Screen Junkies » sin city http://www.screenjunkies.com Movie Reviews & TV Show Reviews Fri, 05 Sep 2014 20:32:16 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 The Screen Junkies Top Six: Most Essential “Sin City” Movies http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/the-screen-junkies-top-six-most-essential-sin-city-movies/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/the-screen-junkies-top-six-most-essential-sin-city-movies/#comments Thu, 21 Aug 2014 22:32:06 +0000 Jared Jones http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=video&p=264381 A Dame to Kill For can deliver all the gratuitous T n' A and over-the-top violence it wants, but unless it relocates itself to the land of slot machines and cocaine, it will surely fail to live up to the true "Sin City" classics.

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By Jared Jones

This weekend, Eva Green’s awesome boobs march their way into theaters to star in Sin City 2: A Dame to Kill For, which let me tell you right now, is most certainly *not* a blatant cashgrab by Frank Miller and Robert Rodriguez based on the success of their 2005 original. So just throw that notion right. out.

Based on my extensive research, I have discovered that neither of the Sin City movies actually take place in Las Vegas, which feels like kind of a cop out to me. Placing any movie in the real “Sin City” automatically boosts its IMDB rating by 2.4 stars. Everyone knows this. A Dame to Kill For can deliver all the gratuitous T n’ A and over-the-top violence it wants, but unless it relocates itself to the land of slot machines and cocaine, it will surely fail to live up to the true “Sin City” classics. Classic like…

Leprechaun 3

Let’s start off with an obvious one. Leprechaun 3 is to Friday the 13th Part 4 what Halloween H20 is to A Nightmare on Elm Street 6, which is to say that it is a remarkable film in almost every regard. Whether it was Warwick Davis‘ reprisal of the role he was quite literally born to play or that truly masterful scene in which a woman has her tits and lips inflated until she explodes that truly put this movie over the top is debatable, but at the end of the day, Leprechaun 3 undeniably owes a debt of gratitude to Las Vegas for making the film the outright success it remains today.

I mean, come on! That “losing streak” pun alone was worth the trip! Not only that, but other Vegas-based puns that could be found on Leprechaun 3 movie posters included:

-”Welcome to Vegas…the odds are you won’t leave alive!”

-”This time, luck has nothing to do with it.”

-”To get out of Vegas alive…you’ll have to stay away from his pot of gold.”

-”The luck of the Irish…you’re dead!”

That one seemed kind of lazy, if you ask me.

Think Like a Man Too

Full confession: I have not seen this movie, but I refuse to believe that a sequel to a movie based off a book by Steve Harvey starring Turtle from Entourage, Kevin Hart (whose screamy,yelly thing never gets old), *and* the music of Mary J. Blige can be anything less than a fun-filled extravaganza. I would like to know, however, just what in the hell is going on in this poster. It is without a doubt one of the worst photoshop disasters I have ever witnessed.

Why is Turtle’s head so big, and why is his expression so calm? He’s pinning a tiny-headed (by comparison), clearly terrified friend down to the table, yet he has the dead-eyed demeanor of a serial rapist. Likewise, why are Kevin Hart’s friends laughing at his apparent misfortunes? Why does anyone laugh at Kevin Hart at all, for that matter?

Is that white guy in the background Lance Armstrong? Is Lance Armstrong in this picture? Do you guys ever have trouble watching that Lance Armstrong scene in Dodgeball, knowing what we all know now? Should they digitally replace Lance Armstrong in that scene in Dodgeball, and with who? So many questions.

Mars Attacks!

Confession #2: This movie was going to wind up on this list whether it was actually set in Nevada or not.

Last Vegas 

Aiming to finally close the debate on whether or not jokes about old guys popping Viagra ever cease to be funny (Spoiler alert: They don’t, ya boner!), Last Vegas saw Michael Douglas, Robert De Niro, Morgan Freeman, and Kevin Kline turn in diverse, career-defining roles as, get this, old guys in Vegas! I know, right! I guess it’s just a bonus that Turtle from Entourage is *also* in this movie!!!

