Screen Junkies » POLTERGEIST http://www.screenjunkies.com Movie Reviews & TV Show Reviews Fri, 29 Aug 2014 17:39:03 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 10 Iconic Movie Lines, If They Were Written Today http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/10-iconic-movie-lines-if-they-were-written-today/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/10-iconic-movie-lines-if-they-were-written-today/#comments Fri, 11 Jul 2014 12:50:31 +0000 Jared Jones http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=video&p=262898 We live in an era of rapidly deteriorating linguistic abilities (translation: words b hard), where the appreciation for an eloquently-delivered turn of phrase is at an all time low.

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By Jared Jones

We live in an era of rapidly deteriorating linguistic abilities (translation: words b hard), where the appreciation for an eloquently-delivered turn of phrase is at an all time low. For every hour that The Learning Channel is allowed to continuing airing reality shows about polygamist midgets suffering from bipolar schizophrenia, or delusional, cupcake-baking Long Island housewives who communicate with ghosts, the IQ of the average earthling drops 10 points, thrusting our collective vocabulary ever closer to the monosyllabic, hybrid hillbilly and valley girl grunts uttered by the mouth-breathing troglodytes depicted in Idiocracy (*accepts award for greatest sentence ever written*).

The movie world has not been spared in this eradication of intellect, and could honestly be considered one of its greatest forerunners. Even the whimsical insults of eras past have been all but forgotten in favor of the base-level “sick burns” churned up by today’s creatively-bankrupt minds.

“His mother should have thrown him out and kept the stork.” — Mae West, 1934

“It tastes like fuckin’ dick infused with balls.” — Adam Sandler, 2013

To loosely quote Not Sure, there was a time long ago when screenplays were penned with the writer’s blood, sweat, and tears, not hastily scribbled onto a cocktail napkin amidst a three-day coke binge with Michael Bay. But times have changed. Can you imagine how some of the most iconic lines in film history would sound if they were written today? Gee, I wonder…

10 — “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.” 

Modern equivalent: “I got 99 problems but this bitch ain’t one.”

9 — “Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get.”

Modern equivalent: “Life’s like a bowl of ‘sketti and butter, so go tell Sugar Bear it’s done.” (*farts*)

8 — “A boy’s best friend is his mother.

Modern Equivalent: “A boy’s best friend is *your* mother, who I totally put a dent in last night.”

7 — “They’re here.”

Modern Equivalent: “Oh sh*t there’s some ghost-lookin’ muthaf*ckas in the TV screen!”

6 — “Yo, Adrian!”

Modern Equivalent: “Yo, Adrian!” Truly a man ahead of his time, that Stallone.

5 — “If you build it, he will come.”

Modern equivalent: “If you f*ck it, fame will come.”

4 — “A martini. Shaken, not stirred.”

Modern Equivalent: “Gin and juice. Beeeitch.”

3 — “Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.”

Modern Equivalent: “I’ve a serious man-crush on you, Lou. No homo.”

2 — “I’m the King of the World!”

Modern Equivalent: “Suck my d*ck, Planet Earth!”

1 — “Good morning. In less than an hour, aircraft from here will join others from around the world. And you will be launching the largest aerial battle in the history of mankind. “Mankind.” That word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can’t be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests. Perhaps it’s fate that today is the Fourth of July, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom… Not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution… but from annihilation. We are fighting for our right to live. To exist. And should we win the day, the Fourth of July will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day the world declared in one voice: “We will not go quietly into the night!” We will not vanish without a fight! We’re going to live on! We’re going to survive! Today we celebrate our Independence Day!”

Modern Equivalent: “If anyone else wanna kill some aliens, let me hear you say yeah!”

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Jared Harris Joins ‘Poltergeist’ Reboot, Hopefully Will Fight A Clown Doll http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/jared-harris-joins-poltergeist-reboot-hopefully-will-fight-a-clown-doll/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/jared-harris-joins-poltergeist-reboot-hopefully-will-fight-a-clown-doll/#comments Thu, 05 Sep 2013 12:03:32 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=256803 I'd just really like to see him wail on a clown.

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Jared Harris is among a few more actors added to the cast of the Poltergeist reboot. He’s signed on to play a “larger than life TV personality who left the world of academia behind to become the star host of basic cable TV show, Haunted House Cleaners.” Details are scarce beyond that, but it’s probably safe to assume that he’s a bit of a charlatan who finds himself in over his head when he takes on the case of the Bowen family. Think of the larger than life TV host he played in Mr. Deeds. Now think of that character fighting a clown doll.

No word yet if the film will feature the Tangina character made famous by Zelda Rubenstein, but if so those will be difficult shoes to fill. Hollywood is really lacking for creepy, small women nowadays. (Deadline)

 

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…And Now A Poltergeist Remake Is Casting People, Namely Rosemarie DeWitt http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/and-now-a-poltergeist-remake-is-casting-people-namely-rosemarie-dewitt/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/and-now-a-poltergeist-remake-is-casting-people-namely-rosemarie-dewitt/#comments Tue, 23 Jul 2013 20:18:21 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=255997 In case you had just sort of assumed that Poltergeist had been remade, sequeled, rebooted, or reimagined several times over the past decade or two, I’m just as surprised as...

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In case you had just sort of assumed that Poltergeist had been remade, sequeled, rebooted, or reimagined several times over the past decade or two, I’m just as surprised as you are to find out that you’re wrong.

