Screen Junkies » Porn http://www.screenjunkies.com Movie Reviews & TV Show Reviews Fri, 28 Nov 2014 16:30:46 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 Celebrate ‘UHF’s’ 25th Anniversary With NSFW Pics http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/celebrate-uhfs-25th-anniversary-with-nsfw-pics/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/celebrate-uhfs-25th-anniversary-with-nsfw-pics/#comments Wed, 23 Jul 2014 18:58:10 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=263300 They take it all off for UHF.

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Do you love UHF but find it too difficult to masturbate to? So did the folks over at WoodRocket, so they took the liberty of fixing that.

Perfectly timed with “Weird” Al Yankovic’s first #1 album, the cult classic reached a milestone this week. So, with so much attention comes the inevitable. “Weird” Al himself is being parodied. In this case, by porn actresses.

If you’d like to see NSFW pictures of models dressed as characters from UHF, those exist now so you can check out the Weird & Naked UHF gallery. Don’t worry. They didn’t get as weird as they could have. Noone attempts to portray a naked Noodles MacIntyre.

Sorry. MacIntosh.

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A Long Day’s Porn Shoot: We Visit The Set Of ‘Homecoming’ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/a-long-days-porn-shoot/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/a-long-days-porn-shoot/#comments Mon, 01 Apr 2013 15:00:12 +0000 Lee Keeler http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=253678 “These baby wipes are dry...”

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“These baby wipes are dry,” proclaims porn star Ralph Long, asking a crew member to fetch a fresh box. For the tenth time today, Director B. Skow takes the opportunity to tease his lead, “Wow, Ralphie’s really turning into a bitch, you guys!” The crew snickers. Everyone takes their positions and the shoot commences.

Skow’s not that far off the mark: Long is playing Jim, a cross-dressing-ex-military freak who has returned home to meet, and incidentally have sex with, members of his adopted family. Ralph is buried beneath a pound of drag make-up, cracking jokes about how he should be singing leads in a glam band. He’s invested in this part, and he ought to be: longtime colleague B. Skow loosely based the script on Long’s revelation to his family about his career in porn at their Thanksgiving meal a couple years ago.

“Yeah, up to that point, they thought I just worked in music videos,” Long recalls from the make-up chair. “My mom kicked me out.”

Fittingly, this film is entitled “Homecoming”, the newest hardcore piece from adult production house Girlfriends Films. Although Girlfriends specializes in lesbian fare, B. Skow has directed hundreds of straight titles for the company, garnering numerous AVN awards within their catalog.

Skow stands on the other side of an enormous kitchen of a rented Sherman Oaks house, detailing his process with veteran adult screenwriter David Stanley, “We just get story ideas, y’know, something like Ralph’s, I come up with the story, except we had this idea and just took it somewhere much freakier. David writes it out, and Ralph comes up with the budget.” Beyond the make-up, beyond his on-camera performance, beyond the distantly-biographical script, Long is also the Production Manager. He lined up the location, the equipment and the craft services for the kitchen. He’s on top of the ins and outs of the shoot in nearly every facet in front of and behind the camera. And now he is going to have sex with Casey Calvert.

Calvert, a spritely Jewess with a petite frame and cut-off shorts, bounds playfully into the kitchen, perusing the hot dogs on the craft services table. “I’m hungry,” she pouts. Fellow star Jenna J. Ross tells her to eat something. “I can’t eat. I’m doing anal,” she says, rather matter-of-factly. The two exchange diet secrets on the day of their back door shoots, like two pros talking shop, “I eat gummy bears on my anal day,” quips Ross. Calvert flashes a smile, “I eat granola!”

On this aforementioned day, Casey’s regimen sounds more like preparation for major surgery than the sexual fantasy that is being constructed. “Imodium in the morning,” she says, craning her neck to remember, “I have to have breakfast. Then I use this little guy.” She holds up a box for a Fleet enema. “I also have a set of dilators that I use to stretch out, but I forgot those today, so I’m gonna borrow Ralph to get ready.”

Calvert’s candidness emanates throughout the shoot. While there is overlap amongst crew duties, everyone is on top of their tasks with an eerily delightful attitude; it hardly seems like work. Jenna J. Ross finished her scenes yesterday, yet brought champagne to surprise everyone wrapping up. The kitchen is alive, a chatterbox of crappy shoots in Brazil and practical jokes played with Photoshop.

If the kitchen is the heart of “Homecoming”, then the adjoining room acts as the brain. Skow has commandeered the opulent dining room as his editing suite where dailies are checked. Cameraman Mike Towers, a being of pure positive energy, smiles over his shoulder. They sit beneath enormous crystal chandeliers and towering paintings, like a Notorious B.I.G. video, only way more boring.

