The name of the show? The F’n Osbournes. Exciting, isn’t it?

I don’t feel like waiting around for this show to air to declare that it totally sucks. Not just because it’s a ten-year old gimmick featuring a family that grates more and more as time marches on. Also, because cartoons depicting real people have a storied history of being awful. And here are seven examples to prove it.

Life with Louie

Some cartoon producer had a theory that kids love corpulent comedian Louie Anderson. And they were sort of right. While the idea of listening to Louie Anderson voice a cartoon character makes me want to cry, Life with Louie was a three-year hit for FOX on Saturday mornings, and garnered the network two Daytime Emmys. It focused on Louie’s actual upbringing, his ten siblings, and the constant teasing of him because of his weight. Sounds fun, right?

It wasn’t.

Pro Stars

Pro Stars was a horrible cartoon that children watched because it purported to star the three most popular athletes in the world, Wayne Gretzky, Michael Jordan, and Bo Jackson.

Of course, the aforementioned really had almost nothing to do with the show. They would appear in badly edited segments before the show which did nothing but demonstrat that they weren’t in the same room at the same time, and different voice actors read their lines in the animated segments.

In case you were wondering, Michael Jordan was the leader, Bo Jackson was the muscle, and Wayne Gretzky was the comic relief. You know. Because of how funny Wayne Gretzky is. Also, Wayne Gretzky was obsessed with food and eating on the show, which was never really explained.

This accumulation of crappiness resulted in the show getting canned after thirteen episodes. And in case you were wondering, a voice actor on the show is credited with playing both “Reggie Miller,” and “Evil Reggie Miller.” A Knicks fan would argue that there’s no difference between the two.

But Scarlett isn’t the first celebrity to star in a stupid commercial. In fact, here are seven more actors and actresses shilling their dignity away. WARNING: The following videos may include footage that will make you feel sad.

M. Night Shyamalan for American Express

M. Night Shyamalan should know by now that bad things happen when he appears on camera. But American Express was happy enough with his acting ability to cast him as a guy noticing weird stuff happening in a restaurant. But the twist is, the guy wasn’t actually in the restaurant after all. Does that mean the waitress gushing about The Village never existed? I’m willing to bet, yes.

Mr. T for Flavor Wave Oven Turbo

It’s sad to see Mr. T treated like one of the fools he had formally pitied.

Yes, Ray and Cash and Richards had rich lives that serve as compelling source material for a film, but they aren’t at all fun to watch. The Doors? Not fun. Even a Janis Joplin biopic is in the works. Why do all these films have to end in death? Or enter production decades after a rock star’s relevance?

Let’s celebrate some rock stars of the recent past, both fun and tragic, surviving and passé. Sure, we could wait 25 years to see which acts shake out as “important,” but where’s the fun in such clear hindsight. Here are 9 acts and artists whose stories need to be told, sometimes for the sake of interest, and oft for the sake of comedy.

6. Outkast

Besides still maintaining relevance today (though Big Boi more than Andre 3000), this duo represents a very odd pairing of talents, one a 5’6” traditional hip-hop artist, the other a foppish showman known for blinding as much with his outfits as his lightening-fast delivery. The two met in 1992 at the ages of 16 and 17, respectively, at an Atlanta-area performing art high school. It would be like a non-shitty version of Fame!

Further, it could address their indefinite hiatus without getting all sappy about things. Sure, they might not change the world, but they changed hip-hop, which makes them more interesting to most people than Ray Charles.

Possible Title: An Apology To Ms. Jackson

5. Marilyn Manson

It’s safe to say that, barring a miracle, the clock has run out on his 15 minutes, but I would still like to see how this aspiring demon got to where he was, and how he spends his days now that he is no longer there. What’s on his DVR? Did he shock people by sticking bottles up his ass in high school in Ohio? How did that go over?

If they screenwriters wanted to take a little creative license and just go ahead and say, “Yes, Marilyn Manson In Paul from The Wonder Years” or “Totally! Marilyn Manson had a rib removed so that he could fellate himself,” that would be fine with me. In fact, the latter could be the crux of the third act.

Doctor: Mr. and Mrs. Manson, your son’s surgery is complete.

Mr. Manson: And?…

Doctor: Well, as I said during the pre-op consultation, we won’t know anything for sure for at least four to…

Mr. Manson: Dammit, Doctor! Don’t sugarcoat it! Will my son be able to suck his own dick or not?

Doctor (smiling): It’s looking that way, yes.

(Mother and Father tear up and hug, a bedridden Manson is wheeled out to Edwin McCain’s “I’ll Be.”)

Possible Title: Why the Long Face?: The Marilyn Manson Story

4. Paula Abdul

I mean, when it’s Tina Turner or Janis Joplin, we feel like there’s a lot at stake. The audience is taken on a ride during the neuroses, the violence, the addiction. What if I don’t want to be taken on a ride? What if I just want to watch a batshit crazy person live a train wreck of a life so I can feel better about mine? In that case, I want, nay, NEED the Abdul biopic.

Did her last name cause her to be placed on any “no-fly” lists?

Was there any truth to the rumors that she had an affair with MC Skat Kat during the “Opposites Attract” video?

What is Simon Cowell REALLY like offscreen?

The film would answer all those and more.

Possible Title: Paula, Straight Up

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Sharon Osbourne is saying things. While promoting "Celebrity Apprentice," the reality show fixture revealed that a biopic about her slurry, hard-partying husband will soon go into production. The film, tentatively titled HurblemunbletopSHARON!!!!!!!, has a producer and lots of money according to Sharon.

No cast or director have been announced yet but the production is said to be going with at unknown for the lead role. This could be the big break I’ve been waiting for. But here it is nearly 8:30 a.m. and I’m still sober. Time to go method. **pours tequila into bowl of Smart Start; snorts a line of kitty litter** YAHTZEE!!!! (Digital Spy)