Screen Junkies » Se7en http://www.screenjunkies.com Movie Reviews & TV Show Reviews Thu, 06 Nov 2014 21:50:53 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 Do Movies With Intentionally Misspelled Titles Always Suck? An Investigation http://www.screenjunkies.com/general/do-movies-with-intentional-misspellings-always-suck-an-investigation/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/general/do-movies-with-intentional-misspellings-always-suck-an-investigation/#comments Thu, 07 Aug 2014 17:18:03 +0000 Jared Jones http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=263828 You can tell a lot about the intentional misspelling of a word in a film — mainly, that it is poison and should be avoided at all costs.

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By Jared Jones

Just yesterday, we all learned that the title of the new, completely necessary Terminator film will be Terminator: Genisys. You see, it’s clever because the non-Terminator word in that title is normally spelled “genesis.” Apparently, the film’s assertion is that illiteracy, not technology, will be the cause of man’s ultimate undoing at the hands of our future robot overlords. It’s an interesting premise, I’ll give it that much.

As luck would have it, you can actually tell a lot about the intentional misspelling of a word in a movie title, band name, MMA fighter nickname or whathaveyou — mainly, that any person or product that opts for one is terrible and should be avoided at all costs. An intentionally misspelled movie title is like the shake of a rattlesnake’s tail, warning you that it would be stupid bordering on deadly to proceed any further with the thing you are looking at. A few prime examples…

Se7en

Well, my theory is off to a rough start, because David Fincher’s Se7en is an undeniably awesome film. Morgan Freeman, Brad Pitt, and a box with Gwyneth Paltrow‘s head in it is, like, exactly how I’d describe my dream vacation, you guys. That said, whoever chose to replace the “v” with the number 7 should have their head placed right beside Gwyneth’s in that box.

How am I even supposed to pronounce that? Se-seven-en? Sev-even? Sussudio?

It’s probably Sussudio. It’s always Sussudio.

Simon Sez

It took me a good half hour to realize that Simon Sez was not Double Team, that *other* late 90′s action movie starring Dennis Rodman. I probably should have realized that one of them co-starred Jean-Claude Van Damme while the other co-starred…Dane Cook?! That can’t be right. The timelines of fame don’t line up, and plus, there is no union on the Venn Diagram between Rodman and Cook fans.

This is ridiculous. We should all probably give this one a look…

Well, that’s definitely Dane Cook all right. In 30 seconds, I counted a Chewbacca impression, a dinosaur impression, and a dog impression. The man is truly the Michael Winslow of non police-themed comedy. And if you somehow make it past all that, you will find John Pinette (R.I.P), a Grey Poupon joke, and a villain who uses the phrase “Tea time!” to commence nuclear destruction. I am so goddamn depressed right now. Like, with humanity.

Antz

It’s bad enough that this movie was a cheap, transparent ripoff of A Bug’s Life which owed its creation to a grudge between movie studios, but if you were to ask me (which you are doing by virtue of reading this article), the most shameful atrocity Antz committed was that upon the English language.

Replacing an “s” with a “z” is neither, hip, chill, cool, or clever, and our country has arguably never recovered from the S to Z movement spurred by this film. I don’t care how important your main character is, he is not allowed to have an impact on the nomenclature of his species. What, are we all suppose to start calling ourselves Homobama Sapiens because Barry O’s in the White House? And do the people who created this bastard Bug’s Life abomination honestly expect to us pronounce the “z” as an actual “z”, making it sound as if we are buzzing in on a game show while discussing movies with our friends? And if they wanted that, why not make the movie about bees and call it Buzz?

There. In three seconds, I have come up with a better film than you, Dreamworks. Enjoy your studio that was built on a throne of lies.

eXistenZ

WHAT DID I JUST SAY, EXISTENCE?!!

This movie was actually OK though.

Click the “next page” link for more movie titles that were too hip for their own good…

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We Now Get ‘Se7en’ Remade As A Fake 8-Bit Video Game. Hurray! http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/we-now-get-se7en-remade-as-a-fake-8-bit-video-game-hurray/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/we-now-get-se7en-remade-as-a-fake-8-bit-video-game-hurray/#comments Thu, 07 Aug 2014 17:05:54 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=video&p=263871 "8-Bit Kevin Spacey" is the name of my noise rock band. We're playing a show next week. You should totally come.

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I don’t know what’s so funny about seeing complex films juxtaposed against the simplistic plots and graphics of 8-bit films. Wait. Yes I do. It’s what I just said. That’s why they’re funny.

The guys behind 8-Bit Cinema have done it again, this time by taking the dark world of David Fincher’s Se7en and giving it the NES treatment. Though, to be fair, this looks a little more like SNES 16-bit graphics, but I’m not here to upset the apple cart.

Just watch the video. It’s very funny to watch two noir detectives investigate heinous crimes in such a ridiculous context. I wish this was a real game.

