Deadline reports that the story will be set in the 1960′s so we at least don’t have to worry about the characters interacting with the modern world and discovering gangsta rap.

I think we should give it a shot and see what develops though it’s understandable that this news might set you off if you’re a fan of the original sitcom. However to put things in perspective, a few years ago Bow Wow would have been a viable casting option to play JJ. Dodged a bullet here.

Sony Pictures Animation has picked up the movie rights to Manimal, a short-lived 1983 NBC series, and is developing the project as a live action/CG hybrid film.
…
Manimal followed Dr. Jonathan Chase, a wealthy doctor with a mysterious past, who morphed into animals in order to help the police fight crime.
The show, which starred Brit Simon MacCorkindale and Melody Anderson (who played Dale Arden in the 1980 movie Flash Gordon), was slaughtered by critics and trounced when it aired in 1983 opposite Dallas, then a ratings juggernaut. It was canceled after just eight episodes.

If my words were the cause for this, I’m truly sorry. Now you’re going to have to see Bill Hader morph into a jaguar or something. And that’s only if we get lucky and they go the comedy route.

Adding to the humor is the fact that Zabielski is a “reserve police officer” in West Hollywood, meaning he probably tells people to cover up during Pride Week, and may or may not be the guy that gives my friends parking tickets when they come over to visit.

What else is known about the reboot, which has been looming over us like a blimp filled with cow shit since it was announced in 2010?

It will stick to the formula of ragtag civilians who become cops, and will almost certainly consist of a collection of bizarre scenes that can be played in any order without affecting the story one iota. According to a producer, it will also “probably retain the wonderful theme music.”

Can we just assume that McLovin has already been cast in this?

Dry County Entertainment is planning a remake of Roger Corman‘s 1980′s horror flick that saw teenagers locked in a mall fighting for survival against high-tech security robots. Production is scheduled to begin in the spring, but it seems the project will be similar in name only. Dry County owner, Robert Hall, explains, “It will retain the basic concept of young people trapped in a mall; however, the story will have a darker, supernatural spin.”

In other words, robots are too expensive. I just hope this darker, supernatural spin will still involve heads exploding from laser fire. You can’t have Chopping Mall without that. (Variety)

Fear Factor’s return is another example of this logic.

No details have been given about the return of the campy 1960′s sitcom, other than it will envisioned as an hour-long drama. Oh, so it will be like American Horror Story or True Blood. Hmmm. Maybe people will just keep watching the originals and not the neutered spinoffs. At least, that was the fate that Playboy Club met.

Whatever. This is horrible idea that no one is excited about. Here are my casting thoughts:

Hermann – Joel McHale

Grandpa – Alan Alda

Lilly – Evangeline Lily

Eddie – Zac Efron‘s developmentally disabled brother, Uggo.

Marilyn – Raven Symone

That is the plot 0f 1950′s TV show Mr. Ed, which revolved around a horse owner (Wilbur) and a horse (the titular Mr. Ed). As best I can tell, nothing else interesting happened. The guy kind of lived a boring life, then he would come home and talk to his horse.

If you have no idea or interest in what I’m talking about right now, get ready to have your mind blown all over your face.

Mr. Ed is going to be a feature film.

If you’re like me, your brain is probably hemorrhaging with questions like:

• Will the horse be CGI?
• If the horse IS CGI, what kind of sunglasses will they have it wear to give it “edge?”
• Who will play Wilbur? Will it be Steve Carell or Steve Carell?
• Why does God continually shit on film enthusiasts by allowing the people responsible for these remakes to walk unpunished?
• How many “PETA” jokes will the horse crack?
• Will the horse benignly flirt with a hot girl in the film?
• If the horse DOES flirt with a hot girl, will the producers take things a step further by showing the horse f***ing the girl?

Can we just start by talking about Swayze? This cigarette-chomping centerpiece of Point Break is one of few actors to successfully unite the roles of heartthrob and legit bad ass. The Point Break remake was originally a sequel, something we can be cautiously optimistic about. Apparently Warner Bros. couldn’t wait until his corpse was cold to start violating it. It doesn’t matter who you get, WB — they won’t be Swayze.