When pressed about Measure B, the law that will require condoms to be worn in porn shoots within LA County, Skow tosses a palm in the air. “It doesn’t really change anything. Everybody’s just going to be shooting outside of town. It’s going to court.” He sighs, leaning back from his MacBook with a roll of the eyes, “A lot of people don’t know the specifics of these measures. They’re ridiculous. They want (the crew) wearing safety goggles. They want us wearing masks. The crew has to wear gloves.” He concludes, chuckling, “We’re supposed to professionally disinfect the clothing the talent arrives in.”

Back in the upstairs bedroom, the talent’s clothing is no longer an issue. The newly shemaled Ralph Long is stripped down, the only hair on his body in the form of a gaudy blonde wig. “Ralph Naired himself this week,” grins Mike Towers. The director chimes in, “Most guys in this industry have less hair than the women.” Trying to get an optimal angle for his choreography with Casey, Ralph wrestles with his artificial coif. “It’s hard with all this hair n’shit,” he grunts, maintaining composure in his netherparts. Casey grins from the mattress, “Now you know how the girls feel.”

Indeed, the hard-lined establishment of male dominance in the industry seems to be turned on its ear here, with the male lead emasculated both on and off camera. “B. Skow has to leave for ‘the pop’”, Ralph playfully laments to the crew. “He gets inside of my head, man…like a Jedi voice, I can’t finish in front of him.” In terms of the pre-shoot photos, the “pop” is actually just Cetaphil, a moisturizer that shemps for semen on numerous porn sets. Mike Towers applies it to Casey’s belly with a clinical splurt, “They should give us an endorsement, we’ve made these guys tons of money.”

While a partnership with the likes of Johnson & Johnson seems dubious, a Girlfriends production goes through its fair share of bathroom products. Casey, absent during Ralph’s earlier rant about set hygiene, reaches for them and sneers, “Hey, these baby wipes are dry!” The entire crew bursts into laughter. Ralph Long just smiles and gets back into position on the bed. He has proven, once again, that he’s on top of the situation.

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Move Over, National Board Of Review, Here Are The AVN Pornstar Nominees http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/move-over-national-board-of-review-here-are-the-avn-pornstar-nominees/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/move-over-national-board-of-review-here-are-the-avn-pornstar-nominees/#comments Thu, 06 Dec 2012 02:10:29 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=252285 It's good to be on top.

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So many places to begin. It’s an exciting time for all of us. Let’s just get into it.

Octomom” Nadya Suleman (click the link for a funny article in a VERY funny context) leads the field of this year’s AVN Award nominees with four nods for her sultry, sultry masturbation video Octomom Home Alone. So hot…

Sorry, I got distracted by hotness.

Nadya Suleman enjoys some pretty, pretty, pretty esteemed company, none of whom I know because I don’t watch porn. But for those of you who do, here’s a rundown of who’s who in the world of fucking on camera. For money. Lots of proud mothers and fathers out there today.

Note: This is a VERY long list. It must be like camp where everyone gets an award. For the full list outside of this chucklers, click here.

The AVN Awards take place January 19th at the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas. 

VIDEO CATEGORIES

Best 3D Release
Cathouse ‘45, Pink’O/Sins Factory/Vivid
Jailhouse Heat 3D, Digital Playground
SuperHeroine 3D, Extreme Comixxx/Exquisite
This Ain’t Avatar 2 XXX 3D: Escape From Pandwhora, Hustler Video
This Ain’t Jaws XXX 3D, Hustler/Adam & Eve
This Ain’t The Expendables XXX 3D, Hustler Video
This Ain’t The Smurfs XXX 3D, Hustler Video

Best Actor
Richie Calhoun, Diary of Love, Smash Pictures
Xander Corvus, Immortal Love, Wicked Passions
Dane Cross, A Mother’s Love, Hard Candy/AEBN/Pulse
Richie Deville, My Mother’s Best Friend 6, Sweet Sinner/Mile High
Giovanni Francesco, The Dark Knight XXX: A Porn Parody,
VividXXXSuperheroes
Seth Gamble, Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody, Axel Braun/Vivid
Marcus London, Spartacus MMXII: The Beginning, London Gunn/Miko
Lee/Wicked
Eric Masterson, Dallas XXX: A Parody, Adam & Eve Pictures
Brendon Miller, Happy Endings, Wicked Pictures
Tommy Pistol, Pee-Wee’s XXX Adventure: A Porn Parody, Vivid
Entertainment Group
Anthony Rosano, The Friend Zone, New Sensations Romance
Randy Spears, Men in Black: A Hardcore Parody, Wicked Pictures
Steven St. Croix, Torn, New Sensations Couples
Evan Stone, Mork & Mindy: A Dream Zone Parody, DreamZone/Vantage
Jack Vegas, Blow, Wicked Pictures

