The apology came while the director was receiving his lifetime achievement award from the Zurich Film Festival. He tried to pick up the award two years ago, but was arrested by the totally unchill Swiss authorities because they were still harshing on him for raping a minor like a million years ago. G.O.I., Swiss authorities! Get over it!!

The director picked up the award last night and brought along a peace offering as well in the form of a documentary titled, Roman Polanski: A Film Memoir, which was screened after the ceremony. Directed by Laurent Bouzereau, the film centers on a conversation between Polanski and his producer friend, Andrew Braunsberg. He uses this conversation as a forum to apologize to his victim, referring to her as “a double victim: my victim and a victim of the press.” This naturally doesn’t include the whole drugging and raping her thing. That was his bad.

An apology via documentary seems kind of lame though. Most people don’t even watch documentaries. At the very least, he could have sent her an apology card. And not a cheap one either! Get one of those fancy ones that plays music. “Sorry” by Madonna seems appropriate. (THR)

Which is too bad, because the source material sounds pretty interesting. A New Yorker article in 2008 examined a 2000 Polish murder investigation that went cold until a detective found some striking similarities between the crime and a book written by a Polish author. The screenplay has been drafted by The Last King of Scotland scribe Jeremy Brock, which would make for a tremendous complement to Polanski and (sigh) Ratner.

While Polanski would bring a very distinct style to the film, expect to possibly see some casting rumors here regardless of whether he signs up. There is no production timeline nor locations specified, but if Polanski jumps on board, keep your eyes on those non-extradition countries he’s so fond of. (Playlist)

The period-based tale is centered on Marcus Attilius Primus, a young Roman engineer who works on the Aqua Augusta aqueduct that feeds the ancient cities of the Bay of Naples. While battling a vile real estate speculator who has a water embezzlement scheme, Primus learns that Vesuvius is about to erupt and races to warn his true love before it’s too late.

Sounds intriguing, and if you ask me, this version is a lot more appealing than the proposed Polanski version. Not just because of Towne, but because Orlando Bloom as the lead in an epic is just so, um… pre writers strike. (The Playlist)

“It all happens in real-time, so it’s about an hour and 45 minutes of negotiation between two sets of parents and how it all falls apart. Kind of like ‘Who’s Afraid Of Virginia Woolf?,’ but a little funnier. There’s a lot of wit.”

Sounds pretty good, right? Almost good enough to make you forget about Polanski’s, uh, hobbies. Anyway, here are three set photos from the film, which you can look at in either righteous anger, eager anticipation, or both. (via The Playlist)

Quick, let’s get him to the U.S. so he can stand trial!

Anyhoo, if you find yourself single, fear not. While being alone on Valentine’s Day might seem like a fate worse than death, the fact of the matter is that being in a relationship can be just as bad. As they say, the grass is always greener. Don’t believe me? Well, here are 9 films that prove you’re probably better off alone.

The Social Network

The Social Network begins with Mark Zuckerberg being dumped by his girlfriend. As a result of being spurned, he goes on the create Facebook, and becomes the youngest billionaire in the world. If that’s not an endorsement of being single, I don’t know what is. Sure, then the film ends with Zuckerberg pining for the same girl that dumped him, but that’s just screenwriter Aaron Sorkin being an asshole.

Basic Instinct

Yeah, having sex with a hot blonde girl sounds like a lot of fun, but what if she turns out to be some crazy bi-sexual? I don’t mean “crazy” in the good, three-way related way. I mean “crazy” in the “I’m going to stab you to death with an icepick” kind of way. Basic Instinct alerted the world to this ever present danger, and after watching the film, I chose to abstain from sex with hot women. Why risk it? It’s much safer to stay in and watch reruns of “Home Improvement.”

About Schmidt

You think being single is bad? Try being a widower. It’s basically like being single again, except you’re totally unprepared to function on your own because you’ve become dependent on your partner. Plus, you have to deal with the emotional baggage that comes with the loss of a spouse. As About Schmidt shows us, we’re all going to die alone, anyway. Why not cut out the middle man and just stay single?

Kramer vs. Kramer

When you’re resigned to the fact that you’re going to die alone, watching your friends get married can be difficult. But the next time you feel jealous of a married couples’ happiness, check out Kramer vs. Kramer, and remember that half of all marriages end in divorce.

War of the Roses

If divorce isn’t bad enough, how about death? War of the Roses tells the story of a married couple who grow so tired of their marriage that they end up killing each other. And that’s not the worst of it. In the film, the vengeful wife ends up biting her husbands penis. The odds of such a thing happening to a single person are dramatically lower, especially for those without house pets.

MacBeth

Having a loveless marriage is one thing, but it’s better than having an evil, manipulative spouse. Just ask MacBeth. His wife convinced him that killing the king would be a good idea. It turns out it wasn’t. As a bonus, this film was directed by Roman Polanski. He tried his hand at marriage, and his pregnant wife ended up getting murdered by the Manson Family. This tragic event caused him to wise up and enjoy the single life. Of course, his idea of “the single life” was drugging and sexually assaulting 13-year-old girl, but you don’t have to be that drastic.

American Beauty

Everyone knows that married life in the suburbs is boring. But what you might not have known before American Beauty is that ending up in a loveless marriage can result in you getting your head blown off by your closeted gay neighbor. Who knew? I’ll stay single, thank you very much.

Shawshank Redemption

Getting married is just setting yourself up for disappointment. Not only are you committing to monogamy, which is stupid, but you’re also running the risk of getting cheated on. Just ask Andy Dufresne. His wife ended up fooling around with a golf pro, and Andy ended up going to jail for a crime he didn’t commit. The moral of the story: don’t get married.

Confessions of a Cheating Housewife

Relationships are all about trust. And after seeing Confessions of a Cheating Housewife, I could never trust another woman again. They’re all just waiting for the chance to have sex with the delivery guy. You’re much better off getting a job with UPS than getting involved in a relationship.

The reason for the switch? Summit wants to build on buzz from their SXSW premiere, and Foster is shooting Roman Polanski‘s Gods of Carnage until mid-March. Moving the date will give her more time to promote her Beaver when it’s finally revealed to mass-audiences. Also, she’s gone from working with Mel Gibson to Roman Polanksi? Maybe she’ll star in a movie with Charlie Sheen, Lindsay Lohan and Tiger Woods next. (Collider)

His gift may cause drowsiness and impaired judgement. Enjoy with caution. (Heeb)

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Phew! Looks like we’ll get a sequel to The Ghost Writer afterall. That was a close one. Government officials in Switzerland have decided to free Roman Polanski after seven months of house arrest. The Swiss had planned to expedite the famed director to the U.S. where he would serve a prison sentence for drugging and raping a 13-year old girl in 1977, but have now declined to do so because of a fault in America’s application for his extradition.

Great. Way to drop the ball, guys. There’s no way he’s going to fall for the whole we want to give you a lifetime achievement award again. Now our only option for capturing him is to dress Dog the Bounty Hunter as a schoolgirl, and drop him in the Alps. It’s a crazy plan, but right crazy is the best hope we’ve got. (NY Times)