While speaking to press at the Berlin International Film Fest, Gordon-Levitt revealed he’ll trim down the pornography viewed in the film to secure an R-rating. “I think it is important that those images are in there but what precisely you see isn’t that important. What’s important is the rhythm of the film, the repetition of what the Don Jon character does, over and over.” Before adding, “Porn can get pretty gross.”

Trust him. He grew up in a culture of child actors. He knows the depths that porn can go to. (THR)

Christopher Chaney was found guilty of hacking into Johansson’s email and leaking sexy pictures she’d taken of herself. He was also found guilty of doing the same thing to Mila Kunis, Christina Aguilera, and a dozen more. “I don’t know what else to say except I’m sorry. This will never happen again,” Chaney said in his sentencing. Thank goodness. I hazard to imagine the embarrassment if my dick pics fell into your hands.

Ten years may seem like a harsh punishment, but keep in mind he could have received up to 60 years in jail. Which I think would be too extreme. A more fitting punishment would be to take nude photos of Chaney and send them to a girl that he likes. (Reuters)

In fact, Emily Blunt was initially cast as Black Widow back in 2010 but she was forced to drop out in favor of looking like a stupid dick in the disastrous flop Gulliver’s Travels. If the Daily Mail is to be believed, Blunt may still have her chance to join the Marvel universe. According to the tabloid, both Blunt and Luther star Ruth Wilson are up for the role of Ms. Marvel in Avengers 2: Shawarma Nights.

Between Johansson striking it rich with her sloppy-seconds and Chris Evans nabbing Captain America over Blunt’s husband, John Krasinski, it’s going to be a weird set. If this casting happens, I demand a fight between Black Widow and Ms. Marvel. It’s the only way to relieve the awkward on-set tension. And if they fight in nightgowns, all the better.

Jeremy Renner – Senior Trip

Before he threw himself into mortal danger in The Hurt Locker, Jeremy Renner was an actor looking for his big break. It certainly didn’t come when he booked his first role as Mark “Dags” D’Agastino in National Lampoon’s Senior Trip. The floppy-haired, study-hatin’ rad party dude traveled to Washington with the rest of his class after writing a letter to the President about how much school sucks. Apparently the President agreed 100% and invited them as his honored guests to discuss how to make class lessons as awesome as beer is.

This was the Clinton administration we’re talking about here.

Scarlett Johansson – My Brother the Pig

She’s an international star nowadays regarded for her beauty and poise, but Scarlett Johansson was once much like every other girl. She had to worry about school and popularity and not getting grounded after accidentally turning her brother into a pig.

And shame on you, Eva Mendes. You were old enough to know better.

The film is based on a non-fiction book and will be directed by Anvil! The Story of Anvil helmer Sacha Gervasi with a script by Black Swan‘s John J. McLaughlin. Somehow or another, Paul Giamatti wasn’t cast as Hitchcock. That role will be filled by Anthony Hopkins and his wife will be played by Helen Mirren. James D’Arcy will play Anthony Perkins. If this goes well, I hope to see Megan Fox in a sequel about the making of The Birds. (Variety)

But Scarlett isn’t the first celebrity to star in a stupid commercial. In fact, here are seven more actors and actresses shilling their dignity away. WARNING: The following videos may include footage that will make you feel sad.

M. Night Shyamalan for American Express

M. Night Shyamalan should know by now that bad things happen when he appears on camera. But American Express was happy enough with his acting ability to cast him as a guy noticing weird stuff happening in a restaurant. But the twist is, the guy wasn’t actually in the restaurant after all. Does that mean the waitress gushing about The Village never existed? I’m willing to bet, yes.

Mr. T for Flavor Wave Oven Turbo

It’s sad to see Mr. T treated like one of the fools he had formally pitied.

Christopher Cheney, a 35 year-old Florida man, has been arrested on a whole mess of charges, but the only ones we really care about are the hackings of cell phones belonging to Mila Kunis, Christina Aguilera, and, most fruitfully, Scarlett Johansson.

