It’s days like this that I’m proud to call myself a journalist.

One could make the assumption that the baby’s father is her boyfriend Jionni LaVelle, but that would be a very dangerous assumption because Snooki is a huge whore and anyone could be the father. I was doing the math to see how long it had been since I slept with her, but it’s been like five months, so she would totally be showing right now if I was the dad.

It will be the 24-year-old’s first child, but almost certainly not her first pregnancy. Snooki had dismissed rumors that she was pregnant, but now tells TMZ that she didn’t want to jinx it, which is funny, because this baby’s actually been jinxed since it was conceived.

How will this affect Jersey Shore‘s upcoming seasons?

Shut up. That’s how it will affect it.

That said, the grandmother does make some very good points. Road trips ARE fun. And Snooki is an asshole. Right on both counts, Granny.

Also, I’m thinking of Grandma wearing a romper and peeing. Not my favorite thing.

Go about your Monday.

Also, I disagree on her “green tea is the shit” stance. Chai is where it’s at. 

When interviewed by Wendy Williams (huge “get” for Wendy, by the way), Jersey Shore star Vinny “Italian last name unimportant” answered Wendy’s question “How was Snooki in bed?” with “Umm, you ever have sex with a meatball?”

Unfortunately, everyone took Vinny’s question in response to be rhetorical. Except for Wendy. She answers the question with a resounding “no.” Apparently, she felt the need to explicitly state that she has not had sex with a meatball. I don’t believe her for one second that she hasn’t had sex with a meatball, but I will respect her privacy.

As for Snooki feeling like a big ole’ meatball in the sack, yeah, we kinda figured, but it’s nice to get it confirmed. What’s more surprising is that this guy doesn’t come across as a total dipshit on the show. Simply mind-blowing.

Articles like this are every writer’s dream. Smell that shit? That’s Pulitzer.

9. Nancy Grace

It looks like 2012 came a little early. How is she denying that there is a nipple under that pink star? If there’s no nipple under there, then the real story is that Nancy Grace lacks nipples, which is something I have suspected for a few years now.

8. Tara Reid

Hey Tara. Nice boob job. No, I can’t see the scar. Also, did you get your breasts shined? Terrific.

7. Amy Winehouse

Is this creepier because Amy Winehouse is dead or because she looked like this when she was alive.

MTV really has their finger on the pulse of what it is their viewers want. The new season premieres August 4th.

So it’s no surprise that MTV gave Mike Sorrentino, aka The Situation, aka the one who pulls his shirt up at you, a development deal. He’ll film some kind of pilot later this year. I’m sure The Situation has a lot of bold, Peabody Award winning television show concepts scrawled into his moleskine notebooks. Granted, most of the pages are probably filled with crude drawings of his own abs, but I’m sure whoever’s Co-Executive Producing can work with that. Here’s what Sorrentino has to say about all this:

“I’m excited to continue my relationship with MTV, which has been home for me for the last couple of years,” Sorrentino said. “I’m really grateful for all the support from my fans. Hopefully, there will be plenty more situations in the future.”

His nickname is “The Situation,” you see. Meanwhile, not only has”Jersey Shore” been renewed, but 2012 will bring us Variety)

MTV has gone ahead and green lighted two Jersey Shore“ spin-offs which means ‘doing nothing’ will soon be considered a viable career path in our society. One show will follow DJ Pauly D as he sets off on tour to highlight his talent of playing other peoples’ music. The second show is a reality show starring Snooki and JWoww. Having formed a tight bond on “Jersey Shore,” the new program will focus on their friendship as they get hammered on vodka and by really muscular dudes.

It’s easy to sit here in this coffee shop on my brother’s laptop and rail against how unfair it is that these guys are millionaires. But, honestly, there’s no reason to hate. Pauly D and Snooki are both really entertaining in their own right. And JWoww… well… hmmm. Knockers are pretty entertaining, I guess. I’ll reserve my anger for when Vinnie gets his own show. (Deadline)

Yeah, the Madea parody poster trend continues for Madea’s Big Happy Family. This sort of campaign is normally reserved for an Epic Movie / Disaster Movie / Terrible Parody Movie type movie. And I hate those movies. Yeah, I know the tag line on the poster below says I should not be hatin’, but I don’t care. I’m hatin’. Mmm… that’s good haterade. (Cinema Blend)

“While the stateside ‘Jersey Shore’ locales have become iconic for our audience it’s really the constantly evolving dynamic amongst the cast that keeps them coming back each season and Europe is a fresh spin on a show that continues to reach new heights for us,” said Chris Linn, Executive Vice President of Programming and Head of Production for MTV. “The cast is headed to the birthplace of the culture they love and live by. We can’t wait to see what erupts as a result.”

I smell an international incident. Although, that’s probably just hair gel.

Check it out but be certain to visit the eyewash station afterward.

Grenades!

_{Back to work, you rebel rousing scum.}

Yes, the Deepwater Horizon rig may finally be capped, but another oily disaster is now unfolding. The cast of Jersey Shore is threatening to strike.

TMZ is reporting that cast members are so disappointed with their season 3 contracts that they are refusing to shoot, as they feel they can making more money "doing appearances" than filming the series.

You know, back in the late 1800′s, when a bunch of upstart "guidos" would try to unionize, the employer would hire some union busting thugs to go in and smash some heads. If MTV followed suit and made an example of The Situation by breaking his jaw in several places, I think the rest of the cast would fall in to line posthaste.

Those concerned that the second season of "Jersey Shore" will be a played out attempt by network execs to squeeze more money out of their runaway hit, can rest easy. The first ten minutes of the second season is now online, and we learn quickly that the cast reunite for reasons much more shallow than money. Namely, free tanning.

That’s right. The combination of record snowfalls and Obama‘s 10% tax on tanning has sent the cast south to Miami for the winter. In this first glimpse, we find out what the newly-minted celebrities have been up to (banging), watch Paulie D and the Situation play with explosives, and Snooki take pickles to a whole ‘nother, WHOLE ‘NOTHER level.

THIS SEQUEL DEFINITELY WON’T SUCK. CHECK IT OUT AFTER THE JUMP…

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but reality show Oompa Loompa, Snooki has selected a suitor to share her bed. The Jersey Shore Hobbit stepped out recently with Emilio Antonio and he is the juicehead of her dreams. She seems genuinely smitten. Belted in the face by love, if you will.

"He’s actually a body builder and works at the gym," she said. "I am really excited to like show the public who he is."

And those hoping that their connection is merely intellectual and therefore vulnerable to temptation, I have worse news.

"He is freaking banging. We’re the sexiest couple I have ever seen in my entire life s I am excited for everybody to see that."

There you have it. Theirs is a love that will endure at least until Sprin Break. Between this and the passing of Zelda Rubinstein, 2010 is shaping up to be a chaste year for pygmy-chasers. (NY Daily News)