The film, which stars Tom Hardy, Chris Pine, and Reese Witherspoon as spies or assassins or something, was originally pushed UP a month so that amorous couples could go see a mildly violent romantic action comedy after delighting in unlimited soup, salad, and breadsticks at Olive Garden (’cause when you’re there, you’re family). However, the studio has flinched in the face of The Vow, which stars Channing Tatum and Rachel McAdams in a Nicholas Sparks adaptation.

Either way is fine by me, as my girlfriend gets very turned on by women with really sharp facial features, so regardless of whether it’s McAdams or Witherspoon, I’m getting some ass come February 14th.

Cast: Reese Witherspoon, Chris Pine and Tom Hardy

Synopsis: Two top CIA operatives wage an epic battle against one another after they discover they are dating the same woman.

Release Date: February 14, 2012

McConaughey will play a fugitive named Mud who befriends a weird 14 year-old kid (Tye Sheridan) that is hell-bent on seeing Mud escape the law, while Witherspoon will play Mud’s love, with whom he is desperate to reunite. Variety is reporting the film to be a “coming-of-age drama” in the style of Stand by Me. Although it’s not specified, I think the combo of these two and the fugitive storyline lead me to believe that this film just might take place in the South. Spitballin’ here.

McConaughey is on a bit of an indie tear as of late, having wrapped on Bernie and Killer Joe and currently filming The Paperboy. Witherspoon is still doing a whole mess of mainstream studio stuff, but, hey, that’s okay too.

Wish List tells the story of a girl who throws a coin down a well and makes ten wishes. The coin doesn’t make it to the bottom, so she grows up to the age of thirty-something, only to find that one day, the coin does make its way to the bottom, instantly granting her adult self all the wishes she made as a child. If I have a girlfriend when this thing comes out, I’m gonna see it. If I don’t, I’m going to discreetly Netflix it when it comes out on DVD. (Deadline)

7 photosReese Witherspoon

Gary Foster (“The Soloist”) will produce alongside Witherspoon. (Variety)

Water for Elephants has great production value. It’s a period piece that takes you back to Depression era circus road shows like old time Hollywood productions. It’s also just like all the other historical epic romances. Coming of age, forbidden romance, oppressive older generation and present day bookends because nobody thinks they can just start the story in the past.

Jacob Jankowsky (Hal Hobrook and then Robert Pattinson) wanders up to a closed circus in present day and starts telling the story of how he remembered the great Benzini Bros. tragedy of 1931. Back in ’31, Jacob (Pattinson now) had everything going for him, about to graduate Cornell veterinary school, until his parents die in an automobile accident.

The banker is blatantly insensitive, criticizing Jacob’s generous father for helping people without pay. That’ll teach him to put a lien on his business for his son’s tuition. Jacob hops a train that happens to be the Benzini Brothers’. August (Christoph Waltz) gives Jacob a Training Day about the circus, only it’s over the course of the movie so it’s not really a Day.

August’s wife Marlena (Reese Witherspoon) is the star performer, an acrobat who works with the horse Silver Star. Jacob’s first act as circus vet is to put Silver Star down, so he bonds with Marlena over that heartbreak. Marlena already hates her husband, and rightfully so because he’s abusive, but it’s just artificially constructing a “forbidden” love. Except for a mutual affection for animals, Marlena and Jacob don’t have any real connection. They’re just there to be the romance.

Every theme in the movie is spelled out for you. The college boy has no real world experience. The boss works people and animals to death, literally. Did you forget the bookend with old Jacob? There’s a tragedy coming too.

To replace Silver Star, August buys Rosie the elephant. Rosie does some amazing stunts in one take, some with Witherspoon doing acrobatics herself. It’s just dressing up a domestic abuse story. August gets violent with Rosie and then cries apologetically. Jacob tries to save Marlena like she’s Rose in Titanic. Still, when Jacob threatens August’s life, I never for a moment believed he was going to go there.

By the time we see the tragic circus disaster, it’s revealed already in progress which is an interesting way to present it. Water for Elephants actually has the ending I wanted Titanic to have, but no, I never wanted it as saccharin as the final bookend makes it.

Director: Francis Lawrence

Cast: Reese Witherspoon, Robert Pattinson, Christopher Waltz, Hal Holbrook

Synopsis: A veterinary student abandons his studies after his parents are killed and joins a traveling circus as their vet.

