Of course, none of this has to do with the fact that this film needn’t be made. While not the original, the 1983 take stands up pretty damn well, save for maybe the electronic synth-nightmare score. But it’s a product of its time, and it’s a lot easier to imagine a Cuban deportee doing that then than it is anyone doing it now.

Though I WOULD like to see Tom Cruise give it a shake.

As the deadline nears, production companies are considering emigrating from Los Angeles to locales that don’t have such restrictions in place. Though it’s unlikely that the industry will emigrate en masse, there are many cities that would be both viable and desirable for porn film production. Many aren’t intuitive, but behind each location listed are some unique aspects that many may find to be more desirable than Los Angeles (which includes the valley districts of Chatsworth, Canoga Park, and many others).

El Paso

El Paso seems like an odd choice for to house the porn industry, but it serves a niche purpose. A study done in 2004 found the Texas border town to be the sweatiest city in the United States. With an average summer temperature of 93 degrees and relative humidity of 70%, El Paso is a sauna all right. El Paso City Council has been trying to repudiate the claim, as would most cities, but why not turn a problem into an opportunity, as everyone (I think) loves good, sweaty sex.

Think about the marketing. “_________ (film name) offers the kind of sweaty lovemaking that only El Paso can provided. Sure, other films offer sweaty sex, but shooting in El Paso means that we couldn’t get any sweatier if we tried.”

This goes hand-in-hand with an idea I had for Bikram pornography, but I really don’t feel comfortable talking about that until the patent office gets back to me.

Portland

Portlandia has become a cult hit as it observes, reports, and ridicules the idiosyncrasies of this one-of-a-kind town, so why not demonstrate to what end those quirks exist? We’re over schoolgirls, exercise instructors, and cheerleaders. Give us baristas, underemployed DJs, and bicycle messengers. I’m getting worked up just thinking about it!

I would like to see fetish films about fair-trade sex and environmentally responsible gangbangs. In fact, I’m going to demand it. I hear the quality of life is amazing in Portland, so I’m sure that the talent would be thrilled to move there.

Also, Voodoo Donuts is amazing.

Well, that was an easy question, wasn’t it?

With that in mind, and in honor of the release of Boyz n the Hood on Blu-ray DVD, we present to you 9 of the most ruthless gangsters of the silver screen.

For more Sony “Action Unleashed” DVDs, click here.

Gangster 55 – Gangster No. 1 (2000)

How “gangster” is the main character from Gangster No. 1. He’s so gangster that he doesn’t even have a name. IMDB simply lists him as “Gangster 55.” Of course, what’s in a name? I can call myself the king of Spain, but that doesn’t make it so. However, this character more than lives up to his title, dishing out one of the most brutal beat downs in cinema history, and cutting his rival’s girlfriend’s throat without a second thought.

O-Dog – Menace II Society (1993)

Killing a rival gang member in a turf war is cold, but at the same time, it’s part of the game. Shooting a simple convenience store owner and his wife because he mentions your mother; that’s pretty damn ruthless. As such, O-Dog earned a place on this list.

Doughboy – Boyz n the Hood (1991)

When their friend Ricky is gunned down by gangbangers, both Doughboy and Tré vow to avenge his death. But when push comes to shove, only Doughboy has the ruthless nature necessary to carry out the act. Of course, that same willingness to kill made him a target, and two weeks later he was gunned down in a reprisal shooting, so maybe violence isn’t the answer after all. Just kidding. Kill or be killed, bitch.

Frank Lucas – American Gangster (2007)

Like Gangster No. 1, American Gangster has “gangster” in the title, which almost guarantees the film’s protagonist, Frank Lucas, a spot on the list. Well, even without the name, the film begins with Lucas burning and shooting a man to death, and goes down hill from there, leaving no doubt to his ruthless nature.

Ellsworth “Bumpy” Johnson – Hoodlum (1997)

Hoodlum is far from the best movie on the list, but there’s no questioning Bumpy Johnson’s ruthlessness. After all, Johnson was Frank Lucas’s mentor. And if Frank Lucas learned how to be a sociopath from you, you’re definitely not afraid to get your hands dirty.