“The light at the end of the tunnel has never been brighter…or funnier!” raved Phil Satchelknob of the LA Times when reviewing Last Vegas, “Douglas brings newfound life into his role, literally!”

I tried to describe this movie to my roommate the other day. I said it was basically Space Cowboys meets The Hangover, but set against the neon luminescence of the Sunset Strip. He called me an idiot and spit in my face. We haven’t spoken since.

What Happens in Vegas

Cameron vs. Ashton: The cinematic showdown have been asking for ever since Stallone vs. Lithgow.

Showgirls

Judging by the methods used to market A Dame to Kill For (see: Green’s boobs, Eva), I’m guessing they’ll be handing out lotion and Kleenex along with the 3D glasses at theaters nationwide tomorrow. Holes will be cut out of popcorn buckets. Our understanding of sticky theater floors, redefined. All this, so the story of Marv, Snuffy, Al, Leo, and Little Moe with the gimpy leg can continue on.

If the people behind A Dame to Kill For were smart, however, they would have set the movie in the Las Vegas, added in a show tune element, and slapped an NC-17 rating on it to really give the film the oversexualized punch it needs. Because let’s be honest, Sin City 2 appears to be selling itself as softcore action porn, basically, albeit with ridiculous production values and an A-list cast. But like most Hollywood fare, it lacks the balls to fully commit to the risque image it’s trying to pass off. This is a movie all but daring its audience *not* to jerk off during it, yet it can’t bring an “Elizabeth Hurley getting flogged in a pool while seizuring like a fish out of water” element to the table? Please…

I’m not just praising Showgirls because I learned all of my moves of seduction from it (the fish out of water is still my go-to). I’m simply saying that without that extra, Saved-By-the-Bell -star-getting-f*cking-like-an-electrocuted-corpse boost, A Dame to Kill For is all but destined to wind up a critical and financial failure. Showgirls, on the other hand, grossed over $500 million domestic and is 1 of only 5 films to hold a 100% on Rotten Tomatoes *and* a 10/10 on IMDB. The proof is in the pudding, folks. And no, I don’t mean that as some kind of sex thing, you damn perverts.

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http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/the-screen-junkies-top-six-most-essential-sin-city-movies/feed/ 0 SIN CITY 2 Banner Leprechaun_3b think-like-a-man-too us-posters-mars-attacks-advance-1sh-96-directed-by-tim-burton-great-image-of-many-alien-brains what_happens_in_vegas_ver2 Showgirls
Screen Junkies Show: Best & Worst Graphic Novel Movies http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/screen-junkies-show-best-worst-graphic-novel-movies/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/screen-junkies-show-best-worst-graphic-novel-movies/#comments Thu, 21 Aug 2014 17:24:44 +0000 bgoldstein http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=video&p=264367 Sin City 2 is hitting theaters, so we decided to assemble a panel to talk about the highs (and lows) of graphic novel movie adaptations!

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Sin City 2 is hitting theaters, so we decided to assemble a panel to talk about the highs (and lows) of graphic novel movie adaptations! Our friends Mike Carlson and Alex Fernie drop by to help us break it down.

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The 6 Best Stripper Portrayals In All Of Modern Cinema http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/the-6-best-stripper-portrayals-in-all-of-modern-cinema/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/the-6-best-stripper-portrayals-in-all-of-modern-cinema/#comments Thu, 07 Jun 2012 21:33:26 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=249103 How can only one of them be topless? What kind of god would allow this?

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Channing Tatum is bringing male strippers back into the public consciousness with Magic Mike, a film that supposedly chronicles Tatum’s days as a dancer leading up to his star turns in such films as G.I. Joe: Retaliation, and The Vow, two films that I will never, ever, ever see. While the movie looks like a good, fun romp (how could it not be with Matthew McConaughey?), it reminds us that male strippers exist, so let’s get back to the female ones for a moment and remember what it means to REALLY be a stripper.