Other charges levied against him include wiretapping, fraud, and identity theft, which when summed up, could mean up to 121 years in jail for Mr. Cheney. Yikes. This would be the Tower Heist to the Blake Lively Ocean’s Eleven.

Well, I felt a little guilty that this guy is going to jail considering he kept me vaguely interested in Johansson’s nude body some Tuesday morning a month ago, but then I found out that he stole someone’s identity. That’s crappy behavior no matter whose tits you show me.

Since you’ve already come this far, you might as well take a look at this gallery of sexy Scarlett Johansson photos. Click a picture to begin.

Scarlett Johansson is there too in the form of a ho zookeeper, so that Matt Damon will have someone to keep him distracted from watching his kids around all those jungle animals.

So what do you think? Should the X-Men be suing for likeness rights here?

The Avengers, which is a glorious, glorious amalgam of Marvel superheroes, hits theaters on May 4 of next year. It will star Jeremy Renner, Mark Ruffalo, Clark Gregg, Chris Evans, Robert Downey Jr., Scarlett Johansson, and Chris Hemsworth. Evildoers best watch their asses. I’ve had Robert Downey Jr. mad at me and it’s NOT pleasant.

More Avengers news as the week and weekend progress, I’m sure.

4 photosCameron Crowe Tweets 'We Bought A Zoo' Pics #SadFamiliesAndLions

It’s reported that James McAvoy is locked for the lead role of Simon and his X-Men: First Class bestie Michael Fassbender will not be joining the film as believed previously. Boyle has his eye on Firth to fill the role vacated by Fassbender and wants Scarlett for a major supporting role. Though no info about plot or character is given, we can assume they’re all playing sexy thieves who with their fast hands and forbidden passions will steal your diamonds, and perhaps more.

No formal offers have gone out yet but it’s said “who Boyle wants, Boyle gets.” Except Michael Fassbender. (Cinema Blend)

If you already follow Crowe, you know that he tweeted these set photos from his new movie, We Bought A Zoo. Check out the photos above. Starring Matt Damon and Scarlett Johansson, the film is about a family where the mother dies, so the husband does the most natural thing in the world: he buys a zoo, which he runs with his kids. Nothing reminds me of my mother more than hosing the feces off the floor of an orangutan cage.

We Bought a Zoo stampedes into theaters December 23rd, because late December weather is perfect for a zoo trip. (@CameronCrowe)

“There’s no definitive plans, but we have started talking and talking with Scarlett about what a Widow movie could be,” he said. “Internally we’ve also started thinking what a ‘Hawkeye’ movie could be, how we could continue to explore the organization [which Samuel Jackson's Nick Fury leads] S.H.I.E.L.D, which has a pretty big part in Thor, smaller parts in the two Iron Man films and has a giant part in The Avengers. [So it’s like], what would a stand-alone S.H.I.E.L.D. be like? It all goes back to the comics. Sometimes the answer is—when looking at a certain run of issues— ‘no way’ and sometimes the answer is ‘maybe, let’s continue to explore it’ and certainly with Hawkeye and Black Widow those are two that we’re exploring.”

Feige noted that Marvel will announce its next batch of films closer to the end of summer, so for right now it’s a matter of wait and see. Only one thing is certain. If these films do go through, Stan Lee is going to be exhausted from all of his cameo duties. Let’s keep an eye on his blood sugar.

The period-based tale is centered on Marcus Attilius Primus, a young Roman engineer who works on the Aqua Augusta aqueduct that feeds the ancient cities of the Bay of Naples. While battling a vile real estate speculator who has a water embezzlement scheme, Primus learns that Vesuvius is about to erupt and races to warn his true love before it’s too late.

Sounds intriguing, and if you ask me, this version is a lot more appealing than the proposed Polanski version. Not just because of Towne, but because Orlando Bloom as the lead in an epic is just so, um… pre writers strike. (The Playlist)

The tuxedo didn’t help him keep his cool.

Time to earn the ultimate Avengers super-fan badge. Why be content with just camping out in front of the theater for 2 weeks to see the first midnight screening when you can have a part in the goddamn movie? If you shouted “by Odin’s beard” at the screen, then head to Sante Fe, New Mexico for the open casting call for Joss Whedon‘s superhero epic. You might get to down drinks with Robert Downey Jr. (Iron Man) or stare at Black Widow Scarlett Johansson‘s breasts so hard, you develop a psychic link with them.

