I feel so sorry for them.

But there’s another type of woman out there. Not as noticeable as the worshiped inamorata, she walks amongst us everyday without our noticing. Here are five gorgeous women from popular films who embody that very intangible mystique.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: I've already called the police.]

Janine Melnitz – Ghostbusters

It must take something away from you. Facing your own mortality every single day, and being that close to the other side. In fact, sitting on top of a portal to it. You need to protect yourself and put up defenses as the calls come in and Egon acts as if he doesn’t know you’re alive. Hell, he pays more attention to his ghosts than he does you.

You’re not invisible to me, though. What you don’t realize is that through your tough front, your quiet beauty shines through in pin-hole punctures. It can be seen at the end of a long shift, when your eyes strain and back hurts. Waiting for the cars speeding to the Holland Tunnel to pass while you clutch your coat closed against the cold Tribeca wind; knowing that you’re going home to your small, overpriced Queens apartment and the flatulent cat you inherited when your grandmother was sent to the home. Who will keep you warm, Janine Melnitz?

One of Canada’s most acclaimed actresses, Sarah Polley is also an accomplished director and a free-thinking progressive who’s not afraid to make her political thoughts known. But she doesn’t get all like up in your face about it, ya know? She’s cool enough to have starred in Go and the Dawn of the Dead remake. If you deliver kill shots to zombies, you’re alright in my book.

A word from Sarah: “It takes terrible things to live well.”

Does it ever. **Lights a $100 bill with a $50 bill to light a Cuban. Stamps it out in a baby sealskin coaster**

More pics of concerned Sarah after the jump.

Delphine Chanéac is a French model and actress whose last American film appearance was in The Pink Panther remake as “The Ticket Checker.” She landed a meatier role as Dren in Splice, but unfortunately she has a shaved, cleft head like the lunch lady we all used to make fun of in elementary school.

A word from Delphine: “I had to wear blue socks over high heels, my hands became my feet and my tail was wrapped in blue.”

Worst. First. Date. EVER.

More pics of Delphine without a tail after the jump.

Splice is the latest mistake from the sci-fi horror genre, having no thrills or logic in its pseudo-hipster science.
 
A major disappointment comes from its talented cast of Adrien Brody and Sarah Polley, as scientist power couple Clive and Elsa. Sadly, they spend more time dressing up in hipster chic than finding logic in creating their newest creation: a protein-human hybrid named Dren (played with bizarre eroticism by Delphine Chaneac).
 
Cult director Vicenzo Natali of Cube and Nothing, explains that the movie is about the cycle of life that Dren takes from conception by her half-witted scientific parental unit, who wants to keep reminding each other that it’s for the betterment of mankind—a warning to all audiences that they will create absolute horror, as Dren grows into fetal form of a hormonal teenager and then finally taking a sexual metamorphism into a grown male monster, which the regular movie audience might find shocking, but for sci-horror fans it’s simply the same old song and dance number of violence and gore.
 
Director Natali seems to be heavily inspired by The Fly and Dead Ringers, both of which are by his fellow Canadian director David Croenberg, who is known for his hybrid style of sci-fi goo and eroticism that creates a special kind of biological horror movies. With Splice we have a movie that knows the words, but not the music.
 
What should be noted about Splice are the performances and especially details of Chaneac’s Dren, because we have this amazing physical and verbal performance from the unknown actress as she creates this Frankenstein-type character ambit the most idiotic scientific couple.
 
The movie has a promising start from the slick and gooey opening credit roll, but once Brody and Polly find themselves taking care of their hybrid child, the movie amounts to a series of ridiculous events helped with a badly acted supporting cast, ending in a climax that is as sterile as a petri dish.
 
Grade: D+

With the release of Splice this Friday and the introduction of the film’s monster Dren, played by model and actress Delphine Chanéac, we’re being treated to another marginally hot yet horribly wrong murderous beast for two hours of cleavage and mayhem. And while it’s awesome that the vampires and werewolves in Twilight all look like they should be trying to sell you sweater vests, most movie beasts have no business trying to stir up unwholesome feelings in you. And yet, despite how obvious it is that nothing that can eat you should give you a boner, filmmakers keep slipping dirty little things in there.

Aliens

Arguably the most disturbing of all vaguely sexual interplanetary killers, the Aliens represent a non-stop orgy of awfulness. They starts their life cycle as a butt with fingers that has a vagina for a mouth and wicked jumping skills. Shortly after engaging in some BDSM choking and smothering, their victim is literally penetrated from the inside out by the universe’s most fearsome penis metaphor.

Alien designer HR Giger acknowledges that the creatures were designed in some manner of offputtingly sexual way, because a monster that eats you is one thing but a monster that eats you while making you think of bumping uglies is just terrifying.

Real World Equivalent: Luckily, for sanity’s sake, there’s nothing too similar to the aliens in the real world, otherwise we’d all be spending every day in a clench-filled panic. However, in a pinch you can recreate the same stomach-turning innuendo by shooting a nail gun through a dildo.

Sil

From the movie Species and depicted mostly non-creepily by Natasha Henstridge, things got weird once Sil turned full on alien. How weird? Someone, somewhere in the effects department thought “alien chicks probably have tentacle boobs, right?” and the rest is history.

