Screen Junkies » rihanna http://www.screenjunkies.com Movie Reviews & TV Show Reviews Mon, 15 Sep 2014 23:40:14 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 Like Rihanna, Here Are 7 Movie & TV Characters Who Never Learn http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/like-rihanna-here-are-7-movie-characters-who-never-learn/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/like-rihanna-here-are-7-movie-characters-who-never-learn/#comments Wed, 22 Feb 2012 21:32:07 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=245899 They like to walk on the razor's edge.

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Whitney Houston was just buried, but Rihanna is already making it known she’s ready to pick up her mantle of bad decision making. Just a few years after being beaten severely by then-boyfriend Chris Brown, the singer and Battleship actress is now publicly flirting and making music with her ex.

Many maintain that Brown has worked on his anger issues and is trying to turn over a new leaf. However, the fact that he’s had about 75 angry, public outbursts since he beat in a girl’s face paints a contradictory picture.

This is surely part of the publicity machine promoting both artists, and we’re not here to condemn or judge. But at the same time, gross you guys. Why would anyone want to return to a situation that has caused them so much pain? Sometimes temptation is just too strong. As the characters on this list can attest.

Tommy Callahan – Tommy Boy

Tommy Callahan is a character who never learns. From cow-tipping to walking into windows, it takes a lot of effort to get him to open up and welcome some positive changes in his life. His lapsed intelligence is credited to his brain being clogged with malted hops and bong resin, but it goes further back than that, as he frequently ate paint chips and lived beneath power lines.

Harry and Lloyd – Dumb and Dumber

Harry and Lloyd just can’t say no to putting themselves in horrible situations. Throwing out all logic, they’re constantly stumbling through life falling victim to hot peppers, cold poles, and frozen urine. If only they’d spent some time learning from their mistakes, they could avoid the multitude of perilous situations they put themselves in on the day-to-day.

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Lame: 13 Celebrities Hospitalized For “Exhaustion” http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/lame-13-celebrities-hospitalized-for-exhaustion/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/lame-13-celebrities-hospitalized-for-exhaustion/#comments Thu, 26 Jan 2012 15:38:52 +0000 David Dietle http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=243641 I've been Tweeting all day. Take me to the hospital!

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If you have seen any entertainment news at all in the past day and a half, then you know that Demi Moore was just treated for “exhaustion,” a dire condition suffered by rich assholes who have forgotten what stress was like, and now lose their shit when they encounter some. Okay, maybe that was a little harsh; it’s entirely possible that they are simply covering up something embarrassing/illegal with the exhaustion, which is basically the philosophy degree of medical ailments. For instance, Demi probably bent her penis grudge-f*cking Ashton’s replacement, and Tracy Morgan‘s body probably rejected the clean mountain air of Park City, Utah, what with its lack of inhalants and ozone-depleting levels of vaporous Mormonism.

(Update: Turns out Demi was actually hospitalized after huffing nitrous oxide. Really, whip-its? You’re a millionaire, not a 13-year-old boy loitering behind a Missouri Walmart.)

Whyamisotired.com explains “exhaustion” as follows:

Most people feel tired after a busy day, but bona fide medically diagnosed exhaustion is something else entirely. Exhaustion may also be described as fatigue, languidness, lassitude, listlessness, lethargy and languor. Fatigue or exhaustion symptoms are reported by the patient as opposed to being something that is observed by others, which would be a sign instead of a symptom.

Okay, so now I’m more confused than I was, although likely the person writing that was suffering from being retarded.

Demi and Tracy are just the latest to come down with exhaustion. There is a veritable army of celebrities who have checked themselves in to hospitals because life was too tough at the top of a pile of money.