Demi Moore – Striptease

Word on the street was that Demi Moore made $12 million to play a stripper in this (tragically) PG-13 rated film, breaking the record for biggest single payday to an actress. Unfortunately, if you’re not going full-frontal, you’re going to leave a lot of people wondering what exactly the point of a stripper movie is.

I don’t know, because I never saw it. And I wasn’t alone, as the giant payday seemed to be just more money down the drain as this film didn’t appeal to the perverts, certainly not families, and the “single mom” plotline didn’t do much to win the hearts and minds of single-parent families anywhere, so the nation let out a catcall at Demi’s tight body on the billboards and magazine ads, then forget about the whole damn thing.

Salma Hayek – Dogma

It’s not often that a stripper can serve as a genuine muse. For the most part, they just convince you to buy them a Mustang convertible so they can drop out of dental hygienist school. But Salma shows the way to the protagonists in Dogma, and does so by looking pretty damn good in pigtails while shaking her shit to “Candy Girl” by New Edition.

Natalie Portman – Closer

It’s not easy to get past all the emotional baggage that runs rampant in this film about lust and infidelity, but if you divorce yourself from those emotions (you know, like a sociopath), then maybe you can just take her at face value. By that I mean you’ll enjoy her body and pink wig. Clive Owen sure did.

It was also in this film that Natalie Portman, wig and all, drew the inevitable comparisons to Julia Roberts. I think she’s got Pretty Woman beat by a country mile, but it isn’t about me. It’s about you, dear reader. Is there any chance that Julia Roberts has out-sexied Natalie at any point of their careers?

Elizabeth Berkley – Showgirls

Elizabeth Berkley makes the cut not because I carry a fondness for Jessie Spano, but because her Nomi character exhibits qualities I often find in other strippers. Namely, she’s dumb and I don’t care about her.

While her tale was ostensibly supposed to be a tragic one about a dancer who lost her way while pursuing stardom in Vegas, she doesn’t manage to evoke much sympathy. Rather, she just makes us nod our heads and say, “Yup. That’s what happens when you’re that special combination of naïve, credulous, and dumb. You get eaten alive.” Fortunately, it’s not all life lessons, as she has some truly bizarre sex in a swimming pool that is probably the most memorable scene of a not-at-all memorable film.

Salma Hayek – From Dusk Till Dawn

Two entries for Selma! Unfortunately, that wasn’t enough to get her typecast over and over and over again as a stripper, but it did mean we got to see her shake that ass in a bikini all over during two separate and wildly disparate films. Robert Rodriquez’s From Dusk Til Dawn could very well serve as the anti-Dogma. Rather than playing a helpful muse, Hayek’s Dawn character gets turned on by the site of blood and instigates a bar-wide feeding frenzy that kills just about everyone.

Which Hayek stripper was sexier? That’s just a matter of taste.

Jessica Alba – Sin City

In yet another instance of America watering down the greatest things in the nation to appease the bland taupe tastes of the masses, Alba’s character had been drawn nude in the Frank Miller graphic novels, you know, because she’s a stripper. Well, Alba thought that her appearing nude would upset her father, which is probably true, but it would also likely delight millions of other men. If you want to make a sexy stripper omelet, ya gotta break some stripper eggs.

Covered breasts aside, Alba, like so many other actors in this film, offers a sultry side that many didn’t think she had in her.

Strangely, out of the five entrants here (with Hayek getting two nods), only one – Berkeley – got topless for her role as a stripper, suggesting that maybe these women aren’t as method as we had hoped. In the future, as much as we like seeing our favorite stars taking the stage, we should root for the relative unknowns so that we’re not stuck with something like Lindsay Lohan’s I Know Who Killed Me, a film so bad I wasn’t even sure I wanted to mention it. Terrible stuff. Do. Not. Watch.

