Though I can’t imagine the pain associated with losing a loved one or my livelihood to the cruelty of the internet, Disconnect seems a bit overdramatic and forced. Or fake and gay, if you will.

Jeremy Renner also stars as an agent that nobody is sure they can trust. It’s been said that he’s being groomed to take over the series from Cruise. He even does Tom Cruise‘s famous hover just inches above the floor move. The kid’s got potential.

Anyway, as Brad Bird knows,the best way to restore a reputation these days is to kick lots of people in the chest. So by the looks of this trailer, the IMF team should be back in high regard in no time at all.

Sabrina (Paula Patton) won’t shut up from the moment we meet her, in voiceover or in dialogue. Jason (Laz Alonso) must be the most patient man in the world, and he likes opera. After five months of dating, Jason proposes to Sabrina because she got a job in China and he wants them to be together.

Things get worse when we get to the wedding preparations. Poor Julie Bowen plays Annie, a highly stressed wedding planner. She asks downright racist questions about the difference in skin tone of the various African-American family members. She also improvises a “grrrrl” and manages to work a fried chicken stereotype in there. The suntan lotion scene would be shocking, if Annie weren’t already so inappropriate.

Well, Sabrina’s never met Jason’s parents. Pam (Loretta Devine) is a sassy postal worker. She brings along her friend Shonda (Tasha Smith) to make bidet jokes at the wealthy Claudine’s (Angela Bassett) Martha’s Vineyard estate. Pam’s just so sassy, how could she ever fit in with Claudine’s side of the family!

This is basically a really poorly planned wedding. Nobody contacted any of the people in the wedding party to tell them what they needed to wear or bring. Not only haven’t Jason and Sabrina met each other’s families, they clearly haven’t even talked about them. By the night before the wedding, Jason should have at least said, “Listen Honey, my mom is traditional and wants the broom ceremony, so even though we decided against it, it’s going to be an issue so let’s be prepared to deal with her.”

These family comedies are a real pet peeve of mine because most of them celebrate dysfunction and bad behavior. I will give Jumping the Broom credit that the tone all along is that people should be honest and discuss their issues, rather than keep secrets and try to orchestrate their perfect fantasy.

Uncle Willie Earl (Mike Epps) does confront Pam about sabotaging the wedding and the best man Ricky (Pooch Hall) does tell cousin Malcolm (Deray Davis) he should not speculate about the couple’s personal life. The film tries to promote healthy discussion but it’s no funnier and there are worse offenses in the racism (is it reverse racism to foist those jokes onto a white character?) and annoying characters.

Jumping the Broom drops serious bombs like a Tyler Perry movie. There’s also a religious agenda too. Jason prays to get Sabrina back when conflict tears them apart, and Pam prays on the family secrets she learns about Claudine. When Jason professes his love in the climax, his speech seriously reminded me of “this is our hill, and our beans” from The Naked Gun.

And for whatever reason, these parts are being sought by a variety of actresses in Hollywood. For the first part, the one originated by Sharon Stone, Kate Bosworth and Diane Kruger (Inglourious Basterds) are said to be reading. For the second part, real love-interest, has Eva Mendes and Paula Patton rumored to be interested. Keep in mind this is all just rumor, and these names aren’t the only ones in contention for these parts. The article at Deadline also mentions Eva Green and Jessica Biel. So, yeah, if you’re looking for a way to impress girls, stage a remake of a Phillip K. Dick adaptation from years ago. Blade Runner would make the chicks go wild!

The official title of Mission: Impossible 4 is Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol, and no, Tom Clancy‘s name does not preceed that. Stars Tom Cruise, Jeremy Renner, Paula Patton and director Brad Bird announced the news at a press conference in Dubai. They also said they’ll be doing a lot of filming in Dubai, including on the world’s tallest building, Burj Khalifa. Said Tom Cruise, "I’ll be spending many days, many hours on the side of this building, I can’t give you details, but I will be up there." Not sure if his being up there has to do with the movie, or that he heard Katie was on the ground looking for him. (Collider)

Josh Holloway, best known for playing con man and quip spouter Sawyer on "Lost," has chosen to accept Mission: Impossible 4 as his next project. He’ll suit up with a cast that already includes Tom Cruise, Jeremy Renner, Paula Patton, Ving Rhames, and Simon Pegg. No details on who he’ll play or what he’ll do or how the movie will include a plot. I do know the when. It’s shooting in the fall for a December 2011 release.

Mission: Impossible 4 will be directed by Brad Bird, the guy who makes terrific animated movies. It’s the first studio film for Holloway and the first live action studio film for Bird. Talk about the odd men out. If some teasing and serious intimidation on Tom Cruise’s part doesn’t cause rifts in production someone isn’t taking full advantage of their elite Hollywood status. Give the rookies purple nurples while you still can, veterans! (THR)

On Monday, we reported that Lauren German, Kristin Kreuk, and Paula Patton were in contention for the sexy female role in Mission: Impossible 4. Well Paula Patton has emerged victorious! The Deja Vu star will play a young operative who works with Ethan Hunt.

Tom Cruise will reprise his role as Hunt, but Paramount doesn’t want to make a big deal about his involvement. He was the cat’s meow back when the first movie launched, but now he’s that guy you dread having lunch with simply to maintain the relationship. Maybe M:I 4 director Brad Bird can elevate his status back to Top Gun levels. That is if co-star Jeremy Renner doesn’t steal the spotlight. Oh how that would anger Cruise so. Couch-stomping mad. (Deadline)

Now that Jeremy Renner has been cast to distract from the fact that box office poison Tom Cruise is appearing in Mission: Impossible 4, it’s time to figure out which skinny actress will be running around and firing Uzi’s that somehow don’t shatter her wrist. And the contenders are Hostel 2‘s Lauren German, Streetfighter‘s Kristin Kreuk, and Alan Thicke’s daughter-in-law Paula Patton.

The three actresses are all testing for the role of a female operative in the Brad Bird-helmed sequel. Nothing more is known about the character beyond that description, but let’s assume she will wear a leather bodysuit. All the best spies do. (Deadline)

Paula Patton plays the victim in Denzel Washington’s murder case in the film Déjà Vu.  But she’s also not the victim because she’s still alive.  Listen, I don’t have time to explain the whole space-time continuum thing right now.  Go read Stephen Hawking after you ogle Paula.

A word from Paula: “Well you always joke. There’s that countdown to the sex scene. Like, ‘Okay, five days until sex scene. No more carbs.”

I totally agree. Okay, one hour until sex scene. Finish your burrito.

Check out more pics of carb-less Paula after the jump.