Best Actress
Nyomi Banxxx, Training Day: A Pleasure Dynasty Parody, Blue
Ribbon/Pleasure Dynasty/Exile
Alektra Blue, Next Friday Night, Wicked Pictures
Lily Carter, Wasteland, Elegant Angel ProductionsGracie Glam, Happy Endings, Wicked Pictures
Presley Hart, Diary of Love, Smash Pictures
Allie Haze, Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody, Axel Braun/Vivid
Lily LaBeau, Wasteland, Elegant Angel Productions
Remy LaCroix, Torn, New Sensations Couples
Brooklyn Lee, Voracious: The First Season, John Stagliano/Evil Angel
Kaylani Lei, Snatched, Wicked Pictures
Natasha Nice, Love Is a Dangerous Game, New Sensations Romance
Chanel Preston, Romeo & Juliet: A DreamZone Parody, DreamZone/Vantage
Andy San Dimas, Café Amore, Adam & Eve Pictures
Bobbi Starr, The Truth About O, Adam & Eve Pictures
India Summer, The Graduate XXX: A Paul Thomas Parody, Paul Thomas/Exile

Best All-Girl Group Sex Scene
Allie Haze: True Sex, Vivid Entertainment Group; Allie Haze, Lexi Belle & Ella
Milano
Asian Anal Assassins, Wicked Pictures; Kaylani Lei, Asa Akira, Katsuni, Mia
Lelani & Miko Lee
Birds of Prey XXX: A Sinister Comixxx Parody, Sinister Comixxx/Pure Play;
Gracie Glam, Kagney Linn Karter & Brooklyn Lee
Brooklyn Lee: Nymphomaniac, Harmony Films; Brooklyn Lee, Ruth Medina &
Samantha Bentley
Buffy the Vampire Slayer XXX: A Parody, Adam & Eve Pictures; Ash
Hollywood, Amber Rayne & April O’Neil
D3viance, Rock Star/skinworXXX/Adam & Eve; Alexis Texas, Lexi Belle,
Teagan Presley & Eva Angelina
Girl Train 2, Belladonna/Evil Angel; Dana DeArmond, Lia Lor & Sinn Sage
Girlfriends 4, Third Degree Films; Alanah Rae, Andy San Dimas, Asa Akira &
Katsuni
Meet Bonnie, Digital Sin; Bonnie Rotten, Asphyxia Noir & Skin Diamond
Meow! 2, Jennaration X/Jules Jordan; Kristina Rose, Valerie Kay & Heather
Starlet
Mind Fuck, Harmony Films; Skin Diamond, Adrianna Luna & Celeste Star
Please Make Me Lesbian! 7, Girlfriends Films; Prinzzess, Lily Carter, Bree
Daniels & Zoey Holloway
Revenge of the Petites, AMKingdom/Exile; Ashley Jane, Leilani Leeane & Riley
Reid Tomb Raider XXX: An Exquisite Films Parody, Paradox/Exquisite; Chanel
Preston, Gracie Glam & Dani Daniels
Training Day: A Pleasure Dynasty Parody, Blue Ribbon/Pleasure
Dynasty/Exile; Nyomi Banxxx, Chanel Preston & Yurizan Beltran

Best All-Girl Release
Belladonna: No Warning 6, Belladonna/Evil Angel
Butches and Babes, Filly Films/Combat Zone
Dani, Club 59/Elegant Angel
Girls Love Girls 4, Jonni Darkko/Evil Angel
Hot and Mean 6, Brazzers
Interracial Lesbian Romance, West Coast Productions
Lesbian Workout, Club 59/Elegant Angel
Lesbo Pool Party, Third Degree Films
Lick My Punk Rock Pussy, BurningAngel/Vouyer
Lush 2, Club 59/Elegant Angel
Me and My Girlfriend, Girlfriends Films
Meow! 2, Jennaration X/Jules Jordan
Please Make Me Lesbian! 7, Girlfriends Films
Seduced by a Real Lesbian 12, Lethal Hardcore/Pulse
We Live Together 23, Reality Kings/Pulse