But the other’s on this list are good for some mild erotica like it’s 7th grade up in this piece.

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7 Roles We Would Have Liked To See Tupac Play http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/7-roles-we-would-have-liked-to-see-tupac-play/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/7-roles-we-would-have-liked-to-see-tupac-play/#comments Tue, 13 Sep 2011 18:59:35 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=228188 If he was still alive, of course. Otherwise, gross.

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While he has received tons of posthumous praise for his music, Tupac Shakur was also a very promising talent in the film world, despite a paucity of decent roles. Even without more high-profile roles, he was able to give stirring performances even in substandard fare, which, unfortunately, is all we have to judge him on.

His early turns in Juiceand Above the Rim demonstrated that he could play a depraved badass better than just about anyone. Further, I have the lingering feeling that Tupac was a pretty funny guy. Now, it’s a leap to assume that a funny person would be a solid comedic actor, but, I think he could have given it a go.

With that in mind, here are a few roles that Tupac could have nailed if he had not have been gunned down by Suge Knight/Crips/Teamsters/Cubans/The CIA/Biggie.

7. Pineapple Express – Budlofsky or Matheson

One comedy role that Tupac would have been very well-suited for is one of the henchmen sent to dispatch Franco and Rogen in Pineapple Express. While Danny McBride and Craig Robinson did well with the role, the film was always on the verge of feeling genuinely dangerous, but never got there. Tupac’s presence would have pushed it over the edge. All things considered, he could have made Beverly Hills Chihuahua a harrowing experience.

6. Panic Room – Raoul

While Dwight Yoakam did a great job as the most unhinged of the three criminals that terrorize Jodie Foster and her daughter, as Tupac showed in his compelling performance in Juice, watching him dissolve as a story unfolds is an unparalleled experience. We see Raoul refuse to walk away, ultimately taking down anyone who stands in his path. Tupac has demonstrated the same ferocity in both his music and a handful of his roles, and the idea of seeing him play what is essentially a pit bull off its chain sounds promising.

5. Sin City – The Man

Yes, Tupac could play a role originally performed by Josh Hartnett, thank you.

Of course, many of the Sin City characters didn’t have proper names, so this role is probably more familiar as “the character that Josh Hartnett played.” Seeing Tupac in such a stylized film would allow audiences to witness him taking his badassedry to an entire new level, while allowing him to ham it up as well. In his short filmography (10 films/roles) we never got to see the rapper go over the top with his persona in Scarface-like fashion. Granted, the role of the man requires a lot more quiet restrain, but certainly allow Tupac the opportunity to play up the “cool” that he had in spades.

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Rodriguez Finds Some Time for ‘Sin City 2′ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/rodriguez-finds-some-time-for-sin-city-2/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/rodriguez-finds-some-time-for-sin-city-2/#comments Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000 Robert Rodriguez wants to make Sin City 2. Fans want to see Sin City 2. Studios and theater owners want to make money off of Sin City 2? So what the hell's the hold up on Sin City 2?Apparently, Rodriguez just hasn't been able to find the time for a followup. After all, Spy Kids 4 and The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl aren't going to make themselves.But now comes word that Rodriguez has finally started a much needed rewrite to the Sin City 2 script, and the director is still very excited about the project. With any luck, fans will be seeing violent, on-screen castrations before the end of the decade. (Cinema Blend)

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Robert Rodriguez wants to make Sin City 2. Fans want to see Sin City 2. Studios and theater owners want to make money off of Sin City 2? So what the hell’s the hold up on Sin City 2?

Apparently, Rodriguez just hasn’t been able to find the time for a followup. After all, Spy Kids 4 and The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl aren’t going to make themselves.

But now comes word that Rodriguez has finally started a much needed rewrite to the Sin City 2 script, and the director is still very excited about the project. With any luck, fans will be seeing violent, on-screen castrations before the end of the decade. (Cinema Blend)

 

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