Two stories share equal time in “Sweet Dee Gets Audited”: Dee needs to prove she has a baby to the IRS, and the balance of the crew pursues a more orderly manner of conducting the bar business. Even when they reach their fever pitch, both stories come no closer than tangential to one another, offering some hilarious throwaway gags in the absence of any real plot in this episode besides the whole “Dee better produce a baby for the IRS” affair.

The cold open begins with Charlie revealing that he is putting rocks in the urinals because the ice machine is broken. (An aside: I understand Paddy’s is a crappy bar, but come on, there has to be an ice machine.) Then the ceiling leaks on to Dennis’ face, causing everyone to wonder what Frank is doing with the money earmarked for repairs.

Without spending too much time rehashing what is essentially a great excuse for the boys to do some batshit crazy things for no particular reason, here’s a breakdown of what these dueling plotlines boil down to:

The gang lobbies for a democracy among the bar owners, which Frank shoots down because they get too emotional and angry about everything. Unsurprisingly, Mac and Charlie spend the rest of the episode getting really emotional about stupid things like the dead dog in the alley and whether or not there should be a crucifix in the bar (Mac says yes, Charlie says no), how large the crucifix should be (Charlie says small, Mac says enormous), and how much blood should be on the crucifix (Charlie says not much, Mac says tons). Sure the whole arc is a gag to get them to argue, but I’m pretty fine with that after the past few plot-driven episodes.

Frank, to no one’s surprise, admits he’s embezzling from the bar, using accounts with fake vendors like Wolf Cola to hide money.

Mac and Charlie try to keep emotion out of their argument of what to do with the dead alley dog and end up sounding like kids with head wounds giving book reports.

Dee spends most of the episode sweating (literally) her confrontation with the IRS, stuck with having to produce sweet baby Barnabus in order to support her deductions. Realizing that she has to produce a baby by 3 PM, she turns to Mac and Charlie for help, who insist that such a request will be no problem.

It’s unclear why they are still courting Dee’s lime vote, considering Charlie wants big and Mac wants small, but for some reason they continue working in tandem to get Dee her “baby.”

Realizing that she can’t produce a baby for the IRS, Dennis suggests that rather than try to prove the baby is alive, that Dee prove it’s dead.

With a baby funeral.

For a fake baby.

It doesn’t really pop in the context of the show, but it’s hard to imagine anything more dark or twisted than a funeral for a fake baby. It’s also a testament to Sunny that they can incorporate it into the show with not so much as a raised eyebrow. It’s only in retelling the scene that I realize how completely morally bankrupt it is.

Caitlin Olsen’s physical comedy chops once again rate an A+ during her attempted fake eulogy with real chili pepper in her eyes. I don’t believe she’s actually in pain, but she does make me laugh.

The baby is revealed to be the dead alley dog, Dee is up shit creek without a paddle, and the gang unanimously agrees to go back to the old, chaotic way of doing things. This begs the question, “What’s to become of Dee and her IRS problems?”

Next week, my children. Next week.

Questions/Observations:

I started this list thinking that there wouldn’t be much to report, but the casual nature of this episode lent itself to lots of great throwaway gags that certainly warrant mentioning. 

• How did they not give Dee more shit for her scooter?
• Mac is still wearing Tommy Bahama shirts. I’m praying this will close the book on them, but I fear there isn’t much overlap between Tommy Bahama shirt wearers and Sunny viewers.
• Charlie has no idea what to do with his hands while stating his “dead dog” case.
• Lime thickness is a hot-button issue at Paddy’s, in case you thought they didn’t pay attention to detail there.
• It’s a real treat to watch Mac and Charlie get delighted at the notion of “compromise” for the first time.
• Barnabus is two crucifixes and a tape player. Seems about right.
• Why exactly is Mac so passionate about the crucifix? Does it have anything to do with his fierce defense of Charles Grodin? I feel like it might.
• Dee’s eyes bleeding with all the discussion of the crucifix seemed to be a little harder than Sunny normally works for a joke. I think I liked it, but it was a departure.

Quotes:

• “You guys all better eat a dick, cause Sweet Dee beat the system” (said right before the system takes a giant deuce right on Dee’s head)
• “Letters? What is it, 1986? I don’t do letters, lady. I’m all digital.”
• “Reason will prevail!”
• “No, just a short-term baby”
• “Pickles will prevail!”
• I laughed out loud (a rare occurrence) when Mac was asked how big he wanted the crucifix and he responded, “Big…I want it to dominate every conversation.”
• “People don’t trust you, Frank. You’re a piece of shit. And you’re ugly.” It’s funny cause it’s true.
• “I just want the money. And the illusion of power. And puss.”
• “Wolf Cola. It’s the right cola…for closure.”

(Check out Before They Joined The Gang: A Look Back At The Early Work Of The ‘Always Sunny’ Cast)

Justin Long, Kristen Bell, Romany Malco, Fred Armisen, Kailin Olson, and Alexa Vega are all tapped to lend their voices to characters on the show, as are Sunny producers David Hornsby and Rob Rosell. The show revolves around two teen friends who try to do what’s right without any parental figures in the mix.

