Germany‘s acceptance of causal nudity almost makes up for World War I and II, but will never make up for Uwe Boll.

^{"My wiener!!!"}

Piranha 3D is a movie of the people. Especially people who have always wanted to see Jerry O’Connell have his wiener bitten off (you know who you are). Producers of the inevitable sequel want to stay in the good graces of the fans, so they are making Piranha 3D: Part Two an interactive movie.

That’s right! You, Joe Q. Public, can decide which celebrity will be cast to meet a gory demise in the next film. There’s no info yet on how to vote, so I’m going to walk out into Times Square and begin shouting "Gary Busey!!" If I do that long enough, two things may happen: 1) producers will receive my vote, 2) the real Gary Busey will show up before me. He’s like a "Bewitched" character in that way. (NY Post)

Claiming dominion over all things aquatic or 3D, James Cameron went all king of the world on Piranha 3D last week, and now the film’s producer Mark Canton (who looks like what would happen if Phil Spector banged Albert Brooks) is showing his teeth in response. And he raises a few damn good points! Though, they are lengthy points. Here’s just a few favorites, but I encourage you to check out the entire response after jump. Go on wit yo’ bad self, Mark Canton:

“Mr. Cameron, who singles himself out to be a visionary of movie-making, seems to have a small vision regarding any motion pictures that are not his own. It is amazing that in the movie-making process – which is certainly a team sport – that Cameron consistently celebrates himself out as though he is a team of one. His comments are ridiculous, self-serving and insulting to those of us who are not caught up in serving his ego and his rhetoric."

Snap.

"Shame on you for thinking that genre movies and the real maestros like Roger Corman and his collaborators are any less auteur or impactful in the history of cinema than you. Martin Scorcese made Boxcar Bertha at the beginning of his career. And Francis Ford Coppola made Dimentia [sic] 13 back in 1963. And those are just a few examples of the talented and successful filmmakers whose roots are in genre films. Who are you to impugn any genre film or its creators?"

Double snap.

And now.. fighting words:

“Jim, are you kidding or what? First of all, let’s start by you accepting the fact that you were the original director of PIRANHA 2 and you were fired."

(Runs around in exaggerated circle playfully slapping own face a la early Martin Lawrence)

No. He. Didn’t. Don’t MAKE a James Cameron take off his earrings!!

Full letter after the jump…

“As a producer in the entertainment industry, Jim Cameron’s comments on
VanityFair.com are very disappointing to me and the team that made Piranha 3D. Mr. Cameron, who singles himself out to be a visionary of movie-making, seems to have a small vision regarding any motion pictures that are not his own. It is amazing that in the movie-making process – which is certainly a team sport – that Cameron consistently celebrates himself out as though he is a team of one. His comments are ridiculous, self-serving and insulting to those of us who are not caught up in serving his ego and his rhetoric.

“Jim, are you kidding or what? First of all, let’s start by you accepting the fact that you were the original director of PIRANHA 2 and you were fired. Shame on you for thinking that genre movies and the real maestros like Roger Corman and his collaborators are any less auteur or impactful in the history of cinema than you. Martin Scorcese made Boxcar Bertha at the beginning of his career. And Francis Ford Coppola made Dimentia [sic] 13 back in 1963. And those are just a few examples of the talented and successful filmmakers whose roots are in genre films. Who are you to impugn any genre film or its creators?

“Having been deeply involved, as either an executive or as a producer, on Tim Burton’s original BATMAN and the first MEN IN BLACK, as well as 300, and now IMMORTALS, one of the things that has been consistent about all of the filmmakers involved in these landscape-changing global films is that, in each and every case, all of the directors were humbled by their predecessors, their colleagues and by their awareness of the great history of film that came before them. The enjoyment and the immersion of an audience in a movie theatre, as they had and will have with the above-mentioned films, and as audiences are experiencing with PIRNAHA 3D now, comes from the originality and the vision of the filmmaker, and not just from the creation of the technology. You as much as anyone certainly knows that there are many pieces to the puzzle. Going to the movies still remains, arguably, amongst the best communal experiences that human beings can share.