Best All-Girl Series
Budapest, Girlfriends Films
Girl-Girl Hardcore, abbywinters.com/Wicked
Girl on Girl Fantasies, Kick Ass Pictures
Girls in White, Girlfriends Films
Hot and Mean, Brazzers
Lesbian Adventures, Sweetheart Video/Mile High
Lesbian Babysitters, Sweetheart Video/Mile High
Lesbian Psychodramas, Girlfriends Films
Lesbian Sex, Girlfriends Films
Molly’s Life, Muffia/Pulse
Please Make Me Lesbian!, Girlfriends Films
Top Wet Girls, Clark Euro/Evil Angel
Toys & Girls, Lesbian Provocateur/Digital SinWe Live Together, Reality Kings/Pulse
Women Seeking Women, Girlfriends Films

Best All-Sex Release
Allie Haze: I Love Sex, Vivid Entertainment Group
Angels of Debauchery 9, Jonni Darkko/Evil Angel
D3viance, Rock Star/skinworXXX/Adam & Eve
Four Eyed Fuck Fest 2, Zero Tolerance Entertainment
High Class Ass 2, Live Gonzo/Jules Jordan
Hollywood Heartbreakers, Live Gonzo/Jules Jordan
Lap Dance, Third Degree Films
Oil Overload 7, Jules Jordan Video
Rachel Starr: Dirty Little Tease, Vivid Entertainment Group
Seduction, Elegant Angel Productions
Sexual Gymnastics, Digital Sin
Super Porn, Jama/Pleasure Dynasty/Exile
Superstars, Rock Star/Adam & Eve
Swimsuit Calendar Girls 2012, Elegant Angel Productions
US Sluts 3, Cruel Media/Jules Jordan
White Room, Kelly Madison/Juicy

Best Amateur Release
100% Pure Amateur Teens 14, Platinum Media/Pulse
Amateur Anal Attempts 32, Homegrown/Pulse
Amateur Cheerleaders, CreamHD/Pulse
Amateur Night in the Neighborhood 3, Platinum Media/Pulse
Amateur Street Pickups, Reality Kings/Pulse
Backyard Amateurs 31, Homegrown/Pulse
Busty Amateurs 3, Shot at Home/Pulse
College Rules 6, Morally Corrupt/Jules Jordan
Dancing Bear 4, Morally Corrupt/Jules Jordan
Dare Dorm 9, RK Netmedia/Jules Jordan
GF Revenge 4, RK Netmedia/Jules Jordan
Homemade Fresh Faces 2, Homemade Media
I Fuck My Girlfriend and Her BFF, Amateur XXX/Pulse
Street Blowjobs 8, Reality Kings/Pulse Submit Your Bitch 2, Morally Corrupt/Jules Jordan

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Study Shows Porn Actresses Have Higher Self-Esteem Than Their Totally Prude Counterparts http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/study-shows-porn-actresses-have-higher-self-esteem-than-their-totally-prude-counterparts/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/study-shows-porn-actresses-have-higher-self-esteem-than-their-totally-prude-counterparts/#comments Tue, 27 Nov 2012 17:02:06 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=252127 This story makes me so happy I could explode!

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You can’t argue with a “study.” You can try, but you’ll fail big time.

According to this “study” (by the Journal of Sex Research, no less), the vixens have better body images, are more spiritual, and have a “better quality of life,” which indicates that these women aren’t the type to let three bukkake scenes affect how they view the day as a whole.

What this means, at its very essence, is that all women in the sex industry are incredibly happy, and any women who hasn’t found happiness in pornography or a similar vein is broken, and it’s her fault she’s not happier, not porn’s.

So we can stop blaming porn for things now.

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7 Cities The Porn Industry Could Move To If It Leaves Los Angeles http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/7-cities-the-porn-industry-could-move-to-if-it-leaves-los-angeles/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/7-cities-the-porn-industry-could-move-to-if-it-leaves-los-angeles/#comments Thu, 23 Feb 2012 17:00:49 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=245836 If this were to happen, I would think the Valley turns into a ghost town in about thirteen days.

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The Los Angeles city council has passed a law, to be enacted on March 5th, that all adult film actors must wear a condom while performing scenes within the LA city limits. The ruling came out of concerns for the health and safety of the actors involved, as well as a desire to not promote unsafe sex to the masses.

As the deadline nears, production companies are considering emigrating from Los Angeles to locales that don’t have such restrictions in place. Though it’s unlikely that the industry will emigrate en masse, there are many cities that would be both viable and desirable for porn film production. Many aren’t intuitive, but behind each location listed are some unique aspects that many may find to be more desirable than Los Angeles (which includes the valley districts of Chatsworth, Canoga Park, and many others).

