Sony Has Found Its ‘Spider-Man’ Almost
Monday, June 28 by

An in-depth look at Sony's casting/hazing process.Sony still hasn't decided who will take the lead in their unnecessary Spider-Man reboot, but they are at least a step closer. It's reported that most members of the casting shortlist have been forced to wear tights for "camera tests" and definitely not some sick, sex thing for studio kicks in case that's what you've heard. Nope, definitely for a camera test. Right, Deadline?I'm told that the candidates whose screen tests were viewed Friday are:  Jamie Bell (the Billy Elliot star who wrapped the Kevin Macdonald-directed The Eagle of the Ninth) , Star Trek’s Anton Yelchin, Kick-Ass’s Aaron Johnson, Andrew Garfield (The Social Network), Logan Lerman (Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief) and Alden Ehrenreich (Tetro). Frank Dillane (Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince) and Michael Angerano (Lords of Dogtown) are also in the final list that the studio is working from.Ugh. C'mon, you guys. Just hurry up and pick one of the actors that people have heard about before. This is taking too long and we still need a few months worth of speculating who the villian will be and which girl from Twilight will play Mary Jane. (Hint: none of them.)

Jamie Bell Will Most Likely Be Spider-Man Maybe
Tuesday, June 8 by

He'll be like this but older and with web stuff. Bleeding Cool is at it again with the Spider-Man reboot casting rumors. They're reporting that the role is pretty much Jamie Bell's (Billy Elliot's), as long as he passes the studio's turn and cough tests:I’m told that Jamie Bell was scheduled to fly into California this week. The plan is that he will be undergoing a few weeks of camera tests while simultaneously working with a personal trainer to ensure he is able to perform some of the more spider-like stunts that will be required of him. However this is being considered a formality.Frank Dillane is still being considered for the role, but he appears to be Sony’s back up plan. Unless something goes very wrong, I understand that Bell will be playing the Spider-Man role. To the extent that  Jamie has been heard referred to as Spider Man in casual conversation around Sony.I'd like to think those casual conversations go a little something like this:Studio Exec: I bet the new Spider-Man Jamie Bell doesn't have as tight of an ass as you.Attractive Assistant: My parents keep telling me I should quit this job.Studio Exec checks email on Blackberry. End scene.

Michael Fassbender To Lay The Smackdown on ‘X-Men’ or ‘Spider-Man’
Tuesday, June 8 by

Michael Fassbender is slated to be Comic-Con royalty one way or another. After breaking out big in Inglourious Basterds and The Hunger, Fassbender is now being eyed both for Matthew Vaughn's X-Men: First Class and Sony/Marc Webb's Spider-Man reboot. However, according to Showbiz411, he can only do one.If he chooses X-Men, he'd know full well how f***ing magnets work as he'd be playing Magneto opposite James McAvoy's Professor X. Should he choose the Spider-Man reboot, he'd play an unspecified villian who squares off against a teen-aged Peter Parker. I'd prefer to see him as Magneto, as he's an all-around great character whose extreme actions you can sympathize with. The most compelling villain in the Spider-Man universe dresses like an octopus.

Drunk Memorial Day Barbecue Post: Black ‘Spider-Man’ Debate
Monday, May 31 by

My stupid sisters in-law is a racists!So here I amm, drinking off my ass off, enjoying my brothers bbq, when all of the sudden hes wife starts running hers mouth asbout Spiderman.  I don't tal aabout to her abouut being a loudmouth b****itch, so why dos she try to talks to me about SPidey?So anyyways, she starts saying spidermans should'tn be the black guy from nbc's"Cimmunity", (Donald Glover), and I'm all like "why the f*** knot?!" Spiderman is a fictucious characters, so why not let a black guy play him for a chage.Its not like we're taking about a reel charcter from the real world. If Toby McGuire was playing martin lawrence king jr., that woulnd be tottally rasicsit? But spidey man is not real. See what I mean?I hate my sister-in-laww. She is so stupid and rascist. She went to a 2 yrs college and never left home. I went to a foureyear schools andf spents semesters in Spain, so I hace more perspecives, ya know.If you want a good movie about black people, you should watch The Wire! That's the best mocvie about black people their is. I should make my sister in laws watch The Wire, then she'd be cool with black spidey. God my siter in law is a b***ch.

Casting Shortlist for ‘Spider-Man’ Reboot
Thursday, May 27 by

Over the last few months, director Marc Webb has been quietly meeting with young men. To "discuss" a "role" "in" the Spider-Man "reboot." Riiiiiiiight.The casting shortlist for the coveted role of Peter Parker is Jamie Bell (Tin Tin, King Kong, Billy Elliot); Alden Ehrenreich – (Tetro); Andrew Garfield (The Social Network, The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus); Frank Dillane (Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince); and Josh Hutcherson (Journey To The Center Of The Earth, Zathura).Early speculation has Hutcherson ahead of the pack but it really all comes down to how good they look when Sony forces them to choke back tears and take their shirts off. You boys wanna be stars, don't you? (THR)