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8 Famous Dildo Scenes For Those Without A Date On Valentine’s Day http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/8-famous-dildo-scenes-for-those-without-a-date-on-valentines-day/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/8-famous-dildo-scenes-for-those-without-a-date-on-valentines-day/#comments Tue, 14 Feb 2012 21:00:35 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=245360 This is as romantic as this website gets, unfortunately.

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Valentines Day is the most romantic day of the year – if you’re in a relationship. If not, you may be relegated to other, baser pursuits. Not that we’re judging. In fact, we’re here to help. While it’s quite easy to find solace for lovers amid the myriad romantic comedies that abound, it’s a little harder to find films geared towards the lonely, and perhaps horny. So, to celebrate the unsung victims of Valentines Day, we’ve put together a collection of our favorite dildo scenes from Hollywood films.

I’m sure I’m leaving out some truly glorious dildos, so please call to my attention any omissions in the comments, you perverts.

Fight Club

This dildo definitely is a supporting player, as it’s just sort of there in Marla’s apartment, unacknowledged save for Brad Pitt half-heartedly tweaking it while standing idly in the apartment.

VALENTINES DAY BONUS DILDO REFERENCE!: We’ve also got this scene, in which the most awesome baggage rep for an airline ever explains why Edward Norton’s bag has been quarantined by the airlines. (Hint: It’s because of a dildo!)

Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels

Dildos rarely embody love and romance, as this scene from Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels demonstrates. Here, a pornographer-cum-gangster named Hatchet Harry doesn’t get a satisfactory answer to his question, so he bludgeons to death the respondent with a 15-inch black dildo, as we are all inclined to do when we don’t get the answers we feel we are entitled to.

It’s the least romantic entry on this list, and this list isn’t exactly rife with romance.

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Links Away: ‘Se7en’ Ending Retold With Plush Toys http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/links-away-se7en-ending-retold-with-plush-toys/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/links-away-se7en-ending-retold-with-plush-toys/#comments Fri, 07 Jan 2011 00:55:41 +0000 Reza F. http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=Video&p=14642 So it turns out the ending to Se7en is no less disturbing when all the characters are replaced by stuffed animals.

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So it turns out the ending to Se7en is no less disturbing when all the characters are replaced by stuffed animals. That Kevin Spacey doll will haunt your dreams tonight. And then touch you inappropriately. (Kottke)

Become vengeance. Become wrath. Become entertained by these links:

The 10 Most Revealing Freudian Slips From Politicians (Asylum)

Barstool NY Smokeshow of the Day (BarstoolSports)

BJ Penn Training With Floyd Mayweather (CagePotato)

25 Pics of Ke$ha Doing the Trailer Park Proud (HolyTaco)

Biggest Twilight Fan Ever? (FilmDrunk)

Weekend Movie Preview (MovieFone)

Breaking: Lohan Roaming the Streets of Los Angeles (CelebJihad)

Five Shows That Weren’t Killed Soon Enough (Unreality)

Today’s Girl: J-Woww (Maxim)

The Weirdest Beers In the World (MadeMan)

The Worst Wheelchair Ramps Ever Made (Smosh)

Sidney Crosby’s Stick Catches Pucks Like a Glove (TotalProSports)

TuVez’s Five Favorite Danny Trejo Role of All Time (TuVez)

The 10 Most Love it or Hate it Movies of the 21st Century (Pajiba)

The 11 Best Jay-Z and Kanye West Collaborations (PopEater)

TV’s Top 100 Beauties of 2010 (Ranker)

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We Lust After David Fincher’s ‘Se7en’ on Blu Ray DVD http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/we-lust-after-david-finchers-se7en-on-blu-ray-dvd/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/we-lust-after-david-finchers-se7en-on-blu-ray-dvd/#comments Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000 'The world is a fine place and worth fighting for.' And it looks awesome in Blu Ray!David Fincher's Se7en is getting the Blu Ray treatment, meaning you'll soon see the bloated corpse of the fatass who ate himself to death in high definition, as God the father intended.The disk will be loaded with extras, including audio commentaries, alternate endings and full motion video details of "John Doe´s" creepy notebook writings. No word yet on the case, but hopefully it will resemble the box with the severed head. I think that'd be neat!Se7en on Blu Ray hits stores September 14th. (DreadCentral)

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‘The world is a fine place and wort fighting for.’ And it looks awesome in Blu Ray!

David Fincher’s Se7en is getting the Blu Ray treatment, meaning you’ll soon see the bloated corpse of the fatass who ate himself to death in high definition, as God the father intended.

The disk will be loaded with extras, including audio commentaries, alternate endings and full motion video details of "John Doe´s" creepy notebook writings. No word yet on the case, but hopefully it will resemble the box with the severed head. I think that’d be neat!

Se7en on Blu Ray hits stores September 14th. (DreadCentral)

 

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