At any rate, that’s horrifying… but it would be cool in a movie. Self-mutilation has been a popular theme in movies. Especially those that aim to creep us out. Like these gory gems.

Evil Dead

One of the most famous scenes in Evil Dead sees Bruce Campbell going to battle with his own demonically-possessed hand. After slapping himself around for awhile, he gets the bright idea to remove it with a chainsaw. Dude. It’s called rope. He could have easily subdued that thing.

Saw

Of all the ways that the Saw films managed to grind, disassemble, and splatter their victims, one of the grisliest scenarios happens in the original film. After awaking to find himself bound by chains in a filthy bathroom, Cary Elwes is faced with a life or death choice. Sit in the room and die. Or saw off his foot and hobble to safety. What’s he really need it for anyway? It’s not like he’s a professional field goal kicker.

Thirteen

Thirteen gives a hot look at the world of cutting. Oh wait. Those girls are actually thirteen? I didn’t mean hot. I meant, thoughtful, raw, and artistic. Yeah.

Funny Games

Michael Haneke’s Funny Games is a remake, but it’s a remake of the director’s own movie, sadistically tailored to American audiences. And it is perhaps the ultimate home invasion movie, using ever weapon in the director’s arsenal to drive the characters (an upper-class suburban family who are attacked by two murderously playful villains) and the audience into a frenzy.

Panic Room

A good home invasion movie grabs the audience by the throat and puts them in a state of almost unbearable suspense – this is certainly the case with Panic Room. There’s a twist, though- for the vast majority of the movie, the mother and daughter being invaded aren’t even in the same room with the dangerous thieves that have broken into their home. It’s thanks to the “panic room” of the title, but what happens if the invaders want to get INTO the panic room?

One Hour Photo

Some home invaders prefer to provide more psychological than physical disturbances. Robin Williams‘ character in One Hour Photo would be a good a good example of this, as he becomes unhealthily obsessed with a family that regularly has their photos developed by him. His loneliness is so real that you might find yourself feeling sorry for him, at least until he snaps and starts threatening the family members with a knife when they don’t meet his standards for the perfect family.

The synopsis of the film, which makes it sound a lot like an A&E reality show combined with the Saw series, is as follows:

“Suffocate is a thriller about a group of city workers who enter a hoarder’s condemned brownstone and find it loaded with deadly traps, and an unrelenting killer. The group is forced to use their wits–and demolition tools–to stay alive.”

Petty’s got a clear visual style, as is evidenced by her many music videos, so perhaps she can make this a memorable narrative debut. No word yet as to whether her dad’s hit “The Waiting” will be used in the soundtrack as the city workers are “waiting” to see whether they live or die. What? No good? “Freefalling?” That doesn’t work either. OOH! “Don’t Come Around Here No More?” Perfect. (Deadline)

But regardless of how you feel about Jigsaw personally, you have to admit he’s a clever guy. Sure, maybe his traps (or “games”) are horribly cruel and unnecessarily elaborate, but damn it if they aren’t impressive. Honestly, when someone is wearing a reverse-bear trap on their mouth, it’s hard to look away. With that in mind, here are 10 of Jigsaw’s greatest traps. (Spoilers Ahead) Also, be sure and take our survey at the bottom to vote for YOUR favorite trap, and sound off in the comment section.

10. The Mausoleum Trap – Saw IV

This trap involves a man with his eyes sewn shut and another man with is mouth sewn shut. Both men are wearing collars that are chained to a winding drum at the center of the room. Since one can’t speak, and the other can’t see, it makes for a rather wacky adventure, especially when weapons are thrown into the mix.

9. The Cube Trap – Saw V

Unlike most of the traps on this list, this one does not offer a way out for the victim. It is designed only to torture and kill, which makes the outcome somewhat humorous (if you consider a self-applied tracheotomy humorous, which I’m sure you do). The victim’s head is placed in a see-through box, and the box begins filling with liquid. But rather than simply drown, the victim (Agent Strahm) was quick on his feet, and shoved a pen into his own throat, allowing him to temporarily breath through the hole until help arrived. All’s well that ends well.

8. "The Scalping Seat" – Saw IV

Another simple, yet terrifying creation, the “scalping seat” (or hair chair) is a pretty painful way to go. A victim with long locks has their hair looped though a metal ring and wound around an axle. The axle slow turns, tightening the hair with each rotation. If it goes on long enough, it will rip the person’s scalp off. The end.

7. The Reverse Bear Trap – Saw

Perhaps you’ve heard of reverse cowgirl? Well this isn’t nearly as fun (or so I’ve been told).

This trap is just what it sounds like. Instead of snapping shut in order to smash the victim, the reverse bear trap snaps open. That doesn’t sound too scary, except for the fact that it’s placed in the victim’s mouth, and will easily rip through their head if not disarmed. In all fairness to Jigsaw, the trap does have the desired effect on its victim, Amanda Young. She escapes from the contraption with a new lease on life. She goes on to kick her drug habit, which is good, but also goes on to become Jigsaw’s apprentice, which is bad. Ah well.

6. The Nerve Gas House Safe – Saw II

This is one of my favorite saw traps, not because it’s elaborate and inventive, which is certainly is, but rather because of the victims involved. Unlike the first film, in which Jigsaw seemed to focus on hospital workers and low level junkies, “The Nerve Gas House” trap is used on a group of violent criminals. There’s nothing I love more than violent criminals being subjected to violent crime.

