Screen Junkies » Roger Ebert http://www.screenjunkies.com Movie Reviews & TV Show Reviews Wed, 17 Sep 2014 22:16:30 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 Throwback Thursday: 9 of the Most Scathing Siskel & Ebert Reviews From the ’90s http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/throwback-thursday-9-of-the-most-scathing-siskel-ebert-reviews-from-the-90s/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/throwback-thursday-9-of-the-most-scathing-siskel-ebert-reviews-from-the-90s/#comments Thu, 14 Aug 2014 20:23:20 +0000 Jared Jones http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=video&p=264164 Back before movie reviews could be summed up in 13 characters or less, there were two gentleman who stood atop the peak of film criticism. Simply put, *no one* could rip a movie a new a-hole like Siskel and Ebert.

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(Four thumbs up still doesn’t even begin to describe the greatness of Suburban Commando.)

By Jared Jones

Back before movie reviews could be summed up in 13 characters or less, there were two gentleman who stood atop the peak of film criticism. Their names were Roger Ebert and Gene Siskel, and from 1986 to 1999, they hosted Siskel & Ebert & the Movies, a highly popular movie review show wherein the two would debate the week’s best and worst offerings from Hollywood. It was basically Statler and Waldorf with two slightly less cantankerous hosts.

Arguably the most entertaining episodes of Siskel & Ebert came at year’s end, when they would name their best and worst films of the year. While their breakdowns of the best were witty and insightful in their own right, it was their cathartic lampooning of the worst that are remembered to this day. Simply put, no one could rip a movie a new a-hole like Siskel and Ebert.

Unfortunately, both legendary critics have since passed away, Siskel due to complications from a surgery and Ebert from thyroid cancer. But rather than continue to wallow in the absolutely wretched week of news this has been, we shall instead celebrate Siskel and Ebert by taking a look back at some of their most vicious takedowns from the ’90s. Enjoy.

The Guardian (1990)

(Scroll to the 16:56 mark)

Choice Quote: “You know you have a special job when your little children ask you, ‘What did you do today, Daddy?’ and you tell them, ‘Oh, honey, I saw a movie about a killer tree.’”

Drop Dead Fred (1991)

Choice Quote: “98 minutes stolen from my life.”

Stop! or My Mom Will Shoot (1992)

Choice Quote: “If this script had been submitted to the half-hour show, The Golden Girls, they would have rejected it for not being substantial enough for a 22 or 24-minute TV show.”

The Beverly Hillbillies (1993)

Choice Quote: (From Ebert’s review) “Here is a film with all of the wit of the road kill that supplies not one but two of the lesser jokes.”

North (1994)

Choice Quote: “I hated this movie as much as any movie we’ve ever reviewed in the 19 years we’ve been doing this show.”

Judge Dredd (1995)

Choice Quote: “I know, Stallone, you probably hate my guts, you think I hate you. I don’t hate you. I like your talent. I want you to use it. This isn’t what you were put on Earth for. You can do this in your sleep, and sometimes, it looks like that’s exactly what you’re doing.”

Little Indian, Big City (1996)

Choice Quote: “If the French laughed at this, it makes me understand why they think Jerry Lewis is the funniest man on Earth.”

Year of the Horse (1997)

Choice Quote: “The documentary segments have all the depth of some kid interviewing his family members in the basement with a home video camera. And as for the musical segments, they remind me of nothing more than a group of shaggy mountain men hunkering in a circle and doing imitations of autistic lumberjacks.”

Spice World (1998)

Choice Quote: “When the movie was over, I still didn’t know the Spice Girls by name, which is OK because I don’t know the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles by name either. So I thought, maybe there could be a movie where the Spice Girls and the Ninja Turtles fall in love, run off together, and never come back.”

For more ’90s nostalgia, enter the Throw Break Thursday sweepstakes for a chance to win a retro arcade tower, a classic gaming console & games, or a vintage comic book pack. It ends Friday, so hurry!