Mariah Carey

Back in 2001, Mariah Carey checked into a hospital because she was tired. I’m sorry, “extreme exhaustion,” which is probably exhaustion dyed bright green, base jumping. She did it again in 2002, and her PR people assured the world that it was because she was overworked, and totally not because she was having psychological problems, which, of course, means she was likely losing her shit. Her PR people apparently come from the school of thought where they think the best way to divert attention from something is to call attention to it. If she had publicly crapped her pants, they would have said she changed her pants due to exhaustion, not because she shat herself on stage.

Selena Gomez

As bad as I would love to rip on her, I will take it easy on Ms. Gomez. First off, she’s just a kid (what is she? 15?), and I do buy that a barely-legal girl who has spent the last several years in front of a camera might actually be malnourished. It’s not like mom set her up to make the best decisions, seeing as how her mom stuck her with freaking Barney when she was 10. That type of thing leads to all kinds of “different” behavior, like dating other girls. Kudos to her mom for being open minded, though. I’m sure Justin will one day make Selena a great wife. Just get the kid a damn cheeseburger.

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8 Movie And TV Characters Who, Like Chris Brown, Don’t Deserve A Second Chance http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/8-movie-characters-who-like-chris-brown-dont-deserve-a-second-chance/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/8-movie-characters-who-like-chris-brown-dont-deserve-a-second-chance/#comments Mon, 23 Jan 2012 21:13:36 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=243338 And probably not a first one, either.

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Good news for people who like inexplicable news: TMZ is speculating that Rihanna and Chris Brown might be rekindling their relationship after they spent a night together at Greystone Manor nightclub in West Hollywood. Chris Brown’s PR rep (most thankless job in the world, btw) issued a statement that they’re not dating and just friends.

After he beat her savagely on the side of the road, you would think that Rihanna couldn’t cut him out of her life fast enough, but there’s no accounting for sentiment, as often the lovelorn wait too long to cut the cord, often causing dire results. Here are just a few such examples in the world of film and television.

Ginger – Casino

Over the course of her relationship with Sam Rothstein, she slept with his best friend, stole towels from his hotel, tied up his child, cheated on him with her pimp ex-boyfriend, then tried to swindle him out of as much money as she could. Frankly, doing one of these things is too much to forgive, especially the towel theft.

She’s hot and infectious, so I can understand why Sam kept coming back to her, exercising infinite patience, but that doesn’t mean it was the right thing to do. He should have kicked her ass to the curb, if not killed her.

Ike – What’s Love Got To Do With It?

Ike may not be fictional, but he is a character in a movie, and he’s plenty abusive, so I have no qualms putting him on this list. He got second chances in spades from wife Tina, with his “I can change, baby” attitude lampooned (hysterically) by Tim Meadows on Saturday Night Live.

Ike was so sinister and shitty that in a 1985 interview, when he was asked about his alleged abuse of ex-wife Tina, he said “Yeah I hit her, but I didn’t hit her more than the average guy beats his wife.” He then went on to restate his position a little differently, in a fashion that would be funnier if it didn’t involve domestic abuse – “Sure, I’ve slapped Tina… There have been times when I punched her to the ground without thinking. But I have never beat her.”

I’m going to the dictionary to make sure I know what “beat” means.

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9 Actresses Hotter Than Rihanna, Esquire’s Sexiest Woman Alive http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/9-actresses-hotter-than-rihanna-esquires-sexiest-woman-alive/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/9-actresses-hotter-than-rihanna-esquires-sexiest-woman-alive/#comments Tue, 11 Oct 2011 18:30:43 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=231993 But would they make good mothers? Just kidding. I don't care.

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Well, well, well; Esquire thinks that Rihanna is the sexiest woman alive. I’m aware that this title is largely subjective, but they are wrong. Don’t get me wrong. She is a “sexy woman alive,” but the “sexiest?” Puh-lease. In Hollywood alone there are nine women that are hotter than Rihanna.

As usual, this list’s contentions are final and non-negotiable. Anyone caught discussing or arguing with the findings here or anywhere else online will have their comments deleted and their Internet privileges suspended.

