus on characters, so it was an easy decision to make Moneyball (the film) about Billy Beane and this thing he did with numbers and baseball rather than about this thing about numbers and baseball that happened to be done by Billy Beane. It may sound semantic, but it’s not.

The role of Beane is played fairly effortlessly by Brad Pitt. In addition to being the focal point of the film, Pitt’s Beane is the vessel through which every aspect of the film runs. If you have a problem with him (the character or the actor (in Moneyball there is little distinction), you will probably not like this film. If you like him, you will probably like this film, love or understanding of baseball be damned. Similarly, at no point do you forget that you’re watching Brad Pitt onscreen. I have no idea what Billy Bean is like as a person, but after watching this film, I expect him to be exactly like Brad Pitt.

This is the Brad Pitt/Billy Beane show, through and through. With a winning turn from Jonah Hill playing Peter Brand, his statistical sidekick, and a somewhat puzzling Phillip Seymour Hoffman portrayal of Art Howe, the club manager and the closest thing to an adversary that appears in the film, both serve to divert the minimal amount of attention required away from Pitt. Hill through comic relief, and almost as an audience surrogate, and Hoffman as a very, very polite nemesis. Seriously, it feels as though Hoffman may have been chewing Tylenol PM throughout this entire shoot.

What’s most striking about Moneyball is that it appears to be a film almost entirely devoid of conflict, which makes it all the more marvelous that it manages to engage for as long as it does. There’s no shouting, no imminent danger, no romance. Even from a black-and-white baseball perspective, the film begins with expectations for the club lowered, then the rest of the film is spent watching the A’s and Beane try to meet expectations, sometimes succeeding, sometimes failing.

The baseball season clocks in at 162 games, which means a team is much more likely to win via a slow, steady grind than in a big game. That’s the essence on Moneyball (the concept). Moneyball (the film) reflects this philosophy, not relying on “the big game” or “do or die,” but rather tenacity and a little bit of faith as Beane braves criticism from several fronts. In short, he succeeds by avoiding being nibbled to death by ducks.

The most notable detraction from the film is the B-story of Billy Beane’s earlier playing days. It does little to prove relevant to the story at hand, instead serving as a human interest story that no one asked for. We get more than enough Pitt in contemporary story. There’s no reason to wade through his backstory in the past.

So if there’s little conflict, and extraneous backstory, why do we care about this film?

First off, Pitt is extremely likeable in this role. I have no idea if he is at all representative of the actual Beane in this regard, and I don’t care. He makes this journey enjoyable using his humor and charm, sometimes baring his teeth in a smile, but just as frequently a grimace.

Secondly, the dialogue, written in part by Aaron Sorkin, is funny. And the actors performing it are also funny. Pitt, a consistently underrated comedic actor (or possibly just a really funny guy), delivers the goods, as do Hill, Hoffman, an incredibly restrained Chris Pratt, and a scene-stealing performance as a New-Age stepdad from Spike Jonze. This is a funny film and would be branded a comedy if it wasn’t based on a bestselling non-fiction book about the marriage of math and baseball.

Moneyball fails to represent the book in that it invests us in the man and not the phenomenon, which keeps the reader from rooting terribly hard for the team. Instead, we’re rooting for Pitt. Not even to succeed, but just to keep doing stuff for us to watch. While that may insulate us from the original subject matter, it certainly makes for a far more interesting film than Moneyball (the book) should have been. I guess that’s a verbose way of saying that Brad Pitt has more than enough charisma to make this thing work.

Norm MacDonald Developing Sports Show for Comedy Central

Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

Does the crappy screen shot above look familiar? It should. It’s Norm MacDonald hosting the 1998 ESPY awards for ESPN. His performance insulted so many athletes that he was never asked to return, but it’s still one of the funniest, bravest performances you’ll ever see.

Now, over ten years later, Norm is returning to the world of sports with his own sports-talk show on Comedy Central.

The show would be a satirical look at the sports world. On board with MacDonald is Daniel Kellison, a veteran TV producer whose credits include ABC’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live” and “The Man Show,” according to person familiar with the project…

I know some people (like our friends at Warming Glow) are afraid Norm isn’t a good fit as a talk show host. And I see their point. But if he can manage to create a show that’s half as funny as the following clip, it will still be hilarious. (Show Tracker)

Watch norm insult everyone at the 1998 ESPY Awards after the jump…