Peter Parker’s Web Slingers – The Amazing Spider-Man

In the latest edition of Spider-Man, coming out on Blu-ray™ and DVD November 9, Parker takes the easy way out and builds mechanical web slingers, rather than develop them genetically, like a TRUE superhero. Just kidding. I actually find the mechanical web slingers much more impressive than the evolved ones, if only because this Peter Parker had to work to develop them, rather than just let it happen to him like another Spider-Man portrayer. Let’s just call him “Toby M.” for the sake of anonymity.

Batterang – The Batman Movies and TV Show

What’s remarkable about this homemade gadget is that it simply defies explanation. It explodes, it sometimes returns, sometimes it’s remote controlled, and it can travel incredible distances at ridiculous speeds. Why? Because Batman. That’s why.

The Tim Burton and Chris Nolan installments have done their best to distance themselves from the campy TV show, but no one can resist the subdued charm of the batterang. Not sure if I should capitalize “batterang…”

Ash’s Chainsaw Hand – Evil Dead 2

While it might not be the most ingenious weapon, it is the most hard-core and bad ass. In the series, Ash (played by Bruce Campbell) undergoes a series of unfortunate catastrophes that cause his hand to be possessed, then cause him to cut it off, replacing it with a chainsaw. It’s not exactly rocket science, but, coming from a guy that calls a shotgun his “boom stick,” it’s to be expected.

The Bolt Shooter – The Good Son

Sometimes bad people make great weapons, and nowhere is that more apparent than in The Good Son, a film that stars Macauley Culkin as the bad guy (boy). And oh, is he ever bad. He does lots of terrible things, like causing wrecks on the freeways by throwing dummies off of bridges, but the most heartless thing he can muster up is taking out a ferocious dog with a weird bolt-gun-crossbow hybrid. He’s a horrible, horrible boy, but his fabrication abilities are off the charts.

Charlie Kelly’s Rat-Bashing Stick – It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia

(I am aware this isn’t his actual rat stick, but I figured an action sequence was more profound than gadget accuracy.)
When you kill as many rats as Charlie does, you get that thousand-yard stare in your eyes that comes hand-in-hand with the crushing pain of recognizing your own mortality. Fortunately for Charlie, killing rat families just got a whole lot easier with his rat-bashing stick, a modified baseball bat that features a whole slew of pointy nails and a chain or something. It’s probably the crudest device on this list, but when you see how it warms Charlie’s heart, it might also be the most endearing!

Data’s Telescoping Boxing Glove – The Goonies

I’ll be honest. This is the first device that came to mind, but I’m having a really hard time coming to terms with the efficacy of it. First of all, if you’re going to punch someone to cause them harm, using a padded glove to do it sort of defeats the purpose and mitigates the damage done. Sort of cartoon-y for a film that otherwise offers a sincere and real look at a, um, group of kids that are hunting for treasure and who accidentally stumble upon a pirate armada.

Ok. So the boxing glove is probably in keeping with the premise of the movie.

The Proton Pack – Ghostbusters

Please don’t tell me how a Proton Pack works. Not interested. All I know is that they suck ghosts into a backpack, where they are held until it’s time to more or less incinerate them in a big ghost oven. Or something like that. You know how I know these Proton Packs are homemade? Well, for one, they look like crap. And two, they’re not foolproof. In fact, they’re downright dangerous.

Never ever cross the streams of two Proton Packs. You won’t like the result.

It’s like both Canadian rock stars became instantly and completely self-aware and said, “Screw it. Let’s really see how far we can take this.” I mean, what are the odds of two Canadians falling in love with each other? One in a million? One in a billion? There’s a 100% chance that their babies will be Canadian! 100!

Let’s talk about Avril’s choice in men up to this point. She married (not “dated,” “married”) Deryck Whibley, the lead singer of Sum 41. Strike one. She dated Brody Jenner. Strike two. It’s as if she didn’t read any of the articles written about her bad choices when she decided that it would be a good idea to complete the trifecta with Chad Kroeger, a guy that would probably be a jetski salesman if he wasn’t the lead singer of Nickelback.

I would chastise Kroeger more for his decision to marry Avril Lavigne, but of course he’s going to marry Avril Lavigne. If you were asked two years ago who you thought Chad Kroeger would eventually settle down with, you would have said, “I dunno. Some Playmate, or maybe like Avril Lavigne or something.”

