You don’t know him yet, but the billionaire is hatching a plan that will put America back in most-favored-nation status. His new life’s work: hatching a sequel to In the Army Now, the 1994 Pauly Shore movie that you found mildly amusing when you were too dumb to know the difference between good things and bad things.

It’s even got a title. In the Army Again. You know, because he’s a back in the army again.

Without doing any research, I can say with absolute certainty that both Andy Dick and Shore are available at a moment’s notice. Further, a treatment is in play, a script will follow, and there’s already a press release, as evidenced by me talking about this thing.

The fact that it’s raining as I type this is just a coincidence, right?

Right?

(A.V. Club)

When my editor assigned me the task of finding Doritos in popular films, I thought it was a fool’s errand. But, of course, there is a Tumblr page dedicated to old Doritos bags in movies. Thank you, Internet. You’ve really come through for me today.

Scream

There are certain rules one must follow in order to throw a successful Murder Party. First, don’t forget your knife. Second, don’t forget to stock up on Doritos. You can’t murder without a knife and you can’t party without Doritos.

Romy and Michele’ s High School Reunion

It’s of high importance to Romy and Michele that they wow their former classmates at their high school reunion. Which means they are put on a Doritos-free diet. They are allowed half a chip at best.

Little Monsters

When fortifying your bedroom against monster attacks, you’ll need a hammer, nails, assorted tools, and nacho breath.

Encino Man

Doritos. The official snack of annoying California teens and the cavemen they unearth.

Wayne’s World

Wayne’s World is perhaps the biggest role for the famous chip brand. Granted, the film was never expected to be the runaway hit that it became, launching the careers of Mike Myers and Dana Carvey in the process. Doritos, however, wasn’t able to parlay the success into larger roles after finding itself replaced by M&M’s in the sequel.

LAST DAY DREAM – Watch more Funny Videos

In an unprecedented move, Screen Junkies has completed the first ever survey of Pauly Shore cinematic scholars, as well as a few undergrads majoring in "Pauly Shore Studies," which some of schools in the UC system have made available as a path of metriculation.  The results of our unprecedented survey demonstrate that there are basically only three Pauly Shore jokes, repeated in film after film. 

These are those jokes.

JOKE 1: "Pure Gibberish"

Best exemplified by the dinner scene in Encino Man, this is when Pauly goes downright indecipherable.  Most Pauly Shore slang involves words that you can kind of figure out from context ("grindage" = "food," "nugs" = "hot girls") but every now and then, he lapses into psychobabble so dense that even the most advanced Pauly Shore scholars are unable to determine the meaning:

JOKE 2: "Lack of Cause and Effect"

Basically, in this joke, Pauly behaves abnormally enough that if you did it, you would probably get punched in the face, would have to pay damages, or would at least be asked what the hell you thought you were doing. But in Pauly Shore World, people just kind of ignore him and treat the craziness as normal and continue saying whatever it is they want to say.  In this example from In the Army Now, Pauly Shore is playing miniature golf and does stream of consciousness quotes from movies and commercials about the armed forces while two military dudes just kind of stare at him.

IN THE ARMY NOW – Watch more Funny Videos

Perhaps you require another example?  In this clip from Son in Law, starting at about the 4:45 mark, Pauly starts to plow his character’s name in cursive in a field, ruining hundreds of thousands of dollars in crops.  Of course, nobody says anything.

JOKE 3: "Language Events"

Though this is related to Joke #1 (see: "Pure Gibberish," above) Pauly Shore scholars make a distinction between the gibberish joke and the language event.  That is, in this type of joke, Pauly Shore just kind of strings existing, non-slang words together in ways that sound cool, but barely make sense.

This clip from Bio-Dome is essentially an excuse for Pauly Shore to say “mahi-mahi” repeatedly:

Or take this gem from Jury Duty:

JURY DUTY CLIP – Watch more Funny Videos

But the Holy Grail for Pauly Shore scholars?  The rare triple crown: a scene in which he speaks pure gibberish slang, then uses real words in a rhyming manner that in and of itself does not make sense, all while seemingly normal bystanders do the opposite of reacting. 

Amateur Pauly Shore scholars put your skills to the test: Can you point to any Triple Crowns?

– J.C. Sirott

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