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Iconic Film Critic Roger Ebert Dead At 70 http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/iconic-film-critic-roger-ebert-dead-at-70/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/iconic-film-critic-roger-ebert-dead-at-70/#comments Thu, 04 Apr 2013 20:28:26 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=254274 Goodbye to the man who could combine education, appreciation, and humor better than most anyone in the world of entertainment.

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Roger Ebert, perhaps the most famed and influential film critic of all time, has died at the age of 70, following a battle with cancer that started in 2002. Ebert and his work managed to transcend audiences, resonating with fans, academics, and fellow critics through both a vast knowledge of the cinematic landscape of not only America, but the world, as well as a deft, charismatic  manner through which he speaks.

Over the course of his career and despite a global reach through his TV program and various other media, Ebert also managed to be quintessentially Chicago, staying true to the town. Ebert filmed several iterations of his review show there, became the film critic for the Sun-Times in 1966, and curated a film festival in his town later in his career.

In 2006, following thyroid surgery to treat cancer, Ebert lost the ability to speak, but that didn’t diminish his voice one iota, as he continued to write and champion film through countless different manners.

Not least of Ebert’s legacy is his surviving wife Chaz, to whom he attributes much of his late-life happiness in his memoir, Life Itself: A Memoir.

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Roger Ebert, David Poland Think ‘Titanic 3D’ Looks Like Crap http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/roger-ebert-david-poland-think-titanic-3d-looks-like-crap/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/roger-ebert-david-poland-think-titanic-3d-looks-like-crap/#comments Tue, 21 Feb 2012 16:55:26 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=245697 Is this the death of unnecessary 3D? Please?

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The news of James Cameron’s 3D re-release of Titanic divided moviegoers into two camps. One lot accused the move of being a shameless cashgrab devised to get fans to pay higher ticket prices to see one of most successful films ever yet again. Then there’s the other group that dismissed the first group as cynical. After all, this is a production from James Cameron. He’s the leading pioneer in modern 3D filmmaking and wouldn’t settle for a subpar post-conversion.

Well, now that second group look like real dickweeds.

Paramount and Fox hosted a few Valentine’s Day previews of the re-release and made the mistake of allowing critics to see it.

Roger Ebert commented:

Cameron has justly been praised for being one of the few directors to use 3D usefully, in Avatar. But Titanic was not shot for 3D, and just as you cannot gild a pig, you cannot make 2D into 3D. [...] There’s more to it than that. 3D causes a noticeable loss in the brightness coming from the screen. Some say as much as 20 percent. If you saw an ordinary film dimmed that much, you might complain to the management. Here you’re supposed to be grateful you had the opportunity to pay a surcharge for this defacement. If you’re alert to it, you’ll notice that many shots and sequences in this version are not in 3D at all, but remain in 2D. If you take off your glasses, they’ll pop off the screen with dramatically improved brightness. I know why the film is in 3D. It’s to justify the extra charge. That’s a shabby way to treat a masterpiece.

In the case that you feel  haters gonna hate, 3D friendly critic David Poland had this to say:

I was happy that when we got to the theater, it turned out not to be IMAX 3D. Those glasses are ridiculous and I have only had one or two happy experiences with that specific format. (I quite like IMAX and don’t always dislike 3D.) So I didn’t get irritated by having the glasses on as we watched the hours of film roll by.

However… I found myself wanting to take the glasses off repeatedly. And here is why: it’s like watching the movie through a filter. Call it darkness, call it clarity… call it what you like. But for me, especially on Titanic, the slight facial fur and occasional acne under the make-up on Kate Winslet and the small pock marks on Leonardo DiCaprio’s face are a part of the intimacy of the movie. The movie takes such painstaking efforts to get every detail right… I want to see them, including the imperfections. And with those glasses on, I could not. Some might be happy not to see detail… to have the image smoothed out even more. But not me. These people are beautiful. Their imperfections are beautiful.