Good News For Sony’s ‘Spider-Man’ Reboot
Friday, February 19 by

There's been a few new developments with the Spider-Man reboot that may have a positive effect on the unnecessary reboot. We already know that director Marc Webb recently met with James "Piss in the Soup" Cameron, but now there's word that he's met with another heavy hitter. Comics demi-god Brian Michael Bendis tweeted yesterday that he and the filmmakers had a meeting at Sony. He went on to comment, "very, very cool stuff!!"Bendis should know what is and isn't cool in the world of superheroics. He's written many of the best comics out there, including Ultimate Spider-Man, and has won five Eisner Awards. There's no word if Bendis will re-write the script or consult with story changes but the fact that they even met is a step in the right direction. My nerd boner is 19% chubby as of right now. But it could be easily deflated depending on what little f*cktard nabs the role of Peter Parker. (Bendis Twitter)

Marc Webb Meets with James Cameron to Discuss 3-D ‘Spider-Man’
Tuesday, February 16 by

All my ladies in the house with they real hair, who don't need welfare… Make some noise!!!Looks like the makers of Sony's Spider-Man reboot are taking steps to ensure they don't completely mess it all up. Avatar producer John Landau announced that Marc Webb met with alpha-director James Cameron last week to discuss shooting in 3D. However, talks broke down with an abrupt cold-cock when Webb asked Cameron if he was sad that he never got to make his Spider-Man. Just kidding. The playdate seemed to go well and both Cameron and Webb enjoyed a lolly after the two finished playing trucks.From Landau:"Last [week] we met the director of [the next 'Spider-Man' film]. [Webb] wants to do the next one in 3D, which they've announced that they want to do. So, we want to try to support that as much as possible."He then went on to address the films that don't do 3D correctly:"Clash of The Titans is coming out in 3D; they're converting it very hastily into 3D. I'm not in favor if that. If you want to shoot a 3D movie, shoot it in 3D."Daaaamn, Landau. Dems be fightin' words. Though, I'd have to agree with him on this. Dude knows what he's talking about. Yet I'm torn given his position on pterodactyl rape. (MTV)

‘Spider-Man’ Reboot To Suck in 3 Dimensions
Wednesday, February 10 by

IN MIND-BONING 3D!!!!!!!!!Sony seems to be having a good time pushing Marc Webb around as he develops their Spider-Man reboot. Sony Marketing Chairman Jeff Blake announced today that the movie will be forcing its way into theaters on July 3rd, 2012 in sure-to-be-dull-by-then 3D. Great. Now I have to risk pink-eye to see this studio-directed bastardization? From Blake:“Spider-Man is the ultimate summer movie-going experience, and we’re thrilled the filmmakers are presenting the next installment in 3D. They resisted at first but we tightened the vice on their testicles and convinced them to see things our way. We find that groin pain can be quite the motivator. Spider-Man is one of the most popular characters in the world, and we know audiences are eager and excited to discover Marc’s fantastic vision (stiffles laughter) for Peter Parker and the franchise. Now let's cram this baby full of villians and give Spidey a jive-talking sidekick. Maybe a flying squirrel voiced by Eddie Murphy or something. And tits. I'm told teenage boys like tits.”No word yet on the film's title or which little jerk will star as Peter Parker. (Deadline Hollywood)

Some Little Jerk in The Running for ‘Spider-Man’ Reboot
Thursday, February 4 by

Let me preface this post by saying I disapprove of the Spider-man Reboot in general. With that said, little idiot Logan Lerman told Access Hollywood that he's in early talks to play Peter Parker in Marc Webb's jerktastic reboot of the Spider-Man franchise. Says Lerman: “It’s just, you know, conversations are starting. It’s a long process with the dumbass studio and the jerkball producers and everything. But it’s definitely a project that I’m really interested in, of course.  I’d love to focus on the sh*thead element a little bit more. It’d be such a fun experience.” However, the Hollywood Reporter says that the little snot and Percy Jackson star is just one of the dickwads with whom the sh*t-for-brains studio is meeting. Says a spokesman for the studio:“No offers have been made, nor have any business discussions been made with that fartknocker.”When asked for comment, a Spider-Man fan on the street (me) responded with a prolonged fart sound.So there you have it. The first official hat in the ring for the coveted role of Peter Parker. We'll keep you posted as more stupid buttheads are announced. (THR)

Sony Hires New Director for ‘Spider-Man’ Reboot. Who Will Be Their Peter Parker?
Wednesday, January 20 by

After creative differences with Sam Raimi ground Spider-Man 4 to a halt, Sony decided to salt the earth and start over with a new story and a new director, one they could push around. (500) Days of Summer's Marc Webb is that guy!Webb is signed on to get bullied by the studio for one film with an option to do more if he's a good little bitch. From Webb:"I think the Spider-Man mythology transcends not only generations but directors as well. I am signing on not to 'take over' from Sam. That would be impossible. Not to mention arrogant. I'm here because there's an opportunity for ideas, stories, and histories that will add a new dimension, canvas, and creative voice to Spider-Man."After releasing this statement, Columbia chairman Amy Pascal said, "Good boy, Marc," before patting him on the head and giving him a juicebox. (Variety)