The criminals wake up in a strange house, and Jigsaw informs them that the front door will open in three hours. However, the house is also filled with a deadly nerve gas that will kill them in two hours. Their only hope for survival is to find the antidotes hidden in traps around the house. There is also one antidote in a safe, waiting for anyone who can figure out the combination. As it turns out, a single number of the combination is written on the back of each criminal’s neck. Guess what happens when one of the criminals pieces that together.

5. The Needle Pit – Saw II

Also from Saw II, ‘The Needle Pit’ isn’t as elaborate as some of Jigsaw’s other works, but its genius is its simplicity. What better way to make a drug dealer redeem himself than by having him crawl through a pile of hypodermic needles? Jigsaw puts a key at the bottom of the pile, and tells the victim he has a limited amount of time to find it before a room with the nerve gas antidote is sealed permanently. Luckily, the drug dealer is some what inventive, and throws someone else into the pit to find the key. But do you really think a Saw film is going to reward that type of behavior?

4. Exploding Collar – Saw III

The exploding collar is just what it sounds like. It’s a collar lined with shotgun shells set to go off if not deactivated properly. What scares me so much about this particular trap is that similar devices have been used in real life. Just ask Brian Wells, a pizza man from Pennsylvania who was forced to wear a bomb collar around his neck while robbing a bank. Like most victims in the Saw films, things didn’t work out too well for Brian.

3. The Pig Vat – Saw III

This trap isn’t all that terrifying and it’s not even that inventive. But what it lacks in those categories it more than makes up for in the disgusting department. A judge who handed out a lenient sentence in a murder trial of a child is chained to the bottom of a vat. The vat is slowly filled with liquefied hog parts. Eventually, he will drown, unless the the father of the murdered child chooses to save him. Straightforward, yet utterly repulsive, just like Bravo‘s "Millionaire Matchmaker."

2. Flammable Jelly – Saw

This seems like a pretty big punishment for someone who is cheating on worker’s comp, but with insurance rates being what they are, maybe it’s not a bad idea.

The victim was stripped naked and covered in a flammable jelly and then placed in a room covered in broken glass with a safe in the middle of the floor. The room is pitch black, except for a single candle. When the victim awakes, he is told that he has been given a poison (where does Jigsaw get all this poison?), and the antidote (where does Jigsaw get all this antidote?) is in the safe. The safe’s combination is written somewhere along the wall. In case you’re having a hard time putting this all together, the victim, who is covered in flammable jelly, will have to walk through broken glass while holding the lit candle if he wants to get into the safe. It sounds more complicated than it is. The point is, fire + flammable jelly = bad.

1. The Razor Wire Cage – Saw

Most people don’t like razor wire. Most people don’t like cages. Jigsaw isn’t like most people, so he put the two together to make this awful trap. That’s like creating a Justin Bieber song that gives you herpes when you listen to it. The victim was given two hours to crawl through the cage filled with razor wire before the door locked forever. Guess what happened.

Now it’s time to vote. Which of the above Saw traps do you think is the absolute best (meaning worst one to be in) of all time? Lock in your answer below. 

It’s no surprise that Piranha 3D is getting a sequel. It’s also no surprise that the sequel’s title contains a pun involving breasts (Piranha 3DD). What is surprising is the fact that the film is scheduled to hit theaters in August 2011. I know they’re not exactly going for an Oscar, but less than a year is still a pretty quick turn around time.

John Gulager (Feast) is set to direct, while Patrick Melton and Marcus Dunstan (Saw sequels) will pen the script. Let’s hope Melton and Dunstan are fast writers. To speed things up, might I suggest using the word "tits" instead of "breasts," the word "fish" instead of "piranha," and the symbol for "$" in place of the words "plot," "character development" and "dignity." (Empire)

Saw 3D (a.k.a. Saw VII) has hit the Internet, and it’s about what you’d expect.  If you like watching people get butchered in 3D, you’ll love it.  If you don’t like watching people get butchered in 3D, then you’re probably a god damn communist.

While this is supposed to be the final chapter in the wildly successful Saw series, I’ll believe it when I see it. I thought Jason Goes to Hell would be the final chapter of Friday the 13th.  But eight years later, there was Jason, terrorizing people on a spaceship. Perhaps Jigsaw will somehow visit the crew of seaQuest DSV. I hope so. That talking dolphin needs to be taken down a peg or two.

Watch the Saw 3D trailer after the jump.

Thanks to Marc Ecko and his new Black Rhino Collection, you can finally dress like your favorite psychopath without worrying about catching a light chill. Ecko has released new hoodies in the likenesses of The Joker, The Batman, The Jason, and The Saw Puppet. Knocking over gas stations has never been so stylish.

Star Wars hoodies have been out there for awhile now and I’m really enjoying this fad. I eagerly await the day that it goes full-Elmo. Gangsta. (/Film)

CHUD was the first to point out that sexy model-actress Diora Baird has announced via Twitter that she has auditioned for a role in the upcoming Thor film. No one is certain which role she read for or if she’ll even get the part but it’s a slow news morning so conjecture like this makes headlines. Honestly. It was between this or pictures of dogs sniffing celebrities.

Tee-hee! Look at ‘im sniff her!!

Get a whiff of these fresh-scented morning links…