Screen Junkies » Snooki http://www.screenjunkies.com Movie Reviews & TV Show Reviews Wed, 26 Nov 2014 19:27:26 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 Hark! Snooki From ‘Jersey Shore’ Is Pregnant! http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/hark-jersey-shores-snooki-is-pregnant/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/hark-jersey-shores-snooki-is-pregnant/#comments Wed, 29 Feb 2012 22:31:44 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=246563 Something tells me the baby will slide right out without a problem.

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The New York Post is reporting that Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi, the orange troll that stars on MTV‘s The Jersey Shore, is pregnant.

It’s days like this that I’m proud to call myself a journalist.

One could make the assumption that the baby’s father is her boyfriend Jionni LaVelle, but that would be a very dangerous assumption because Snooki is a huge whore and anyone could be the father. I was doing the math to see how long it had been since I slept with her, but it’s been like five months, so she would totally be showing right now if I was the dad.

It will be the 24-year-old’s first child, but almost certainly not her first pregnancy. Snooki had dismissed rumors that she was pregnant, but now tells TMZ that she didn’t want to jinx it, which is funny, because this baby’s actually been jinxed since it was conceived.

How will this affect Jersey Shore‘s upcoming seasons?

Shut up. That’s how it will affect it.

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What If Your Grandmother Read Snooki’s Tweets? http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/what-if-your-grandmother-spoke-like-snooki/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/what-if-your-grandmother-spoke-like-snooki/#comments Mon, 24 Oct 2011 22:00:55 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=video&p=233543 We get sick of reporting on sequels sometimes, so here's this.

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We’re about to share with you the answer to this question that no one asked. I don’t know who would subject their European grandmother to YouTube stardom, especially as a conduit for Snooki’s bland, horrible thoughts, but the person behind the camera has no bones about it.

That said, the grandmother does make some very good points. Road trips ARE fun. And Snooki is an asshole. Right on both counts, Granny.

Also, I’m thinking of Grandma wearing a romper and peeing. Not my favorite thing.

Go about your Monday.

Also, I disagree on her “green tea is the shit” stance. Chai is where it’s at. 

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Sex With Snooki Is Like “Making Love To A Meatball” http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/i-knew-it-sex-with-snooki-is-like-making-love-to-a-meatball/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/i-knew-it-sex-with-snooki-is-like-making-love-to-a-meatball/#comments Thu, 20 Oct 2011 00:01:10 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=video&p=233060 Somehow, Snooki seems rounder than a meatball.

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Screen Junkies and I both hate ‘Jersey Shore’ stories and cast members, but we love funny new pieces more than we hate’Jersey Shore‘ stuff, so this piece gets to see the light of day. Thanks for your understanding here, readers. 

When interviewed by Wendy Williams (huge “get” for Wendy, by the way), Jersey Shore star Vinny “Italian last name unimportant” answered Wendy’s question “How was Snooki in bed?” with “Umm, you ever have sex with a meatball?”

Unfortunately, everyone took Vinny’s question in response to be rhetorical. Except for Wendy. She answers the question with a resounding “no.” Apparently, she felt the need to explicitly state that she has not had sex with a meatball. I don’t believe her for one second that she hasn’t had sex with a meatball, but I will respect her privacy.

As for Snooki feeling like a big ole’ meatball in the sack, yeah, we kinda figured, but it’s nice to get it confirmed. What’s more surprising is that this guy doesn’t come across as a total dipshit on the show. Simply mind-blowing.

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Nancy Grace’s Nipple And 8 Other Unwanted Nude Celebrities http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/nancy-graces-nipple-and-8-other-unwanted-nude-celebrities/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/nancy-graces-nipple-and-8-other-unwanted-nude-celebrities/#comments Tue, 27 Sep 2011 22:13:02 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=230269 My spank bank needs a bailout.

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Nancy Grace is vehemently denying we saw her nude nipple on the last episode of Dancing with the Stars. God, I never thought I’d be eager to agree with Nancy Grace, but here we are. Rather than give you just the one heinous photo of what could possibly be Nancy Grace’s nipple, we decided to go whole hog and convey how much we actually dislike our readers by giving them eight more unsavory upskirt, nip slips, and wardrobe malfunctions.  It’s a sex videos nightmare. Ugh.