“My sense is that Mr. Cameron has never seen PIRANHA 3D…certainly not in a movie theatre with a real audience. Jim, we invite you to take that opportunity and experience the movie in a theatre full of fans – fans for whom this movie was always intended to entertain.

“Does Mr. Cameron have no idea of the painstaking efforts made by the talented young filmmaker Alex Aja and his team of collaborators? Clearly, and this one is a good bet, he has no clue as to how great and how much of a fun-filled experience the audiences who have seen the film in 3D have enjoyed. Those of us who have tried to stay in touch with the common movie audiences – the ones who really matter, the ones who actually still go to the theatre, put on the glasses, and eat the popcorn – take joy and pride in the fact that movies of all kinds, including PIRANHA 3D, have a place in filmmaking history – past, present and future. 3D unto itself is not a genre Jim, it is a tool that gives audiences an enhanced experience as they experience all kinds of movies. I believe Mr. Cameron did not see PIRANHA 3D either with any real audience or not at all. On opening weekend, I was in a Los Angeles theatre with a number of today’s great film makers including JJ Abrams, who actually had nothing short of the fabulous, fun 3D experience that the movie provides I am fortunate enough to have worked on, and continue to work on, evolutionary movies in all formats from just simple good story telling, which still matters most of all, to CG movies to tent-pole size 3D movies, and genre 3D movies like PIRANHA 3D.

“What it comes down to, Jim, is – that like most things in life – size doesn’t really matter. Not everyone has the advantage of having endless amounts of money to play in their sandbox and to take ten years using other people’s money to make and market a film….like you do. Why can’t you just count your blessings? Why do you have to drop Marty Scorsese’s or Tim Burton’s names, both gentlemen who I have personally worked with, and who have enjoyed great joy and success with movies of all genres and sizes well before the advent of modern 3D? Then as now, they were like kids in a candy store recognizing, far beyond your imagination, the possibilities of storytelling and originality.

“For the record, before you just totally dismiss PIRANHA 3D and all, in your opinion, worthless genre movies that actually undoubtedly gave you the ability to start your career, you should know that PIRANHA 3D had an 82% “fresh” (positive) ratting on Rotten Tomatoes on opening day – a web site that all the studios, filmmakers and the public use as a barometer of what makes a quality film.

“We know that PIRANHA 3D has not achieved a boxoffice that is on the level of many of Mr. Cameron’s successes. To date, PIRANHA 3D has earned over $30 million around the globe with #1 openings in several countries. And, as the “fresh” rating on Rotten Tomatoes indicates, critics and many, many others have embraced and celebrated PIRANHA 3D for the fun and entertaining – and even smart – movie-going experience that it is.

“Let’s just keep this in mind Jim….you did not invent 3D. You were fortunate that others inspired you to take it further. The simple truth is that I had nothing but good things to say about AVATAR and my own experience since I actually saw it and didn’t damn someone else’s talent publicly in order to disassociate myself from my origins in the business from which we are all very fortunate. To be honest, I found the 3D in AVATAR to be inconsistent and while ground breaking in many respects, sometimes I thought it overwhelmed the storytelling. Technology aside, I wish AVATAR had been more original in its storytelling.

“We have to inspire, teach and mentor this next generation of filmmakers. It is garbage to suggest that any film or any filmmaker who cannot afford to work to your standards should be dissuaded from following his or her craft by not making 3D movies or not making movies like DISTRICT 9, for example, which probably cost the amount of AVATAR’s craft services budget, but totally rocked it in the movie theatre and in the marketplace. In that case, it was not a 3D movie. But had it been, it certainly would not have been any less original or impactful. The enormous worldwide success of AVATAR has been good in all respects for you, your financiers, your distributors and the industry, as well as for the movie going public. Jim, there is a difference between Maestro which is a word that garners respect, and Dictator or Critic which are words better left for others who are not in our mutual boat or on our team. You are one of the best, it is reasonable to think that you should dig deeper and behave like it. Young directors should be inspired by you, not publicly castigated by your mean-spirited and flawed analysis.

