Just Like Heaven (2005)

I watched this film while on a cruise with a girl who had come down with seasickness. As it turns out, the sound of her violently retching was the perfect background to this Reese Witherspoon turd. It has the same plot as the Bill Cosby bomb Ghost Dad, with about half of the laughs. Considering I laughed exactly once at Ghost Dad, that doesn’t say much for Just Like Heaven.

The Beautician and the Beast (1997)

When a sassy beautician travels to a far away county to work for a ruthless dictator, only one thing can happen: genital electrocution followed by a swift beheading. At least that’s what would happen in real life. In Hollywood, the two fall in love. Poor Fran Drescher. She could never step out from the shadow of her most memorable role: the reporter chick in UHF.

Alex & Emma (2003)

Rob Reiner is a huge anti-smoking advocate, yet he has no problem unleashing pollution like Alex & Emma onto the unsuspecting public. The film involves an author (Luke Wilson), a stenographer (Kate Hudson), and the Cuban Mafia. If that doesn’t excite you, it’s also worth noting that Kate Hudson plays three different roles, each with its own wacky accent. Sigh.

Something’s Gotta Give (2003)

In Something’s Gotta Give, Keanu Reeves‘s character falls in love with a woman played by Diane Keaton. Yeah, you read that right. I don’t care what Sex in the City says, there’s not a snowball’s chance in hell of that happening. A guy in his 30′s falling for a woman in her 50′s is about as likely as Lance Bass falling in love with a girl. Speaking of which…

On the Line (2001)

The plot of On the Line revolves around a shy guy (Lance Bass) who meets the girl of his dreams on a train, but doesn’t have the stones to ask her out. He then goes to great lengths to track her down, and wackiness ensues. Actually, replace the word wackiness with awfulness, and you’re right on target. This film also stars Joey Fatone, which only adds to the overpowering shittness. The only thing that saves this film from being number one on the list is the fact that Bass has since come out of the closet, so watching him pretend to be interested in a woman is unintentionally hysterical.