Marcellus Wallace – Pulp Fiction (1994)

Does Marcellus Wallace look like a bitch? Well, in the picture above, he probably does, considering he’s about to get rapped by two deviant hillbillies. But Wallace manages to survive the ordeal, and ruthlessly shoots his attacker in the crotch with a shotgun. He then goes the extra mile, keeping the man alive in order to have him tortured with a pair of pliers and a blowtorch. On a list about ruthless gangsters, it takes that type of creativity to get noticed.

Li’l Zé – City of God (2002)

How ruthless is Li’l Zé? As a child, even before his rise to power in the slums of Rio, he was responsible for a mass murder at a local motel. To make matters worse, the killings served no purpose, aside from Li’l Zé’s personal amusement. If you’re killing for fun while most kids your age are out playing soccer, you’ve earned a spot on this list.

Nino Brown – New Jack City (1991)

With Nino Brown, “It’s always business. Never personal.” This mantra allows him to carry out some truly ruthless acts, like killing an innocent woman as part of his gang initiation. But in the end, business becomes personal, as Brown is gunned down by an outraged member of the community who takes the law into his own hands.

Tony Montana – Scarface (1983)

Guns, chainsaws, car bombs: Tony Montana uses ever weapon available to control his drug empire. But what sets him apart from the rest is his willingness to kill his best friend and right-hand man after discovering he had been sleeping with his sister behind his back. Tony didn’t even wait around long enough to find out that the two were in love and planned to marry. Whoops!

De Palma, who’s been in a bit of a rut lately, could really jump start his already amazing career with this one. With the right casting and the right execution (and of course one of the actresses sprouting feathers and lesbian sex scenes and whatnot), this could be a really compelling thriller. Expect dutch angles and explosions. Also, women. (Variety)

This video is called Scarface in 5 Seconds but it’s a lie. Regardless, it gave me the giggles and warrants repeat viewings. Apparently it’s been around awhile but I haven’t seen it so let’s all pretend that it’s new, like Ricky Martin’s homosexuality. Pssst, Ricky. We knew. We knew. (DreadCentral)

Someone sen Break this elementary school production of Scarface. I have no idea what district would allow such explicit material to be portrayed by children, or why they used popcorn instead of cocaine, but I wish my old school was this cool. My guess is some drama teacher got his pink slip and said, "F*ck it, I’m puttin’ on Scarface." Then before the administrators knew it, Tony Montana was dead face down in a hot tub and parents were clapping from sheer confusion. 

Check out the coolest school production ever below.

Scarface School Play – Watch more Funny Videos

Today’s Marquee Links

Internet Math

12 Funny Welcome Signs

Hot Pics of Arianny Celeste

In an interview with MTV, Judd Apatow spills the beans that his upcoming film Funny People will include scenes and "marketing materials" for a bunch of fake movies in which Adam Sandler’s character George Simmons stars. 

It’s a conceit that worked really well in Tropic Thunder, with the inspired trailers for such high concept spoofs as Scorcher, The Fatties: Fart 2 and Satan’s Alley (all three of which you can see after the jump, along with a short list of faux-films within the world of Funny People.

Films within Funny People, all starring George Simmons (Sandler):

Mistake: a romantic comedy co-starring Elizabeth Banks

My Best Friend is a Robot: a buddy comedy co-starring Owen Wilson, which you can look for as a poster in Sandler’s character’s house. 

Redux: Judd Apatow calls this as a cross between Little Man and 17 Again, as Sandler becomes a six-month-old baby in it.

Mer-man: A male version of Splash with Sandler’s character filling Darryl Hannah‘s fins

Cinematical had a great theory that some of these fake films would become part of Funny People’s marketing campaig knowing Apatow, and if those

billboards from I Love You, Man are any indication, we’re in for a treat.

[via Cinematical]

Oh, and here are those Tropic Thunder faux-trailers we promised:

Scorcher IV Trailer – Watch more Movie Trailers

Scorcher IV Trailer – Watch more Movie Trailers

Satans Alley Trailer – Watch more Movie Trailers