I think the best move here is to simply re-release a non-3D version of the film. It won’t earn Cameron enough to fund the purchase of his own private ocean, but it will seem way less schisty.

Also, why not hook us up with a 3D Terminator 2: Judgement Day? Because that would be rad. (MovieLine)

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Roger Ebert Can’t Afford More ‘At The Movies’ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/roger-ebert-cant-afford-more-at-the-movies/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/roger-ebert-cant-afford-more-at-the-movies/#comments Mon, 07 Nov 2011 17:21:04 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=235355 Maybe he should sign up for Kickstarter.

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Say goodbye to Roger Ebert‘s rebooted At The Movies. The movie review show is in danger of cancellation at the end of this season. When Ebert revived the program, he did so by paying out of pocket. Ebert explains on his blog that he and his wife footed all the bills. “We paid for the pilot. We paid for the titles. We paid for the set, the lighting, and all of the salaries … lunch on taping days, everything.”

That’s not to say that the program is officially dead in the water. There’s a chance it could remain on the air if the program finds an underwriter with deep enough pockets. Let’s just go ahead and cross Bam Margera off the list of potentials. (Ebert’s Blog)

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Roger Ebert’s 5 Most Controversial Statements http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/roger-eberts-5-most-controversial-statements/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/roger-eberts-5-most-controversial-statements/#comments Tue, 21 Jun 2011 21:40:33 +0000 Jame Gumb http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=217142 Thanks to the advent of Twitter, it's become even easier for him to stir up trouble.

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Film critic Roger Ebert is taking a lot of flack for his controversial tweet in regard to the death of Ryan Dunn. Apparently, pointing out that drinking alcohol and driving over 100 MPH is a bad idea rubbed some people the wrong way. Granted, it was a dick move to post so soon after Dunn’s death. Dunn’s friend and Jackass costar Bam Margera said as much, replying “Millions of people are crying right now, shut your fat fucking mouth!” Even Ebert himself has apologized for the timing of the tweet. But aside from that, he is sticking to his guns on Dunn, maintaining that “he drank, he drove, 2 people died.”

Regardless of your feelings on the comment, you have to admire Ebert’s willingness to speak his mind. And it’s even more impressive, considering the man literally cannot speak. But due to his opinionated nature, Ebert has often found himself at the center of controversy (No, I’m not talking about the fact that he gave Phantom Menace four stars). And thanks to the advent of Twitter, it’s become even easier for him to stir up trouble. With that in mind, here are five of Roger Ebert‘s most controversial comments.

“Video games can never be art…”

You could almost hear the rage building in the hearts of gamers as they read the headline to Ebert’s infamous blog post, “Video games can never be art.” The post consisted of Ebert bashing a medium of which he knew nothing, and had no desire to learn about. The response was swift, and surprisingly cordial. According to Ebert, only a handful of the nearly 5000 comments were rude. Most were well thought out, constructive criticisms. Ebert went on to admit the stupidity of commenting on the subject given his complete lack of knowledge, although he still believes he is right. At least when he acts like a fool, he admits it.

Rush Limbaugh should be horsewhipped…

In the wake of the 2010 Haitian earthquake, President Obama urged Americans to make a donation to the Red Cross relief fund. So that people could easily find a link to the Red Cross site, it was posted at the official White House website, whitehouse.gov. Conservative commentator Rush Limbaugh called into question the need to visit the White House website in order to get to the the Red Cross, insinuating that money could be misappropriated, and those who donated could end up on the DNC’s mailing list. Ebert was outraged by the accusations, and commented in an open letter that Limbaugh “should be horse-whipped for the insult (he has) paid to the highest office of our nation.”

No American-flag shirts…

In May of 2010, Roger Ebert weighed in on yet another controversy that had nothing to do with film. At Live Oa High School in Morgan Hill, CA, five students were sent home for wearing American Flag tee-shirts and bandannas on May 5th (a.k.a. Cinco de Mayo) out of fear it would offend students who were celebrating their Mexican heritage. The move set off a firestorm of complaints in support of the kids who were sent home. Ebert disagreed with the support, tweeting that…

@ebertchicago Kids who wear American Flag T-shirts on 5 May should have to share a lunchroom table with those who wear a hammer and sickle on 4 July.