Hayden Panettiere

Standing only 5’2”, Panattiere serves as this list’s “Shetland hottie.” She might not have Rihanna’s tall grace, but she more than makes up for it by looking like a cute tiny teenager while wearing a cheerleading outfit. She would have appeared higher on this list, but she was romantically involved with boxer Vladimir Klitschko which upsets me for a number of reasons, none of which I’m going to get into in this forum.

Yaya DeCosta

This Tron: Legacy actress finished 3rd in America’s Next Top Model, which springboarded her into acting. She stole a handful of scenes in The Kids Are All Right as Mark Ruffalo’s coworker/eff buddy and appears in the upcoming Justin Timberlake sci-fi crime thriller In Time.

I can’t speak to whether or not whips and chains excite Yaya the way they do Rihanna, but I’m comfortable assuming they do until I hear otherwise.

Minka Kelly

The star of Friday Night Lights and the soon-to-be cancelled (I’m guessing) Charlie’s Angels on ABC can not only face-off against Ms. Umbrella, but emerge victorious. Realizing I know next-to-nothing about Ms. Kelly, I looked her up to find that she was last year’s “Sexiest Woman Alive” winner. How ‘bout that!

She recently broke up with Derek Jeter, so if you think your game is on par with the likes of him, by all means, call her up. I don’t have her phone number, but I’m sure she’s listed.

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Rihanna Gets Even Sexier When Manning A Gatling Gun In ‘Battleship’ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-photos/rihanna-gets-even-sexier-when-manning-a-gatling-gun-in-battleship/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-photos/rihanna-gets-even-sexier-when-manning-a-gatling-gun-in-battleship/#comments Sat, 06 Aug 2011 00:42:41 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=223776 She can "shoot me with her cannon" anytime. Actually, no. That would kill me.

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Reaction to Battleship, both the concept and the trailer has been mixed, but there is one constant that warring factions can agree upon. Rihanna gets 7,343% hotter when she stands behind a rotary cannon and wears camouflage. You can’t argue with math. You can try, but you’ll fail.

In her feature debut, Rihanna will be playing a hot army girl that fires giant guns. That’s not what IMDB says, but there can be two right answers to some questions. Here’s the pic, which also answers the age old question, “Which pop star can breath life into the thinnest of premises and make me forget that this is a $200 million film starring Taylor Kitsch based on a board game?” (*Answer at the bottom of the post)

*Answer: Rihanna

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Rihanna Says She Doesn’t Need A Bodyguard http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/rihanna-says-she-doesnt-need-a-bodyguard/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/rihanna-says-she-doesnt-need-a-bodyguard/#comments Thu, 10 Mar 2011 19:39:28 +0000 Joseph Gibson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=200927 Rihanna is too young for Kevin Costner anyway.

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Singer/I guess actress Rihanna might have had some tangles with violent men in the past, but that doesn’t mean she needs the upcoming remake of the Kevin Costner/Whitney Houston film The Bodyguard to keep her safe. Go girl, you, etc:

“I hate it when singers do singing movies all the time, because you can never look at them as anybody else. I want to play a character, my whole life is playing Rihanna, being a singer won’t be a stretch for me.”

All snark aside, I think it’s pretty cool of Rihanna to have an artistically principled stand like this. Which will make it all the more disappointing when she ends up playing second lead in Fat Mailman 2 or something. But for now, way to go Rihanna. (via Hitfix)

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Cameron Criticizes ‘Battleship’ Story, Obviously Hasn’t Seen ‘Avatar’ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/cameron-criticizes-battleship-story-obviously-hasnt-seen-avatar/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/cameron-criticizes-battleship-story-obviously-hasnt-seen-avatar/#comments Mon, 10 Jan 2011 21:54:10 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=15094 James Cameron, the only guy with any original ideas in Hollywood, has thrown the proposed Battleship movie under the bus in a recent German interview.

