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First Still From ‘Twilight: Breaking Dawn’ Looks Like Softcore Porn
Wednesday, January 12 by

Or a Barbara Walters special?

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Someone Will Assassinate Robert Pattinson
Wednesday, January 5 by

David Cronenberg has kicked Colin Farrell out of his limo and invited Robert Pattinson in. The Team Edward ambassador himself has signed on to play Eric Packer in Cosmopolis.

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Robert Pattinson Rides Elephants, Reese Witherspoon
Wednesday, December 15 by

Do you like water? Do you like elephants? Do you like that pale dude from Twilight? Well, two out of three ain’t bad, so watch this trailer for Water for Elephants, starring Robert Pattinson, Christoph Waltz and Reese Witherspoon.

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First ‘Breaking Dawn’ Image Gets Feathery
Saturday, November 27 by

Here, have a handful of feathers. It’s certainly better than another pic of Bella and Edward avoiding eye contact and then making eye contact.

Robert Pattinson Halloween Mask
Monday, October 18 by

And you thought it was scary when it was homicidal maniac Michael Myers. (Crushable)
You'll get one piece of candy for each link.
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Some Spelling Lessons from the Wisconsin Badgers' Fans (TotalProSports)
18 Failed Celebrity Albums (Smosh)
Hot Russian Spy Anna Chapman Poses for Maxim (BroBible)
Miley Cyrus Gives Angry, Hate-Filled Speech (CelebJihad)
Martin Kampmann Thinks Jake Shields is a Boring Fighter (CagePotato)
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Eva Longoria Rapping (TuVez)
Cowboys, Mountain Men, and Grizzly Bears (MadeMan)

Maggie Grace To Catfight Kristen Stewart In ‘Twilight: Breaking Dawn’
Monday, September 27 by

Someone tell this girl how chairs work.
Take off your press-ons, ladies. Things are about to get rowdy. Taken takee Maggie Grace has been cast as Bella's nemesis Irina in Twilight: Breaking Dawn. My girlfriend hasn't updated me yet on the next installment so I'll let Deadline do the honors:
Irina is a member of the Denali coven, considered cousins to the Cullen clan as the only other "vegetarian" vampire group. When Irina blames the Cullens for the death of her lover, her actions set in motion a terrifying chain of events.
And by terrifying they mean sparkly. The film is being directed by Bill Condon and released in two parts because that means more money. The first part comes out November 18, 2011 and the second part November 16, 2012. After that, Twihards dismember a highly populated metropolis.

‘Twilight’ Lead Mofos Gettin’ Paid As Such
Tuesday, July 6 by

Good news everybody!! In forty years when we're all greeting the chubby masses at Wal-Mart because there's no money left for Social Security payouts, we can at least sleep peacefully knowing that the Twilight leads/murderers are living more than comfortably. Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, and Taylor Lautner will be paid $41 million to mumble their way through The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn. That breaks down to $25 million upfront plus 7.5 percent of the gross revenue. Multiply that by the fact that the gross is a f*ckload and you've got MO' MONEY! MO' MONEY!! MO' MONEY!!! That's solid arithmetic so don't even reach for your calculator.But, you know what? They've earned it. They put their privacy and safety in harms way on a daily basis. Bless those marble-mouthed youngsters and their chiseled stomachs. Now if you'll excuse me. The car I live in is being towed. Time to turn on the waterworks. (/Film)

Robert Pattinson’s Grim Future
Tuesday, June 22 by

This Twilight Saga fortune is most unsettling. Cedric Diggory was destined to become Edward Cullen.

‘Breaking Dawn’ Won’t Feature Grossest Childbirth Scene In Movie History
Wednesday, June 16 by

Our hopes of seeing a vampire use his fangs to perform a Caesarean section have just gone down in flames. Screenwriter Melissa Rosenberg has informed the LA Times that Breaking Dawn's gory birthing scene will happen off-screen. Seltzer and Friedberg wouldn't pussy out like that.On the fan site, on Facebook, all the comments are "It has to be R rated! You have to show the childbirth! Gore and guts and sex!" For me it's actually more interesting to not see it. You know, you can do childbirth without seeing childbirth … it doesn't mean it's any less evocative of an experience.Yes, you can do childbirth without seeing childbirth. But when that childbirth features an accelerated pregnancy that kills the host from the inside out, causing a f*cking vampire to eat his way through the mother's stomach in order to deliver the baby, which can run around and has complete awareness, you'd better show the childbirth. But whatever. I'm not a screenwriter. If you're not going to show the delivery, don't even THINK of making us sit through the boring lamaze class scene. Those are always the same.