To try out, go to the corner of Old Santa Fe Trail and Paseo de Peralta in Santa Fe at 10 am. If you blow the audition by wearing a Green Lantern outfit, do not fear. Producers from “In Plain Sight” and”Breaking Bad” will also be there looking for talent, though I assume you shouldn’t wear the Green Lantern outfit to those auditions either. Word of advice: wear casual clothes. (TheWrap)

He’s still a ways off from completing the script for Uncharted, but would like Scarlett to be his leading lady. If he gets his druthers she’ll star opposite Mark Wahlberg as Elena, a large-chested journalist who helps Drake as he swashbuckles through El Dorado. Yeah, this one’s definitely based on a video game. (Empire)

It’s hard to believe, but even in a society that’s as sick and depraved as our own, there are still some actresses who refuse to go topless. That’s insane! Using my neighbor’s Wifi connection, I can see countless women getting completely naked and doing awful things to each other, and I get to watch that for free! But just because some “actresses” majored in theater, they’re too good to get topless in movies I’m paying for? That’s insulting not only to me, but to the millions of girls around the world who sell their bodies for money on a daily basis.

Well, the only way to rectify this situation is to identify the worst offenders and shame them into doing the right thing. With that in mind, I’ve complied this list of 30 actresses we’d love to see topless. Hopefully, they’ll stop putting on airs and give the viewing public what they want.

Update: A few people are complaining about Isla Fisher, Lindsay Lohan, Mila Kunis, etc. According to Mr. Skin, they all used body doubles in their films. So please double check before you leave a negative comment.

30. Jenna Fischer

We aren’t really dying to see Pam from”The Office” show us her cans. But since actress Jenna Fischer has stated she’d never do a nude scene, it makes us want to see them that much more.

29. Jennifer Garner

Jennifer Garner has yet to go topless, which is a shame, cause she’s rapidly approaching the point of no return.

28. Jessica Simpson

We’d love to see “actress” Jessica Simpson get topless. The only problem is, we’d rather see it back in 2005. Warm up the time machine.

27. Sandra Bullock

Sandra Bullock is often referred to as “America’s Sweetheart.” Last time I checked, if someone is your “sweetheart,” you get to look at their tits. Let’s see ‘em. Demolition Man didn’t count.

26. Jennifer Love Hewitt

Perhaps Jennifer Love Hewitt has passed her prime. But throw in the nostalgia factor, and she’s still worth a look.

25. Cameron Diaz

I’ve heard rumors that Cameron Diaz isn’t hot in person (what a coincidence, neither am I). Luckily, I’ll settle for seeing her topless in HD.

24. Lindsay Lohan

(Update: Machete uses a body double) They say an addict can’t begin to recover until they’ve hit rock bottom. Well, nothing says rock bottom like selling your body for money. That’s why we want Lindsay to go topless: because we care.

23. Leighton Meester

What a retarded name. But to quote Dave Attel, “those tittes ain’t retarded.” Sorry you can’t see her breasts in this pic, but I guess I’m more of an ass man.

22. Blake Lively

Pout all you want, Blake. At this point, a topless scene is the only thing that can make up for Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.

21. Katherine Heigl

Katherine Heigl has a really bad reputation these days, mainly because she likes to trash talk people she’s worked with. But I think a good old-fashioned topless scene would clear the air.

Click ‘Next Page’ to continue…

The Golden Globes are a joke, and everyone knows it. A lot of people like to get worked up about this fact. I used to be one of those people. But now, thanks in part to Wellbutrin, I no longer care, and I accept the show for what it truly is: masturbation.

But you know what? Masturbation can be fun, and the Golden Globes are no exception. Throughout the years, they have made for some pretty entertaining moments, which is probably due, in no small part, to the fact that the attendees are allowed to drink. So rather than bitching and moaning about how the whole thing is pointless (as compared to what, life?), lets just sit back and enjoy these nine ‘WTF’ moments from Golden Globes past.