Release Date: April 22, 2011

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

Disney has changed the release date of the new Pixar movie The Brave to June 22nd, pitting the film against the much buzzed about out AL:VH, which has a nice lookin’ acronym. Pixar films always suck serious blood at the box office, and I don’t think there’s a Pixar movie that hasn’t opened at #1 in wide release. Those cartoon guys don’t shit around.

However, The Brave – which stars the highly distinctive voices of Reese Witherspoon and Emma Thompson – may have a flaw in its CG armor. The film was supposed to be directed by Brenda Chapman (The Prince of Egypt), who would have been Pixar’s first female director. Mid-way through, Pixar Boys Club member Mark Andrews (“One Man Band” short) took the reigns.

Even so, Lincoln‘s chances of beating The Brave are as likely as the old South being like, “yeah, we’ll give up our slaves. No problemo, Aberino.” (TheWrap)

Here’s another trailer for the Robert Pattinson / Reese Witherspoon romantic period drama Water For Elephants. In the trailer, we see that Pattinson’s parents both die suddenly, so naturally my first reaction was, “does he become a Batman?” Sadly, no. The would-be doctor joins the circus, makes the wife of the circus boss (Witherspoon) a Team Edward die-hard and trouble ensues. Director Francis Lawrence (I Am Legend) helmed the adaptation of author Sara Gruen’s book.

Water For Elephants drives its clown car into theaters April 22nd. Will Twilight fans in theaters scream “Bella” every time Pattinson kisses Witherspoon? It’s a risk I’m not interested in taking.

If you’ve ever thought, “it’d be fun to beat the shit out of Robert Pattinson,” you’ll be jealous of a few lucky actors cast in Water For Elephants. Directed by Francis Lawrence’s (I Am Legend), co-starring Reese Witherspoon, Pattinson tells an Entertainment Tonight reporter (ugh) that he’s gonna get his sparkly vampire butt kicked in the film.

Anytime there’s any sort of love scene or anything, I always end up getting beaten up… Our most romantic moment [in the movie] is me getting beaten up by about ten guys.

If you can withstand the full-on “glitz” of ET – I literally cringed all the way through – you can see the whole interview above.

If you’d rather see Legally Blonde get into a cat fight, that may or may not happen to Pattinson’s new love interest in the movie. However, in real life, hundreds of crazy Team Edward tweens are probably waiting for Witherspoon to let her guard down in a parking lot, where they will mercilessly pounce on her, attempt to suck her blood, then get tazed by her bodyguard, who was just in the Starbucks for, like, a second.

Below is the synopsis for Water For Elephants, stampeding over Pattinson and into theaters soon. (Collider)

Veterinary school student Jacob (Pattinson) meets and falls in love with Marlena (Witherspoon), a star performer in a circus of a bygone era. They discover beauty amidst the world of the Big Top, and come together through their compassion for a special elephant. Against all odds – including the wrath of Marlena’s charismatic but dangerous husband, August (Christopher Waltz) – Jacob and Marlena find lifelong love.

I still like James L. Brooks movies. He lost most people after Spanglish so they probably won’t like How Do You Know either, but I appreciate a romantic comedy where people talk about what’s actually going on. To me that’s smart.

Lisa (Reese Witherspoon) is a star baseball player cut from the USA team. She moves in with Matty (Owen Wilson), a womanizing MLB player. George (Paul Rudd) is a businessman getting in trouble with the government (they explained all the details and it’s as convoluted as real business, so it’s probably accurate). His father Charles (Jack Nicholson), who put George in charge, tries to manage the scandal in his “Jack” kind of way.

Doesn’t sound like a whole lot, because it’s just a movie about people relating to each other. Lisa and George just meet each other at bad moments in their lives and that makes the time spent interesting. There’s no constructed encounter where polar opposites have to work together.

Lisa is definitely a woman written by a man. She’s so in touch with her feelings, she articulates exactly where she is in a given moment to make good decisions. She even tells herself to be honest with herself while making mistakes so at least she gets a takeaway from the experience. Brooks forgot to take away reason and accountability this time.

George and Lisa ordering drinks reveals each characters’ perspective. She doesn’t need the crutch and her frustration totally stops his neurosis. Just don’t indulge it. George still does indulge and keeps announcing he has a thought throughout the movie. Thankfully, this is a movie where empty words don’t work. He’s got to get to a real place.

Other than George, it feels like people are talking to try to communicate, not just to announce how they’re feeling. After sex with Matty, Lisa is actually evaluating where she stands with him. She asks him to be more specific, because he’s just being generally positive. When she discovers his stash of new toothbrushes and womens’ sweat suits in all sizes (sweet move, by the way), she realizes Matty is a player. However, he makes a good point. If he’d put out one and hid the rest, would that make him a great guy? (Still no. He shouldn’t expect women of any size to stay over. That’s the wrong kind of thoughtful.)