His tweet set off a firestorm of its own. Reasonable objections to his position were drowned out by a swell of hateful replies mocking Ebert’s cancer and subsequent facial deformities. Ebert replied to those mocking his misfortune…

@ebertchicago Dear TeePee tweeters making fun of my cancer: You want ugly? For that you have to look at a mind, not a face.

“TeaBaggers”…

In case you haven’t already figured it out by reading the previous entries, Roger Ebert is a bit of a lefty. As such, he’s not big fan of the Tea Party movement. In one particular tweet, he referred to its members as “Teabaggers” and “nutjobs.” When confronted about using a pornographic term to describe his political opponents, Ebert claimed he had forgotten “teabagger” had a pornographic connotation. Critics pointed out that he had used the term in his reviews as recently as 1998. In all fairness, it’s possible Ebert forgot what the term meant, considering he spent the past decad fighting cancer and having his entire jaw removed.

The Huckleberry Finn controversy…

Earlier this year, Ebert decided to chime in on the decision of NewSouth Books to publish a version of The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn with the word “nigger” completely removed and replaced with the world “slave.” As an ardent opponent of censorship, Ebert was none to pleased with the decision, and took to Twitter to complain, claiming he’d “rather be called a nigger than a slave.” Despite the context, it didn’t take long for the outrage to grow. Eventually, Ebert backtracked, tweeting “I’ll never be called a nigger *or* a slave, so I should have shut the **** up.” That’s a fair point. My only question is if you’re going to start dropping N-Bombs, why would you bother to censor an F-bomb?

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David O. Russell May Direct Russ Meyer Biopic Because Boobs http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/david-o-russell-may-direct-russ-meyer-biopic-because-boobs/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/david-o-russell-may-direct-russ-meyer-biopic-because-boobs/#comments Fri, 18 Mar 2011 03:33:16 +0000 Geoffrey Golden http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=202403 Fox Searchlight wants an Oscar nominated director to helm the Russ Meyer biopic. Meyer was the writer/director/producer/craft services/breast appreciator for a number of famous b-movies.

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David O. Russell, you just got an Oscar nomination for The Fighter. What are you gonna direct next?”

Boobs: The Movie.”

Let’s expound on that fake title a little. Fox Searchlight is looking for a director to helm the Russ Meyer biopic they’re putting together. Meyer was the writer/director/producer/craft services/breast assembler for a number of famous b-movies in the 60s and 70s like Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill! His movies were famous for having actresses with awesome racks. So Fox Searchlight is talking to Russell about filming a movie that’ll have a ton of boobs in it, which might be a pretty fun shoot. There’ll also possibly be a young Roger Ebert in the film – also fun, but in a different way.

Merritt Johnson (“In Treatment”) will write the script. (The Playlist)

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Hollywood Is Quite Taken With Science-Fiction Lately http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/hollywood-is-quite-taken-with-science-fiction-lately/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/hollywood-is-quite-taken-with-science-fiction-lately/#comments Thu, 17 Mar 2011 20:13:23 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=202213 Roger Ebert's mortal enemy 'Battle: Los Angeles' has screenwriters everywhere adding lasers to their specs.

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Thanks to Battle: Los Angelesmelting the face of the box office this past weekend, studios are falling all over themselves to pick up scripts with laser noises appearing in the scene description.

A few sci-fi pitches were picked up on Monday, and now there’s word that two more fictional scientific stories have been bought. Fox ignored the existence of Jurassic Park III and went ahead and bought a pitch from Jurassic Park III writer Peter Buchman. Meanwhile, Paramount has bought a pitch from Apollo 18‘s Brian Miller. There are no details available about either. So don’t even try to copy them.