El Paso

El Paso seems like an odd choice for to house the porn industry, but it serves a niche purpose. A study done in 2004 found the Texas border town to be the sweatiest city in the United States. With an average summer temperature of 93 degrees and relative humidity of 70%, El Paso is a sauna all right. El Paso City Council has been trying to repudiate the claim, as would most cities, but why not turn a problem into an opportunity, as everyone (I think) loves good, sweaty sex.

Think about the marketing. “_________ (film name) offers the kind of sweaty lovemaking that only El Paso can provided. Sure, other films offer sweaty sex, but shooting in El Paso means that we couldn’t get any sweatier if we tried.”

This goes hand-in-hand with an idea I had for Bikram pornography, but I really don’t feel comfortable talking about that until the patent office gets back to me.

Portland

Portlandia has become a cult hit as it observes, reports, and ridicules the idiosyncrasies of this one-of-a-kind town, so why not demonstrate to what end those quirks exist? We’re over schoolgirls, exercise instructors, and cheerleaders. Give us baristas, underemployed DJs, and bicycle messengers. I’m getting worked up just thinking about it!

I would like to see fetish films about fair-trade sex and environmentally responsible gangbangs. In fact, I’m going to demand it. I hear the quality of life is amazing in Portland, so I’m sure that the talent would be thrilled to move there.

Also, Voodoo Donuts is amazing.

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Los Angeles Porn Actors Now Legally Required To Wrap Their Junk http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/los-angeles-porn-actors-now-legally-required-to-wrap-their-junk/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/los-angeles-porn-actors-now-legally-required-to-wrap-their-junk/#comments Wed, 18 Jan 2012 18:15:14 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=242803 If you came here looking for police porn, I have some bad news.

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Porn producers have fluffed up over the issue before, but the Los Angeles city council is playing hard ball, and has passed an ordnance that will deny permits to producers who do not use condoms in their films.

Luckily, the porn I like is made in a basement in Romania.

Earlier this year, producers threatened to leave town if authorities tried to slip in an ordinance that would require their actors to wear condoms while pounding one another. But the industry is now adopting a wait-and-see approach, hoping authorites won’t be able to get it up, so to speak.

“It’s going to be interesting to see how in fact they do try to enforce it and who’s going to fund it, and all of the time and effort they’re going to spend,” said Steven Hirsch, co-founder and co-chairman of Los Angeles-based Vivid, one of the largest makers of erotic movies.

“Ultimately I think what they will find is people will just stop shooting in the city of Los Angeles,” added Hirsch. “That’s a given.”

The ball is in porn’s hands now. Will they pack up their bags and board a Greyhound out of town in pursuit of their dreams?

Furthermore, penis. (Washington Post)

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5 Funniest Things We Overheard On The Set Of ‘Tomb Raider XXX’ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/5-funniest-things-we-overheard-on-the-set-of-tomb-raider-xxx/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/5-funniest-things-we-overheard-on-the-set-of-tomb-raider-xxx/#comments Fri, 13 Jan 2012 18:00:42 +0000 Screen Junkies http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=242099 Besides the slurping sounds...

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Recently, Screen Junkies had the opportunity to visit the set of Tomb Raider XXX. Given that our image of the porn industry was shaped by movies like Boogie Nights, along with pornos about making pornos, we expected to find a creepy, coked-out cesspool filled with mustachioed degenerates and broken down skags. On the contrary, the atmosphere on the set was almost identical to what you’d find on a mainstream shoot, except for all the sex toys.

As for the cast and crew, everyone we encountered was courteous and professional, and the actresses themselves (Chanel Preston, Gracie Glam, and Dani Daniels) were really, really hot. In fact, the only thing “creepy” about the entire visit was the pathetic sight of the bloggers (ourselves included) who had come to gawk at the girls. And let me tell you, there’s something very special about being the creepiest part of a porn set.

While our visit defied expectations many ways, there were a few things that went exactly how they were supposed to. Specifically, the random quotes we overheard were exactly what you’d expect to hear on a porn set. They were also hilarious. Here are five of them, in no particular order.

I’m not having sex today. I’m just here for the fight scene.

- Lee Stone

If Lara Croft can fight aliens, I’m sure she can f*ck two girls at the same time. Wait, does she fight aliens?

(Stage Hand) No, she raids tombs.

Oh, right.

- Chanel Preston

I don’t know. Sometimes tribing is fun.

- Chanel Preston

Can I put my clothes back on, now?

- Gracie Glam or Dani Daniels (They were both wearing veils)

Can I please have a baby wipe?

- Gracie Glam or Dani Daniels (They were both wearing veils)

Photo Credit: G4

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60 Years In The Making: ‘The Honeymoaners’ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/finally-60-years-later-the-honeymooners-has-a-porn-parody/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/finally-60-years-later-the-honeymooners-has-a-porn-parody/#comments Fri, 30 Sep 2011 17:09:01 +0000 Jame Gumb http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=video&p=230703 If only my grandma could have lived to see this.