And you would have been right. He’s gonna marry Avril Lavigne or something.

What’s perhaps more pressing than their nuptials is the fact that they recorded a song together. That’s how they met. It will be #1 in Canada for 32 straight weeks, destroying the record previously held by both Barenaked Ladies and Rush, but will not crack the top 100 anywhere else in the world.

Oh, and Nickelback did the song “Hero” for the Spider-Man soundtrack, so there’s your movie relevancy.

While NYC got Spider-Man himself in Andrew Garfield, we in Los Angeles ran a close second, scoring director Marc Webb, who introduced both the 3D trailer, and a five-minute, 2D “sizzle reel” that told the story of THIS Spider-Man using clips from the film.

While it would seem that the story of Spider-Man is old hat given that we’ve experienced three films in the past decade or so, Webb took pains to clarify that the film wasn’t interested in rehashing material covered by the Raimi/Maguire films. A new Spider-Man (Garfield) has a new love interest in Gwen Stacy (Emma Stone, who was beamed in via satellite from her screening in Rio de Janeiro), and he’s got a new set of problems in villain Dr. Connors, (Rhys Ifans).

What Webb stressed (and both the trailer and sizzle reel hinted at) was that this film tells us the story of what happened to Peter Parker’s parents, which is told through his relationship with his Aunt and Uncle, as well as his struggle with Dr. Connors, who was his father’s partner in science.

Other than that, the film focuses largely on a hipper-than-Tobey teenager who has a crush on Stone’s Stacy. Stacy’s father (Denis Leary) just happens to be the policeman tasked with hunting down Spider-Man, so the scenes between the two are filled with an honest tension that didn’t exist so much in the earlier films.

And that’s the story as told by the trailer. The real reveal here (the fate of Parker’s parents) is alluded to, but not demonstrated, though Webb touted that as a selling point of the film. Beyond that, Webb’s sensibilities coming from (500) Days of Summer make this film seem almost like an indie love story in much the same fashion that Christopher Nolan was able to make The Dark Knight feel like a crime film.

In short, the trailer suggested this film has enough heart and character development to appeal to those outside the fanboy set.

Story aside, how does the movie look?

It looks great. Webb stressed the use of 3D cameras in filming, not the “bullshit” conversion technique. Much has been made of the use of 3D as Spider-Man wings through New York, and the footage lives up to the hype. The action feels made for IMAX.

A big element of the trailer was a bombastic, epic score that made even these three minutes feel important. I felt that the original three films never hoped to be more than “cute,” and while this one appears very heartfelt (an awkward interaction early on between Peter and Stacy shows a soul that eludes most superhero films), it also feels like this is a story that’s asking to be told, rather than one that’s created.

While Columbia certainly wants to put its best foot forward with the trailer, including all the “money shots” that make the 3D seem worthwhile, it’s the more low-key moments that left me wanting more. In the theater lobby after the viewing, Sony execs were loudly celebrating a tweet from the audience that read something along the lines of “(Christopher) Nolan has found a rival in Webb.” While I don’t expect a rivalry or feud to break out any time soon, and I don’t think that Webb has the same resume that Nolan does yet, I understand the Tweeter’s excitement in seeing a filmmaker hit the mark in such a huge fashion.

Enough with the words. See for yourself at Screen Junkies tonight at midnight PST when this trailer goes live online.

You are tearing me apart, Gwen Stacy!

Iron Fist

Iron Fist harnessing his chi

First up is the enigmatic “Iron Fist”. Although a feature film was supposed to be in the works, it seems to have become lost in development hell since nothing concrete has ever materialized. A pity because Iron Fist is definitely one of the more interesting characters in comic books. A formidable martial-arts fighter, Iron Fist trained under the venerable master, Lei Kung. Through his training he learned deadly fighting techniques and developed the ability to focus his chi to augment his already impressive physical attributes. As a result, Iron Fist has enhanced strength, speed, reflexes, agility and durability. At one point, he even battled the powerfu Iron Man to a near standstill. How’s that for cinema worthy?

Captain Marvel

Captain Marvel shooting fire blasts

Not to be mistaken for Shazam, the DC Comics character with the lightning bolt motif on his chest and a host of powers similar to Superman‘s (though their super suits are so similar you’d be hard-pressed to distinguish the two), Captain Marvel is Marvel Comics‘ version of, well, Superman. But Captain Marvel is his own man—a superhero secretly sent by an alien race to spy on humanity, while living with the people of Earth, he fought alongside this planet’s heroes defending the populace from evildoers. Slowly, Captain Marvel began to understand us and empathize with us. When his superiors learn about his apparent betrayal, he is branded a traitor for his transgressions. Captain Marvel has the ability to fly and fire energy blasts. He’ll also kick anyone’s ass in a fight.

