Screen Junkies » Republican http://www.screenjunkies.com Movie Reviews & TV Show Reviews Thu, 21 Aug 2014 22:32:49 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 C-SPAN Investigates: Does Mitt Romney Have A Big Penis? http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/c-span-investigates-how-big-is-mitt-romneys-penis/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/c-span-investigates-how-big-is-mitt-romneys-penis/#comments Wed, 18 Jan 2012 14:09:40 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=video&p=242781 Asking for a friend.

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While covering the race for the Republican ticket, C-SPAN has been overwhelmed by callers who want to cut through the rhetoric and get down to the real issue. Just exactly how big is Mitt Romney’s penis? The broad-shouldered candidate stands at a height of 6’2″, so it’s certain to be impressive. I’m not saying that Mitt Romney‘s penis measures up to Barack Obama‘s but I’d wager to guess he’s somewhere in John Kerry territory.

So why is C-SPAN ignoring this issue? This refusal to give us well-rounded profiles on each candidate proves that their coverage of the election is in no way fair. It’s not like the American people can just go ask Romney. He’ll overembellish. You really can’t trust a politician.

Also, kudos to the prank caller for his New Hampshire accent. Nailed it. (MediaLite)

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9 Actors Who Could Play Ron Paul http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/9-actors-who-could-play-ron-paul/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/9-actors-who-could-play-ron-paul/#comments Tue, 03 Jan 2012 18:32:57 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=241230 Any of these guys could Restore America, provided no federal funding is involved.

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When the biopic of Ron Paul’s life is inevitably made by independent producers, it shouldn’t be too difficult to cast him. Assuming that Andy Serkis isn’t available, there’s still a lot that can be done with make-up and computer-generated wizardry. A bulbous nose here, some fuzzy eyebrows there and, viola, instant Ron Paul. Should money be an issue, here are nine actors that could play the part and still turn in a powerhouse performance.

Ian McKellan

The hands down best choice for the role is Sir Ian McKellan. Not only do they share a physical resemblance, but McKellan is an amazing actor that audiences sympathize with even when he’s doing evil things like playing a Nazi or hooking Anna Paquin up to the Statue of Liberty’s laser gyroscope. This is an important quality to have if you want to rely on a battery of attack ads.

Tigger

Probably the most accomplished performer on this list, Tigger has proven himself a box office draw time and time again. Tigger’s career spans over sixty years and he still remains a favorite with kids and adults alike. BUT his works is a little childish. We get it. He likes to bounce. He’s a very physical performer but it’s time that this tiger find a role he can really sink his teeth into. Surely he must be eager to prove he’s also nimble as a dramatic actor. If only Disney would release him from his contract.

Fred Astaire

This one could be a bit tricky. Fred Astaire passed away in 1987 but Hollywood has come a long way since then. Computers today could easily render a Fred Astaire composite to tell the story of Paul‘s race for the presidency. But if they’re going to go to all that trouble, they could just as easily render a composite of Paul himself. Wouldn’t bring in the Broadway crowd though…

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9 Movie and TV Candidates Better Than The GOP Field http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/9-movies-and-tv-candidates-better-than-the-gop-field/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/9-movies-and-tv-candidates-better-than-the-gop-field/#comments Tue, 03 Jan 2012 15:37:31 +0000 Nicholas Pell http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=241124 Suck my caucus.

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It’s that time again. Vermin of all kind of descended upon the simple state of Iowa, shilling snake oil, false promises and thinly veiled bigotry. That’s right, it’s time for the Iowa Republican Caucuses. This year’s field is particularly awful, including Ron Paul’s strong white nationalist campaign, Mitt Romney’s magic undies, a frothy mix known as Rick Santorum and more ex-Gingrich wives than you can shake a stick at. Movies and television provide us with better candidates than this, which is why I’ll be sitting at home tonight (that, and the fact that I don’t live in Iowa). Here are just a few people I’d prefer to anyone in the current GOP field.

Ralph Wiggum – The Simpsons

Ah yes, Ralph Wiggum. The creepy child of Chief Clancy Wiggum. You might not remember the Springfield Primary skyrocketed young Master Wiggum to political center stage. On the strength of the important so-called “Yellow Primary,” Wiggum was able to secure the nomination of both major political parties. Still, we’ll never know what might have happened with Wiggum at the helm. His bipartisan style is still a model for those seeking to unite the country around a common program.

Greg Stilson – The Dead Zone

I’m most definitely not talking about the boring TV show with the nerd from The Breakfast Club. In fact, I’m going to go on record as saying that The Breakfast Club sucks and the presence of a cast member is a bad, bad sign. But, anyway, the original film The Dead Zone comes from a land of perfectness and awesome. David Cronenberg? Check. Christopher Walken? Check. Mostly faithful adaptation of a boss Stephen King novel? Check. Total downer of an ending? Check. Stilson was to be the president who presides over nuclear holocaust, so it’s pretty awesome that Johnny got him to use a kid as a human shield. Still, I’d prefer him to the current candidates.

Robert Redford – The Watchmen

In The Watchman comic, Robert Redford threw his hat in the ring against Richard Nixon in 1988. After five terms of Dick in office, America was ready for a change. It was that or the giant squid monster or whatever the hell that thing is at the end. Apparently some things never change and one of those things is America deciding it wants a cowboy actor running its affairs.

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