“While we are all awed by your talents and your box office successes – and I compliment you on all of them – why don’t you rethink how you address films with which you are not involved? You should be taking the high road that is being travelled by so many of your peers, and pulling with them to ensure that we, as an industry, will have a continuum of talented filmmakers that will deliver a myriad of motion pictures both big and small, with 3D or any other technologies yet to come that will entertain audiences throughout the world. That is the challenge that we face. That is the future that we should deliver.

“Please go see PIRANHA 3D in a theatre near you.”

Hey, everybody! James Cameron has something important to say about the dangers of using 3D technology in an inappropriate manner, so listen up!

I tend almost never to throw other films under the bus, but (Piranha 3D) is exactly an example of what we should not be doing in 3-D. Because it just cheapens the medium and reminds you of the bad 3-D horror films from the 70s and 80s, like Friday the 13th 3-D. When movies got to the bottom of the barrel of their creativity and at the last gasp of their financial lifespan, they did a 3-D version to get the last few drops of blood out of the turnip.

First of all, comparing Piranha 3D to Friday the 13th Part III is like comparing Kim Kardashian to the cast of "The View." Both are incredibly stupid, but one is still fun to watch if you’re in the mood (for porn). Piranha 3D knew what it was supposed to be, and it hit the mark. Critics agree, and its Rotten Tomatoes ranking rivals that of Avatar (not that the two movies should be compared). Why should a film that is meant to be nothing more than a fun, summer gore-fest be excluded from using 3D technology? Not every 3D film needs to be a smug, ham-fisted retread of Dances with Wolves.

Second, if you want to talk about squeezing blood from a turnip, how about Avatar Special Edition, which is charging fans roughly $15 dollars to see a movie that was still in theaters less than a year ago. Oh, let’s not forget the eight minutes of extra footage, which comes out to about $2 per new minute. At the end of the day, if people want to pay $15 to see Avatar again, good for Cameron. But if those same people want to pay to see fish dismembering topless girls, who is he to judge? (Vanity Fair via Movie Line)

_{"We’re actresses!"}

Good news for people who like breasts and carnivorous fish! A sequel for Piranha 3D is officially in the works.

Despite a slower than expected start at the box office, the film did fairly well when considering its budget was only $30 million. Couple that with an overwhelmingly positive critical reception, and it’s easy to see why the Weinsteins and Co. signed off another installment.

Since the fourth dimension is time, I’m assuming Piranha 4D will involve the piranhas taking control of some sort of water-based time machine and traveling back to the Old West. Unless, of course, they end up naming it Piranha 3D Part 2, which would just be stupid. (Cinema Blend)

Gianna Michaels, like many hard working adult film stars, came from the fast food industry before being discovered for her natural talents. They have led her to several adult industry awards and a small part in Piranha 3D, where she is eaten by the carnivorous fish while parasailing nude, of course.

A word from Gianna: “I worked at a hamburger joint up in Seattle called Dick’s.”

I won’t comment on the irony.

More pics of Gianna after the jump…

Adam Scott is so certain that you’ll like his new film Piranha 3D that if you don’t, he’ll personally come over to your house and act out his scenes for you and yours friends. At least, that’s what he tweeted yesterday. Today, he laid out the stipulations for Vanity Fair, which I’m betting most of you would willingly abide by for his visit:

“Few things: Will need the aforementioned firearm and fish. Will also need local Elisabeth Shue look-alike to run dialogue with, a plaid shirt, two high-fives (one before we run the scenes, one after), peanut M&M’s, a map with the closest Red Roof Inn circled on it (I won’t be staying there, I just lik knowing where it is. I’ll be staying with you), a 700-word essay on why you neglected to recognize that Piranha 3D totally f**king shreds, Perrier, a quick guitar lesson, one grenade, dinner with your family, and directions to the airport.”