Scarlett Johansson Groped
Back in 2006, Isaac Mizrahi had the pleasure of interviewing Scarlett Johansson as she walked the red carpet. Mizahi, who is openly gay, took the liberty of groping her left breast as he complimented her dress. If I touched Johansson’s tits, they’d lock me away. But just because this guy loves boners he can fondle her with impunity. What a crock of sh*t! Johansson later said the incident was in bad taste. I’m assuming she was talking about the award show in general, not just the boob grab.

You know, thirty years ago, people would have hated Isaac Mizrahi for being openly gay. Today, people only hate him because he works for E! That’s what I call progress.

Christine Lahti Is Too Busy Taking a Dump
In 1998, Christine Lahti was honored with a Golden Globe Award for her work on the medical drama, “Chicago Hope,” which is better known as the ugly cousin of “ER.” But when it came time to accept the statue, she was no where to be found. As it turns out, she was in the bathroom dropping a deuce (that means pooping), which is a fitting metaphor for the Golden Globes. But at least the gaffe allowed the irrepressible Robin Williams to make an inbreeding joke at the expense of the South. He was between that and a joke about Asians, but ultimate went with the Southern joke, probably cause Asians know kung-fu and shit. Am I right? Am I right? Stereotyping is fun!

Ving Rhames Gives Away His Award
It’s rare to see a genuine heartfelt moment at an awards show, especially a show as contrived as the Golden Globes. But in 1998, Ving Rhames was overcome with emotion after winning an award for his performance in the HBO movie, Don King: Only In America. Rhames thanked his fellow nominees, and singled out actor Jack Lemmon in particular. After calling Lemmon to the stage, Rhames insisted he take the award instead, and after much coaxing, Lemmon obliged. It was a memorable moment, sullied only by the fact that the award is meaningless.

The Rat Pack Storms the Stage
In 1958, Frank Sinatra and company were at the Golden Globe awards, drinking heavily. Apparently, they weren’t to thrilled with whoever was hosting the event. Maybe it was the alcohol, or the fact that Frank Sinatra was allowed to do whatever the hell he wanted, but the group decided to storm the stage and act as MCs for the rest of the show. It went over so well, that the group was asked to return the following year, or at least that’s what Moviefone tells me. Sorry there’s no clip, but the Golden Globes weren’t televised until 1964.

Tom Arnold Acts Like a Coked Up Asshole
In this classic clip from the 1996 show, Tom Arnold made a complete ass of himself while trying to mock his ex-wife, comedian Rosanne (I’m not sure if she has a last name at this point). The actor’s first joke to actress Teri Hatcher (want to be in a movie?) came off as creepy, and the rest of his act went over about as well as a Jew joke at an AIPAC convention. Watch for yourself, if you have the stomach. It’s amazing that Ricky Gervais can pull off this type of humor.

Isaiah Washington Drops the F-Bomb (No, The Other F-Bomb)
When being questioned about behind-the-scenes tension on the set of “Grey’s Anatomy,” actor Isaiah Washington decided to set the record straight once and for all, and inject a little levity into the situation at the same time. Unfortunately, his use of the word “fag” went over about as well as a gay joke at Elton John‘s house. Wow, I’m on a real simile kick. At any rate, Washington was booted from the show shortly after. Blame it on the Gay Mafia.

Ricky Gervais Mocks Mel Gibson
At the time, Ricky Gervais’ joke about Mel Gibson’s drinking was hilarious. Just one year later, it seems even more profound. While I doubt Mel will be attending this year’s ceremony, I’m 100% certain Gervais will have something good in store for him. Blow jobs, domestic violence, racial slurs; the possibilities are endless.

Bette Midler Talks About Her Breasts, Mimics Fellatio
Some guys think Bette Midler is sexy. We call them gay guys. I’m not saying she isn’t talented, but Bathhouse Betty has all the sex appeal of Kevin James, and smaller tits to boot. That’s what makes this clip from 1980 so disturbing.