I’m all for more science-fiction stories as long as they are good. Maybe we should run them by Roger Ebert so he doesn’t go house again like he did with his Battle: Los Angeles review. Otherwise, I’m concerned the studios are setting themselves up for failure by jumping on the wrong trend. Ask yourself, was the real star of Battle: Los Angeles the special effects or Aaron Eckhart’s chin crater? (via /Film)

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3D Is Bad For Your Brain Because Roger Ebert Says So http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/3d-is-bad-for-your-brain-because-roger-ebert-says-so/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/3d-is-bad-for-your-brain-because-roger-ebert-says-so/#comments Wed, 26 Jan 2011 03:48:50 +0000 Geoffrey Golden http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=22372 Critic Roger Ebert sticks his downward thumb right into the audience, saying it's stupid to pay top dollar for movies designed to give you a headache.

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Actually, this post’s title oversimplifies the story. It should read, “3D Is Bad For Your Brain Because Roger Ebert And The Guy Who Edited Captain EO Say So.” I keed, I keed — both film critic Ebert and uber-respected editor Walter Murch make a strong argument about why it’s stupid to pay top dollar for movies basically designed to give you a splitting headache.

In a recent column for the Chicago Sun-Times, Ebert describes all 3D movies as “inferior and inherently brain-confusing,” then lets Murch do the heavy lifting. According to Murch, “600 million years of human evolution” have not prepared our brains to look at 3D, which is why you paid $35 to see Tron: Legacy in IMAX MEGA COOL 3D and all you left with was a server farm-sized headache:

The biggest problem with 3D, though, is the “convergence/focus” issue. A couple of the other issues — darkness and “smallness” — are at least theoretically solvable. But the deeper problem is that the audience must focus their eyes at the plane of the screen — say it is 80 feet away. This is constant no matter what.

But their eyes must converge at perhaps 10 feet away, then 60 feet, then 120 feet, and so on, depending on what the illusion is. So 3D films require us to focus at one distance and converge at another. And 600 million years of evolution has never presented this problem before. All living things with eyes have always focussed and converged at the same point.

After illustrating his point with weird pictures of blurry and not-so-blurry salt shakers, Murch makes the inevitable your-brain-is-like-a-computer analogy:

So the “CPU” of our perceptual brain has to work extra hard, which is why after 20 minutes or so many people get headaches. They are doing something that 600 million years of evolution never prepared them for. This is a deep problem, which no amount of technical tweaking can fix. Nothing will fix it short of producing true “holographic” images.

Like most of the problems we face today, the solution is ultimately “holograms.”

Is this definitive proof that 3D “doesn’t work and never will,” as Ebert claims? I would argue that as Americans, we watch things that are bad for our brains all the time. Also, as long as studios can keep inflating their prices so an aggressively terrible movie like The Last Airbender is ultimately considered a hit, get ready to take a lot more Advil, movie fans.

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Roger Ebert To Debut New Chin On New Show http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/roger-ebert-to-debut-new-chin-on-new-show/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/roger-ebert-to-debut-new-chin-on-new-show/#comments Thu, 20 Jan 2011 21:57:42 +0000 Dave Horwitz http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=21074 Movie reviews won't be the only thing Roger Ebert will be premiering on his New PBS show 'Ebert Presents at the Movies'. Ebert, who lost his lower jaw to thyroid cancer in 2006, will be showing off his new facial prosthesis on his new public television program.

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Movie reviews won’t be the only thing Roger Ebert will be premiering on his New PBS show Ebert Presents at the Movies. The Legendary critic, who lost his lower jaw to thyroid cancer in 2006, will be showing off his new facial prosthesis on his new public television program. A rather convincing prosthetic will cover the entire area, and will restore Ebert‘s appearance to something far closer to it’s original appearance. Prior to the prosthesis, Ebert has said he “studiously avoided looking … in a mirror,” although hopefully now he can be proud to show off his new look while ripping the worst movies of the week brand new a-holes. Welcome back, Roger. We missed you! (Vulture)

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Here’s What You Can Expect From The New ‘At The Movies’ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/heres-what-you-can-expect-from-the-new-at-the-movies/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/heres-what-you-can-expect-from-the-new-at-the-movies/#comments Fri, 14 Jan 2011 20:04:28 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=Video&p=16868 Roger Ebert's "At The Movies" redux doesn't launch until next Friday, but that's no reason why you shouldn't get a taste today.

