Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

Jack Sparrow is back, and this time, it’s personal…or something like that.

Watch The New TV Spot For 'Pirates 4' Or "Die Trying"

Louder Than a Bomb

Louder Than a Bomb follows a group of Chicago high schoolers as they compete in a youth poetry slam.
 
Now that sounds like a film that was screaming to be made.
 
Best Review
Greg Jacobs and Jon Siskel’s Louder Than a Bomb is an affecting and superbly paced celebration of American youth at their creative best.
 
Robert Koehler – Variety
 
Worst Review
Well, this is awkward. There are no negative reviews for this film. But I get paid by the word, so I’ll use this opportunity type a long and rambling sentence that serves no other purpose but to increase the size of my next paycheck.
 
Our Recommendation
Since the film is rocking a 100% rating at Rotten Tomatoes, there’s no way I can tell you not to see this film. But I will tell you what my dad told me on my 18th birthday: “rhyming is for assholes.”
 

Midnight in Paris

Midnight in Paris, a romantic comedy set in the city of lights, is the latest outing from director Woody Allen.

‘Midnight In Paris’ Trailer: Now It’s Owen Wilson’s Turn To Imitate Woody Allen

Then Pirates of the Caribbean came along and made hundreds of millions of dollars. Then they made two sequels and he made blockbuster remakes of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and Alice in Wonderland, and now there’s a fourth Pirates. Depp is really sorry about all this money.

“It’s not my fault,” Depp joked at the Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides press conference. “I did my best, even to the point of trying to get fired from the first film, but they just couldn’t bring themselves to do it.”

That’s true. Depp’s insistence on Jack Sparrow’s look caused major conflict with the Disney brass. Now who’s bad!

More Sword Fighting And Flowy Shirts In New 'Pirates Of The Caribbean' Trailer

As for the box office clout, well, maybe there’s still a Donnie Brasco in Depp somewhere. “It’s interesting to experience that kind of ride, after essentially 20 years of enjoying a career based on failures,” he continued. “Suddenly, something clicks. The weird thing is that I never changed a thing. The process is still the process, as it ever was. The fact that people decided to go and see a movie that I was in was probably the most shocking thing that I’ve ever been through.”

So don’t go see Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides this Friday. Or see it, whatever. It’s all the same to him.

The Fountain of Youth offers an easily digestible myth with a clear set of rules. They have to get a mermaid’s tears, two chalices and find the cave. Blackbeard (Ian McShane) needs to get there before the prophecy of his death is fulfilled. See, that makes so much more sense than the last film.

It’s definitely better to have a new adventure with new characters. Dead Man’s Chest and At Worlds End tried so hard to give everyone something to do, they just made a mess of it. Now there’s some new discovery. Angelica’s (Penelope Cruz) history with Jack (Johnny Depp) implies greater stories that went on before. Every character, new or returning, gets the best dramatic introductions.

More Sword Fighting And Flowy Shirts In New 'Pirates Of The Caribbean' Trailer

Blackbeard is way better than Davy Jones. The subtle look of burning embers in the black beard is more impressive than the squid face, and he’s a real hardcore pirate. The young stud priest Phillip (Sam Claflin) and the hottie mermaid Syrena (Astrid Berges-Frisbey) are minimal, as Will (Orlando Bloom) and Elizabeth (Keira Knightley) should have been.

There’s not enough Barbosa (Geoffrey Rush). He’s following behind Blackbeard’s crew, so we only get to check in with him now and then. But Keith Richards has the best line and a way better cameo this time.

The action is smaller in Tides and that’s better. It’s more about using the environment creatively, not having a giant spectacle. Tides gives each thrill its own space. You get a lot more out of a palm tree catapult, a complex palace escape, or Ponce de Leon’s cabin.

The film retains the Pirates magic, on a more intimate scale. Blackbeard’s powers string his crew up in the masts. See, you don’t need barnacle faces and hammerheads to make movie magic. Mermaids are creatures we already understand so they spark our imaginations on a gut level, both beautiful and monstrous. Dew drops defy physics, so they’re obviously visual effects but it’s subtle.