‘Twilight: Breaking Dawn’ To Be Broken Into Two Films
Friday, June 11 by

In news that doesn't really come as a surprise, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn will be pressed against the kitchen counter and split into two parts like those popsicles that are double-popsicles (you know the ones). This move has been speculated for some time but was officially announced by Summit today, now that the contract negotiations have finalized.Bill Condon will direct the final chapters of the series back-to-back with the first seeing release in November 2011 and the second installment premiering some time in 2012. This decision is obviously cash-fueled and so typical of Hollywood. It shows a blatant disrespect to Edward and Bella and Werewolf Guy and red-haired vampire. Shameful. **logs on to eTrade and buys shares in Summit**CHECK OUT SUMMIT'S PRESS RELEASE AFTER THE JUMP…

Les Grossman Offers Robert Pattinson Career Advice in ‘MTV Movie Awards’ Promo
Saturday, May 29 by

If MTV keeps up these humorous bits I might just watch their movie awards show this season. Aziz Ansari and Tom Cruise have been killin' it. Yesterday we saw Cruise as Tropic Thunder's Studio Exec Les Grossman rip the pants off a Risky Business version of himself, and now he's telling Rob Pats to not touch a single hair on his oily scalp. A good mane can get a man far in this world. Example: Rob Pats. Check out the promo after the jump. The "MTV Movie Awards" airs June 6.

Requisite ‘Twilight: Eclipse’ Trailer Post
Friday, April 23 by

Peek-a-boo. Today Oprah continued her mission to infuriate the male gender by debuting the new trailer for Twilight: Eclipse. I don't believe the act was intentionally malicious, but when an "Oprah" audience squeels a lumberjack loses his testicles. I've watched the trailer and if I'm not mistaken it's still about vampires and cartoon werewolves. Everyone is sad most of the time, donning pomadours, and fighting each other for ownership of the woods or something. The film does feature a group of vampires emerging from a body of water, which I always thought was a zombie strategy of attack. Better get on your game, Walking Dead. The vampires are stealin' your bitches AND your tricks. Swoon over the trailer after the jump.  Twilight: Eclipse gets asses in the seats June 30.

‘Twilight Eclipse’ One-Sheet Isn’t Even Trying
Tuesday, March 23 by

The new one-sheet for Twilight: Eclipse just hit and the cast couldn't look more apathetic about it. I believe the point here is to convey that the actors Twihards cream over will also be in this film. The marketing gurus probably figured they could have given the characters assholes for eyes and it wouldn't make a difference at the box office.

New ‘Twilight Eclipse’ Clip Features Hot Teens in Bed
Monday, March 22 by

In this episode of Sparkle Vamps 90210: Eclipse, Edward and Bella mumble about the pros and cons of becoming a vampire.PRO: Super-strength.CON: No Christmas. PRO: Immortality.CON: No visiting of loved ones. PRO: Doin' it.CON: Losing your soul.  I wonder if super-hearing is a result of being turned because SPEAK THE HELL UP! Bella would be a fool not to become a vampire if only for the invincibility. She's so low-energy that otherwise she'll drown in a bowl of soup. Check out the clip after the jump before it gets yanked like a Twihard with a R.Patz pillow…

‘Twilight Eclipse’ Trailer Needs More Ashley Greene
Thursday, March 11 by

I'm a little late to the Twilight game on account of my testicles, so I'm sure they've explained how vampires can walk in the sunlight without spontaneously combusting. But how can a red-haired vampire walk in the daylight? Everyone knows that sunshine is the leading cause of death in gingers. That's why I've never understood casting David Caruso in CSI: Miami. They must spend half the production budget on sunblock and the other on The Who royalties. What was this post about again? Oh yeah. Two super-powered, mumbly guys continue to fight over the tightest vagina in the Pacific Northwest while bombshell Ashley Greene somehow gets no attention. I understand that Twilight fans wish that they could be the Bella character so that the shirtless boys awkwardly pledge their love to them for a change. If that were the case, a more realistic line would be: “I’m gonna fight for you… until your heart stops beating… because of sleep apnea. Nice pit stains.” Check out the trailer after the jump.

Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart Officially Dating and Pale
Tuesday, February 23 by

Pattinson always lets secrets slip when he's trippin' balls. Sharpen your razerblades all you emotionally fragile Twihards out there 'cause Kristen Stewart has officially stolen your man. Robert Pattinson confirmed that him and Twilight co-star Kristen Stewart have been dating for months but been keeping it a secret because they're frightened of girls cutting them open and parading around in their very own Edward and Bella suits. It was their wish to make their first public appearance as a couple at the BAFTA awards until they realized it's easier to be assassinated there.In kind of similar news, the vampire couple is being praised for their pasty white skin. Due to their popularity, experts predict that they could help lower cancer rates among impressionable teens and Jersey Shore fanatics. Kids in the school yard will learn that it's cool to be transparent, like my old friend Billy Costigan. We'd strip him down and hold him directly in front of the sun so we could watch as his heart pumped blood throughout his entire body. Our recesses were unsupervised. (DailyMail, CinemaBlend)

New Moon
Wednesday, November 4 by

Director: Chris WeitzCast: Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Taylor LautnerSynopsis: The Twilight vampire Saga continues…