Pia Zadora’s Husband Buys Her An Award
In what is widely considered the biggest WTF moment in Golden Globe history, Pia Zadora took home the “Newcomer-of-the-Year” award in 1981. While that might not seem like a big deal, the film she won for, Butterfly, had not yet been released, meaning she wasn’t even eligible for the award.

As it turns out, Zadora’s husband, multimillionaire Meshulam Riklis, had basically bought off the judges with expensive trips to Vegas and lavish meals at his home. Since then, the Golden Globes have had about as much credibility as the AVN awards. But in all fairness, the Golden Globes have bigger whores.

Seems like she’s on every director’s wishlist lately, but esteemed projects like The Great Gatsby will have to step off. THR reports Scarlett Johansson is remaking Species. Essentially. It’s a project called Under The Skin, directed by Sexy Beast‘s Jonathan Glazer.

In the film, Johansson will play an alien disguised as the perfect woman. She hangs out in remote and desolate areas where she can easily ensnare human prey with her sexual wiles. Because hot women always hang out in the desert and that parking lot behind the plastics plant where those kids do donuts. Over time she gets all turned on and decides to stop eating people but continues to still be slutty. Let me just say this: GREEN LIGHT.

I’m paraphrasing, of course, and the film will be more complex than that. I believe the moral takeaway will be that, no matter how attractive something may seem, looks can be deceiving. For instance, this puppy/bunny hybrid may appear sweet and cute and smily, but trust me. That little f*cker does not respect the concept of wee-wee pads.

^{"Back off, zombies!"}

David O. Russell is removing himself from Pride and Prejudice and Zombies in favor of working with another constantly hungry creature — Vince Vaughn. Natalie Portman couldn’t work out her schedule to align with O. Russell’s, and now he needs to hop on Old St. Louis.

But it looks like she won’t be the only starlet who won’t have the opportunity to be berated by the nutbar director. Scarlett Johansson had to drop out of Old St. Louis due to her own scheduling conflicts. We’ll keep you posted when the search for a new Pride and Prejudice and Zombies director begins, but we feel that the gig should go to Troma’s Lloyd Kaufman. He pretty much invented and mastered that genre as it is. (NY Mag)

^{"Oh, you want to give me my own movie? Okay."}

If you bought a movie ticket to Elektra and enjoyed it so much that you went out and bought a DVD or Blu-Ray copy, it’s time for you to ask for extra shifts at the Moron Store (where you work) so that you can save up for the next needless big screen adaptation from Marvel. Marvel head Kevin Feige confirmed today that they have been in talks with Scarlett Johansson about her Iron Man 2 non-character Black Widow getting her own movie.

They’re not going to get too deep into discussions regarding plot just yet though. The Avengers is their number one priority. They have artistic integrity, you guys. (Screen Crave)

It was rumored last week that Blake Lively was making a play for the role of sexy astronaut in Alfonso Cuaron‘s Gravity. However, it’s been expected that role was Scarlett Johansson‘s for the taking. Well, now it’s official that both ladies are pushing for the part, with reports that they both have tested for the role.

Will this create a rift between the two? Will that rift involve wrestling?? Hopefully. We’ll let you know if and when Pay-Per-View tickets for the event go on sale. Gravity is said to be a really ambitious, experimental film that would require a lot from whichever actress lands the part. Neither Johansson or Lively have carried a film of this magnitude to date, but both are ready to step up. Personally, I’m really torn. Either would be super-convincing as an astronaut. (THR)

_{"Shhhh, I have a secret to tell you: Boooooobs."}

We only heard about the gestating Vince Vaughn/David O. Russell project Old St. Louis the other day, and now it appears Scarlett Johansson wants to play in the sandbox. The film is about a divorced traveling toy salesman who reconnects with his teen daughter (Chloe Moretz, possibly) after years on the road. Vulture says Scarlett would play "Vaughn’s paramour, a secretary who accompanies them on their cross-country sales jaunt." She transcribes memos and services her boss sexually. The latter part is assumed and based solely on my own experience with paramours. Or my friend’s…

Vulture also corrects earlier reports that the script is an O. Russell original. It’s been the village bicycle for around a decade now, rubbing up against both Steve Pink (High Fidelity) and Allen Loeb’s (Wall Street 2) pen. David O. Russell recently completed a extensive rewrite though so maybe this script has finally found her special sugar daddy. We’ll see if she ever makes it to production and performs like a good girl.