The only request I have a problem with is the 700-word essay. If there’s one thing I can’t stand in this world, it’s mandated writing. When I put fingertips to keyboard it’s on my own terms, Scott. (Movieline)

Riley Steele, a current popular star in the porn biz, makes her official big screen debut with Piranha 3D. From nude underwater swimming with Kelly Brook and making out with Jessica Szohr, the movie puts her adult entertainment assets to good use.

A word from Riley: “What matters most is how you see yourself.”

Naked or clothed? Because there’s a world of difference.

More pics of Riley after the jump…

Piranha 3D
R, 82m., 2010
Cast: Elisabeth Shue, Adam Scott, Ving Rhames, Jerry O’Connell, Steve R. McQueen, Kelly Brook, Jessica Szohr Paul Sheer with Christopher Lloyd and Richard Dryfuss
Directed by Alexandre Aja
Screenplay by Peter Goldfinger and  Josh Stolberg

Piranha 3D zips along at great pace with plenty of boobs and blood to give us one hell of a fun summer ride at the movies.

For those who want to know any plot, a ‘seismic’ underwater earthquake unleashes a huge pack of pre-historic flesh hungry piranhas onto a popular desert lake during sprin break. What follows are the gory events and traps that bring togethe the town Sheriff (Elisabeth Shue), her tough guy Deputy (Ving Rhames), a underwater researcher (Adam Scott), and a boat load of sleazy Girls Gone Wild crew members headed by Jerry O’Connell, doing some of his best over the top acting ever.

A couple of hilarious cameos by Richard Dreyfuss and Christopher Lloyd keep things rolling as they remind us that we’re always going to need a bigger boat when dealing with monstrous sea creatures.

At its core, the movie is just another gimmicky remake of the 1970s Roger Cormen B-classic, Piranha. The original was a rip-off of Jaws, and this version seems even more so with its many zoom shots and characters having similar traits and references. Dreyfuss even finds himself on an ill-fated boat again, and Scott looks an awful lot like a young Dreyfuss with his thick glasses and beard.

Yet Alexandre Aja, director of High Tension and The Hills Have Eyes (2006), along with his cast of classic screen actors, D-List stars, and young, tan teenagers dive head first into the campy gore and sex. They don’t hold anything back, from fishes gobbling penises that are spit back at you to underwater nude scenes with this month’s Playboy cover girl Kelly Brook. The best way to enjoy is just to sit back, laugh, howl, and enjoy the ridiculous ride this movie takes you on.

Grade: B

Jessica Szohr hails from “Gossip Girl.” She shows off her talents there alongside Blake Lively, and in the upcoming Piranha 3D. While not the best material for an up-and-comer, they do highlight her well-mixed beauty and overdone appeal of consumerism gone mad.

A word from Jessica: “When I have a craving for something, I just can’t hold myself back.”

So you should be very understanding of the fish in the film you’re currently starring in.

More pics of Jessica after the jump…

Ashlynn Brooke is the “Queen Of The XXX Porn Parodies.” From 30 Rock: A XXX Parody to Seinfeld: A XXX Parody, she has done them all in the last 5 years. While not taking one for the XXX team, she’ll be popping up her talents in Piranha 3D this week as the fitfully suite “Cheerleader” character, nude in 3D, of course.

A word from Ashlynn: “I love my job and I love to please people.”

It’s very rare that a person loves their job. Do it until it hurts.

More pics of Ashlynn after the jump…

This feels like a formality, but some of the stars of the upcoming Piranha 3D felt it necessary to create a For Your Consideration video to drum up Oscar support. In my opinion, it’s already a shoe-in, and I haven’t even seen it yet because the studio won’t screen it for critics, most likely because it’s too amazing to show early.

Jerry "Hollywood Treasure" O’Connell, Adam Scott, Kelly Brook, and Paul Scheer are a few of the cast members asking for your vote this award season. If nothing else, the film should definitely have a lock on the Best Penis Being Gobbled Up and Spit Out in 3D category. The scene of that in Inception was just so-so.

Check out the campaign video after the jump…

Kelly Brook is one hot pot of English tea. I tried my best to give a range of pictures here from the artfully tasteful to the fake orgasm moan, but there are just too many out there, and more coming soon as she burns up the pages of this month’s Playboy. There is one reason to see Piranha 3D this weekend: Kelly Brook naked in 3D.