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A few weeks back, I complained about the trailer for The Graduate XXX porn parody, claiming that the adult entertainment industry had officially run out of parody ideas. Well, perhaps I was a little too quick to judge, because we now have The Honeymoaners, a parody of the beloved 50′s sitcom, The Honeymooners.

I’m not sure a lot of 18-to-25-year-old guys (OK, let’s be honest, 12-to-25-year-old guys) even know about The Honeymooners, which calls into question why anyone would parody it. But that fact aside, at least The Honeymooners lends itself to a funny name, and that’s all a successful porn parody really needs! Well, that and some hot chicks, I suppose. This film even works in a porn parody of a classic 50′s game show (The $69,000 question). Now that’s dedication.

In “The Honeymoaners,” Ralph Kramden, everybody’s favorite loveable loser, finally gets his chance to change his luck as a contestant on the television quiz show, “The $69,000 Question.” After overhearing the category of questions to test his knowledge, Ralph turns to his best friend Norton to teach him everything he knows about SEX! Together the boisterous big guy and sex-witted sidekick study their local horny hookers, slutty neighbor, and even their wild wives, Alice and Trixie. Ralph may finally hit the jackpot… or he may be left holding his own buzzer.

I can’t believe they didn’t make a “pow, right the kisser joke,” but I guess Family Guy beat them to it.

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‘The Graduate XXX’ Proves That Porn Has Run Out Of Things To Parody http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/the-graduate-xxx-proves-that-porn-has-run-out-of-things-to-parody/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/the-graduate-xxx-proves-that-porn-has-run-out-of-things-to-parody/#comments Wed, 14 Sep 2011 21:55:53 +0000 Jame Gumb http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=video&p=228471 I can't wait for the porn parody of Diner...

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Well, I hope you’re happy. Your insatiable lust for pornographic parodies has finally caused the creative well to run dry, and the industry has been reduced to making The Graduate XXX: Paul Thomas Parody.

Was there really a niche to fill here? Were porn fans clamoring for a parody of a movie that came out in 1967? This film is so old, that its sexy leading lady, Anne Bancroft, has already been dead for six years. Granted, your average porn actress dies within six years of her first film, so maybe this fact was lost on the producers. But even so, what’s the point? The name doesn’t even lend itself to a double entendre! Why does this exist? Oh well. Since you made it, I might as well fap to it. I guess it’d be rude not to.

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A Porn Studio Is Building An Underground Bunker For The Apocalypse http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/a-porn-studio-is-building-an-underground-bunker-for-the-apocalypse-no-big-deal-really/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/a-porn-studio-is-building-an-underground-bunker-for-the-apocalypse-no-big-deal-really/#comments Fri, 09 Sep 2011 18:20:18 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=227788 I think the survivors will envy the dead in this scenario.

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The Mayans never spoke to the porn industry in their dissection of the end of days on December 21, 2012. Well, as the date looms near, Van Nuys porn studio Pink Visual (gross) isn’t taking any chances. They’re getting proactive in their confrontation with the end of the world. They’re building a bunker underground that was originally to serve as a safehaven for employees and their families, but, convinced to ride out the the armeggeddon in style, they also decided to offer invites to the performers, offer a fully-stocked bar, and a performance stage.

I am all for adult entertainment, but I don’t think I’d like to ride out the apocalypse knowing that the world is dying above me, while two guys rail a chick in close proximity to me. Call me old fashioned.

Anyway, it’s more than a little presumptuous to think that an underground bunker will spare them from the wrath of a vengeful God (or this is all a big hoax to get Pink Visual’s name on a bunch of blogs like this; either way: kudos, Pink Visual), but I guess it’s worth a shot, but on December 21, 2012, you’ll find me where you find me at that date every year – dutifully gift-wrapping Christmas presents at the Hustler store.

To thine own self be true. (Bro Bible)

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‘Scream’ Porn Parody Gives New Meaning To Stabbing http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/scream-porn-parody-gives-new-meaning-to-stabbing/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/scream-porn-parody-gives-new-meaning-to-stabbing/#comments Thu, 10 Mar 2011 18:24:35 +0000 Dave Horwitz http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=Video&p=200902 It's just like the original, but with hardcore sex!