Alfonso Cuaron’s Gravity may have lost Angelina Jolie, but it now looks like Scarlett Johansson will fill her ridiculously hot shoes. Bleeding Cool reports that Johansson has verbally agreed to star in the film with her Iron Man 2 co-star Robert Downey Jr..

Johansson’s role in Iron Man 2 didn’t amount to much beyond the trailer, so don’t go thinking she and RDJ are the next Bogart and Bacall. This could all be talk, but that’s no reason to poo-poo the idea. Please put any negativity aside for a moment or two and imagine Scarlett at zero G’s. That’s something we could all have if we wish together. We can do this!!

_{I’d say he took the news rather well.}

Marvel Studios recently gave Edward Norton a polite f*ck off by informing the actor they wouldn’t need him to reprise his role of The Hulk in the upcoming The Avengers movie to be directed by Joss Whedon. The studio is looking to cast at unknown, a.k.a. someone they can pay with turkey sandwiches. According to HitFix, this wasn’t Norton or Whedon’s idea, as the pair had recently shared their enthusiasm with Marvel about Norton returning. Norton even cleared out his day planner for the project, using puffy Hulk stickers to mark the dates he’d need open for shooting.

This news doesn’t come as much of a surprise considering Marvel is notorious for dumping actors in favor of the almighty dollar. They probably figure they’ve already got Robert Downey Jr., Chris Evans, Scarlett Johansson, Samuel L. Jackson, Chris Hemsworth, Don Cheadle, and Jeremy Renner, so people are going to get their asses to the theater whether Norton’s in it or not. Also, during the making of The Incredible Hulk, Norton and Marvel butted heads over almost every aspect of the film. Maybe the studio is just trying to prevent the same from happening on The Avengers. Joss Whedon would put Norton in a coma with that alien-like cranium of his.

Director: Joss Whedon

Cast: Robert Downey Jr., Chris Evans, Samuel L. Jackson, Don Cheadle, Scarlett Johansson, Chris Hemsworth, Jeremy Renner

Synopsis: Marvel superheroes join together to kick some ass.

Release Date: May 4, 2012

OMG! Did you see that Sandra Bullock and Scarlett Johansson made out at the MTV Movie Awards!?! I was all like WTF? Then I was LMAO! And then I farted.

If it was 1994, I guess this would have been shocking. But it’s 2010, and thanks in no small part to MTV, our society has been desensitized to the point where Sandra would need to pull out a strap-on for anyone to bat an eye.

In a world where hardcore lesbian pornography is only a "redtube" away, is this sort of "stunt" really necessary?

Tune in next week for another minute with Andy Rooney.

Watch Sandra Bullock and Scarlett Johansson lock lips (not the good kind) after the jump (at the 4 minute mark).

Scarlett Johansson is known for her curvy physique, unique film choices, and popularity with celebrity men. She’s hooked up with Benecio Del Toro, Jared Leto, Derek Jeter, and Josh Hartnett. I guess husband Ryan Reynolds isn’t bothered by these transgressions. Yes, even Josh Hartnett.

A word from Scarlett: “One of the best things for a woman to hear is that she’s sexy.”

You’re sexy! You’re sexy! You’re sexy! You’re sexy! Now what do I win?

I suppose the pics after the jump will have to suffice.

Entertainment Weekly aired a featurette centering on Iron Man 2‘s villains Whiplash and Justin Hammer. It’s nothing mind blowing, but for all those needing a fix it’ll "take you there" and have you feeling the effects for about twenty minutes afterwords, not unlike the coke Mickey Rourke used to rail off hotel carpets. Also, the suit Sam Rockwell is wearing fits him really well. What, a man can’t admire fine tailoring? **Rips off sleeveless polo. Gets int fighting stance**

Check out the featurette below. Iron Man 2 hits theaters May 7. (/Film)

And just for kicks, here’ Iron Man punching Hugh Grant.

(BuzzFeed)