The twenty-five films that edged Argo out all fall in the documentary or Pixar trying to make more money category with Finding Nemo 3D ranking at #8 and Monsters, Inc. 3D ranking at #16. Which begs the question: why the Hell did newspapers run reviews of films everyone saw a decade ago? The storytelling didn’t change, it just poked out more.

Pixar should re-release Argo as a documentary in 3D. It would clean up.

*deep breath*

WHAT KIND OF CONTRARIAN ASSHOLE DOESN’T LIKE THE DARK KNIGHT RISES?

For the first time in the history of the site, Rotten Tomatoes has suspended user comments after some innocuous personal insults turned into threats of violence. The real news story here is that it took this long for Internet comments turn violent.

The editor of the site, Matt Atchity, explained the movie thusly: “The job of policing the comments became more than my staff could handle for that film, so we stopped the comments altogether.”

I have a better idea. Why don’t you take those spineless, tasteless assholes who talk shit about The Dark Knight Rises, shake the shit out of them until their wallet falls out, find out where they live, then get after their families, home invasion-style, until they admit that it’s the greatest movie that’s ever been made?

Why don’t you do that instead of protecting the morons who dare speak ill of The Dark Knight Rises?

So, what’s playing this weekend?

Salvation Boulevard

When you save the best for last, it makes sense to save the worst for first.

The 'Salvation Boulevard' Trailer Compels/Confuses You

Best Review
Salvation Boulevard isn’t groundbreaking or even consistently funny, but it is mildly inventive and the absurdities of its characters are tender and recognizably human. Best of all, we’re encouraged to laugh with them rather than at them.

Mark Holcomb – Village Voice

Worst Review
It’s a stupid farrago of aborted ideas, misguided actors, lame direction, submental writing and follow-the-dots plotting that never comes anywhere within a 10-mile radius of what I used to call coherent filmmaking.

Rex Reed – The New York Observer

Our Recommendation
The fact that Rex Reed hates a film usually means it’s at least watchable. But unfortunately, this time it looks like he’s part of the general consensus. Despite it’s more than respectable cast, Salvation Boulevard is falling flat, leaving 90% of critics unimpressed. Don’t be a hero. Go see Harry Potter with everyone else.

Winnie the Pooh

This classic children’s tale is back in an all new Disney animated film.

But how does Pooh hold up in the age of Pixar?

Best Review
In a time of shock-value 3-D animation and special effects, the look of the film is gentle and pleasing.

Roger Ebert – Chicago Sun-Times

Worst Review
Disney doesn’t offer much here that it hasn’t done as well before.

Liam Lacey – Globe and Mail

Our Recommendation
Clearly, Liam Lacey has no soul. With 90% of film critics agreeing that Pooh is a pleasing children’s film, fans young and old should not hesitate to give it a look. It’s a shame that it’s coming out the same weekend as Harry Potter. Hopefully it will get some spill over when Deathly Hallows sells out.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – Part 2

It’s the end of an era for Harry Potter films.

New Clip And Photos From ‘Deathly Hallows Pt. 2: The One Where Something Finally Happens’

Best Review
A movie with no beginning and no middle but two-plus hours of thundering, momentous ending…

Andrew O’Hehir – Salon.com

Worst Review
Now that the Harry Potter series is over, maybe the truth can be realized: This has been the dullest franchise in the history of movie franchises.

Armond White – New York Press

Our Recommendation
With a staggering 97% of critics in agreement that Deathly Hallows: Part II is worth checking out, who am I to disagree? Unless your opinions are normally in line with Armond White, you’ll probably find this film to be a satisfying conclusion.

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

Jack Sparrow is back, and this time, it’s personal…or something like that.

Watch The New TV Spot For 'Pirates 4' Or "Die Trying"

Louder Than a Bomb

Louder Than a Bomb follows a group of Chicago high schoolers as they compete in a youth poetry slam.
 
Now that sounds like a film that was screaming to be made.
 
Best Review
Greg Jacobs and Jon Siskel’s Louder Than a Bomb is an affecting and superbly paced celebration of American youth at their creative best.
 
Robert Koehler – Variety
 
Worst Review
Well, this is awkward. There are no negative reviews for this film. But I get paid by the word, so I’ll use this opportunity type a long and rambling sentence that serves no other purpose but to increase the size of my next paycheck.
 
Our Recommendation
Since the film is rocking a 100% rating at Rotten Tomatoes, there’s no way I can tell you not to see this film. But I will tell you what my dad told me on my 18th birthday: “rhyming is for assholes.”
 

Midnight in Paris

Midnight in Paris, a romantic comedy set in the city of lights, is the latest outing from director Woody Allen.

‘Midnight In Paris’ Trailer: Now It’s Owen Wilson’s Turn To Imitate Woody Allen

But this week, I’ve decided to take a different approach. Below you will find a list of new films that are being released this weekend, along with the best and worst reviews we could find. I hope you’re happy, mom.

Priest

Priest tells the story of a priest. That’s about it. Oh, wait! There’s more.

New ‘Priest’ Trailer A Work Of Vampire Alarmism

Best Review
A surprisingly effective piece of genre filmmaking, littered with flaws but none so glaring as to sink the film as a whole.

Thomas Leupp – Hollywood.com

Worst Review
Lately, it feels like there are two things you can count on in a Screen Gems movie. 1) It will suck. 2) It will feature Cam Gigandet. And he will suck.

Alonso Duralde – HitFix

Our Recommendation
With a 19% rating on Rotten Tomatoes, I recommend staying away from this priest like he was Father Geoghan.

bridesmaids

This week seems to be filled with rather obvious movie titles. Priest, Bridesmaids, etc.

Jon Hamm's Soup Is Done In 'Bridesmaids' Red-Band Trailer

Best Review
Is this the female version of The Hangover? No – Bridesmaids is much funnier and way more heartfelt and human than that film.

Devin Faraci – CHUD

Worst Review
Cringe-inducing, uneven, juvenile, overlong and painfully unfunny. It’s a witless blend of crudeness, rudeness and lewdness which sets a new low for American comedy.

Avi Offer – NYC Movie Guru

Our Recommendation
After watching the trailer, I was skeptical. But I should have had more faith in producer Judd Apatow. And since it has an RT ratting of 90%, I’ve gotta say the critics who don’t like this film are definitely in the minority. No, really, I have to say that because 10% is by definition a minority.

Everything Must Go

When a drunken salesmen loses his job and his wife in the same day, he is forced to sell all of his belongings via yard sale to make ends meet.

Will Ferrell Is A Broken And Miserable Man In ‘Everything Must Go’

Best Review
Will Ferrell delivers a performance of implosive intensity that rings true in every detail.

Peter Travers – Rolling Stone

Worst Review
It lives up to its title in ways its maker never intended.

Ty Burr – Boston Globe

Our Recommendation
From the look of it, Will Ferrell is trying to follow in the steps of Bill Murray by proving himself as a dramatic actor. His first outing, Stranger Than Fiction, got the ball rolling. And the mostly positive reviews for Everything Must Go give us no reason to doubt his potential. See for yourself.