Screen Junkies » Skins

Chloë Sevigny Will Play An Irish Pre-Op Assassin Who Is Probably Cooler Than You

Wookie Johnson — Tue, 07 Jun 2011 20:30:47 +0000

Chloë Sevigny is following up her stint on “Big Love” by becoming a man. The actress will play a male Irish assassin who has her umlauts removed to become a woman in an upcoming miniseries. She was short with details when she spoke with BlackBook, but here’s what we know:

“It’s a British production for Sky Atlantic, and I’m playing a pre-op male-to-female tranny assassin. It’s very realistic. It’s being created by a lot of the people who were involved in the original “Skins“, so it’s going to be very edgy.”

Sounds great to me but I’d be interested to know whom from the original “Skins” is behind this. I’m going to go try to blend in at a rave to get to the bottom of this.

‘Skins’ Creator Says “I Don’t Make Porn” While Fighting Giant Boner

Geoffrey Golden — Thu, 27 Jan 2011 07:50:19 +0000

MTV is getting serious flack from advertisers, the Parents Teacher Council, and other middle-aged people who I bet throw really lame parties over its new series “Skins.” Imported from England, “Skins” follows the lives of a bunch of underage teens as they get drunk, do drugs and have sex. Sounds like a good half-hour to me!

However, many have accused creator Bryan Elsley of making child pornography and would like to see him arrested. Yikes Magikes. Well, Elsley and MTV are sticking to their fully exposed teenage guns, and Elsley had this to say to the Los Angeles Times:

“The show is the opposite of pornography. It isn’t us who are being provocative. I think that some of the people who object to the show are being provocative in the use of that word.”

Yeah, I agree that the “child porn” label is a little harsh. How about “softcore child porn?” That what the old 90′s MTV series “Undressed” was: a bunch of teens pretending to have sex, and I think there was also a stupid story about sock puppet sex. “Undressed” didn’t scar me for life, though I do get a hard-on every time I put my socks on in the morning. Actually, that really sucks for me, so maybe “Skins” should be cancelled? I’m as conflicted as Tony’s friends after his accident… (Hollywood Reporter)

9 Replacement Sponsors For MTV’s ‘Skins’

Jame Gumb — Tue, 25 Jan 2011 23:42:22 +0000

Thanks to its controversial depiction of teen sex and drug use, MTV’s “Skins” is losing sponsors left and right. I’m not exactly sure what these sponsors were expecting when they signed on. It’s a show about teenagers airing on MTV, so of course it’s going to feature titties and drugs. Did they think it was going to be about abstinence and sobriety? If I was more of a cynical man, which I am, I’d say that these sponsors simply bought ads with the idea of dropping out as soon as the Parents Television Council (PTC) condemned the show. That way, they’d still able to ride the publicity wave while at the same time acting like they’re above sexually exploiting teens. It’s rather brilliant.

Regardless, MTV won’t miss the sponsors who have dropped. Why? Because there are dozens more just waiting to cash in on the sweet, sweet scent of underage ass. With that in mind, here are nine replacement sponsors for MTV’s “Skins.”

Oh, and screw you, MTV. I feel bad enough not getting laid without watching a bunch of teenagers bumping uglys.

DiscountCondomKing.com

Let’s face it: teens need rubbers like Charlie Sheen needs….rubbers. But rubbers cost money. That’s no big deal if your parents are rich. But as a quick trip to the “bad side” of town will prove, it’s the poor kids who seem to be banging the most. That’s why DiscountCondomKing.com is a perfect sponsor for “Skins.” With free confidential shipping and a 5% discount for return buyers, it’s ideal for teens on a budget. Plus, order now, and they’ll throw in a dozen condoms as a free gift, which is exactly 12 more condoms than I needed as a teen.

Chicco Baby Strollers

Not all teens are into condoms. Can’t say I blame them. They feel gross and they smell funny. Then again, the same can be said about babies, and you can’t throw a baby into a dumpster when you’re done with it. Well, you can, but you’ve got a one in five chance of getting caught.

At any rate, I’m sure a lot of “Skins” viewers will be too stupid to use contraception, which means they’re probably going to need baby strollers. And since most teen-parents aren’t exactly flush with money, Chicco’s low-to-moderate prices are just what the doctor ordered…besides the baby’s silver nitrate eye drops, which are also a really good idea, all things considered.

Planned Parenthood

Hey, let’s face it. Some teens just aren’t into condoms or strollers. That’s where Planned Parenthood steps in to fill the gap. Actually, they’re really creating more of a gap, if you think about it, but I digress. The point is, Planned Parenthood and “Skins” go together like whores and Valtrex. Speaking of…

Valtrex

If kids are going to sit and idolize whores on MTV, it’s only a matter of time before they catch genital herpes. That’s why Valtrex would be wise to start advertising during “Skins.” If the drug raises its brand awareness now, by the time those same kids reach college, they’ll be loyal customers.