The dialogue is still heightened where everyone is just a bit more clever and articulate than we actually are. Lisa tells Matty, “You have all the signs of a handful.” It’s a lot of sports metaphors, but those work. Lisa’s Coach Sally (Molly Price) advises her, “You fight low self-esteem, don’t give it the wheel.” Dramatic, but good advice.

It’s still ironic and sarcastic too. One of Matty’s teammates says, “I think I’m in love when I wear a condom with the other girls.” George toasts “to people who make toasts” and reveals, “I was a bartender when I was working my way through bartending.” During a fight, Matty says, “I’m not going to ask where you’ve been, but I get points for that, right?” Well, Matty, if you don’t get points with Lisa, you still get points with me.

The film tells the story of an old-timey circus and some dude (Pattinson) who is in love with an elephant (Witherspoon). At least that’s what I assume, since I didn’t actually watch the trailer. I’ve been afraid of the circus ever since my parents sold me to one. Wait, a circus is a warehouse where you sew fake Prada handbags, right? Oh. Well just watch this trailer, anyway.

Since appearing on”Mad Men,” Abigail Spencer‘s career has been picking up steam. So has the casting for McG‘s This Means War. With Cowboys & Aliens under her giant Western belt buckle, she’s ready to join the action comedy. The film stars Chris Pine and Tom Hardy as two friends who both fall for Reese Witherspoon. However, they are both super-spies and their duels for her affection reduce the city to rubble.

Spencer will play Hardy’s ex-wife. Angela Bassett will also appear as the boss of both Pine and Hardy. I like this cast. And the premise could be fun. I don’t know what to expect from McG, so I’ll hold my judgment for the time being. I’m just so fearful we’re going to see Chris Pine surfing on a jet. Or worse, riding two sidewinder missiles like skis. (THR)

Director: James L. Brooks

Cast: Owen Wilson Paul Rudd, Reese Withersoon

Synopsis: Feeling a bit past her prime at 27, former athlete Lisa Jorgenson finds herself in the middle of a love triangle, as a corporate guy in crisis competes with Lisa’s current, baseball-playing beau.

Release Date: December 17, 2010

_{Don’t EVER sit next to Jack Nicholson.}

James L. Brooks is back with another dramedy. This time he’s got Paul Rudd, Owen Wilson, and Reese Witherspoon in his bullpen for a good ol’ fashioned sports-centric love triangle. Businessman Rudd goes up against baseball player Wilson for the hand and pointy chin of Witherspoon, who as luck would have it just got out of a long-term relationship. Sounds like conflict! Jack Nicholson also stars as what seems like Rudd’s deliverer of bad news. Hey, if you gotta hear bad news, who better to tell you than Jack Nicholson? …If Gary Busey is stuck in a tree. 

Check out the trailer below and let me know what you think. Is it more As Good As It Gets or more Spanglish?

How Do You Know Trailer – Watch more Movie Trailers

^{FIGHT!! FIGHT!! FIGHT!!}

The threat of seeing a Seth Rogen topless scene has been squashed… for now. Last we heard about McG‘s This Means War was that Seth Rogen and Chris Pine were up to play two former spies who destroy New York City whil fighting for the hand of Reese Witherspoon. Now there’s news that Chris Pine is on-board and Rogen is out, with the part now being offered to Sam Worthington.

I think this could be pretty interesting casting. Worthington has mastered squinting in front of a green-screen, so let’s see what he does with a comedy. Though I am a little worried for Sam. He’s making far too many movies and I’m afraid he’s not getting enough sleep. How is he supposed to deal with the strain of keeping an American accent if his tongue doesn’t get enough rest? (Vulture)

_{Always go with the vampire.}

P.T Anderson’s untitled Scientology movie is looking for a daughter for Philip Seymour Hoffman‘s character, and none of the prospects are bearded or slovenly. According to Production Weekly, Amanda Seyfriend, Emma Stone, and "True Blood‘s" fiery redhead Deborah Ann Woll are all on P.T.’s casting shortlist, a list that I imagine is scrolled in ash or bodily fluid because why would he use boring ink.

PW also reported last week that Reese Witherspoon had been offered the role of the mom. I suppose if you add her genes to the mix, one of the above girls is a viable candidate, but we better at least see the occasional mustard stain to be convinced Hoffman is Papa. (ThePlaylist)