“Gee, thanks.” – African Americans.

Gosling’s most romantic movies will be available for viewing for the entire month. Which means any fans looking to curl up with their Valentine or single girls who wanna get some practice in, can have The Notebook, Lars and the Real Girl, Drive, The Ides of March, Crazy Stupid Love, Remember the Titans, Murder By Numbers, and Fracture.

That’s all well and good for people not irritated by goofy, bizarrely overdone fake Brooklyn accents, but what does it leave for the rest of us? Here’s a rundown of the On-Demand channels we want to see in 2012.

Tim & Eric

We need a channel dedicated to the ludicrous insanity of Tim Heidecker & Eric  Wareheim at all times of the day. Sure, their Billion Dollar Movie is available On-Demand right now, but we want every episode. Spaghett. Poop-Tube. Oh my God. Spaghett using the Poop-Tube (in HD). A channel of only Tim & Eric would be much appreciated and more calming than watching fish in aquariums.

Emma Watson

This one probably wouldn’t be considered the most legal of channels, but you can’t argue that it would be wonderful. I’m imagining it done in the style of The Truman Show. We watch Emma Watson go through her daily life. Driving a car, doing dishes, running in slow motion with the wind softly blowing her hair just off her shoulder, noticing a camera lens in her bedroom smoke detector… It could really add some drama during Sweeps Week.

Cars Eating Other Cars

Everyone knows that monsters and dinosaurs don’t actually exist, so hoping to have a full-time channel devoted to them is pretty much a foolish pipe dream. However, we can so totally have a channel devoted to robotic monsters that lift cars in their iron jaws and crunch them to pieces. We have that technology now! Why it isn’t being used to fight terror, is beyond me.

Check out 10 reasons to stay on netflix!

Going to the Movies

Nothing ever compares to the experience of watching a movie in a cool, dark room with a mob of other people. You laugh harder, cry more and walk away with an experience greater than just seeing a flick. You also go home about $30 lighter than you went in — make that $50 if you bring a date. Between skyrocketing ticket prices and the minor atrocities committed at the concession stand, going to the cinema is a far greater expense than throwing Netflix / Qwikster whatever it is they finally end up charging for both services.

Renting Movies

Just in case anyone is still rocking Hammer pants, listening to Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch, buying CDs and renting videos, we’d like to point out that this is a very expensive way to catch a film. At three bucks per — the price that renting movies cost the last time we wandered into a video rental place, somewhere around 1994 — or one dollar per night — apparently what those boxes outside of the 7-11 charge for the privilege of having a hard copy of How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days — renting movies like grandma used to is going to add up real quick.

Torrenting

Torrenting your favorite movie is, in theory, free. That’s one of the things people love about it. But it isn’t free when you add in the cost of getting sued by the MPAA. Laugh all you like. The movie industry has decided to redouble its efforts to hunt down and punish people like you who don’t want to shell out their hard-earned lettuce to find out Captain America: The First Avenger is possibly the worst super hero film since Punisher War Journal. The worst is when you get sued by the porn industry, which is happening more and more these days. Basement dwellers of the world are going to lose more than just money when pornographers come knocking on mom’s door inquiring about who downloaded Teen Butt Sluts Vol. 9.