As long as it took to conceptualize the show, the network doesn’t want to waste any time getting the program to air. It is slated to premiere with Archer‘s return in January of 2012.

In Honor Of Scarlett Johansson: 5 Nude Cell Phone Pics That Need To Be Hacked

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“Dennis and Dee Go On Welfare”

Season 2, Episode 3

Agreeing that free money sounds pretty good, Dennis and Dee decide to apply for welfare. However, there are a few obstacles they need to overcome in order to prove their eligibility. Posing as a recovering crack addict and a mentally retarded person respectively, the siblings learn they need medical documents and a blood test to back their claims. They regroup and smoke crack before taking a blood test. However, they quickly become addicted and end up cleaning toilets for crack money.

“The Gang Exploits A Miracle”

Season 2, Episode 7

When a water stain resembling the Virgin Mary appears at Paddy’s Pub, Frank sees it as a potential goldmine. It isn’t long before the bar is crawling with Holy Rollers eager to be involved with the miracle. Unfortunately, the water stain is later pissed on and the scam is ruined.

“Dennis and Dee’s Mom Is Dead”

Season 3, Episode 3

Dennis inherits his mom’s house after she dies during a botched plastic surgery procedure. His plans to turn it into a party mansion don’t get off the ground so well when the muscular bicep invite is misinterpreted.

Dennis: Darkest thing we have ever done.

On my visit yesterday to the set of “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia,” those were the first lines uttered in the first scene that I observed. As they filmed the episode, the lines were repeated take after take. As a journalist reporting on the show, it’s hard to shake “dark” as my first impression of the upcoming seventh season.

While the cast agreed that the upcoming season’s premiere (on a date TBD in September) was indeed a darker season than some previous, they were not inclined to share specifics. In short order, however, Rob McElhenney was willing to divulge the themes of several episodes, “We’re doing an episode that would be the realistic version of Pretty Woman,” to which he added, in case it was unclear how this played out, “Frank proposes to a prostitute.” So there’s that.

If that’s too crass for your tastes, McElhenney quickly followed up with, “We have one with a child beauty pageant.” The entire cast was extremely forthright with topics for the upcoming season without managing to spoil the surprises. For instance, in a season two look-ahead, they had offered up that Charlie gets into an accident and ends up in a wheelchair without so much as shedding a ray of light on the fact that he becomes Tom Cruise from Born on the Fourth of July while screaming “VIET-GODDAMN-NAM IS WHAT HAPPENED!” So what the beauty pageant entails is anyone’s guess. The only assurance is that it will be conducted with the quiet dignity for which “Sunny” is known.

And, lest you believe the show remains rooted in the secular world, Charlie Day offered assurances that the gang will get philosophical, conveying, “With 2012 coming up, we’re gonna be tackling the apocalypse.” He ominously offered no further details.

The most significant breakthrough of season seven won’t be the end of days or Frank whoring around (again), but something far more unlikely. The gang gets out of Philadelphia. But not too far. They get to the Jersey shore. (The fact that I initially felt compelled to capitalize the “s” in “shore” makes me hate myself.)

“We worked very hard to create an episode” said Glenn Howerton, “that is not an episode about the people from the Jersey Shore.” When asked if that meant that Dennis would not be donning a spray tan,” he responded, “I’m not saying I won’t have a fake tan,” while Kaitlin Olson fired back, “Don’t put words in our mouth.”

While the group agreed to keep at least one big guest star (“Pretty famous guy,” giggled Day. “Rhymes with ‘Osama’.”) close to the vest, they offered up season seven appearances by “The Wire” and”Fringe” star Lance Reddick, Jason Sudekis reprising his role from last year, and Coen brothers staple Jon Polito playing Frank’s brother. Click here and you’ll see why.

We’ll also see a little more from The Waitress (Mary Elizabeth Ellis) than we did last season, which means we can also enjoy seeing more emotional trauma for Charlie. And because their guest stars are seemingly determined by a monkey at a dart board (remember Sinbad and Rob Thomas?), a visit will also be paid by no less than the Kings of Leon. Despite the band’s

While the set visit and the discussion of the episodes touched on some dark topics, the underlying message during the interview, seemed to be “more of the same.” Which, if you’re a “Sunny” fan thus far, is all the good news you’ll really need to get excited for season seven.

But in case it’s not, there’s also this: Rob McElhenney gained fifty pounds to play Mac this season. Why? For the sheer comedy of playing his character as a fat guy. “It’s been disgusting to watch him go through with this adventure,” said Charlie Day. “We were a little on the fence about it for his own personal health and safety,” he added, “but it has definitely made Mac a lot funnier.”

See ya in September.

Rob McElhenney, the creator and star of the FX comedy It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, looks like a man with a child actor’s head. But that’s not the story here.

It’s being reported that McElhenney has purchased a bar in Philadelphia along with his co-star/wife Kaitlin Olson. The plan is to name the grog house after Mac’s Old Towne Tavern, the bar featured in the show. This guy is a genius. Not only does he come out of nowhere to co-create one of the best comedies on television, use that show to get a hot wife, but now he can also pay Danny Devito in beer with low overhead. Genius. (via Eater via Warming Glow)