The 3D even looks better than any other forced 3D blockbuster. They emphasize the open space in scenes like the palace escape. You can definitely see the layers in the ships’ ropes and masts, or jungle paths. Fire looks fantastic in 3D and they even stick some swords in the audience’s faces.

This is how they should keep making Pirates movies. The first one was magical. We’ll never get to see Johnny Depp create a character like that for the first time again, but you don’t need to come up with bigger and more convoluted ideas. Just think of more creative situations to throw at Jack Sparrow, and let Depp work it out.

Warne Brothers and Legendary Pictures are producing, and acclaimed Russian director Sergei Bodrov (Mongol) will handle behind the camera duties. Congratulations to Clafin and Vicander, and to all the young hopefuls looking to score a little Pattinson/Stewart cache, thanks for playing Who Wants To Be A Tween Idol! (The Playlist)

Ian McShane (“Deadwood“) will play Johnny Depp‘s nemesis in the new installment of the Pirates series. At first, you might think Blackbeard’s a badass, the way he carries around a skull. But maybe he’s just a sad old actor, practicing for a Hamlet audition? Or maybe he loves his little skull and wants to protect it. That’s why he’s giving you a cold stare. He’s saying, “stay away from my Skully, who I partially named after Agent Scully from ‘The X-Files.’ That was a great show. I wish the last movie was better.” Depp’s other rivals in the film include a bunch of zombie pirates, but they don’t seem to carry human skulls, so they’re not nearly as interesting to me.

You can watch Depp fight the whole lot of them May 20th. (Cinema Blend)

On Stranger Tides

Or perhaps Depp is just looking off into the distance, wondering how he got imprisoned by his own success. There’ll probably be, like, 11 more of these movies, and he can’t refuse those gigantic novelty checks from Disney. There’s not enough will power in the world to resist that kind of sweet, sweet booty. So these might be Stranger Tides for us, but for the guy who’ll be portraying this same character for many more years to come, they’re likely becoming stale waters.

On Stranger Tides mournfully yarrs into theaters May 20th. (ScreenRant)

Now that New England has been knocked out of the running, I guess the only reason I have to watch the Super Bowl is for the commercials. A lot of big films will run previews during this year’s game, so it looks like there’s something for everybody. Unless you were hoping to see mutants. Despite expectations, X-Men: First Class will not air a Super Bowl trailer.

Here’s a rundown of the movie trailers that will air in between talking baby ads, Doritos wannabes, and horses farting:

Super 8

Captain America: The First Avenger

Thor

Transformers: Dark Of The Moon

Rango

Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

Cowboys & Aliens

Limitless

(THR)

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: ON STRANGER TIDES – You may be quick to criticize these pictures (or the existence of the film entirely) as looking exactly like the other films in the series. Then you’d look like a damned fool. They’re clearly wearing more blue in this film and Johnny Depp‘s hair is on loan from “American Idol” runner-up Crystal Bowersox.

TH GREEN LANTERN – In this very exciting picture, Green Lantern and Hector Hammond are chilling together at some kind of premiere. You can see the Lantern is about to conjure a light ball or something else cosmic between his palms. It’s weird to see Peter Sarsgaard playing the ugly guy. I guess Jackie Earle Haley was booked.

THE MUPPETS – Jason Segal and Amy Adams cut a rug. They will later wrap the rug fragments around Segal’s forearm and hot glue eyeballs to it.

This Pirates seems to be chock full of everything that we haven’t seen in previous Pirates films. They even capitalized on the whole zombie phenomenon. This could have been intentional or the writers received a mandate to work everything ever into the film. The fourth time around you have to do that. Let’s just hope they keep it under five hours long. Kids can only take so much convoluted plotline.

If you were worried that Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides would be your last chance to see Johnny Depp wear a floppy hat and talk like a drunken stroke victim, don’t fret. You’ll have at least two more chances. Disney wants to go ahead with a fifth and sixth entry in the series, and they’d like to shoot them back-to-back.

Ugh. Stop making Pirates Of The Caribbean movies! We get it. He’s a pirate. He does pirate stuff. Let’s move on. Why do we need all of these? Is Disney competing with Saw? FREE JOHNNY!!! (HitFix)