Like a Japanese cartoon come to grim, Michael Madsen-soaked life, Species forced us all to watch the pleasantness of excessive nudity degrade into the excessiveness of unpleasant alien anatomy.

Real World Equivalent: If you can get a hot and somewhat homicidal model to take up cannibalism and wear a live squid instead of clothing, you might be in the right ballpark. Right in the sense it’d be a semi-accurate recreation of the movie. Nothing else would be right about it.

Plava Laguna

On the plus side, the Diva from The 5th Element never ate anyone or impregnated their brains with carnivorous slugs mid coitus or anything else that can ruin a Friday night, so she’s head and shoulders above the pack in terms of pleasantness at this point. On the other hand, it’s established fairly well in the film that she’s a captivating singer who seems to draw in the entire audience with the beauty of both her voice and appearance.

Here’s the thing though, and maybe we missed something, but isn’t she like a PVC tentacle monster with a head that looks like that weird hill from The Nightmare Before Christmas? It’s nice that she can carry a tune, but come on.

Real World Equivalent: Remember that squid we had on the cannibal model? If you can staple it to a dolphin and paint them both blue, there you go.

Jabba the Hutt

If there’s anything good left in the world, you’ve probably never thought of Jabba the Hutt in a sexual manner. But the fact remains that while Jabba the Hutt himself was no Megan Fox, he clearly had a bit of a debauched sensibility. Mostly all the guy did was lay down and have parties that featured scantily clad dancing girls in chains. He was basically a long time ago, far far away Caligula. Plus he was naked all the time.

Real World Equivalent: Larry Flynt

Sy Snootles

Staying in Jabba’s palace, we have to give a nod to the sultry lead singer of the Max Rebo band, Sy Snootles, one of the few Star Wars characters who actually ended up with a worse name than Count Dooku. There are probably an entire series of novels that detail the life and times of this character that hardcore Star Wars geeks are all over, but all you really need to know to fully appreciate her is that she wears a whorish shade of lipstick, a skirt that seems to be made of leather and fabric scraps and no top. Now that’s a lounge singer.

Real World Equivalent – If Amy Winehouse ever has a daughter with an anteater, keep your eyes on that kid’s music career.

The Cenobites

Clive Barker’s Hellraiser series started out awesome and turned into something arguably worse than being punched in the neck by a stranger. But before everything went downhill, the concept of the Cenobites was a terrifying and extremely offputting one. While eventually the movies made them degrade into nothing more than demons, their original inspiration was very much derived from a kind of horribly awful BDSM club scene and their motivations were to surpass the boundaries and both pleasure and pain.

Complete with fetish gear, body piercings and a penchant for overblown speeches, the Cenobites were hardcore goth kids before it was cool.

Real World Equivalent: Depending on your skills with Google, you should be able to located any number of leather-clad ladies willing to torture you for about $300 an hour.

The Three-Boobed Hooker

No one can argue that Total Recall wasn’t an awesome movie, because it so was. QUAID!! Ha! Brilliant. But that aside, there’s one scene that has been burned into the minds of all who have witnessed it and that is the three boob hooker at the bar on Mars that gets fondled by Benny the cabbie.

Now, for 70% of guys, the three boob thing is kind of awesome. If you’re going to become a mutant, there’s literally no cooler mutation you could get, and that includes anything the X-Men have to offer. Seriously control the weather? Read minds? Three boobs? No contest.

The creepy part here is, well, Quato. Arguably the most disgusting mutant ever, Quato is a circus person that grows out of a blue collar dude’s stomach and is completely gross. And he’s basically that guy’s 3rd boob. Nasty.

Real World Equivalent: This is a tough one, but have you ever seen one of those people who has gained weight in such a way that their two boobs seem to have grown together around their entire torso so as to resemble a single boob inner tube? Yeah.

Mystique

The only woman in Magneto’s crew of miscreants for the first two X-Men films, Mystique is played by Rebecca Romijn and she’s naked all the time. Right away that seems pretty much like the best thing ever. And yet it’s not. While as the somewhat scaly and blue-skinned Mystique she’s very lithe and sexy the fact remains, she’s blue-skinned and scaly. How scaly? Scaly enough to apparently no longer have genitals. And she turns into Bruce Davison at some point. Would you want to run the risk of depantsing in front of a woman who could turn into Bruce Davison at any moment?

Real World Equivalent: Find a way to attach boobs to a chameleon and then see if it will make out with you.

^{She’ll grow out of it.}

There’s finally a trailer for Vincenzo Natali’s eery sci-fi/horror Splice, that movie with Adrien Brody and the hot, bald chick with the mouth in her scalp (still kinda hot though). The movie impressed at Sundance and will see wide release on June 4th as a result.

The film warns against the dangers of queefing in the face of God and law by creating your own monstrous human-animal hybrid. So seriously, guys. Don’t do that kind of thing. Did Species teach you nothing?

Check out the trailer after the jump.

Cast: Adrian Brody, Sarah Polley

Synopsis: Elsa and Clive, two young rebellious scientists, defy legal and ethical boundaries and forge ahead with a dangerous experiment: splicing together human and animal DNA to create a new organism.

Release Date: June 5, 2010