Salvia

Since the characters on “Skins” aren’t shy about their drug use, it’s stands to reason the show won’t be shy about taking on Salvia as a sponsor. After all, it’s a drug, it gets you high, and best of all, it’s still legal. Plus, Miley Cyrus likes it? Teens like Miley Cyrus, right? Oh, that’s right, only 12-year-olds like Miley Cyrus. Well, that actually works out perfectly, since 12-year-olds are probably the only ones watching this sh*t. Real teens are too busy having sex and doing drugs.

PerfectUrine.com

“Skins” makes it look like all the cool kids are doing drugs, but there’s nothing cool about losing your minimum-wage job down at El Pollo Loco. God knows they can’t have a known pot smoker cleaning out the grease traps. That’s why it’s so important to cover your tracks. The fine people at PerfectUrine.com are here to help. No, that’s not a porn site featuring “golden showers.” It’s a company that sells clean urine for drug tests. If you use it, you can smoke a fat one with your friends and still not jeopardize that promotion to the drive-thru. Livin’ large, asshole.

The Music Industry

Teenagers watching “Skins” are the perfect target for the music industry. No, not because MTV has anything to do with music. But anyone who still watches that channel just might be stupid enough to pay for music…maybe.

De Vry

There’s nothing wrong with De Vry. In fact, I’d wager that someone with a good technical degree from De Vry has a better chance finding a job than someone with a generic liberal arts degree from a four-year college. And that’s a good thing for big fans of “Skins,” because it’s not like those morons will have much of a chance getting into a real school.

Zolft

For every one kid who watches “Skins” and says, “this show reminds me of me,” there are probably 20 losers sitting around thinking, “am I the only one in the world not getting laid?” For those losers, there’s Zolft. After all, why work on building up your self-esteem or personal hygiene when you can simply pop a pill and go back to watching Anime in your parents’ basement? Eh, who am I kiding. If you’re watching “Skins,” you’re probably watching it in your parent’s* basement.

*That’s a grammatical joke that implies you don’t have a father.

‘Skins’ Too Sexy For Sandwiches, Tacos, Gum, And Cars

Dave Horwitz — Mon, 24 Jan 2011 20:42:50 +0000

The Parents’ Television council is out to spoil everyone’s teenage-sex based good time by calling out basically every advertiser that bought space during “Skins,” MTV’s controversial new show about teenagers doing it all over the goddamned place. Subway is the most recent company to pull their ads, and the PTC has now called out basically everyone, demanding they pull their ads from the broadcasts, including Schick Hydro, H&R Block, L’Oreal, Foot Locker, Orbit chewing gum and Extra chewing gum. Said PTC in a statement:

“Every single advertiser who sponsored the premiere episode of Skins is not only endorsing, but glorifying teen drug and alcohol abuse, not to mention a plethora of baseless sexual content”

In addition to the advertising witch hunt, the PTC contacted the U.S. Senate and House Judiciary Committees AND the Department of Justice, requesting they open an investigation for child pornography and exploitation. The reason given was that the cast is between the ages of 15-19. because of the ages of its cast, 15-19. Personally, I think the show should be banned too. Not because it’s profane, and not because it boasts a frank depiction of teenage sexuality, but because it’s not a good television show. I’m outraged! My imaginary children aren’t going anywhere near this show! I will shield their young eyes and ears from bad acting and annoying faux-edgy posturing until they’re 35!

(Deadline)

PTC Lame-os Overreact To MTV’s ‘Skins’

Wookie Johnson — Thu, 20 Jan 2011 20:51:30 +0000

Turns out that the Parents Television Council is, like, really mad for real about MTV’s remake of “Skins.” The buzzkills are pushing for a federal investigation into claims of child pornography law violations.

“In addition to the sexual content on the show involving cast members as young as 15, PTC counted 42 depictions and references to drugs and alcohol in the premiere episode,” the group wrote in a letter to the Department of Justice and the U.S. Senate and House Judiciary Committees. Don’t they know that the cool kids don’t keep track of how many beers they drank? Freshmen.

“It is clear that Viacom has knowingly produced material that may well be in violation of [several anti-child pornography laws].” Pornography laws? Oh, so sorry your Highnesses. I guess we’re not allowed to pile minors in a sweaty, semi-nude, post-opiate/coital orgy hill. Now if you’ll excuse me. I need to pull up my floorboards and find a better hiding place for this har drive. (THR)

10 New Mid-Season Shows To Watch In 2011

Jame Gumb — Wed, 12 Jan 2011 23:56:40 +0000

The new year is well underway, which means it’s time for the television networks to start rolling out their mid-season replacements. And with so much garbage to choose from, it can be hard to figure out what’s worth your time. It’s enough to make you do something rash/non-TV related, like reading a book or conversing with your family. And we all know how that ends: poorly. But what we don’t know is how the following 11 shows will end. Will they gain a following and get picked up for a second season, or will they they fail to draw an audience and get “Loan Starred?” Take a look at our 2011 mid-season replacement guide and decide for yourself.

“The Chicago Code” – Feb 7th (9/8 C) – Fox

From the people who brought you “The Shield” comes the story of a Chicago cop on a quest to find his brother’s killer. As you’d expect from the “Windy City,” he runs head-on into a sea of corruption. But as you wouldn’t expect from the “Windy City,” he also runs into a sexy female police superintendent. Compare that to a picture of Chicago’s real police superintendent. Ah, Hollywood magic.