It’s Already Licensed

They haven’t just made plans for a film. Warner Bros. has already licensed the film for television and games. Get ready for a sub-par USA Network weekly starring Matthew Lillard and Jamie Kennedy and an MMORPG where you can decide which ex-president you want to be.

Ex-Presidents

Not to put too fine a point on it, but the idea of bank robbers in Bill Clinton and George (H.)W. Bush masks is… well, stupid. Part of the charm of the original is the sheer Americana of the masks. Nixon, Reagan and Johnson are defining men of an era. While this is also true of Clinton and Bush the younger, it’s hard to see a man in a Bubba mask being anything other than comical, even when he’s holding a gun in your face.

The Last House on the Left

Fans of Wes Craven‘s super-violent The Last House on the Left were pretty pissed to hear that the classic was being updated, but everyone was pretty stoked when the film was released. Director Dennis Iladis delivered a film that hung onto what was great about the original and lost what was crappy comic relief to deliver a really brutal film.

The Crazies

The Crazies remake is fantastic. With awesome make-up effects and really inventive plot turns, it’s a movie that just keeps giving you more without getting dull or derivative. It’s actually like six movies in one that blend together without feeling scattered. That’s not easy to do when dealing with zombie rednecks.

Dawn of the Dead

Like The Crazies, this is another George Romero update that stands well on its own. The script from James Gunn is terrifying, action-packed, and also effectively funny when needed. It was the world’s first glimpse of what Zack Snyder is capable of, and in my opinion, his best work. Very creepy and very cool.

An excited Doug Belgrad, president of Columbia Pictures, seems eager to begin work on the new Annie:

“The time is right to bring back ANNIE to the big screen. Of course, we’re true believers in Willow‘s talent and believe she will be perfect in this role.”Combining Willow with the Overbrook team that reimagined Karate Kid and the spectacular JAY-Z makes this a dream project.  A decade ago, JAY-Z proved that the power of the underlying Broadway property remains, by showing how these songs could be reinterpreted for a new generation with Hard-Knock Life. We couldn’t be more thrilled to be working with our friends at Overbrook as they launch this new venture.”

This new partnership could be gigantic for all parties involved, especially Smith’s children, Willow and Jaden. Until they reach adolescence, they’ll be able to act in remakes of beloved family classics for years to come. I know I’m looking forward to new versions of Goonies, Rookie of the Year, Babes In Toyland, Home Alone, and of course, Sharkboy and Lavagirl in 3D. (Deadline)

The original About Last Night starred Rob Lowe and Demi Moore, and concerned a couple who begin dating even though their friends disapprove. Sounds like literally every single one of my relationships. I’m not crying I just have something in my eye! (Variety)

I’ve got some good news and some bad news. Good news is that Jennifer Lopez is finally going to suffer the head trauma we’ve all been wishing upon her. Bad news is that it’s going to be fake movie head trauma. From THR:

Jennifer Lopez is in talks to star in the remake of the romantic comedy "Overboard," which Overbrook is producing for Columbia.

The 1987 movie, which starred Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn and was directed by Garry Marshall, centered on a snooty, spoiled woman who falls off her yacht and in taken to the hospital by a local, morally challenged carpenter. When she wakes up with amnesia, he convinces her she is his wife, thereby getting a free housekeeper for his four boys.

Putting laugh-a-minute Lopez in a comedy is a great idea because that always turns out so well. But I don’t see her becoming this character. Sure, the snooty, spoiled part should be old hat for her but the housekeeping? This will be the first time that Hollywood employs a stunt double to vacuum. (THR)

Tron: Legacy director Joseph Kosinski is looking to bang out another popular science-fiction film and he’s spilled a load of details about how he intends to fill The Black Hole. The film won’t be a sequel a la Tron or an exact do-over either. Kosinski is looking to re-imagine the film by keeping the iconic moments that come to mind but also wants to jam this Hole full of hard science. And he promises not to blow it out. Says Kosinski:

"I saw The Black Hole as a little kid. What sticks out most is the robot Maximilian. The blades and the vicious killing of Anthony Perkins. That freaked me out and that’s definitely going to be an element that will be preserved. From a conceptual point of view, we know so much more about black holes now, the crazy things that go on as you approach them due to the intense gravitational pull and the effects on time and space. All that could provide us with some really cool film if we embrace it in a hard science way."