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With any major hit TV show or movie lately, it’s only a matter of time before there’s a porn version. Seriously, you can set your clock to it. There’s even a “Curb Your EnthusiasmPorn parody, and having only seen the cover, I can tell you it’s pretty gruesome. I don’t know if there’s anything inherently sexy about “The Cosby Show” or “Star Trek,” but you can get hardcore tributes to both. Now, coming in April, Vivid Entertainment brings you Scream: A XXX Parody. It appears to be a pretty straight ahead send up of the original film, complete with similar deaths (and added penetration, of course).  The “film” was directed by Eli Cross, and stars Lily LaBeau, Zoe Voss, Sarah Shevon, Scarlett Fay, Jesse Andrews, Angelica Lane, Evan Stone, James Deen, Rocco Reed, Jack and Ron Jeremy.” It’s out on DVD April 15, 2011, so you can file your taxes on the last possible date and spend your refund money on porn in the same day. (Bloody Disgusting)

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‘Skins’ Creator Says “I Don’t Make Porn” While Fighting Giant Boner http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/skins-creator-says-i-dont-make-porn-while-fighting-giant-boner/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/skins-creator-says-i-dont-make-porn-while-fighting-giant-boner/#comments Thu, 27 Jan 2011 07:50:19 +0000 Geoffrey Golden http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=22656 Elsley and MTV are fighting back against "child porn" allegations and sticking to their fully exposed teenage guns.

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MTV is getting serious flack from advertisers, the Parents Teacher Council, and other middle-aged people who I bet throw really lame parties over its new series “Skins.” Imported from England, “Skins” follows the lives of a bunch of underage teens as they get drunk, do drugs and have sex. Sounds like a good half-hour to me!

However, many have accused creator Bryan Elsley of making child pornography and would like to see him arrested. Yikes Magikes. Well, Elsley and MTV are sticking to their fully exposed teenage guns, and Elsley had this to say to the Los Angeles Times:

“The show is the opposite of pornography. It isn’t us who are being provocative. I think that some of the people who object to the show are being provocative in the use of that word.”

Yeah, I agree that the “child porn” label is a little harsh. How about “softcore child porn?” That what the old 90′s MTV series “Undressed” was: a bunch of teens pretending to have sex, and I think there was also a stupid story about sock puppet sex. “Undressed” didn’t scar me for life, though I do get a hard-on every time I put my socks on in the morning. Actually, that really sucks for me, so maybe “Skins” should be cancelled? I’m as conflicted as Tony’s friends after his accident… (Hollywood Reporter)

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Mark Wahlberg to Produce HBO Porn Industry Show http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/mark-wahlberg-to-produce-hbo-porn-industry-show/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/mark-wahlberg-to-produce-hbo-porn-industry-show/#comments Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000 Mark Wahlberg and his producing partner Steve Levinson are busy dotting i's and crossing t's on "Entourage" and the upcoming "Boardwalk Empire," but that doesn't mean they don't have time for porn. The two are working on a series for HBO that will delve into the porn business using actors and adult performers. James Frey, the guy who lied to Oprah about being a drug addict, will write the pilot. The New York Post has the dirty details: "The plot will focus on a giant video company under siege from Internet competitors and a girl from the Midwest whose boyfriend convinces her to move to Los Angeles to become a star," the Post wrote. "We're going to make a sprawling epic about the porn business in LA," Frey told the paper." We're going to tell the type of stories no one else has told before, and go places no one has gone before." While still keeping it grounded in reality? Alright, Frey, I'll believe you this time, but if I find out you're lying to me again I'm going to be extremely disappointed. Portraying explicit sexual acts without the facts to back them up is irresponsible and appalling. Unless there's oil.

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Mark Wahlberg and his producing partner Steve Levinson are busy dotting i’s and crossing t’s on "Entourage" and the upcoming "Boardwalk Empire," but that doesn’t mean they don’t have time for porn. The two are working on a series for HBO that will delve into the porn business using actors and adult performers. James Frey, the guy who lied to Oprah about being a drug addict, will write the pilot. The New York Post has the dirty details:

"The plot will focus on a giant video company under siege from Internet competitors and a girl from the Midwest whose boyfriend convinces her to move to Los Angeles to become a star," the Post wrote.

"We’re going to make a sprawling epic about the porn business in LA," Frey told the paper." We’re going to tell the type of stories no one else has told before, and go places no one has gone before."

While still keeping it grounded in reality? Alright, Frey, I’ll believe you this time, but if I find out you’re lying to me again I’m going to be extremely disappointed. Portraying explicit sexual acts without the facts to back them up is irresponsible and appalling. Unless there’s oil.