Articles like this are every writer’s dream. Smell that shit? That’s Pulitzer.

9. Nancy Grace

It looks like 2012 came a little early. How is she denying that there is a nipple under that pink star? If there’s no nipple under there, then the real story is that Nancy Grace lacks nipples, which is something I have suspected for a few years now.

8. Tara Reid

Hey Tara. Nice boob job. No, I can’t see the scar. Also, did you get your breasts shined? Terrific.

7. Amy Winehouse

Is this creepier because Amy Winehouse is dead or because she looked like this when she was alive.

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‘Jersey Shore’ Does Italy In New Trailer http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/jersey-shore-does-italy-in-new-trailer/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/jersey-shore-does-italy-in-new-trailer/#comments Tue, 19 Jul 2011 20:42:58 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=video&p=220968 This looks watchable. Every time I think I'm out, they pull me back in!!

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MTV’s new trailer for the new season of Jersey Shore set in Italy has it all! The Situation getting cussed out, The Situation getting things winged at his head, The Situation getting knocked unconscious, The Situation being loaded into a comical miniature ambulance. Hell, I watched Dancing With The Stars in the hopes he’d be accidentally kicked in the mouth.

MTV really has their finger on the pulse of what it is their viewers want. The new season premieres August 4th.

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MTV Finds New Reason To Give ‘The Situation’ Money: A Development Deal http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/mtv-finds-new-reason-to-give-the-situation-money-a-development-deal/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/mtv-finds-new-reason-to-give-the-situation-money-a-development-deal/#comments Wed, 04 May 2011 02:03:20 +0000 Geoffrey Golden http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=210340 MTV executives have a plan called Jerseynomics. Basically, it involves throwing tons of money at the cast of their hit reality snoozefest "Jersey Shore," and then... good... happens.

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MTV executives have a plan called Jerseynomics. Basically, it involves throwing tons of money at the cast of their hit reality snoozefest “Jersey Shore,” and then… good… happens.

So it’s no surprise that MTV gave Mike Sorrentino, aka The Situation, aka the one who pulls his shirt up at you, a development deal. He’ll film some kind of pilot later this year. I’m sure The Situation has a lot of bold, Peabody Award winning television show concepts scrawled into his moleskine notebooks. Granted, most of the pages are probably filled with crude drawings of his own abs, but I’m sure whoever’s Co-Executive Producing can work with that. Here’s what Sorrentino has to say about all this:

“I’m excited to continue my relationship with MTV, which has been home for me for the last couple of years,” Sorrentino said. “I’m really grateful for all the support from my fans. Hopefully, there will be plenty more situations in the future.”

His nickname is “The Situation,” you see. Meanwhile, not only has”Jersey Shore” been renewed, but 2012 will bring us Variety)

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Snooki, JWoww, and Pauly D All Getting Their Own Spin-Offs Because F**k Hard Work http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/snooki-jwoww-and-pauly-d-all-getting-there-own-spin-offs-because-fk-hard-work/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/snooki-jwoww-and-pauly-d-all-getting-there-own-spin-offs-because-fk-hard-work/#comments Thu, 07 Apr 2011 20:49:42 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=205987 WARNING: If you've lost your job or home within the last few years, this article will enrage.

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Welp, time to look at our checking accounts and feel really sad again. That usually doesn’t happen until the first of the month.

MTV has gone ahead and green lighted two Jersey Shore“ spin-offs which means ‘doing nothing’ will soon be considered a viable career path in our society. One show will follow DJ Pauly D as he sets off on tour to highlight his talent of playing other peoples’ music. The second show is a reality show starring Snooki and JWoww. Having formed a tight bond on “Jersey Shore,” the new program will focus on their friendship as they get hammered on vodka and by really muscular dudes.