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Roger Ebert‘s “At The Movies” redux doesn’t launch until next Friday, but that’s no reason why you shouldn’t be able to enjoy the opening twenty-two seconds now. It really whets my appetite for watching him get all robo-bitchy toward The Dilemma. (Ebert’s Blog)

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Roger Ebert Picks New Co-Hosts; Ghost Siskel Gives Thumbs Down http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/roger-ebert-picks-new-co-hosts-ghost-siskel-gives-thumbs-down/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/roger-ebert-picks-new-co-hosts-ghost-siskel-gives-thumbs-down/#comments Tue, 04 Jan 2011 14:36:17 +0000 Jame Gumb http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=14077 We know that if the ghost of Gene Siskel were able to speak with us from beyond the grave, he would take the opportunity to once again mock Ebert for giving a positive review to Home Alone 3. We miss you, Gene.

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Film critic Roger Ebert has chosen his co-hosts for the revamped version of “At the Movies,” the groundbreaking television show he previously helmed with the late Gene Siskel. Christy Lemire, a well known critic for the AP, and Ignatiy Vishnevetsky, a contributor for Mubi.com, will both assist Ebert with his weekly movie rundown. Several others, including CBS’s Jeff Greenfield and The Hitlists’ Kim Morgan, will also contribute to the show, while ScreenJunkies’ own Wookie Johnson will leave offensive comments on the show’s website.

We know that if the ghost of Gene Siskel were able to speak with us from beyond the grave, he would take the opportunity to once again mock Ebert for giving a positive review to Home Alone 3. We miss you, Gene.

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Roger Ebert Revives ‘At The Movies’ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/roger-ebert-revives-at-the-movies/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/roger-ebert-revives-at-the-movies/#comments Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000 Roger Ebert isn't one to let a lack of a jaw stop him from jawing on about what movies do and don't suck ass. With "At The Movies" officially off-the-air as of August 14th, Ebert has unveiled his newest program, "Roger Ebert Presents 'At The Movies'." It's pretty much "At The Movies" but with occasional appearances from the Roger Ebert Cyborg. Appearing as the show's main critics are Christy Lemire and Elvis Mitchell. And if Ebert's sagging chin flesh pouch and Elvis's dreadlocks don't do it for you, Kim Morgan will also appear in weekly segments. It'll be like when the hot weather girl shows up on that fat guy's show on Telemundo. (Sun Times)

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Roger Ebert isn’t one to let a lack of a jaw stop him from jawing on about what movies do and don’t suck ass. With "At The Movies" officially off-the-air as of August 14th, Ebert has unveiled his newest program, "Roger Ebert Presents ‘At The Movies‘." It’s pretty much "At The Movies" but with occasional appearances from the Roger Ebert Cyborg.

Appearing as the show’s main critics are Christy Lemire and Elvis Mitchell. And if Ebert’s sagging chin flesh pouch and Elvis’s dreadlocks don’t do it for you, Kim Morgan will also appear in weekly segments.