 

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Luke Wilson Brings Even More Joy To Trillions in RED BAND ‘Middle Men’ Trailer http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/luke-wilson-brings-even-more-joy-to-trillions-in-red-band-middle-men-trailer/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/luke-wilson-brings-even-more-joy-to-trillions-in-red-band-middle-men-trailer/#comments Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000 No shoes on the couch please. Here's a sexier, red bandier look at George Gallo's Middle Men. I'm guessing this trailer exists for anyone skeptical that the movie would feature F-bombs and boobies. Upon reviewing this footage, I can say it most certainly does. As well as some housewives with bigger things on their minds than light dusting. And perhaps hottest of all, Kevin... Pollak... FAPPING. Now that I've piqued your desire to a fever pitch, I won't waste anymore of your time with words. ON TO THE SWEET, SWEET IMAGES AFTER THE JUMP...

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No shoes on the couch please.

Here’s a sexier, red bandier look at George Gallo’s Middle Men. I’m guessing this trailer exists for anyone skeptical that the movie would feature F-bombs and boobies. Upon reviewing this footage, I can say it most certainly does. As well as some housewives with bigger things on their minds than light dusting. And perhaps hottest of all, Kevin… Pollak… FAPPING. Now that I’ve piqued your desire to a fever pitch, I won’t waste anymore of your time with words.

ON TO THE SWEET, SWEET IMAGES AFTER THE JUMP…

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Garry Marshall Directs a Porno http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/garry-marshall-directs-a-porno/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/garry-marshall-directs-a-porno/#comments Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000 There's already enough anxiety involved with sex. I don't need Gary Marshall's stammering adding to it. But look at that blurry rack! AROOOgah!10 Things You Never Knew About The Brat Pack (Moviefone)25 Weird Toilets (HolyTaco)Drunk Vagina Celebration (TotalProSports)Inglourious Grammar Nazis (FilmDrunk)Not Another Fighting Movie Written by Hector Echavarria (CagePotato)What the Hell Happened to Tough Video Games? (Unreality)3 Reasons Hooters Might Be for Sale (Asylum)12 Awesomely Artistic Styrofoam Cups (Maxim)Lindsay Lohan Would Make an Obedient Wife (CelebJihad)3D Coming to Game Shows (Pajiba)Nick Griffin is The Nicksterminator (Atom)Women Want to Get Down on Valentine's (MadeMan)5 Best Daytona 500 Finishes (AllLeftTurns)

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There’s already enough anxiety involved with sex. I don’t need Gary Marshall‘s stammering adding to it. But look at that blurry rack! AROOOgah!

10 Things You Never Knew About The Brat Pack (Moviefone)

25 Weird Toilets (HolyTaco)

Drunk Vagina Celebration (TotalProSports)

Inglourious Grammar Nazis (FilmDrunk)

Not Anothe Fighting Movie Written by Hector Echavarria (CagePotato)

What the Hell Happened to Tough Video Games? (Unreality)

3 Reasons Hooters Might Be for Sale (Asylum)

12 Awesomely Artistic Styrofoam Cups (Maxim)

Lindsay Lohan Would Make an Obedient Wife (CelebJihad)

3D Coming to Game Shows (Pajiba)

Nick Griffin is The Nicksterminator (Atom)

Women Want to Get Down on Valentine’s (MadeMan)

5 Best Daytona 500 Finishes (AllLeftTurns)

 

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‘Paranormal Activity’ Spawns Porno Knock-Off http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/paranormal-activity-spawns-porno-knock-off/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/paranormal-activity-spawns-porno-knock-off/#comments Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000 Paranormal Activity is an undoubted success. It cost $11,000 to make and has raked in over $62 million at the box office. I don't have a calculator on hand but when you do the math the profits equal a f*ckload. Of course a sequel is being talked about but more importantly the attention has warranted a pornographic knock-off. Or knockers-off, in this case:Dread Central has alerted us to Jim Wynorski's Para-Knocker's Activity. Yes, the Spielberg of Boob Cinema is taking on the ghost genre and giving it a kinky edge. Filming is slated to begin right after Halloween (presumably because Halloween props will be marked down). Look for it this Spring at the Cans Film Festival.

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Paranormal Activity is an undoubted success. It cost $11,000 to make and has raked in over $62 million at the box office. I don’t have a calculator on hand but when you do the math the profits equal a f*ckload. Of course a sequel is being talked about but more importantly the attention has warranted a pornographic knock-off. Or knockers-off, in this case:

Dread Central has alerted us to Jim Wynorski’s Para-Knocker’s Activity. Yes, the Spielberg of Boob Cinema is taking on the ghost genre and giving it a kinky edge. Filming is slated to begin right after Halloween (presumably because Halloween props will be marked down). Look for it this Spring at the Cans Film Festival.

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