It’s easy to sit here in this coffee shop on my brother’s laptop and rail against how unfair it is that these guys are millionaires. But, honestly, there’s no reason to hate. Pauly D and Snooki are both really entertaining in their own right. And JWoww… well… hmmm. Knockers are pretty entertaining, I guess. I’ll reserve my anger for when Vinnie gets his own show. (Deadline)

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Madea And Snooki Merge Into One Annoying Life Form http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/madea-and-snooki-merge-into-one-annoying-life-form/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/madea-and-snooki-merge-into-one-annoying-life-form/#comments Thu, 24 Mar 2011 06:28:14 +0000 Geoffrey Golden http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=203380 Scientists have combined "Jersey Shore" cast member Snooki and Tyler Perry's Madea, so it can be stuffed into a rocket ship and blasted into the sun.

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Scientists have been hard at work trying to combine aggressive “Jersey Shore” cast member and best-selling author (*shudder*) Snooki and Tyler Perry‘s aggressive, cross-dressing Black Swan ruiner Madea. They have succeeded. Now combined, the hyper-aggressive, super-annoying pop culture entity can be safely stuffed into a rocket ship and blasted into the sun.

Yeah, the Madea parody poster trend continues for Madea’s Big Happy Family. This sort of campaign is normally reserved for an Epic Movie / Disaster Movie / Terrible Parody Movie type movie. And I hate those movies. Yeah, I know the tag line on the poster below says I should not be hatin’, but I don’t care. I’m hatin’. Mmm… that’s good haterade. (Cinema Blend)

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Apocalypse Warning: ‘Jersey Shore’ Season 4 Is Coming http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/apocalypse-warning-jersey-shore-season-4-is-coming/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/apocalypse-warning-jersey-shore-season-4-is-coming/#comments Tue, 25 Jan 2011 17:51:05 +0000 Dave Horwitz http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=22061 Jersey Shore is going to have a fourth season, and there's nothing you or anyone else can do about it except hunker down and brace for impact.

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It was inevitable, wasn’t it?  Jersey Shore is going to have a fourth season, and there’s nothing you or anyone else can do about it except hunker down and brace for impact. The show you love, hate, or love to hate has been shattering MTV ratings records for the past three seasons, and it doesn’t show any signs of stopping or slowing down. It’s the network’s number one show of all time(!) among viewers ages 12-34, warping the minds of everyone from America’s future juiceheads to discerning adults that should know better. The most recent episode even outperformed American Idol in the 12-34 demo. That’s right, this thing is bigger than cable! It can’t be contained. Here’s what MTV had to say about season 4, which will take the gang of lovable orange people to Italy:

“While the stateside ‘Jersey Shore’ locales have become iconic for our audience it’s really the constantly evolving dynamic amongst the cast that keeps them coming back each season and Europe is a fresh spin on a show that continues to reach new heights for us,” said Chris Linn, Executive Vice President of Programming and Head of Production for MTV. “The cast is headed to the birthplace of the culture they love and live by. We can’t wait to see what erupts as a result.”

I smell an international incident. Although, that’s probably just hair gel.

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‘Jersey Shore’ Season Three Trailer: A Tale Of Two Snookis http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/jersey-shore-season-three-trailer-a-tale-of-two-snookis/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/jersey-shore-season-three-trailer-a-tale-of-two-snookis/#comments Tue, 21 Dec 2010 22:56:00 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=Video&p=13142 "Jersey Shore" has once again proven too powerful for the Valtrex of good taste, and will return to airwaves for a third season.

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Jersey Shore“ has once again proven too powerful for the Valtrex of good taste, and will return to airwaves for a third season on January 6th. This time around, Angelina is gone, Snooki‘s clone is in, Snooki is too drunk to find the beach (while standing on the beach), JWOWW punches Sammi, Sammi punches Ronnie, and a doctor has to reach inside Ronnie’s butt. Which we all know by now causes pinkeye.

Check it out but be certain to visit the eyewash station afterward.

Grenades!

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Call In the Union Busters: ‘Jersey Shore’ Cast Goes on Strike http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/call-in-the-union-busters-jersey-shore-cast-goes-on-strike/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/call-in-the-union-busters-jersey-shore-cast-goes-on-strike/#comments Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000 Back to work, you rebel rousing scum.Yes, the Deepwater Horizon rig may finally be capped, but another oily disaster is now unfolding. The cast of Jersey Shore is threatening to strike.TMZ is reporting that cast members are so disappointed with their season 3 contracts that they are refusing to shoot, as they feel they can making more money "doing appearances" than filming the series.You know, back in the late 1800's, when a bunch of upstart "guidos" would try to unionize, the employer would hire some union busting thugs to go in and smash some heads. If MTV followed suit and made an example of The Situation by breaking his jaw in several places, I think the rest of the cast would fall in to line posthaste.