This sounds like one of those pornos that will be informative as well. And I’m ready to learn. **unfastens pants** (MTV)

After acquiring the rights to Mortal Kombat this past summer, Warner Bros. is moving ahead with a new film version of the once popular video game. The game tells the story of an ultra-violentfighting tournament, the outcome of which decides Earth’s fate. 2009 blacklist screenwriter Oren Uziel is in talks to flush away his new-found credibility by penning the script.  Not to be a cynic but this seems like a tough one to inject with any real character or emotion. Let’s not forget that this is a series built upon ninjas raining from the sky, punching monsters in the nads, pulling out spines, and cybernetic arms. All qualities that make for a great Japanese film, but over here they just lack nuance. (Bloody Disgusting)

Director: Joe Carnahan

Cast: Bradley Cooper (Rumored), Common (Rumored)

Synopsis: Four disgraced war veterans escape from military prison, deciding to become a mercenary group that does good deeds.  Based on the popular 80s television show.

Genre: Action

Release Date: 2010

/Film reports that despite the upcoming Jekyll film project starring Keanu Reeves, Bad Lieutenant director Abel Ferrara is moving forward with his own retelling of the classic tale. Jekyll and Hyde is set to star Forest Whitaker and 50 Cent as the cursed doctor in a contemporary retelling. Clearly they missed the boat on casting. 50 Cent as Mr. Hyde? They should have cast Mike Tyson. Wouldn’t even need no make-up.

Check out some more of these morning headlines.

Lost Season 5: Hurley’s Greatest Hits. (io9)

Hanging With Mr. Danza. (NY Post)

Fright Night to be remade, more frightening. (Empire)

Toy Story 3 crosses over Up. (MTV)

Expendables reveils tough new artwork. Grrr. *cough cough* Ouch. I pulled something. (Latino Review)

“Star Trek” has been lying on the emergency room table for a good 10 years now, finally flat-lining with the ultra-flop “Nemesis” back in 2003, and then being confirmed dead when the pitiable TV series “Enterprise” was cancelled in 2005.  After having overcome cancellation, diminishing box office returns, and an increasingly maligned mythology onl taken seriously by hardcore fanboys, “Star Trek” looked like it had finally breathed its last  Enter JJ Abrams, who has retooled, rebooted, and re-energized this franchise into a slick, hip, action-packed and character-driven summer blockbuster that will bring in much-needed new fans and please plenty of hard-to-satisfy Trekkies.  The hardcore fans won’t be happy, but then again, are they ever?

The Plot in 13 Words
The Enterprise must once again save the planet in two hours, oh no!

Where’s Spock?
Right from the first scene, Abrams proves he knows Trek, by giving us a banquet of exploding, slam-bang action that the series has never seen before – a massive ship with huge metallic claws emerges from the maw of a gaping black hole vortex, captained by the Romulan Nero, who demands the awaiting starship USS Kelvin of Spock’s whereabouts.  Kelvin’s captain is one Kirk, a Kirk who doesn’t know who Spock is, and after a crackling, exploding space battle, they quickly find they are no match for the Romulan vessel.  Kirk sacrifices himself by sending the ship hurtling towards the vessel after escape pods have been jettisoned, one of them containing his wife in labor and his son.  Before the ship crashes into Nero’s, he has time to hear his new son’s name: James T. Kirk.

“I dare you to do better.”
Over the next forty minutes or so the movie follows Kirk in his rebellious youth as he wastes away most of his life getting in bar fights and driving cars off cliffs.  Captain Pike, who was an officer aboard the Kelvin, is now captain of the Enterprise, and he gives a stirring destiny speech to Kirk.  “Your father was captain of a starship for twelve minutes.  He saved 800 lives.  I dare you to do better.”  This is a strong, solid set-up for Kirk’s character and provides believable motivation for him to enlist in Starfleet.  Chris Pine gives Kirk a snide, cocky, self-assured gait and look that slowly hardens into confident experience tempered by just a dash of humility.  There’s a bit of the Shat visible in there, too, but it’s not an imitation; it’s its own performance and succeeds on its own right.  Not to mention his chemistry with Zachary Quinto as Spock, a relationship crucial to the franchise and crippling to the movie if it had chosen the wrong guys to play these two icons. 