A word from Kelly: “I’ve got boobs and a bum and if people think I’m fat, I honestly don’t care”

If you’re fat, may the world be populated by big fat fatties like you.

More insanely hot pics of Kelly after the jump…

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Bloody Disgusting has posted the Piranha 3D footage that got the film booted from Hall H at this year’s past Comic-Con. Upon reviewing it, I can understand why the Comic-Con HMFICs wouldn’t want to screen it for the family-friendly convention. A woman in a bikini gets bifurcated by a wire cable, half of her suit top falling off before half of her torso does. And that’s just the beginning of the over-the-top bloodshed. Skip to the 3:15 mark to watch annoying tourists get their just desserts. …In the butt.

Check out red-band clip after the jump…

When Comic-Con told the The Weinstein Company that their Piranha 3D footage was too graphic for the "family friendly" event, they pulled out of the planned panel. But now comes word that the company is taking it one step further, saying f*** you to Comic-Con by hosting an off-site, nighttime event of their own featuring the rejected footage.

TWC and director Alexandre Aja originally planned to show off a sequence where a wet T-shirt contest turns into a total massacre as prehistoric fish chomp waterlogged fun-seekers into meat. It’s the sequence that has been teased in the trailers and pre-release images, and one that sounds like one of the film’s planned showstopper setpieces.

I guess it should come as no surprise that the Weinstei Brothers, two of the most powerful men in Hollywood, found a way to outflank the organizers of a comic-book convention. Frankly, I wouldn’t be surprised if some Teamsters showed up, blocked the exits, and burnt the place down, cosplay girls and all. (/Film)

_{Stop staring at my chest!}

Comic-Con attendees hoping to see a topless woman for the first time are in for a real let down. Event organizers have rejected footage from the film Piranha 3D because there were too many boob shots, according to Comic-Con’s PR director, David Glanzer.

"My understanding is that the footage wasn’t all ages appropriate," Glanzer told HitFix. "We don’t check ID to get into those meeting rooms, so we don’t want something inappropriate."

That’s all fine and good, but answer me this: at what age is it "appropriate" to sit in on a panel discussion titled A Leap Of Faith, A "Quantum Leap" Retrospective, or Kiss Them or Kill Them? Conflict Management for the Creatures Among Us? Clearly, half the crap at Comic-Con is inappropriate for people of all ages. Why pick on Piranha 3D? (Dread Central)

There’s a new reason (besides interacting with pretty girls) to fear Sprin Break this year: dying a fish-related death. That’s why I’ve elected to stay on campus to get a jump on my courseload. I ran that plan by Mother and Mother agrees that’s the best use of my time.

The once-3D, then not 3D, then 3D again Piranha 3D has a full-length trailer that gives us a better look at the massacre at Lake Victoria. And it also gives us a better look at Ving Rhames ridiculousl fighting a school of piranha with an outboard motor. That’s the reason 3D was invented. Sh******t, that’s the reason eyeballs were invented.

Boobs, blood, and people dying unlikely deaths after the jump….

All right Screen Junkies, time to put on your 3D glasses and get ready to witness the mayhem of Piranha 3D. In this trailer you’ll see the — what’s that? You don’t have 3D glasses? Well, you’re supposed to be ready at all times. These are the post-Avatar days we’re living in afterall.

For those of you who did come prepared, please enjoy this blurry look at a sh*tty movie that tries to sell you on the combined star power of Elisabeth Shue and Jerry O’Connell. Last week we heard it has had its release date pushed back maybe indefinitely. Moreover, if it does ever come out, word is it won’t be in 3D anymore. But hey, BOOBIES!!!

And on a sidenote, how are you going to make a movie about piranha where a guy on a jet ski rolls under the water’s surface and doesn’t emerge as a skeleton? That’s just lazy filmmaking. (Pajiba)

Check out the trailer with the little scary fishies after the jump…

^{William Shatner: Mankind’s greates weapon against the piranha threat.}