Screen Junkies » prison Movie Reviews & TV Show Reviews Thu, 18 Dec 2014 23:29:09 +0000 en hourly 1 9 Stars Who Should Be Detained Indefinitely Without Trial Thu, 15 Dec 2011 21:09:29 +0000 Wookie Johnson Now that habeas corpus is toast, let's lock these bastards up.

The post 9 Stars Who Should Be Detained Indefinitely Without Trial appeared first on Screen Junkies.

President Obama has caused an outcry today by unexpectedly abandoning a plan to veto a new security law that would allow the military to detain suspected terrorists indefinitely without trial, even if they are American citizens. This defies a pillar on which this nation was built – everyone has the right to a fair trial. To flush this away is an uncharacteristic move for Obama, as he was originally opposed to the law, or so he said. Has Cobra gotten to him? Could be. That’s totally their M.O..

Whichever side you stand on with this issue, there is one thing that should unify us. Celebrities don’t have rights. That’s why we should promptly lock away a few and throw away the key. Nine possible threats to the free world are listed below, along with some sound reasoning as to why they should spend the rest of their days in a dark hole at an undisclosed location.

Russell Brand

Though totally enjoyable under the right conditions, Russell Brand has to be stopped. And it seems like he realizes this. He’s seem more chilled out as of late and focused more on career and family rather than being a total queef. But there’s always potential for a slide-back, or worse, a poorly handled Peter Sellers reboot. It’s best to bring him in until his risk to the public can be assessed. Besides, he’s not even a citizen.

Betty White

This menace to society has to be stopped. On the surface she seems like a sweet, elderly comedienne who loves people and animals alike. What are you hiding, Betty? Nobody is as awesome as you. It’s not scientifically possible. We don’t know what nefarious plot you’re planning to hatch on an unsuspecting America, but we know that we don’t like it. Whatever it is.

Julie Taymor

Did you know that in the last few years, Julie Taymor was personally responsible for 865% of all actor injuries on the planet? You didn’t? Just trust, in that case. Much like the super-villains she brought to life for Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark, Ms. Taymor draws her power from a sinister source — broken collarbones and the music of U2. We can’t have a threat like this marching up Broadway.

The post 9 Stars Who Should Be Detained Indefinitely Without Trial appeared first on Screen Junkies.

]]> 0 russell-brand Betty-White-Starring-in-Hot-In-Cleveland Director Julie Taymor
7 Celebrities Who Have Done Hard Time Thu, 13 Oct 2011 13:00:12 +0000 Wookie Johnson Hollywood Boulevard is a much safer place with these folks behind bars.

The post 7 Celebrities Who Have Done Hard Time appeared first on Screen Junkies.

Yesterday, the shocking news that Random Task from Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery murdered his cell mate with his bare hands hit the wire. We were mostly surprised by the news that the actor, Joe Son, was even in jail. Then we were super-duper double surprised to find out that he had been convicted for kidnapping a girl and raping her with a gun. Seriously, Mike Meyers, you let this guy near the Fembots?

However, Son is not alone. Though they typically get off with a slap on the wrists, not all actors and directors are so lucky. Here are seven celebrities who have gone from call times to hard time.

Felicia ‘Snoop’ Pearson

In an instance of life imitating art, The Wire actress (and Jayden Smith stand-in) was arrested this past March in a drug raid at her home after being surveilled for some time by the DEA. She was among sixty-four people arrested under suspicion of belonging to a large gang participating in the sale of drugs. Pearson (who was previosly convicted of second-degree murder) had her character defended by The Wire creator David Simon. He stated, “She worked hard as an actor and was entirely professional, but the entertainment industry as a whole does not offer a great many roles for those who can portray people from the other America. There are, in fact, relatively few stories told about the other America… In places like West and East Baltimore, where the drug economy is now the only factory still hiring and where the educational system is so crippled… the vast majority of children are trained only for the corners.”

Lillo Brancato Jr

A Bronx Tale and The Sopranos actor Lillo Brancato Jr. was arrested in 2005 after a gunfight resulted in the death of an off-duty police officer. In 2009, Brancato was cleared of first-degree murder charges but was convicted of first-degree attempted burglary and sentenced to ten years in prison.

The post 7 Celebrities Who Have Done Hard Time appeared first on Screen Junkies.

]]> 0 snoop brancato
‘Austin Powers’ Actor Suspected Of Killing His Cellmate Tue, 11 Oct 2011 22:41:32 +0000 Wookie Johnson It's unknown whether a shoe was used.

The post ‘Austin Powers’ Actor Suspected Of Killing His Cellmate appeared first on Screen Junkies.

An Austin Powers actor and UFC fighter currently serving time for rape is suspected of killing his cell mate. Joe Son, who played Random Task in 1997′s Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery, was found alone in his cell with the seemingly slain prisoner.

Ex UFC fighter, Joe Son has murdered his cellmate. While serving a life sentence for gang rape, Joe Son has been attacked several times by other inmates who do not tolerate rapists in prison. It has not yet been determined why he killed his cellmate or how.

No troll. Fact: celly found dead. Joe and dead guy only ones in cell together. Guard doing count, sees celly is unresponsive, medical arrives. CPR performed. Celly has trauma to chest area. Pronounced dead. Innocent until proven guilty but looks like he did it. These are the only facts that I have right now. Investigation still in progress since it just happened on Monday around 5:00 pm.”

It’s unclear whether or not a shoe was used in the attack. You do have to wonder though, if Joe Son had a choice, do you think he’d prefer to be in prison or The Love Guru? (Cage Potato)

The post ‘Austin Powers’ Actor Suspected Of Killing His Cellmate appeared first on Screen Junkies.

]]> 0