It’ll be like when the hot weather girl shows up on that fat guy’s show on Telemundo. (Sun Times)

 

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Ebert Speaks! In This Clip from ‘Oprah’ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/ebert-speaks-in-this-clip-from-oprah/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/ebert-speaks-in-this-clip-from-oprah/#comments Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000   Yesterday I told you about Roger Ebert's miracle voice computer that he is premiering on today's episode of Oprah. It's understandable that you may not be able to watch the episode due to your busy work schedule or presence of testicles. With that in mind we have this sneak peek. It's actually really amazing how accurate the voice sounds and it's completely heart-warming to see how happy Ebert is to have it back. Though if he were frowning, we would have no way of knowing. The science for that doesn't exist yet. (Videogum)

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Yesterday I told you about Roger Ebert‘s miracle voice computer that he is premiering on today’s episode of Oprah. It’s understandable that you may not be able to watch the episode due to your busy work schedule or presence of testicles. With that in mind we have this sneak peek. It’s actually really amazing how accurate the voice sounds and it’s completely heart-warming to see how happy Ebert is to have it back. Though if he were frowning, we would have no way on knowing. The science for that doesn’t exist yet. (Videogum)

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Roger Ebert Debuts New Old Voice on ‘Oprah’ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/roger-ebert-debuts-new-old-voice-on-oprah/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/roger-ebert-debuts-new-old-voice-on-oprah/#comments Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000 Opes helps Roger Ebert promote his new line of novelty "weird beards."After losing his jaw and subsequently his voice to cancer, it seemed that Roger Ebert would never be able to speak again. Thanks to CereProc, the famed critic has regained his voice, and is no longer forced to communicate using only 'thumbs up' or 'thumbs down' gestures.The Scottish company has been able to capture audio from Ebert's DVD commentaries to create a system where he can type and listeners hear a voice that sounds like him. From Yahoo:The new voice, which Ebert calls "Roger Jr.," will be heard predicting Oscar winners on a segment of "The Oprah Winfrey Show" airing Tuesday."Yes, 'Roger Jr.' needs to be smoother in tone and steadier in pacing, but the little rascal is good," Ebert wrote. "To hear him coming from my own computer made me ridiculously happy."I'm happy for Roger Ebert because it must be completely frustrating to lose the ability to communicate, but this isn't exactly new technology. In fact, the disembodied voice of Arnold Schwarzenegger has been asking Chinese take-out workers "Who is your daddy and what does he do," for the better part of the last fifteen years. (Yahoo)

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Opes helps Roger Ebert promote his new line of novelty "weird beards."

After losing his jaw and subsequently his voice to cancer, it seemed that Roger Ebert would never be able to speak again. Thanks to CereProc, the famed critic has regained his voice, and is no longer forced to communicate using only ‘thumbs up’ or ‘thumbs down’ gestures.

The Scottish company has been able to capture audio from Ebert’s DVD commentaries to create a system where he can type and listeners hear a voice that sounds like him. From Yahoo:

The new voice, which Ebert calls "Roger Jr.," will be heard predicting Oscar winners on a segment of "The Oprah Winfrey Show" airing Tuesday.

"Yes, ‘Roger Jr.’ needs to be smoother in tone and steadier in pacing, but the little rascal is good," Ebert wrote. "To hear him coming from my own computer made me ridiculously happy."

I’m happy for Roger Ebert because it must be completely frustrating to lose the ability to communicate, but this isn’t exactly new technology. In fact, the disembodied voice of Arnold Schwarzenegger has been asking Chinese take-out workers "Who is your daddy and what does he do," for the better part of the last fifteen years. (Yahoo)

 

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‘ROGER EBERT’ REVIEWS A PORNO http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/roger-ebert-reviews-a-porno/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/roger-ebert-reviews-a-porno/#comments Fri, 31 Jul 2009 17:00:44 +0000 Jame Gumb By Roger Ebert*There is an ugly scene in Squirt In My Gape 3 that I want to tell you about. A young woman played by Bobbi Star has just had her gaping anus filled with both male and female ejaculate. We see the girl, pretty yet exhausted, contorting her body in such away as to avoid spilling the fluids. The cameraman moves in to give the audience the requisite close-up of the genetic ooze she is holding ever so precariously.?? We expect the scene to end, but it does not. The audience is left waiting for what seems like an eternity. Then, without warning, a bubble begins to form.