Winter Soldier

Marvel Comics' Winter Soldier

Comic aficionados know that Captain America once had a dependable sidekick. The young James “Bucky” Barnes bravely fought and stood by Captain America against the Nazis during World War II. Unfortunately, he suffered a terrible plane accident and was thought lost over the raging seas. Miraculously, his cold-preserved but badly battered body was then found by the Russians who saved him from certain doom. Unfortunately though, the hero was also brainwashed. He then was given cyborg appendages and became an elite assassin for the Soviets. Sounds like an intriguing Manchurian Candidate-esque concept ripe for a 3D viewing to us.

Machine Man

Machine Man

This obscure character started off his existence as a robot but was eventually granted the gift of sentience. An unlikely hero, he often wonders what it would be like to be human. He initially had a hokey, mechanized look but eventually made himself look more like a real person. Machine Man has a variety of weapons and has telescopic arms and legs which he uses for a variety of attacks. He also has superhuman strength as well as enhanced stamina and speed. Neo Terminator, anyone?

Zombie Spider-Man

Zombie Spider-Man attacking a fellow ghoul

The Marvel Zombie Universe is an alternate Marvel reality where most of the world’s super-powered individuals and regular folk have been devoured or turned into flesh-eating zombies. Unfortunately for us, the great Spider-Man has been zombified and teams up with most of the former heroes who have also been turned into to a rampaging horde of ravenous creatures. With their powers and abilities still intact, thi unstoppable army of the undead have the upper hand and systematically pick off the planet’s remaining survivors. The Marvel Zombie Universe effectively combines super-heroics with the time-tested zombie genre for some slam-bang action and intense terror. While the Spider-Man movies were great, a Zombie Spider-Man would indubitably be even better.

I just spent three very long and brightly lit days at E3 (and a few days before that doing previews) and saw some of the latest crop of tie-ins. (Check out all of Game Front’s coverage HERE) Some were successful, some not so much.  Part of the reason is what they’re basing it on.  Let’s be honest…it’s really hard to milk 40+ hours of content off of a two hour story.  Very often, the mistake is basing the game off the film alone.  It’s what appears to be the case with the upcoming Captain America: Super Soldier.  Now, I played this on two different platforms at E3, and I only played the demo they had available.  I’m not saying the full game is going to be boring.  I’m just saying that it appears to be a single story, set exactly when the film is set and looks to me like a generic game setting/style with characters from the film shoved in.  The game play was pretty meh as well, but that is a failing any game can have.  It’s also an article for another day.  From what I saw, there was just nothing different about it.

Studios often think of a video game tie-in like a Happy Meal accessory.  The marketing department wants this game to come out with the film and there isn’t time to make it happen with any sort of quality.  This is not always the case, of course, but let’s be honest here.  When was the last time you saw a film and said, “Ooh, I bet the game is going to be super duper cool, just like the movie!  Let’s stop and pick it up on the way home.”  Consumers are pretty savvy and we know how this all works.  Tie-ins are a quick way to make a buck with recognizable characters.  (Another article for another day?  Why films based on games also suck.  Anyone care to weigh in below?  Anyone else excited/terrified about the upcoming Warcraft?)

That said, there were a few titles that stood out in the film-to-game arena.  My vote on why?  They didn’t stick to the script of one film.  They expanded the universe or used the long history of the genre to create a playable story.  A long form story.  One in particular was Amazing Spider-Man and Spider-Man 2099 in a new story line.  As far as I know, this has nothing to do with the film.  A rift in time is opened by a scientist who sends Anti-Venom to heal Amazing.  And healing our web-slinging friend leads to his death.  The scientist has gone back in time to start his company early, creating a new, alternate time line.  2099 and Amazing have to work together to change things back to the way they were.  We just saw a preview, but aren’t you already intrigued?  Yes, I know Spider-Man games come out regularly, but not making this a direct story tie-in means that they’ll get mileage out of the name, get people excited to see what Spidey is doing in the upcoming film incarnation (despite it being way to early for a reboot) and have a game that doesn’t bore the spit out of me.