“Bob’s Burgers” – Jan 9th (8:30/7:30C) – Fox

If you were a fan of “Dr. Katz, Professional Therapist,” you’re probably a middle-age loser by now. But you’re also in luck! Loren Bouchard, who produced “Katz” (as well as “Home Movies”) is behind “Bob’s Burgers,” a cartoon about a family running a NYC burger joint. Also, H. Jon Benjamin reprises his role of every cartoon voice since 1995.

“Episodes” – Jan 9th (9:30) – Showtime

In Showtime’s new series, “Episodes,” Matt LeBlanc plays the role he was born to play: himself. It’s sort of like that episode of “Curb Your Enthusiasm” where Larry David pitches a show about Jason Alexander’s attempts to break away from his character of George Costanza. Hopefully the show helps LeBlanc step out of Joey Tribbiani’s shadow. I’m talking about Joey Tribbiani from “Friends,” not Joey Tribbiani from “Joey.” The latter is long dead.

“Shameless” – Jan 9th (10) – Showtime

If you like William H. Macy, you’ll probably like “Shameless,” a show about an alcoholic father raising his family. If you don’t like William H. Macy, I hope you like alcoholic fathers.

“Mr. Sunshine” – Jan 9th (9:30/8:30 C) – ABC

In “Mr. Sunshine,” Matthew Perry plays the director of “The Sunshine Center.” It’s a fictionalized version of the Staples Center, except with more laughs and less alleged rapists. This means that three of the cast members from friends will be back on network television this season. Only three more to go until the Apocalypse.

“Body of Proof” – Mar 29th (10/9C) – ABC

I’m not sure what I’m more excited to see: this new show or Dana Delany’s new face. Jesus Christ, she’s almost 55, and she looks the same as she did in “China Beach!” “Body of Proof” is about a world renowned surgeon. I’m assuming it’s based on her plastic surgeon. If he’s not world renowned, he should be.

“Lights Out” – Jan 11 (10) – FX

“Lights Out” tells the story of a former heavyweight boxer who is contemplating a comeback. That reminds me of an old joke a co-worker of mine retold today. Why does Mike Tyson cry after sex? Because of the mace. Get it!

“Skins” – Jan 17 (10/9 C) – MTV

“Skins” is a new drama on MTV about the lives of teenagers. If you like watching teens do drugs and have sex, you’ll enjoy this show. Also, you’re a god damn creep.

“The Killing” – Apr 3rd (10/9 C) – AMC

“The Killing” tells the story of a young girl who is murdered and the subsequent police investigation. It’s sort of like “Twin Peaks,” with out a backward talking midget. The show is on AMC, so it’s hard to bet against it even after”Rubicon” though got the ax.

“Fairly Legal” – Jan 20th (10/9 C) – USA

“Fairly Legal” stars Sarah Shahi as a former lawyer whose frustration with the legal system leads her to a new career as a mediator. She’s hot, but I don’t care about that. What I do care about is that the guy from “Major Dad” is in the promo. I haven’t been this excited since “Jericho.”

Dirty Version Of ‘Skins’ Trailer Makes A Party Foul

Wookie Johnson — Tue, 11 Jan 2011 19:38:40 +0000

The teens are getting even more cray cray in this longer, dirtier version of MTV’s “Skins” promo trailer. It looks like this one was intended to offend.

I’m okay with the pot, pills, and on-the-mouth kissing. What really bothers me is the alcohol abuse. And I don’t mean the over-consumption. I’m talking about the spilling. Who pours vodka and Zimas into their eyeballs? That’s no way to party. Especially in high school where alcohol is so hard to procure. I say show footage of the Indian kid trying to slurp 99 Bananas out of the carpet or GTFO. (Vulture)

Watch Teens In MTV’s ‘Skins’ Get Cray Cray

Col. Longshanks — Mon, 22 Nov 2010 23:35:54 +0000

In MTV’s remake of the UK cult hit “Skins,” teens smoke pot, drink booze, take pills, and lie to their parents. This new spot nicely demonstrates those vices with a groovy track from Sleigh Bells adding to the reverse debauchery. There are already a lot of haters targeting this show as another unnecessary remake that won’t be as edgy as the original. I have no doubt it won’t be as edgy since MTV can’t show bare penis, which the UK version is chock-full of, but that doesn’t mean it won’t be entertaining. It certainly won’t make me feel an less pervy for watching it. (SkinsFanSite)

First Look At Sexy Teens In MTV’s ‘Skins’ Trailer

Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

MTV is preparing to launch their scripted remake of the cult UK series "Skins" in January, and today we have a first look. The series follows a group of students who have way more fun than I did in high school. And college. Basterds.

I’m not familiar with the original UK series but from what I’ve been told by die-hard fans, this pilot is a pretty faithful remake. So, before you purists start whining about Americanizations or the fact that MTV doesn’t play many music videos anymore, it’s important that you recall this is a show about semi-nude teenagers. If you hate that, you’re not a real American and you should move to England or some sh*t.

Check out the trailer after the jump…

Skins US Official Trailer ! – Watch more Funny Videos