Screen Junkies » selena gomez http://www.screenjunkies.com Movie Reviews & TV Show Reviews Thu, 18 Sep 2014 20:13:15 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 Lame: 13 Celebrities Hospitalized For “Exhaustion” http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/lame-13-celebrities-hospitalized-for-exhaustion/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/lame-13-celebrities-hospitalized-for-exhaustion/#comments Thu, 26 Jan 2012 15:38:52 +0000 David Dietle http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=243641 I've been Tweeting all day. Take me to the hospital!

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If you have seen any entertainment news at all in the past day and a half, then you know that Demi Moore was just treated for “exhaustion,” a dire condition suffered by rich assholes who have forgotten what stress was like, and now lose their shit when they encounter some. Okay, maybe that was a little harsh; it’s entirely possible that they are simply covering up something embarrassing/illegal with the exhaustion, which is basically the philosophy degree of medical ailments. For instance, Demi probably bent her penis grudge-f*cking Ashton’s replacement, and Tracy Morgan‘s body probably rejected the clean mountain air of Park City, Utah, what with its lack of inhalants and ozone-depleting levels of vaporous Mormonism.

(Update: Turns out Demi was actually hospitalized after huffing nitrous oxide. Really, whip-its? You’re a millionaire, not a 13-year-old boy loitering behind a Missouri Walmart.)

Whyamisotired.com explains “exhaustion” as follows:

Most people feel tired after a busy day, but bona fide medically diagnosed exhaustion is something else entirely. Exhaustion may also be described as fatigue, languidness, lassitude, listlessness, lethargy and languor. Fatigue or exhaustion symptoms are reported by the patient as opposed to being something that is observed by others, which would be a sign instead of a symptom.

Okay, so now I’m more confused than I was, although likely the person writing that was suffering from being retarded.

Demi and Tracy are just the latest to come down with exhaustion. There is a veritable army of celebrities who have checked themselves in to hospitals because life was too tough at the top of a pile of money.

Mariah Carey

Back in 2001, Mariah Carey checked into a hospital because she was tired. I’m sorry, “extreme exhaustion,” which is probably exhaustion dyed bright green, base jumping. She did it again in 2002, and her PR people assured the world that it was because she was overworked, and totally not because she was having psychological problems, which, of course, means she was likely losing her shit. Her PR people apparently come from the school of thought where they think the best way to divert attention from something is to call attention to it. If she had publicly crapped her pants, they would have said she changed her pants due to exhaustion, not because she shat herself on stage.

Selena Gomez

As bad as I would love to rip on her, I will take it easy on Ms. Gomez. First off, she’s just a kid (what is she? 15?), and I do buy that a barely-legal girl who has spent the last several years in front of a camera might actually be malnourished. It’s not like mom set her up to make the best decisions, seeing as how her mom stuck her with freaking Barney when she was 10. That type of thing leads to all kinds of “different” behavior, like dating other girls. Kudos to her mom for being open minded, though. I’m sure Justin will one day make Selena a great wife. Just get the kid a damn cheeseburger.

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‘Monte Carlo’ Trailer Looks Generally Horrible http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/monte-carlo-trailer-looks-generally-horrible/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/monte-carlo-trailer-looks-generally-horrible/#comments Fri, 08 Apr 2011 22:12:53 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=Video&p=206243 It's like a trip to the dentist, but cheaper!

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The Disney Channel made a “Sex and the City” film! Leighton Meester is Carrie because she’s the leader, Katie Cassidy is Charlotte because she’s bland, Selena Gomez is Samantha because she’s slutty, Andie MacDowell is Samantha because she’s insanely old, and Brett Cullen is Miranda because they both like to have sex with women.

Women be travellin’ in this trailer for Monte Carlo, in which a gaggle of girls go on a European vacation gone awry until one of them (Gomez, the ethnic-looking one) gets mistaken for royalty, at which point their trip becomes FAB-U-LOUS!

There’s also a really big lobster featured here, which was the high point of the trailer for me.

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Selena Gomez To Star In ’13 Reasons Why,’ God Why? http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/selena-gomez-to-star-in-13-reasons-why-god-why/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/selena-gomez-to-star-in-13-reasons-why-god-why/#comments Wed, 09 Feb 2011 01:53:24 +0000 Geoffrey Golden http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=25728 The film is about a guilt trip from beyond the grave...

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Bieber-stealer Selena Gomez is the star of a TV show no grown man can ever admit to watching, unless he wants to risk being suspected as a pedophile. Best known for “Wizards of Waverly Place” and the cleverly titled “Wizards of Waverly Place: The Movie,” Gomez will be leaving Waverly Place for a place that’s a little less Waverly-y.

Universal has picked up the bestselling book 13 Reasons Why by Jay Asher, as a vehicle for Gomez. Writer Jennifer O’Kieffe will adapt the book about a girl who committed suicide, then gives cassette tapes to 13 different girls explaining their role in her death. It’s a guilt trip from beyond the grave. If that were me, I’d start by recording something serious about getting cyber-bullied, the break into ghost noises and loud farts. And that, Universal Pictures, is why you should hire me to do the punch-up draft. (Deadline)

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Girls Want To Murder Bieber’s Main Squeeze http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/girls-want-to-murder-biebers-main-squeeze/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/girls-want-to-murder-biebers-main-squeeze/#comments Mon, 03 Jan 2011 20:35:31 +0000 Col. Longshanks http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=13936 Selena Gomez is under attack by horny Justin Bieber fans everywhere. I normally wouldn't report on this gossipy junk, but some of the tweets to Gomez are downright hee-larious.

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Selena Gomez is under attack by horny Justin Bieber fans everywhere. I normally wouldn’t report on this gossipy junk, but some of the tweets to Gomez are downright hee-larious. Last week the supposed couple was supposedly caught canoodling in a supposed yacht in the Caribbean. Gomez’s rep says it wasn’t them and Photoshopped and she’s purer than freshly fallen snow and yada yada yada, but now girls want her dead. DEAD! TMZ was kind enough to do their job and pull a few:

– roses are red, violets are blue, @selenagomez if you’l break @justinbieber’s heart I’m gonna kill you :3
– @selenagomez I’ll kill you I swear on GOD!!!!
– @selenagomez If you are the Girlfriend of Justin I will Kill you I HATE YOU :@ !!!
– @selenagomez whore cancer whore..like i’mm kill myself cuz i saw you and Justin kissing well thankyou Selena thankyou now i’m killing myself
– @selenagomez stay away from Justin pedophile, retard wait i’m gonna kill ya in the night underneath your smelly bed

I personally think they took it too far when they called her out on her smelly bed. At least they didn’t reference a traditional Mexican dish when describing the stench.

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