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By Roger Ebert*

There is an ugly scene in Squirt In My Gape 3 that I want to tell you about. A young woman played by Bobbi Star has just had her gaping anus filled with both male and female ejaculate. We see the girl, pretty yet exhausted, contorting her body in such away as to avoid spilling the fluids. The cameraman moves in to give the audience the requisite close-up of the genetic ooze she is holding ever so precariously.

 We expect the scene to end, but it does not. The audience is left waiting for what seems like an eternity. Then, without warning, a bubble begins to form.

Before you have time to fully process what is happening, audible flatulence rings out. 

As the scene finally faded to black, I couldn’t help but think to myself that if I had wanted to watch Cum-Fart Cocktails, I would have rented Cum-Fart Cocktails. 

The needlessness of the fart took me out of the movie and into the minds of its makers. What were they thinking? Have they so lost touch with human nature that they think fans of the squirt genre will like this scene? Do they think it’s funny? Did the actors voice any objections? It’s the job of the producer to keep a film on track; did the director notice anything distasteful? Or is it possible that everyone connected with the film has become so desensitized by the relentless cynical aggression of Gonzo porn that the scene passed without comment?

The film is billed as a “a celebration of the finest gaping a**holes” overflowing with “excessive amounts of female ejaculate.” I’m not quite sure what measurement constitutes an acceptable amount of female ejaculate. A quart? A liter? I doubt the producers gave it much thought. It seems they didn’t give much thought to any aspect of the film. Squirt In My Gape 3 is a bloated, unpleasant assembly-line extrusion of forced squirts and questionable orgasms. By trying too hard to please fans of both squirting and ass gape, the film ends up pleasing no one.

Oh, it’s all done with competent technique. William H., the director, is a master of this sort of thing. But there is not an original idea in the film. Even Sindee Jennings, whom I adored in Big Black Beast 11, seems little more than a bargain-basement ripoff of Cytherea in the classic Squirt Woman 2: The Drinks are on Me.

The plot, briefly, involves two girls meeting for the first time, and putting aside their initial (feigned) mistrust in order to work together to please the same cock. This scene repeats itself five times. No one in the movie is very interesting; our eyes glaze over during yet another bone-tired retread of sex scenes that we have seen over and over again.  I wonder what the atmosphere was like on the set every day. How does it feel to make a movie where the characters don’t seem sure about who they are?

Occasionally there is variety, as when a starlet fills her partner’s gaping anus to the brim. I dunno, maybe it’s just me, but I don’t see anything original about yet another a winking a**hole, even if it is filled with lady cum. The movie has a carelessness that shows a contempt for the audience. It is so choppy in its nervous editing that a lot of the time we’re simply watching senseless kinetic action. The anal and the ejaculations are broken down into closeups that deny us any sense of the physical relationship of the actors or the strategy behind the sex. It’s all just movement.

Consider the scene between  Flower Tucci and Mya Nichole. Both are so pleasant that it’s a shame to spoil their party. But toil and try as they do, the sex bogs down in relentless predictability and the puzzling overuse of squirting. I was never sure who was being pounded, or why. Maybe I missed something, but it didn’t make much difference. Eventually, well after the male star has already finished, Tucci bends Nichole over for yet another squirt to the gape. As nearly as I can tell, the only reason this took place is because there was some sort of gape-squirt quota to fill. In a movie that is painfully long at 157 minutes, why is this scene taking up our time? 

I liked the first two films in the Squirt In My Gape series, although my description of the sequel as "a really rather brilliant vomitorium of vaginal viscosity" might have sounded like faint praise. But the third film is a mess. It lacks the sharp narrative line and crisp clarity of the earlier films, and descends too easily into shapeless sex scenes that are chopped into so many cuts that they lack all form or rhythm.

Should you actually pay money to see this movie at a time when Mother-Daughter Exchange Club Part 3, Strap Attack 8, A** Eaters Unanimous 15, Forced Bi Cuckolds and I’ll Toss Your Salad If You Butter My Buns are all available? I don’t think so.

Rating = 2 Stars

*Not True

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