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Back to work, you rebel rousing scum.

Yes, the Deepwater Horizon rig may finally be capped, but another oily disaster is now unfolding. The cast of Jersey Shore is threatening to strike.

TMZ is reporting that cast members are so disappointed with their season 3 contracts that they are refusing to shoot, as they feel they can making more money "doing appearances" than filming the series.

You know, back in the late 1800′s, when a bunch of upstart "guidos" would try to unionize, the employer would hire some union busting thugs to go in and smash some heads. If MTV followed suit and made an example of The Situation by breaking his jaw in several places, I think the rest of the cast would fall in to line posthaste.

 

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The First Ten Minutes Of ‘Jersey Shore’s’ Season Two http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/the-first-ten-minutes-of-jersey-shores-season-two/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/the-first-ten-minutes-of-jersey-shores-season-two/#comments Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000 Those concerned that the second season of "Jersey Shore" will be a played out attempt by network execs to squeeze more money out of their runaway hit, can rest easy. The first ten minutes of the second season is now online, and we learn quickly that the cast reunite for reasons much more shallow than money. Namely, free tanning. That's right. The combination of record snowfalls and Obama's 10% tax on tanning has sent the cast south to Miami for the winter. In this first glimpse, we find out what the newly-minted celebrities have been up to (banging), watch Paulie D and the Situation play with explosives, and Snooki take pickles to a whole 'nother, WHOLE 'NOTHER level. THIS SEQUEL DEFINITELY WON'T SUCK. CHECK IT OUT AFTER THE JUMP...

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Those concerned that the second season of "Jersey Shore" will be a played out attempt by network execs to squeeze more money out of their runaway hit, can rest easy. The first ten minutes of the second season is now online, and we learn quickly that the cast reunite for reasons much more shallow than money. Namely, free tanning.

That’s right. The combination of record snowfalls and Obama‘s 10% tax on tanning has sent the cast south to Miami for the winter. In this first glimpse, we find out what the newly-minted celebrities have been up to (banging), watch Paulie D and the Situation play with explosives, and Snooki take pickles to a whole ‘nother, WHOLE ‘NOTHER level.

THIS SEQUEL DEFINITELY WON’T SUCK. CHECK IT OUT AFTER THE JUMP…

 

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Sorry Fellas, Snooki Has Taken a Lover http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/sorry-fellas-snooki-has-taken-a-lover/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/sorry-fellas-snooki-has-taken-a-lover/#comments Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000 Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but reality show Oompa Loompa, Snooki has selected a suitor to share her bed. The Jersey Shore Hobbit stepped out recently with Emilio Antonio and he is the juicehead of her dreams. She seems genuinely smitten. Belted in the face by love, if you will."He's actually a body builder and works at the gym," she said. "I am really excited to like show the public who he is."And those hoping that their connection is merely intellectual and therefore vulnerable to temptation, I have worse news."He is freaking banging. We're the sexiest couple I have ever seen in my entire life so I am excited for everybody to see that."There you have it. Theirs is a love that will endure at least until Spring Break. Between this and the passing of Zelda Rubinstein, 2010 is shaping up to be a chaste year for pygmy-chasers. (NY Daily News)

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Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but reality show Oompa Loompa, Snooki has selected a suitor to share her bed. The Jersey Shore Hobbit stepped out recently with Emilio Antonio and he is the juicehead of her dreams. She seems genuinely smitten. Belted in the face by love, if you will.

"He’s actually a body builder and works at the gym," she said. "I am really excited to like show the public who he is."

And those hoping that their connection is merely intellectual and therefore vulnerable to temptation, I have worse news.

"He is freaking banging. We’re the sexiest couple I have ever seen in my entire life s I am excited for everybody to see that."

There you have it. Theirs is a love that will endure at least until Sprin Break. Between this and the passing of Zelda Rubinstein, 2010 is shaping up to be a chaste year for pygmy-chasers. (NY Daily News)

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