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James Cameron, the only guy with any original ideas in Hollywood, has thrown the proposed Battleship movie under the bus in a recent German interview, coming to us from Moviefone. In a brief rant, he chides Universal and their $200 million Battleship plans for essentially being derivative and awful. Of course, it’s possible that Universal wasn’t willing to exercise Cameron-like patience and wait around for 12 years between projects, because that’s not always a viable business model.

He stopped short of predicting it would be a nightmarish mash-up of special effects and thin plots, ’cause, you know, glass houses and whatnot, but he does go on about how Hollywood puts too much of a premium on established brands and not enough on creating new ones. He seems to (consciously or not) overlook the fact that respected helmer Peter Berg is running the Battleship circus, which throws a little more credibility behind the production of a big-budget feature based on a simplistic board game. (The fact that Rihanna and Brooklyn Decker are also on board is another story altogether.) His words may have had more gravity if he had cited a Michael Bay movie, but Transformers movies only come out every nine months or so, and Cameron didn’t want to wait that long to let his feelings be known.

Cameron summed up his point nicely, saying, “They want to make the Battleship game into a film… This is pure desperation.” Says the gentleman whose next two projects are Avatar 2 and Avatar 3.

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The Long Wait Is Over: First Look At Rihanna In ‘Battleship’ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/the-long-wait-is-over-first-look-at-rihanna-in-battleship/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/the-long-wait-is-over-first-look-at-rihanna-in-battleship/#comments Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000 "That dog musta been sick." Here's the first look from Peter Berg's perplexing Battleship adaptation of Rihanna dressed like one of those guys that hang out at the mall trying to recruit poor people into combat. I still find it really odd that she joined the cast, which includes Taylor Kitsch, Brooklyn Decker, and Alexander Skarsgard. Then again, I find it really odd this movie is being made. But what strikes me as most odd is this thing standing next to Rihanna. Didn't E.T. dress up as that once? (via Movieline)

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"That dog musta been sick."

Here’s the first look from Peter Berg‘s perplexing Battleship adaptation of Rihanna dressed like one of those guys that hang out at the mall trying to recruit poor people into combat. I still find it really odd that she joined the cast, which includes Taylor Kitsch, Brooklyn Decker, and Alexander Skarsgard. Then again, I find it really odd this movie is being made. But what strikes me as most odd is this thing standing next to Rihanna. Didn’t E.T. dress up as that once?

(via Movieline)

 

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Rihanna Joins Cast of ‘Battleship’ Because at This Point, Why the Hell Not? http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/rihanna-joins-cast-of-battleship-because-at-this-point-why-the-hell-not/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/rihanna-joins-cast-of-battleship-because-at-this-point-why-the-hell-not/#comments Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000 I smell Oscar! If you're already making a movie out of a grid-based board game, and you've already decided to add an extraterrestrial element for no apparent reason, why in the hell wouldn't you throw a popular female R'n'B singer into the mix? Empire Online is reporting that Rihanna will make her feature film debut in Peter Berg's Battleship. The singer will join Alexander Skarsgard and Taylor Kitsch who have already signed on to the project, for some reason. Not to be outdone, Rihanna's ex-boyfriend, singer Chris Brown, has announced plans to star in an off-Broadway production of Connect Four: The Musical. Will it prove as successful? Only time will tell.

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I smell Oscar!

If you’re already making a movie out of a grid-based board game, and you’ve already decided to add an extraterrestrial element for no apparent reason, why in the hell wouldn’t you throw a popular female R’n'B singer into the mix?

Empire Online is reporting that Rihanna will make her feature film debut in Peter Berg‘s Battleship. The singer will join Alexander Skarsgard and Taylor Kitsch who have already signed on to the project, for some reason.

Not to be outdone, Rihanna’s ex-boyfriend, singer Chris Brown, has announced plans to star in an off-Broadway production of Connect Four: The Musical. Will it prove as successful? Only time will tell.

 

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