Well, you WERE wrong. Poltergeist is getting remade by the most remake-y team around, which includes Texas Chainsaw Massacre‘s Tobe Hooper directing and Evil Dead‘s Sam Raimi producing.

The first casting news is that Rosemarie DeWitt has been scooped up, presumably to play the mom, but possibly to play an Native American skeleton.

Anyway, congrats on Hollywood not touching this property in 31 years. It must have taken every ounce of restraint. It must have been like a piano off their shoulders to find out that they could finally mess with this thing.

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15 Creepy Movie Kids We’d Pay To See Fight http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/15-creepy-movie-kids-wed-pay-to-see-fight/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/15-creepy-movie-kids-wed-pay-to-see-fight/#comments Tue, 25 Oct 2011 13:00:39 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=233316 FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!!

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Take your zombies and vampires and paranormal entities and throw them out the window. There’s is no antagonist more scary than the creepy kid. You’re legally not allowed to defend yourself against you and those little psychos use that to their advantage. That’s why they need to pick on someone their own size.

Below you’ll find seven hypothetical match-ups between the creepiest kids ever committed to film. A lot of tough choices were made. This wasn’t easy, so please feel free to sound off in the ‘Comments’ section and tell us where we went wrong.

Carol Anne Freeling (Poltergeist) vs. Cole Sear (The Sixth Sense)

Both share the ability to see ghosts that their adult counterparts do not, so you would assume this ability would connect them. However, there’s no such thing as friends on the Creepy Kid Battlefield. You might be inclined to pick The Sixth Sense’s Cole as the victor given his age and advanced strength, but you need to factor in his emotional state. He’s severely messed up and in therapy, whereas Poltergeist’s Carol Anne has been to the other side and back, seemingly with no signs of mental trauma. She’s a tough chick. I’d bet on her.

Our Pick: Carol Anne Freeling

Eli (Let The Right One In) vs Firestarter (Firestarter)

Though she would sustain substantial injury, Eli from Let The Right One In would absolutely house Firestarter. Assuming this fight takes place at night, Eli’s super-strength and speed would make short work of the young pyrokinetic. Of course, she would need to feed after in order to heal from the extreme burns she’d likely receive. If a sufficient food source couldn’t be found, it is possible she would die a slow, lingering death. However, this also poses a question: What would happen if Eli were to feed on Firestarter? Would she also develop mental powers?

Our Pick: Eli

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‘Poltergeist’ Curse Strikes Again: Zelda Rubinstein Dead at 76 http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/poltergeist-curse-strikes-again-zelda-rubinstein-dead-at-76/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/poltergeist-curse-strikes-again-zelda-rubinstein-dead-at-76/#comments Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000 Kim Jong-il look-a-like/actress who scared the crap out of six-year old me, Zelda Rubinstein, has passed away. The actress, best known as Tangina in the Poltergeist films, was taken off life support two months ago after two major organs failed her. She eventually succumbed to these ailments earlier today at the age of 76. Tragically, another victim to the rumored Poltergeist curse. It just won't stop until it has Craig T. Nelson in its icy clutches. (Radar)

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Kim Jong-il look-a-like/actress who scared the crap out of six-year old me, Zelda Rubinstein, has passed away. The actress, best known as Tangina in the Poltergeist films, was taken off life support two months ago after two major organs failed her. She eventually succumbed to these ailments earlier today at the age of 76. Tragically, another victim to the rumored Poltergeist curse. It just won’t stop until it has Craig T. Nelson in its icy clutches. (Radar)

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BRYAN SINGER REBOOTING ‘BATTLESTAR’ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/bryan-singer-rebooting-battlestar/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/bryan-singer-rebooting-battlestar/#comments Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000 Bryan Singer is in talks to bring a big screen version of Battlestar Galactica to theaters. Originally he was set to develop the television series reboot in 2001 but was c-blocked by the Taliban. The gig later went to Ron Moore and the rest is history. No word yet on the creative direction of the feature but let's hope it wraps up a little tighter than the new series did. I find it kind of odd that Universal is already rebooting a franchise that practically just completed its successful run. If this is the new norm, can we get a do-over on Transformers 2? (Hit Fix)Check out these morning links before they get remade...The Goods character posters are good. (Cinematical)Poltergeist remake actually coming to theaters. (/Film)New Dexter promo artwork. (Dread Central)Check out a clip of Timothy Olyphant in Lawman. (Cinema Blend)Facebook gets Ed Helms in over his head. (Latino Review)

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Bryan Singer is in talks to bring a big screen version of Battlestar Galactica to theaters. Originally he was set to develop the television series reboot in 2001 but was c-blocked by the Taliban. The gig later went to Ron Moore and the rest is history. No word yet on the creative direction of the feature but let’s hope it wraps up a little tighter than the new series did. I find it kind of odd that Universal is already rebooting a franchise that practically just completed its successful run. If this is the new norm, can we get a do-over on Transformers 2? (Hit Fix)

Check out these morning links before they get remade…

The Goods character posters are good. (Cinematical)
Poltergeist remake actually coming to theaters. (/Film)
New Dexter promo artwork. (Dread Central)
Check out a clip of Timothy Olyphant in Lawman. (Cinema Blend)
Facebook gets Ed Helms in over his head. (Latino Review)

 

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