Sylar Spock
They didn’t.  Just like everyone knew he would, Quinto (from TV’s Heroes) channels the cold, logical-yet-emotional face of Spock nigh-on perfectly.  He’s a bit more rough around the edges here; an occasional smile even sneaks in, and he has more outbursts in the movie than Spock had in all six of the original ones.  However, it makes much more sense this way; we first see Spock in a tender and funny scene at around age eight, as he is taunted, logically of course, by some older Vulcan boys about being half-human.  It’s a dichotomy that Spock has to struggle with his whole life, and it makes sense that he wouldn’t have the wisdom, and completely emotionless expression down quite yet.  The next few movies in the franchise will be the true test of Quinto’s skills.  Not that they aren’t on excellent display here, along with the rest of the cast, all working together in humming harmony even if there are a few hiccups, which can easily be forgiven, this being basically the first entry in the franchise.

Meet the crew
Let’s begin with Karl Urban as McCoy, who comes closer to an actual impression of the original actor than anybody else.  The classic Bones drawl is there, and a pleasant surprise is that the old Bones-Spock banter is back too.  Zoe Saldana as Uhura is hot, young, and sexy, and a pretty good pick for a fresh-out-of-the-academy Uhura.  She’s a much stronger character here than she was in the original series, and she has more sass and pizzazz too.  She can’t quite pin down the regal yet smokin’ hot thing Uhura had going on in her too-short Starfleet uniform, though.  John Cho (yes, stoner Harold) is Sulu, a fencing champ and rookie pilot of the Enterprise.  With what little screen time he’s given, Cho proves he can play action drama just as well as stoner comedy. Anton Yelchin plays a young, blubbering, just barely out-of-his-teens Pavel Chekov, but he comes too close to annoying for comfort sometimes, and his character seems only to rely on how many times he can make his accent seem funny.  Then there’s Simon Pegg acting very Simon Pegg-y as the ship’s engineer, Scotty, in this universe’s scenario a Starfleet officer assigned to some off-world barren planet as an engineer.  Pegg’s hard not to like, though, and his take on Scotty is fresh and different, while still managing to retain some of the charm that made James Doohan’s role so iconic.

Back to the future again…?
The whole plot revolves a well-worn Trek device: time travel.  Since most everything else about the movie manages to break all that’s old and dreary about the franchise into a fresh new light, it’s odd that this obviously over-used plot device should be what Abrams chose to re-ignite Star Trek into the next generation – until you see the way it’s used in the movie.  Without giving anything away, Abrams manages to twist the conventional into something new and surprising that manages, in many ways, to have its cake and eat it too.  The one other glaring weakness of the film is the villain – a one-dimensional angry sociopath valiantly played by Eric Bana.  His bad character development him more of a placeholder than an actual threatening figure, but that’s a small complaining, as he provides just enough awe and menace and to serve as a fearsome villain for one movie.

What I Thought
Combined with the acting, character development, and special effects, the script works in balancing out the above weaknesses with yet more Trekkie wealth; the movie is peppered with a couple dozen references to Trek history, from the time travel discussion between Spock and Bones in The Voyage Home, to Kirk and Kahn’s classic conflict, to a red suit being the first to go up in flames on an away mission.  The movie never gets too in-jokey enough to alienate newcomers – the references are worked into the storyline so that they’re just part of the world, not glaring winks.  In the end, it’s an extremely clever movie that is exactly what this franchise needs to get back on its feet – a movie that loves its predecessors just as much as its fans do, but knows that in order to honor them, changes must be made, and drastic ones.  This installment easily ranks in the top three or four of the series, and hopefully this solid platform will be a good jumping off point for Abrams to really blow our minds in the next flick.  It used to be that if you suggested to someone that you go see the latest Star Trek, they’d look at you like you were some kind of twisted geek and ask you on which couch in your mom’s basement you slept. (The green one.) The change that they’ve put Star Trek through is staggering, and even more so when you realize how much it still feels like the same crew, flying that same starship, disappearing into that same pinpoint of light in the night sky, a voice floating over the stars, ethereally familiar and yet heralding a whole new era.  “Space.  The final frontier…”

I give it an 8/10.

– THOMAS ANDERSON

CHECK OUT THESE ‘TREK BABES:

Zoe Saldana

Winona Ryder